Am I not Dom material?

[Thequeen]

For the past few weeks my little and I have been having a ton of issues with her interrogating me when I'm gone for a period of time even if she knew where I was going. She seems to be trying to dominate me honestly and it is very demeaning to me as a dom. Shes always questioning what I'm doing who I'm talking to everything and its not like a curiosity thing or like a concerned thing. its like she feels entitled to know every last thing I do every second of the day and wont just trust me when I say '"I'm sorry I was running late" or "my phone died" or anything like that she always has to interrogate me and grill me to the point I'm crying over it and feel like I just can't be her dom because I don't have any dominance in our relationship.

[Guest Waiting4us]

If the other is not as you feel she should be, better to let go her for some time or forever. As a dominant one you have to have your attitude... If the other as you say dominates and controls you there is either that she has bratty attitude or is not submissive. If submission is a gift so is dominance ...not all hold that quality. Time for you to talk to her and understand her needs and wants how she sees the relationship. Yes sometimes it is hard to let go but you cannot change your nature for the other.. Compromise is good thing but not good if self priority is hurt.

[peachsprite]

As a little who's had trust problems and has done the same thing i understand from both sides

 

from a little point of view was there anything thats triggered her to act in this way?

you just need to re build whatever was broken and tell her before hand where your going,

if your phones on low percent make sure she nows

 

its little things that really make littles happy

 

and being honest and making us not worry is the most dom thing you could possibly do

 

i wish you all the best 

xo

[Eris]

Did you talked with your little? Maybe she had bad expirience in the past and now fears you do the same? Did you gave her the feeling that she can't trust you? Like how often does your phone go off? How often are you late?There could be a lot of reasons why she acts this way and that's why it's so important to sit down and to talk with her.

I wish you two all best.

[Littlest_Lushie]

When people with troublesome pasts get anxious with a new partner- they ask questions to try to feel some control or like if they can see the bad things coming- it'll be easier or maybe stop it entirely. She may not be purposely trying to Dominate you- but her anxieties make her want to have control over the situation, so she feels like she has a better grasp on things. Or her heart is preparing for something bad, so she tries to find the bad things first, instead of them catching her off guard like they might have in the past.

 

I'm not saying that this is the case. I'm only speaking from my experiences and thoughts as someone whom has a bad past and anxiety. 

 

It is also important to note that trust issues are large issues. And its very important for the relationship to get to the root of the problem. So please, have a serious talk- bdsm titles aside about why she may be worried, what happened in the past to make her feel this way, etc. 

 

You can realistically support her and help her through this tough time. Only if she is willing to change for the better and no assert your dominance. Tell her straight up that you feel insulted and that you are the dominant. However, she may have differing feelings about her own title/role. So also listen for those concerns as well.

 

I don't think that this sort of distrust is healthy for a relationship at all. However, you can seek help with her and her anxieties- if it is anxiety, and not just a desire to dom as well. Their are lots of self help anxiety books as well as maybe seeing a therapist if need be. 

Edited January 6, 2017 by Littlest_Lushie

[Thequeen]

Thank you everyone for your responses so I have talked to my little about the suggestions a bit and It still really is a struggle. I am her first and only she has never had another relationship to make her have any bad pasts or issues and her and I have never had any issues that would make this distrust build up. She says shes terrified when i take to long to respond to her texts or such that I am with another girl and am doing something sexual in  nature but we have no past issues that would prompt this. I dont know how to work on overcoming this issue as a couple as it really  hurts us.

[Guest SoloFairy]

This may be an unpopular opinion buuuuut

 

Since you have talked about this in great length and there isn't any past issues to bring up such behavior perhaps putting your foot down and telling her you will no longer put up with her grilling you anymore. That you have no issues explaining what has made you late but once you say the conversation is closed she is to either respect that or risk being punished for it.

 

I have a bit of an obsessive personality and when I focus on something (like where Daddy is and/or what he's doing) it's really hard for me to unfocus from it. He has started doing this and it's made a huge difference.

Edited January 7, 2017 by FussyNugget

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I'm going to agree with FussyNugget on this one.

[Guest littlevulcangirl]

I just wanna mention I think all the above is great advice. But also, it may be she has other issues to do with relationships, tho not necessarily romantic etc. Eg I have a disorder that means I have significant overwhelming fear of rejection, and abandonment issues. It can be a problem if I slip with my own self reassurance, which is really hard work. But idk I just thought I'd mention it, and obvs I could be completely off the mark. I hope it works out

[roseyposey]

I also agree with FussyNugget.

[Bunniegural]

i feel like a lot of submissives struggle with self esteem and anxiety. they need someone to reassure them someone is in charge and they are safe.

What my Uram would do is He would listen to me about my anxieties, but then grab my hair, and pull me close to whisper in my ear "listen bitch, if i didn't want you, you'd know it. but you're mine and i'm keeping you" and then He'd pull me in close and hold me until i stopped struggling to escape (i love when He does that- it's so comforting, because He literally won't let me go no mater what happens) and then He'd give me a nice beating or some sex and cuddle and i'd feel like everything was OK.

[ScaredLittleKitten]

i feel like a lot of submissives struggle with self esteem and anxiety. they need someone to reassure them someone is in charge and they are safe.

What my Uram would do is He would listen to me about my anxieties, but then grab my hair, and pull me close to whisper in my ear "listen bitch, if i didn't want you, you'd know it. but you're mine and i'm keeping you" and then He'd pull me in close and hold me until i stopped struggling to escape (i love when He does that- it's so comforting, because He literally won't let me go no mater what happens) and then He'd give me a nice beating or some sex and cuddle and i'd feel like everything was OK.

 

I need this.

[Child Of Light]

I think it depends greatly on the dynamic as well as setting boundaries. If you two were a romantic or exclusive item, I can see where some of this is coming into play, but also would need to be toned down and maybe compromise and communication. I like to be invested into my partner. I want to know their routine, what they are doing, who they are going to hang with (friend wise), and how they are doing the day. But not in an obsessive or crazy way. I wouldn't assume my partner is cheating nor is doing this to see if they are. I just want to be there for them as well and make sure I'm a part of their life. She sounds like she has a bit of generalized anxiety as well. Therapy and having her talk via this forum might give her a release and to figure out how to process things better.

 

If this is a platonic/ nonsexual type situation (i.e your not partners) I'd have a sit down with her-- explain that you have a life too, and that you and she have your time, with what you do--together, however, you have other life responsibilities, that are your own. (It seems like the first situation-- so I wouldn't get into a long detail of that).

Edited January 14, 2017 by Child Of Light