Ghosting

[Guest Moonpie]

This is just a little rant i guess...no names will be given.

 

I just recently have ended a relationship. I say ended, more like he walked away without an explanation. Yes I was ghosted. At first I was confused for a few days, thinking he was busy with work and that he would need space. By the fourth day I became worried, and sent him an email because his phone appeared to be switched off. Days went by and I became more and more concerned. I would always be waiting for a text or a reply, anything to reassure me he was coming back. He never came. Christmas and New Year passed and still nothing. I spammed his emails with tons of messages thinking he would reply to at least one.

 

I also found out he was active on other social media accounts and it hurt immensely. I instantly began criticising myself and what went wrong, going so far as messaging him that I would try harder to be better for him. We did have fights, we had our problems but we also had so much fun. He made me happy but I realised it was time to let that go.

 

The past month has been painful. But it has taught me many things. It taught me that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, that I deserve better and so does he. I do not hate him, I cannot hate him. I'm upset that he chose to walk out instead of talking things through.  I do have some feelings for him still but I know time will heal me and I will move on.

 

To all those who have been ghosted. It's not your fault. We instantly pick faults with ourselves, regretting things we may have said or done, but that isn't what matters. We stayed and waited instead of leaving.

 

 

I do not know why he decided this was the best way to leave, why he believed that we could not talk things through like an adult but I wish he did.

 

To all those looking for a partner. Please, if you aren't ready for a relationship, or if you are not settled down yet and need time then take that time to fully understand what it is that you want. Research, learn and understand what it is you expect from your partner. If you no longer wish to continue a relationship then communicate with your partner(s).  Do not simply leave and keep your partner(s) in distress. It causes a lot of damage. Talk things through, explain to them how it is that you feel, try to come to an understanding.

 

 

I am grateful for the memories we made, and the banter we shared. Now it is time to move forward and to heal.

 

 

Helpful Link https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/11758-ghosting-or-slow-fade/?hl=ghosting

 

[Prince_Towelie]

This post reminds me of the first time I had my heart broken, back when was about 20, and a junior in college.  Of course, this was in 1999, before all of 'this', so it was in regular old 'real' life.  A girl basically made me fall for her, and then a week or two later told me that it was not gonna work, and did not supply a logical reason.  I felt so bad for an entire month that I had to carry a pack of rolaids around in my pocket, I would get so upet every time I would think about it.

 

Now these kinds of experiences are happening online for people younger and younger.  But, it seems like it is the same emotions involved as those in a 'real life' relationship.  People are having their hearts broken over a relationship based on technological communication, but it seems like it is as bad or worse than when it happens in 'real' life.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that the internet has allowed anybody at all to access people to chat with, and have 'relationships' with, but at the same time has made the phenomenon of heart break much more ubiquitous, or all over the place.

 

Is this a good thing?  At the very least, people should probably be more aware of the risks and dangers of online 'relationships'.  Every day I see someone post something about being ghosted.  Where is this going?  What can be done?

[sighing]

I'm glad you were able to get through this and remain positive. You're absolutely right in that it's not your fault. Also, you're a saint compared to me for not hating him. I'd totally hate so hard  

 

[poppi]

I think the first thing people do when this happens is blame yourself somehow or think you weren't good enough.

Wrong.

 

It's a terrible thing to go through and it is happening more and more often.

[Guest Moonpie]

This post reminds me of the first time I had my heart broken, back when was about 20, and a junior in college.  Of course, this was in 1999, before all of 'this', so it was in regular old 'real' life.  A girl basically made me fall for her, and then a week or two later told me that it was not gonna work, and did not supply a logical reason.  I felt so bad for an entire month that I had to carry a pack of rolaids around in my pocket, I would get so upet every time I would think about it.

 

Now these kinds of experiences are happening online for people younger and younger.  But, it seems like it is the same emotions involved as those in a 'real life' relationship.  People are having their hearts broken over a relationship based on technological communication, but it seems like it is as bad or worse than when it happens in 'real' life.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that the internet has allowed anybody at all to access people to chat with, and have 'relationships' with, but at the same time has made the phenomenon of heart break much more ubiquitous, or all over the place.

 

Is this a good thing?  At the very least, people should probably be more aware of the risks and dangers of online 'relationships'.  Every day I see someone post something about being ghosted.  Where is this going?  What can be done?

 

I agree that ghosting unfortunately is becoming common and although people are aware of ghosting it does not stop it from happening and it does not reduce the pain any less. I don't think there is a permanent solution to ghosting or none that I've come across at least but the least that people can ensure to do is to not make that mistake themselves.

[Prince_Towelie]

I agree, 'ghosting' is not going to go away, it is part and parcel of this whole online deal.  I thnk the best thing is awareness and discussion.

 

People, human beings, are very, very suggestible.  On the macro, or large level, you have people joinging cults, in the false belief that some kind of devotion or faith to one ideaology will bring 'salvation'.

 

On the micro, or smaller level, you have one person 'falling under the spell' of another person, if you will.  Now that individuals can indulge themselves with opaque online relationships, the oppurtunity for ghosting is rampant, based on the basic human need for belief, or acceptance, call it what you will.

 

It just has to be a core principle within the community, that one should be aware of ghosting, and also that it is wrong to perpetrate it.

[Guest LeftyGuitar]

How long would you wait before you say you are being ghosted?