He doesn't want to be my Daddy... Advice?

[sxprincess]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and I decided to join because I needed help with something related to ddlg. I'm posting here because I felt that the people here would be more accepting, understanding and helpful than anyone on any other website or forum. This post is relatively long, but I really need some help and advice from people who have been in the DDlg community for a longer time than I have...

I've had this problem for a while now, but I feel now that it's becoming harmful my boyfriend and my relationship. So I'll begin talking about it...

I've been together with my boyfriend for about a year and 3 months now. We met as regular couples, and didn't know of DDlg at first. About 5 or 6 months (or more, I'm not sure) into our relationship, I found about DDlg and I immediately became obsessed with it. Being a little has helped me relieve my anxiety and depression, and it just felt so right to me. I loved being a little. 

When I told my boyfriend about this, he said he was a little hesitant at first, but in about a month he adapted to it. It worked out well because he was already of a dominant nature and it really sparked up our sex life, too, which was a plus. 

But a few months back, he told me that he didn't feel that our DDlg relationship was working out. He told me that I whined too much and that he didn't feel like he could rely on me. This was particularly because he had depression too, and because he denied help from a psychiatrist, he relied heavily on me. But having depression myself, I tended to reside into my little side and rely on my 'Daddy' figure because it was a way of forgetting about the hard times. 

Just yesterday, we had another fight. He came over to see me because he hadn't seen me in a while, and my little side instantly kicked in. I started whimpering because I was upset that he hadn't remembered to get me a Christmas present (I got him something)... but he didn't understand why I was whining and took it personally. He got mad and demanded I stop, and that just made me more scared and I started whining more and didn't talk to him. 

He couldn't take it anymore and left my house. He told me later that he hated it when I whined and that he couldn't stand it. To me, this is hurtful because I'm a bratty little and I'm used to whining a lot, even when he's not around. I'm a whiner and a brat, and it sucks that he doesn't like it. I've tried asking him to be a little more gentle with me when I do whine and try to be more of a Daddy figure, but he says he's sick of all that. 

I do really love my boyfriend, but DDlg is also really important to me, and it's ruining our relationship... I've also asked him if he was alright with me having a babysitter, possibly online, but he said that was revolting and that that would be just cheating on him.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I just stop being a little? 

Thank you for reading... 

 

tl;dr: my boyfriend doesn't want to be my Daddy anymore because he can't stand my whining, and just wants to stay as my boyfriend.

[Guest Ginger]

Probably not what you want to hear, but you can't force this on him. He's made his position very clear and how he feels about being your Daddy. He doesn't want it and he clearly has things he needs to work on personally. It might help your depression, but it seems to only be hampering him. If you truly need ddlg in your relationship to make it work, I'd suggest breaking up with him. That or drop it all together from the relationship with him. You don't NEED a Daddy to be a Little. You can still do that on your own time.

 

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude but it seems a bit selfish to continue pushing this on him when he's made it evident he's not interested. I hope things work out for the better between you two.

[Guest Waiting4us]

It is his choice. Everyone cannot be what we want to and cannot be like we want. Still you can tell him his desires, wants and try to explain him why you like the ddlg lifestyle. There are many who cannot take that responsibility.

What is important to you and how you want to move depends on you. If you really see that your desires come match up with he been just your bf continue but if you think you are neglecting your wishes dreams for him then think again

[Panserbjorn]

I can only really mirror what other people has said but he tried it, adapted and found that it was not something for him. The depression matter aside - I personally don't feel you can rely on a partner for that, mental health is serious and needs professional help speaking from heavy experience - I feel that your partner is being clear and concise that he wants a vanilla relationship and in that respect you want different things. I can relate to the issue with having a babysitter too, I think it works for some people but needs a very secure and trusting relationship or to be polyamorous to work. Perhaps if you really want to be a little with a daddy then you might need to go seperate ways.

Aside from that I think any relationship in which someone didn't receive a Christmas present they would grounds to at least be upset. Sounds like you may deserve a bit better!

[Guest Moonpie]

Just a few little pointers.

• ​Your boyfriend tried being a daddy for you and later realised it's not his cup of tea. You have to respect that and not pressurise him or expect him to still continue being a daddy for you.
• Also, I understand that you may have been upset because he didn't get you a present but you could have just explained to him that you were upset and talked to him as an adult.
• You may feel hurt that he doesn't like your whining and you may want him to be more of a daddy figure to you but he's already said he's over that.

DDLG is all about consent. Every partner must willingly want to take up their role. You can't expect him to take up a daddy role because you want him to and because it helps you. I'm not trying to be harsh or rude.

 

If you feel that you can't be a little without having a daddy then you might want to rethink things through. Will you be happy without a daddy?

Edited January 5, 2017 by Moonpie

[Eris]

As hard as it sounds, and I think I repeat what the others said, but you must think about your relationship. What you truly want and what you NEED. Sometimes what we want and what we need aren't the same things. You shouldn't change the who you are, that wouldn't work for long and would be very hurtful to yourself. You said you need to be whiny, to be bratty and that this isn't something for your boyfriend. As hard as it sounds but that could mean that you two aren't made for each other. You said yu talked with him about it and he is against it, you can't change his mind. It also seems like he doen't want to compromise about it, so you need to ask yourself, can you be happy in this relationship? I mean truly happy, not only today, tomorrow but in 5 years, in 10 years?

I wish you all the best and that I didn't sounded to harsh.

[Guest Esteliah]

Hello!
I'll start by saying that, Its really good being a little has helped you like that! Cute stuff is seriously just so damn powerful right?

 

For him to deny help for his depression, whilst you, yourself have depression...isn't right nor fair on either party. Both of you should of maybe sought out help together, theres only so much you can do for someone with a condition like that... you're not an expert, and of course you suffer with it too.. It's unfair that he has denied help and relies on you for it, its almost quite selfish in a way. 

 

He may be in a place in his life where he can't handle such a thing in his relationship, I think you have to consider what the relationship does for you as a whole and how important DDLG is to you. Also to consider how much you love him, and if you think the relationship (going the way that it is) will still be going after a year or so.  Another thing would be to think about what he does for your depression, if he's making it worse...then i'm afraid its too much of a toxic environment and things will only get worse.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Both parties have to be happy and consent to a ddlg dyamnic in their relationship.
You both should seek help with depression. If he's not happy and your not happy then its not right and in the long run it will only hurt you both more. 

Another thing is... I personally believe you cannot be little all the time, especially at times where you have to seriously discuss grown up things and i believe it is not healthy to do so.

I think you, yourself as a little and this goes for all little have a responsibility that they have to ensure that their environment is safe/sane before letting their little side out and going into a ddlg relationship. Its such a hard thing because yes we want to let our little side out...but sometimes letting them out like that does more harm then good. Of course I'm not saying you can't be little when your alone, of course you can! I do it all the time~ I'm my own caregiver! haha.

 

its a new year maybe you are due for a new start? Maybe take time away from him to learn more about yourself, your little side and discover what you want/need from a relationship, it could help you in the future.

 

What kind of person doesn't buy someone they love a Christmas present...somethings not right there.

 

Please never change who you are for others. Period. 

 

But in the end I hope everything goes well for and and the best of luck to you in whatever you chose to do.

Edited January 5, 2017 by Esteliah

[Chewbacca]

I think before anything you should both get mental health assistance from a professional.

[Cidlyn]

I am truly sorry that what started out as a wonderful experience has turned out so painful.

 

One thing I have learned you cannot mold someone else into something you want, no matter how much they love or care for you, if you try the most likely end result; they will resent you for it. If he isn't into the aspect of being a daddy as it seems to be, he never will. Just like you are either a little or your not he is either a daddy or he isn't. He obviously enjoyed it at first but being a daddy take commitment and a patients that most are not willing to endure, or follow through with.

 

The fact that you both have depression is a area of concern while I'm no doctor, life experience has taught me two people who are together and have depression often feed off of each other causing the cycle to spiral downward, if both are not treated properly. You did not say if you were under any medical treatment but I assume that you are given how you indicate you boyfriend rejected the idea. If you are kudos, it a serious illness that should be treated medically and the fact that you have discovered being a little space helps alleviate it more is even better.

 

As Angel pointed out about the present often in this type of relationship there are time you have to put on the big girl outfit and communicate as adults, it's key to a health DDlg relationship as it is in any relationship for that matter.

 

You floated the idea of giving up being a little. I honestly think now you have fully embraced this side of you, giving it up or denying it would likely be detrimental emotionally, that is just my opinion however.

 

Regardless of what you decide to do. I wish you all well and truly hope it end up positive for you, and him.