No "True" Way

[BambiBoodles]

I agree with this to an extent but when I just see guys who want to be called daddy during sex and nothing else, no care aspect etc I don’t see that as ddlg. That’s a daddy kink at best

[PiperParadis]

 

Honestly it's incredible "the one true way" exists in most subcultures. I've seen so much of it regarding trans people, gay people, disabilities etc. Whatever community you're in you really need to stfu about it, it can be incredibly damaging and alienates people.

 

 

 

This always surprises me. So, you belong to a minority, you're, sadly, used to be mistreated... And what do you do? Mistreat people that's just like you, or not, but that are good to you. So what? Do you feel better? Your ego is inflated and you've become as mean as those you complain about. Great.

It seems that we can never treat everyone accordingly.

[Guest xrocketpup]

Thank you. Very beautifully and yet, simply said.

[Guest Ninny689]

Same as anything personal - whether it’s sex, spirituality, gender, etc.. real life just isn’t that way - nothing is “all or nothing” - and, no one else’s perspective matters when it comes to how something feels for someone else - super interesting to see that be somewhat prevalent in a community who should kinda know better about being open-minded.. just my opinion

[BabyDaisy81]

My daddy uses words and restrains me with his body and occasionally spanks me but he’s a very caring and nurturing daddy.. Since I have multiple mental health issues and physical disabilities he’s always putting my safety and well-being first.. 

[Huggybear]

I have been active in non-ddlg bdsm communities over the internet for years. I have met quite a few people I look up to and listen to, people smarter than me. A very common topic there is how BDSM looks different for every single couple. Nowadays - its often celebrated!

 

A few years ago there was clearly a trend where the so called pseudo doms tried to chest thump and shout about the "only right way" but It was pretty quickly washed out by the veterans. Do your best to really evaluate the source of info before feeling happy or sad about it when reading about other peoples experiences. Respect yourself and your partner first and foremost, dont sacrifice or compromise your selfimage for anyone - it will really hurt in the long run!

 

Im glad this same mentality is being nipped in the bud here aswell. The beauty of all kinds of bdsm (ddlg included) is that it serves the couple, their interests, their personalities. Its slightly dangerous to even give advice about how and what to do as its just so darn personal! I hope people realize this and are brave enough to communicate that "this aspect is not for me" or "this one aspect from a vanilla life I would like to hold onto".

 

I realize im propably repeating partially what has been said, just wanted to give my two cents as its a topic very close to my heart!

Edited January 28, 2020 by Huggybear

[curiousvet]

Honestly it's incredible "the one true way" exists in most subcultures. I've seen so much of it regarding trans people, gay people, disabilities etc. Whatever community you're in you really need to stfu about it, it can be incredibly damaging and alienates people.

 

 

   

 

 

This always surprises me. So, you belong to a minority, you're, sadly, used to be mistreated... And what do you do? Mistreat people that's just like you, or not, but that are good to you. So what? Do you feel better? Your ego is inflated and you've become as mean as those you complain about. Great.

It seems that we can never treat everyone accordingly.

Lol I run into this alot.  I grew up in a baptist home, am a combat vet, a total redneck, masculine as shit,  when I tell someone I'm gay, it's pretty common to hear "Didn't see that comin."  Not to mention I'm a diaper lover, and curious about my little side, and fully verse-both position and dominance.  I break alotta molds lol.

Edited July 18, 2020 by curiousvet

[Kitten&Spice]

I agree with this completely! I have always thought of things like painting a cherry. You can be inspired by other paintings and use an actual cherry as an example but in the end the painting of the cherry will never be the same as someone else’s interpretation. There is not a right way to paint it. And In the end the image will be as unique and beautiful as the painter themselves! I don’t know if it really makes an sense but that is just the example I think of.

[Jesseget]

The one true way is to be true to yourself and understanding of others. Everything else is just flaver. Glad this thread is here hopefully we all can learn from it.

[beanbean]

lol if there was one true way someone would have bottled it up ans sold it lol.it snot supposed tro be easy .we all have to figure out are own way. if you copy everthing from some one else you won ever get to be you.just be yourself see what happens

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

You're absolutely right about the fact that there's no "one twoo way" in CG/l dynamics. But it's also the case that there is a growing number of people who want to be called daddy/enjoy calling their partners daddy as simply as power dynamic with nothing to do with CG/l at all. It can be very difficult to discern this. I spent 3 years in a relationship with someone who wore a collar, called me daddy, and even said they were a "little one" but they didn't want a CG/l dynamic, it was more like they wanted just to be spoiled almost like a sugar baby-adjacent thing. The relationship ultimately ended up falling apart because they would respond with extreme disrespect to my other partner, someone I've been with for 16 years, so they were never able to fully embrace the fact that I'm polyamorous which is, of course, deeply hurtful.

But that's not the point here. The point is that somebody might be ALL ABOUT the daddy (or dADHDy in my case, lol) thing but have 0 interest in being little/middle. I think it's fair to make that differentiation without it being interpreted as saying "you're not doing CG/l the 'right' way."

[Guest DeadStarsStillBurn]

On 3/18/2017 at 4:29 PM, Daddy'sDarling said:

This was really nice to see when joining the community today and exploring. There are so many questions I have and this makes me much less hesitant to ask them

omg, your avatar is SO CUTE <3

[Little Becca]

I think, it doesn’t really matter what others think. It’s if you and your partner are happy. That’s the only important thing. So the “true way” is that all involved feel happy and fulfilled. ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

[ZenDaddy]

On 8/8/2019 at 1:54 AM, BambiBoodles said:

I agree with this to an extent but when I just see guys who want to be called daddy during sex and nothing else, no care aspect etc I don’t see that as ddlg. That’s a daddy kink at best

Spot on... but you'll find this type of paradigm with religion, politics, take your pick.  You'll always have those that are choosing a 'title' because it's trendy or plays into their personal 'ism'.  Look beyond it and find those that match YOUR paradigm and meaning.. but there will always be 'those guys'.  And quite frankly, those that consider themselves to be subs or LG... it's not just unique to one title or path.  Welcome to the Matrix, lol... live YOUR truth. XO

[Guest Crybunbun]

this is such a good post. ❤️

[SoftDaddyDom]

On 1/4/2017 at 7:11 PM, MellyBoo19912015 said:

Well hi there everyone. Let me introduce myself to those of you who won't know me. I'm Melly and I'm an admin here and one of the resident bad asses. I'm writing today because I'm noticing a worrying trend. I'm seeing a lot of people boasting about knowing the one true way.

 

Let me tell you right now, there is no true way. It does not exist. The wonders about life and BDSM and CG/l or whatever you call it is that we can make it whatever we want in our relationships. We can chose and chop and adapt it to fit us. I don't care if as part of your relationship rituals you rub you partners cock three times and play the Hokey Cokey before bed. What I care about here is that your over the age of 18, if you have a partner they are over 18, you follow the rules, you be yourself and that your Safe, Sane and Consensual. SSC is the only part of all BDSM practises I expect everyone to follow.

 

Your all great, amazing people and don't let others restrict who you are. Know here we accept everyone and you will be respected. This is meant to be a safe haven for people in this lifestyle and will continue to be so.

So true. Thinking that there is only one way to do something is like thinking that one race is superior, like one gender is in control, etc. A relationship is about understanding each other, supporting each other, not telling them how they're wrong and how they do things is wrong. If somebody likes things differently, if somebody appreciates the value in different things, maybe try learning to see things through their eyes so that you can appreciate them too.

[PrincessMuhree]

🥹🥹🥹

@orangesurvivoroh em gee

[PrincessMuhree]

Thank you so much @MellyBoo19912015!!! GREATLY appreciate you creating this lil (lol) jawn hehe 🤭 

[Lilstarslilspace]

On 1/4/2017 at 11:11 AM, MellyBoo19912015 said:

Well hi there everyone. Let me introduce myself to those of you who won't know me. I'm Melly and I'm an admin here and one of the resident bad asses. I'm writing today because I'm noticing a worrying trend. I'm seeing a lot of people boasting about knowing the one true way.

 

Let me tell you right now, there is no true way. It does not exist. The wonders about life and BDSM and CG/l or whatever you call it is that we can make it whatever we want in our relationships. We can chose and chop and adapt it to fit us. I don't care if as part of your relationship rituals you rub you partners cock three times and play the Hokey Cokey before bed. What I care about here is that your over the age of 18, if you have a partner they are over 18, you follow the rules, you be yourself and that your Safe, Sane and Consensual. SSC is the only part of all BDSM practises I expect everyone to follow.

 

Your all great, amazing people and don't let others restrict who you are. Know here we accept everyone and you will be respected. This is meant to be a safe haven for people in this lifestyle and will continue to be so.

This is so True 

[Guest MisterCT]

Great post topic. Gatekeeping IS for real. I've been told I'm not a real Daddy or Dom because of the way I "practice" my cg/l. I like to keep a balance and don't "do" Daddy/little mode 24/7. I have a busy and stressful job and I am also a natural over-giver. So if I don't put limits on myself I can really burn myself out and wear myself down as a caregiver. I need care too sometimes! lol. Its okay if my style isn't for you, but it doesn't mean I am wrong or less than.

Beyond that, there can never be one true way, because all of us are different. We are all individuals with our own needs, ways of interaction, communication style. Every relationship dynamic you are ever in will be slightly different.

[softbunnysunshine]

AGREE AGREE AGREE. People in all areas of life are far to headstrong, they think they're always right about everything so this was incredibly refreshing to read, thank you

[Righan]

I think that 'one true way'-ism is a product not so much of ego but of laziness and a desire for simplicity ... its a desire to have things be 'black and white' ... where you can tell someone "I'm a daddy" and everyone knows exactly what that means without having to get into the details of what it means to you or how you do it. Reality is shades of gray ... of complexity and beauty ... but it requires us to know ourselves and be willing to express ourselves and allow others to do so as well - it requires us to take the time to get to know people. There have been many people I've talked to over the years that don't know how to define what they like or why ... what they do or what the believe ... who can't say what it means to be dominant or submissive ... who don't want to think about it ... who find getting into details to be tiresome and complicated. They just want to have fun. Just want to 'do it' without understanding it.

And not just in BDSM and DDlg ... but in all life fields. So many different terms and ideas mean different things to different people ... and yet, so often they don't even know themselves well enough to express that difference ... they just want other people to mean the same thing they do. Whether that is love, gender, patriotism, sex, relationships, community, religion, God(s), science, etc. So many disagreements people have relate to seeing the same words and concepts differently ... what one person calls "stubborn" another calls "devoted" ... what one calls "courage" another calls "recklessness" ... what one calls "spontaneity" another calls "impulsive" ...

I think we have to accept that some people are going to gravitate towards simple ideas ... simple concepts ... black and white or polarized thinking ... and we can't do anything about that. I wish we could. Instead of trying to fight with those people or change them ... we need to just let them be who they are and move on to people who are more interested in the variety and complexities of life.
 

[Guest Little Mina]

Thank you 😊 

[Daddy.Saurus]

It is my opinion that those who boast about some, "one true way" are suffering from some superiority complex and are virtue signaling to anyone who will listen that they are inherently better because of their adherence to it.

I feel that this is a rather unhealthy viewpoint altogether.

[AspiringDaddy]

Sorry, I couldn't help but chime in with this meme 😁

Can somebody point me out the way? No, in fact, don't bother. I'll figure it out for myself. I get inspiration from the experiences of the beautiful people here. But most importantly, let my girl show me her way and follow my (daddy) instincts. So, by that way, the one true way, is the way between my girl and me. Because the true way is the way it works in your relationship.