No "True" Way

[Guest Mario]

Totally agree. As religion, sexuality is personal and unique. If you are nice to me, i will be nice to you. Don't care about your way of life if you don't hurt me or my friends.

[Littlest_Bee]

It's a bit sad to me that it even needs to be pointed out. Knowing that people have different wants and needs is a basic principle that everyone (especially in a kink-community) should understand and respect.

 

Thank you for being clear on that point. ❤

[Little Dancer]

I have been told that I am wrong for being in the ddlg community and being asexual.

[Daddy's Lil]

We found our true self's as Daddy and lil. It was only after reserch that we found there was such a thing as DDLG. For us it's a lifestyle. We have our own little kinks. I don't get punished as such we use whipping and slaps as foreplay. This works for us. Each to their own and you should do what feels right in your dinamic.

[osito]

Thanks so much for this.

I've noticed how people try flaunt their views as "The Way," and I've seen(and personally gone through) how people struggle to find their place or their title or whatever. But it's a personal and unique thing. We just gotta be who we are and find people who appreciate that and who we appreciate.

[Guest daddy_zach]

How can anyone claim to know a "one true way", when every ddlg relationship is unique to the participants ??

 

Completely illogical belief.

[Guest JekyllTheMysticalDaddy]

I agree on so many levels. Every subculture has it's "purists" and the tend to ruin it. I appreciate you taking the time to write this!

[Guest SUeB]

Oh how i have to laugh at those sanctimonious and ignorant sillies!

[Guest kirababygirl]

I am thankful for this post...I am still trying to figure this all out. Glad to know that it is flexible, but this post did teach me that I can't figure it all out until I have a Daddy.   

[HeCallsMePrincess]

Well said

[ernesto23]

Well hi there everyone. Let me introduce myself to those of you who won't know me. I'm Melly and I'm an admin here and one of the resident bad asses. I'm writing today because I'm noticing a worrying trend. I'm seeing a lot of people boasting about knowing the one true way.

 

Let me tell you right now, there is no true way. It does not exist. The wonders about life and BDSM and CG/l or whatever you call it is that we can make it whatever we want in our relationships. We can chose and chop and adapt it to fit us. I don't care if as part of your relationship rituals you rub you partners cock three times and play the Hokey Cokey before bed. What I care about here is that your over the age of 18, if you have a partner they are over 18, you follow the rules, you be yourself and that your Safe, Sane and Consensual. SSC is the only part of all BDSM practises I expect everyone to follow.

 

Your all great, amazing people and don't let others restrict who you are. Know here we accept everyone and you will be respected. This is meant to be a safe haven for people in this lifestyle and will continue to be so.

 

I agree 101% with you!

[Guest Derptronic]

I agree. It is important to remember that we're all here with this ddlg thing in common, that we're a smallish community and we need to be open-minded toward one-another's ideas and not stuck on our own. Too much of the world isn't open to us or our lifestyles, even our friends in the larger BDSM community often look at us sideways. So, cherish and accept the people here and their ideas

[Atê]

<3

[Guest Sweater-Vest]

Thanks! I like seeing this because as I read through this forum I know there are definitely things I am seeing that I don't know if I'd want to be comfortable with. It's good to see that things are more broad and that whatever one is comfortable with is the most important thing. 

[anthrday]

I’m glad that others have already expressed what should be obvious. None of us contemplated this lifestyle because we wanted to fit into someone else’s category or boxed definition. Why should we start fitting someone else’s definition now? It’s up to each couple to identify their own boundaries, their own safe zone, and to make them work for them.

[UnicornBiscuit]

I sometimes feel weird-ish that I don't have a little age or space like 99% of the people here, but I love being able to express my immature childness here without being judged or told to "grow up"

 

<3

Edited April 26, 2018 by UnicornBiscuit

[Guest littlegirl707]

Good read I was thinkingt that yesterday when reading a post. We are all different Theres no one way!!!!

[Littlest_Bee]

Who exactly were you responding to, BoredDD?

 

If your outburst was a reaction to the OP then I wonder how you missed this part:

 

What I care about here is that your over the age of 18, if you have a partner they are over 18, you follow the rules, you be yourself and that your Safe, Sane and Consensual. SSC is the only part of all BDSM practises I expect everyone to follow.

I may not have read all the posts in this thread but I definitely haven't noticed anyone promoting BDSM without aftercare and if you have then you should report that person.

[MellyBoo19912015]

Every little is different, sure. But if you don't make sure they know about aftercare, frenzy and Drop you're just promoting a really dangerous lifestyle that gets a lot of new subs traumatized. I had 2 contact me just this week and they were stalked, harassed etc all because people don't make sure a new sub knows about this stuff - so they do silly things like sit on the edge of their bed in only a nighty for some random stranger they've never met before to role play a break-in.

 

Some things cannot change. You can't just expect 5 million plus years of psychology and evolution to change, because "Muh feelunz".

Your mind doesn't care how you feel, some things are true regardless of your opinion.

Thanks to irresponsible admins like you, I not only had a fake sub/user/gold digger i actually was really lucky to even find out about frenzy. It almost killed me.

 

So don't try telling people there's "No True Way" when the core values of BDSM exist to keep people ALIVE.

Did I ever once say that I condone unsafe practice? I specifically said that the one thing I expected everyone to follow is SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL. Let me say that again for those in the back who are having trouble hearing me: SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL. Top drop (yes that's a very real thing people), sub drop, after care etc are all core components and all come under SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL. Now SSC is all in capitals so you easily see that.

 

This community is built by its members and staff that give up their time so everyone here has a good and safe place to be themselves. You seem to have a problem settling and that's ok, we all have an adjustment period in new surroundings. I suggest instead of getting defensive and attacking people you know nothing about that you take a step back, calm down and realise no one is perfect. I'm not, your not, in fact no one here is.

 

So to recap: I expect everyone to be SSC, you don't know me or anyone here and no one is perfect.

[Littlest_Bee]

I think you, BoredDD, have a point that simply mentioning SSC doesn't cover many details about BDSM etiquette but just because the OP didn't go into the details, doesn't mean anyone here suggested skipping aftercare (as you seemed to suggest) or anything that justifies you calling people on here irresponsible.

 

If you feel like the existing resources in this forum are lacking on important topics then I would suggest that you address that politely in the area for "Feedback and Suggestions".

I'm sure you could even try to make a post about it yourself (though if you are crossing into something that might include medical advice it would be best to check with the admins and moderators first).

 

Your profile seems to be new but your comment sounds like you have a long back story for what you are trying to address and I hope I don't come off as condescending but right now the way you air your grievances seems counterproductive.

I agree with MellyBoo that you should probably take a step back and calm down.

Edited May 15, 2018 by Gândi_Bee

[Orguposnow]

Oh absolutely! You can't take control of someone without their full consent. Being of age is a must. Without proper consent you're just manipulating a weak minded person in my opinion

 

 

 

The most honest response reward

[Kitten Fluff]

All relationships are different! 

[islandgirl73]

My daddy tells me this all the time that our way has many aspects of traditional DDlg but it will be done in the way that we create. He changes in between Daddy and Dom......he’s 70% Daddy and 30% Pure Dom at times without a daddy notion in sight. I’m also not too little....I’m more of a Baby Girl and age play around the age of 10....sometimes I shoot right up to 16 years old too.....we’re also in LOVE and we both have kids.....in front of public, family, and the kids, I call him “Daddy” which makes for a different case of DDlg too......I have rules to follow and we believe in a 1950s style of chivalry and masculine head of the household respect......I know my place AND this is not just a kink....we LIVE THIS....my Daddy is a born Dom (Aries) and I’m as submissive and sassy as they come (Aquarius)..........We both knew we were Dom/sub......but we are just learning that DDLG actually fits us BEST in most situations. No.....there is no true way......

[Dorian_JE1]

DDlg is a sub genre of BDSM and that in its self tells you there isn’t one way because BDSM is broad enough to have everything from a slave to a little to a rope bunny to a Dom/ Domme to Top/bottom....we all fall in to a certain percentage that is common ground but no two couples are completely the same, in my opinion if someone does inforce there “is one way” to me that shows the dynamic has not been fully understood by that person...fantastic post, I feel this post is great for newcomers...I hope more people read this Edited February 14, 2019 by Dorian_JE1

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Every group has members who think their way is the only way. There's a bad apple in every bunch