Self-control for the sake of being prepared for a "Daddy"?

[Lunamida]

Hey there! I'm very new to dd/lg and this forum, but now everything makes sense! Being a sub and a little ^-^

 

Actually, I found out about dd/lg a day ago... Finding out how I feel, how I want to live and with what kinda person, is an actual thing, with names and definitions... It makes so much sense, but at the same time I feel almost more lost than before finding out.

Now I feel even more like getting a caregiver (I don't like the term "daddy") to be honest, and because I easily get emotional, I'm trying to sort things out in my head.

 

Until I meet that special person, I really wanna feel prepared... I have a pretty low self-esteem, but I'm planning to work on stuff I don't like about myself. Because I have high aspirations about who I wanna be: the best version of myself (been thinking that for a few years now, not since yesterday).

But I've had low self-disciplin and self-control since junior high, hence I feel like I'd need a caregiver... You see the problem here?^^;

 

I really wanna be able to care for myself without another person, though. I know it'd be easier, but I don't wanna rely on a caregiver completely.

 

Do you guys have any advice or experience to share about life aspects like eating healthier (and dieting), studying enough (I'm a female student), not procrastinating and generally doing uncomfortable stuff in order to achieve your dreams?

 

I'm actually a very motivated person but I easily get flustered and try to calm myself by escaping into my little space, where I tend to lose myself >.<

[stargirl]

The fact that you are essentially running out of time to accomplish your dreams. That one really motivates me.

 

Also you should aspire for self control for your own sake, rather than being prepared for a daddy. Loving your self is the first step in finding any partner and will help with your motivation.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

It sounds like you have a lot of wonderful reasons to improve. You want to be the best person you can be. You want to improve. You want to have better self-esteem. While these things may help attract the types of Caregivers you'd want to be with, they absolutely aren't for that purpose! And they never were! 

 

You say you just found out about DDLG a day ago. Then you say that you've wanted to improve and become the best person you can be for years now. It seems to me that you already have great motivators that have nothing to do with having a partner, or a Daddy.

 

Prove to yourself that you can be your own Caregiver, is my suggestion to you. Remember why you wanted to improve yourself in the first place, before this new revelation about this dynamic. Set your own goals and accomplish them so you can say that you've done them! So you can point to yourself in the mirror and say "Look at all I can accomplish if I try!" 

 

I tell my submissive all the time when she says that I've helped her grow into a wonderful person that she did it all herself. I may have motivated her, but she didn't need me. I didn't hold her hand until after she had done the thing and I was telling her how proud I was of her. She did it all on her own, and so will you. 

 

You got this. Just you. You got this. 

[Lunamida]

@stargirl: Well, technically I am trying to improve for the sake of a potential caregiver since I don't love me the way I try to escape from important tasks, but I wanna be able to love myself. And that's also the point

@MissJellybean wrote about:

 

Looking proudly at myself in the mirror.

 

That's something very important because I haven't felt like that for years...

Thanks so much for your warm words! It's true that I have like a fire burning inside of me, so to speak. But out of fear I don't listen to and act like it.

 

 

But yeah, running out of time is a real good reason to not procrastinate... I have a weird relationship with time. I'm usually not doing many things a day so when the day is over I'm always like "What did I actually DO today? Did I even achieve anything?". A very disappointing kind of emptiness. But I'll try to flee from it!!!!! (^O^)/

[stargirl]

@stargirl: Well, technically I am trying to improve for the sake of a potential caregiver since I don't love me the way I try to escape from important tasks, but I wanna be able to love myself. And that's also the point

 

But yeah, running out of time is a real good reason to not procrastinate... I have a weird relationship with time. I'm usually not doing many things a day so when the day is over I'm always like "What did I actually DO today? Did I even achieve anything?". A very disappointing kind of emptiness. But I'll try to flee from it!!!!! (^O^)/

 

That's awesome! You are taking the right steps in that direction

 

I use a moleskine daily agenda along with glitter pens, stickers, and wasi tape to make things more fun and keep myself excited while pursuing my goals. Setting deadlines is also a good motivator. My trick was to start setting little goals for myself like making my bed, meditating, walking more. I'd write down all of these easy tasks and feel so so accomplished after checking them off. That gave me the confidence to try adding more things, and gradually the tasks became aimed at long term goals. I'd be happy to recommend some books for you to read.

 

Have you considered therapy? It really helps keep me sane.

 

Good luck! 

[Satin Bow]

I love Stargirl's recommendation of keeping a notebook to keep track of you accomplishments. In stead if thinking of goals you can also set aside ten minutes in the evening to write down what you managed to get done or change that day. Every little step in the right direction counts. You'll see where it will lead you

 

I just learned about these Bach remedies today that you can get online or at the health food store:

Cherry plum essence Bach remedies for helps you to feel in control

Crab apple makes you feel better about your body and appreciate your body

Chestnut bud helps you not to continue to do the same things over and over and expect different results

 

We have an inner child voice within but we can also start to notice the parental voice within that knows best.

Hope that helps! Feel free to add me if you want to talk more

[ChiiDoll]

I keep a notebook to track some things, I use a portfolio style report folder to showcase the things I have done. I also have a small chalk board on my wall with the days of the week on it. I write one thing at least for each day. In my case that is simple because I am learning fashion design so each week the goal is to draft one new pattern, learn one new skill or technique and then make it  all in one week. So saturday I can look back at the week and see what I have accomplished. I also use charts for myself, I have a violin practice chart, a tooth brushing chart and soon a personal care chart for my hair because I am learning that if I do it regularly like a schedule it grows faster and stronger and stays around a lot longer. My Daddy is only involved in the tooth brushing chart the rest of it is all up to me because it is for me. The toothbrushing effects us both... lol.. bad breathe is not nice for kissing! But it took making the chart not to motivate me but to remind me. I am very distractible. Caring for myself use to be the last things on my list, now it is the first, 2017 is fall in love with myself year. Would you like to join me and fall in love with yourself this year? Each month I have a theme and ideas and plans. Would be happy to have company. We can share what is and isn't working for us and motivate each other to push ahead. *hugs* I hope you succeed daily and have accomplishments to talk about daily! Even if they are small they all count! Good luck! 

[auban]

if you find that you are procrastinating on stuff, or just not doing things you know you should be doing, here is a trick to motivate you:

 

pull out enough cash that it would make things harder for you if you do not get it back.  or, at least enough cash to miss.  put it into an envelope and give it to someone you trust.  tell them that if you do not accomplish the task by a certain time/date, they are to pick a charity/church/homeless person and give the money to them.  

 

so, you will either accomplish the task or not get your money back.  hence why it needs to be enough money for it to really make a difference to you.  i have heard of millionaires doing this with their entire net worth, in order to find the motivation to lose weight.