Need Advice, Still New..

[Guest sweetheart-little]

I have been a little for 3 years (never actually participated until this year.) okay, I turned 18 in May that's when I decided to start this lifestyle in a relationship. I was an underage little for 3 years prior but never actually announced it or made it a thing in my past relationships. I'm still new to the relationship part. I know everything on being a little but I don't know much of how a daddy is, or should be. I have only red about red flags. When I met my boyfriend, it was online. That's the first thing that's gunna stick in your head while reading this. I know LDRs are not a for sure thing. I have been in many and I know all the possible outcomes there can be, but this is the first relationship I've brought DDLG to the table. When we met we met through xbox (oh nooo, it's true. xbox has become christian mingle lol) we didn't speak for a week after we talked on xbox, he later found my instagram. which was filled with kittenplay stuff. That's what I was into before DDLG, and yes I participated in that openly while underage ( but never actually announced my age or did anything sexual with it ) still illegal. Anyway, he was attracted to that. So we started dating and playing xbox together a lot. We skype, we text, we sleep together, we are together 24/7. When I turned 18, I started being more curious on DDLG and later introduced that to him. He was open minded, and I've explained sooo much about it to him. Long story short, he was into it for a while. Like super cute, super sweet all the time. I loved the attention. Then, he changed. Hmm, yep that kind of situation. Less daddy, more of an a**hole. I'm not baby girl anymore, I'm "b*tch." Nothing sweet left to him, I'm a mule in our video games we play (always doing stuff for him) or I'm always to blame (you got me killed.) Skype calls don't last very long, we don't even go on cam anymore. He gets mad at me for the slightest things and now he's been disappearing on me. What the f*ck?? I'm not a horrible person, I'm shy, I'm always nice and I do everything he asks without hesitation (sometimes I complain but then he yells at me for that too) I'm a good girl lol. We don't even do "stuffs" (masterb*te) together anymore and to top it off, I've known him for 2 years and have been dating him for a year and a half. I am attached, and I am very clingy. The moment we aren't talking for more than 5 hours, I freak out and get worried. (neither of us work so we talk literally from the moment we sleep to the moment we wake up) I have gotten so attached, I have separation anxiety when he's not talking to me. It all sounds like a sh*t hole, and well, it is. I one time stayed up really late while he slept and tamed him a high level bird on ARK Survival and named it "ily daddy c:" and he changed the name to "lil bird." Just kind of made me feel eh, because anytime I try to do cute little stuff for him it seems to go unapperiacted. I never here thank you or please. I've been looking for advice. I have asked so many people and no one understand the whole DDLG aspect. If this can help explain the behavior, he's cheated on me before, and catfished me (but I gave him another chance.) I've never been close to someone in this lifestyle and I really liked how it started off, I've asked him if he's still interested in the lifestyle, he says he likes it. I don't know, I'd hate to have put all this effort in for nothing, and I have a fear of not being able to have this kind of closure with anyone else now. I once add kittenplay to one other relationship before and then the next guy I met, I felt different trying to be a kitten with him, that's why I switched to DDLG. I'm sorry this is so long, and honestly not sure if I posted in the right place. I really don't know where to go about this and talking to him isn't really an option..

[splendabae]

um, there's A LOT of things i would like to address here but the main one i'm going to go with is, leave him. right now. you don't seem happy at all and this seems to have turned toxic. you yourself state that he's treating you badly, please do not stay in this relationship. you are 18 and have so much time to find a serious relationship, this does not have to be it. please add me if you need someone to talk to.

[Sleepless]

I agree with everything that lil'bby said. Something I would like to add is that you should never stay in a relationship where your partner is treating you wrong just because you don't want to waste all the time and effort you've already put into it. I'm sure you're hoping that he'll go back to being the nice guy he was before, but the truth is that he probably never was the nice guy that he appareaed to be at first. Even if he was exactly what he appeared to be something in him has obviously changed for the worst. The way he speaks to you and lies to you is incredibly disrespectful and shows just how little he cares for you. He does not deserve you, you can do better sweetie. Also I know you're scared that you'll never be able to have this type of relationship again, but that's not the case. I assure you that if you take a little bit of time to focus on yourself your heart will soon be healed enough for you to begin looking for a new partner who will treat you the right way.

 

Please feel free to add me & PM me if you need to talk.

 

Wishing the best for you,

Gia

[Guest Ginger]

Tw: abuse

 

Please, please don't stay with him! I know you might not think you'll find someone else but you will. It might take some time, but you will. I stayed in an abusive relationship for almost 4 years because I didn't think I'd ever find someone else. He was emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive to me. It destroyed me and I needed therapy to fix everything that was messed up because of our relationship. He won't go back to that boy you met in the first place. It just won't happen. This guy sure as heck doesn't deserve you! Break up with him, block him on all contact/media and get back to you for now. Figure yourself back out, how to be yourself without him. What makes you happy, what you really want and deserve from a relationship. You deserve to be happy and this guy isn't accomplishing that at all. I really hope things get better for you.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I have nothing to add that hasn't been said already... you have the advice I would give already...

[HeCallsMePrincess]

that's all very intense for an 18 year old to deal with. my main concern is that you understand, he's not a Daddy. that's not how a Daddy or even a decent person behaves. calling you names is unacceptable and i feel you should cut him out of your life. immediately. i understand the love and attachment but you are SO young and you will find someone else eventually. 

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

You're very young, so you should never think you won't find someone else.

 

As others have stated, this is a relationship that should be finished ASAP as it is unhealthy and he sounds like a user.  I'm not sure what changed in him to make him act the way he does now, but even if he has legitimate personal issues to cause his abusive behaviour (which is an explanation, NOT an excuse), you should still put an end to it for your own sake.  Nothing good will come of you getting staying, and you'll only end up getting hurt more.

[Guest sweetheart-little]

Thank you for all the caring responses and well given advice! It's nice to see people still help others. I am so sorry to bring such a personal topic on this site so quickly as I am still just a new member. But I am very appreciative of everyone here who took the time to help me. Things will be changing here very shortly as it is a new year, and I should take matters in my own hands and start this one off the right way. I always considered that in some type of way he was abusive but yes, I misled myself and aloud myself to think things were OK. Obviously they aren't, but I wanted to hear what complete strangers have to say on the matter to help me understand better. Thank you everyone. I'm definitely sticking around on this forum, already such a great community!

[ddlgdude]

As everyone else said, this turned very toxic.  You are young and plenty of time ahead of you. No point in wasting your time with someone who seems to be not into the ddlg and not giving as much as you give. You can do a lot better than this dude.

[Guest uk_caring_daddy]

I disagree with none of the replies.

The only thing I would add is around your use of the term, "separation anxiety".

 

Learning to break up with a guy, learning to be on your own for a bit, is a great skill to have for a young girl.

Reading your post, you seem to know he's not 'a keeper'. You've painted a picture we can all see. I wonder how important the role of 'separation anxiety' is in the fact you have not acted earlier. I would guess it's quite important, in combination with you not valuing yourself highly enough (a very common and heart-breaking problem). If you find yourself hesitating at all to be rid of him, you may want to consider if those two things are something about yourself you need to better understand and figure out a bit.

 

Best of luck. Do let us know what happens or reach out if your need anything else.

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

I disagree with none of the replies.

The only thing I would add is around your use of the term, "separation anxiety".

 

Learning to break up with a guy, learning to be on your own for a bit, is a great skill to have for a young girl.

Reading your post, you seem to know he's not 'a keeper'. You've painted a picture we can all see. I wonder how important the role of 'separation anxiety' is in the fact you have not acted earlier. I would guess it's quite important, in combination with you not valuing yourself highly enough (a very common and heart-breaking problem). If you find yourself hesitating at all to be rid of him, you may want to consider if those two things are something about yourself you need to better understand and figure out a bit.

 

Best of luck. Do let us know what happens or reach out if your need anything else.

 

Very true this.  In addition OP, I think that you probably underestimate your own strength, perhaps as you're naturally clingy as you yourself stated.  I think if/when you made the call to end it, you'll cope much better than you expected.  The thought of being single and the fear of change is far, far worse than being single itself.  If anything, it'll feel liberating as you'll no longer have to worry about him or the Sisyphean task making him happy.

 

Fulfilling relationship > Being Single > Unfulfilling/Abusive relationship.

Edited January 3, 2017 by countlieberkuhn