Minors and titles.

[Princess-P]

While I read through so many posts a day it boggles my mind that I still see people being ok with minors using BDSM terminology. In regards to a comment in a post I had commented on earlier I am creating a new thread so as not to highjack the OP of that one.

 

Little is a bdsm title. For adults. At 18 your a legal adult. Weather your mentally an adult at 18 or not is subjective to each person.

 

Age regression does not make you a little.

Being immature for your age does not make you a little.

Enjoying many of the superficial things like colouring, stuffies, pacifiers, whatever.. Also does not make you a little.

 

Being over 18 and a part of a bdsm community and choosing to identify as a little makes you a little. People who are new to the community and to "adulthood" may not understand why its not ok to use BDSM terms to depict a minor even if the minor is their past self.

 

Being a teenager and identifying as part of a bdsm culture because you think you fit in puts that community at risk. It makes the wrong impression with people who don't know better and slaughters the concept of what CG/l really is.

 

While everything may not always be black and white and we all have different reasons for identifying with this dynamic, one thing we can all say we have in common is being 18+. Choosing to think a minor identifying with an adult BDSM term is acceptable is, and always will be, wrong.

 

That's like saying "I've been a submissive since I was 15 because I always do what people tell me". "I knew I was a slave at 12 because I like catering to people and making them happy". The BDSM term is what makes it wrong.

 

Little = adult. That's it.

[Guest littlevulcangirl]

But this site welcomes people of all varieties of the lifestyle or dynamic.

 

There's a load of people out there who do not associate their Littleness or whatever with bdsm.

 

So they are welcome to talk about that here.

 

Conflating Littleness always with sex or bdsm is misrepresentative of the people on this forum or in the world. If little is a bdsm term that's fine, but it means other things too.

[Mikaitaku]

speaking from observation being "little" has more to do with personality traits than anything else. For some I have seen that it is purely just part of who they are, for others it is sexual. If you are the latter that is perfectly fine, you are quite welcome to feel that is how it should be, However it is wrong to try to force your opinion on others. 

 

My interest in DDLG has less to do with the sexual BDSM aspect and more to do with protective, nurturing aspects of being a daddy, which has been a part of my personality since I was a child. The sexual aspects simply don't have as much appeal as the other aspects of "little".

 

To state that your way is the only way is kind of disrespectful to those who happen not to be little outside of the bedroom.

 

 

I believe that being a Little or Daddy/Mommy is something that some people are naturally you can be a little or daddy/mommy without being an adult. However and this is important the dynamic is not for anyone other than adults. The human mind matures at 18+ and that is necessary to navigate the complexities of the dynamic and because of the link to BDSM

[Antoinette]

It's nice that you've taken what I've said completely out of context here. I know you're referring to a post I made so I'll simplify what I meant for you:

 

Minors use the term 'little' for a lack of a better word. Being a little while not being involved in a DD/lg dynamic is, basically, age regression. So no, little = adult isn't it whatsoever. It isn't just black and white. I would never, ever accept someone under eighteen into the DD/lg community but what I would also never do is say it's wrong for a teenage girl, say about 13-17 to identify as a 'little' but have no intention of involving themselves in the DD/lg dynamic.

 

I agree that minors have no place in the BDSM community but what I won't accept is that it's wrong for them to want to be a non-sexual little with no daddy who only uses the term for lack of a better one, age regression for some people does make them a little and it's no one's place to say what does and does not make someone a little. 

 

If an underage girl is disclosing that they are a little online, where danger is (regardless of whether or not it's as I said, not involving the DD/lg dynamic) yes. That is wrong. If underage littles (like I've described) use their littleness as a coping mechanism, keep it to themselves or trusted adults around them (parents, therapists, etc.) then I do not see the problem with that whatsoever. 

 

And just in case my words get twisted I would just like to re-iterate that I do not think underage littles OR daddies should be accepted into the DDLG community, but I DO THINK they should be allowed to label themselves however they like in their own mind, to themselves. 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

While I understand how some of you feel about being a little being different for everyone, like it or not DDlg/MDlb/MDlg/DDlb/CGl are ALL associated with BDSM at their very core. No, that does not mean each person has to relate to BDSM, or every couple even. But like it or not, their very basis is off of BDSM.

 

Can someone have traits of a CG or little under the age of 18? Absolutely YES! Can they choose to self identify themselves as such? I reckon they can, that doesn't make it safe. Minors have no place in this community, I'm sorry but they don't. You don't have to agree, but it is not safe for them, or us with them here. Not every CGl relationship is sexual, I understand that. This does not change the general public perception of it is one of a sexual nature.

 

If we start allowing minors to feel welcome as littles, or caregivers... we're putting ourselves and them at risk. Is CGl not scrutinized enough in the eyes of the public? We are thought of as freaks who are into incest and pedophilia. Many times the CGs are seen as abusive and controlling.... once we start allowing minors to think it's okay to call themselves little we blur that line a bit...

 

I have actual children. If I tell my 7yr old it's okay to eat a cookie every day at 2pm but not after 2:15pm unless he feels like he likes cookies in that moment... I'm not setting clear standards. If we allow minors to feel welcome to call themselves littles we aren't setting clear standards. First it's "well I'll just call myself little" then it's "I'll call myself little and my partner my caregiver but it's okay cuz we're both minors" then it's "well I'm 16 and a little and I want a Daddy who's 25... it's okay though because I'm consenting to it and I know what I'm doing". No. No. No.

 

It weaves a very tangled web when we decide it's okay for one to call themselves little. Is it just a title that means nothing? Absolutely. But to many it means a whole lot and once they have that title they start wanting more, because we're human and never content with what we have.

 

Age regression is okay at any age. But please, stay out of the DDlg lifestyle until you are an adult. It isn't safe for you here and you're putting many people at risk just with your presence.

[Michael]

There's a lot of underage littles/daddies that get into dd/lg relationships, and for them, they really do believe that they're real "littles" or "daddies". Usually you can see these people more on Tumblr or YouTube, but it's highly unlikely that they'll ever stop calling themselves "little" or "daddy" because they're already so involved in the dd/lg community and have built up their whole identity with these labels. Once someone takes on a label and puts themselves into a community, it's usually really hard to get them to stop using that label. It probably isn't a good idea to get so strict about who can use these labels. These people are young and dealing with a lot of confusion, maybe being able to call themselves "little" is one small thing that can help them make sense of their identity. As long as they don't actively seek out adults to get into relationships with, I'm fine with it.

 

I also think we're starting to see more people just completely redefine what dd/lg even is, and what it means to be a "little" or a "daddy dom". These terms used to be closely linked to the wider BDSM world, but now there's a lot of people coming from sites like Tumblr or YouTube that have no idea much about BDSM (and they don't really care), they just care only about dd/lg and have some vague concept in their head about what it means to be "little" or "daddy" that they pieced together from social media or their own personality. I challenge anyone here to search "bdsm forum" on Google, and explore those forums, and see how much you think you would fit in in those communities. Probably for a lot of people here, "BDSM" sites seem like dark, scary and strange places where many of us don't quite fit in, so I wonder just how much the dd/lg and BDSM communities are even connected anymore. Maybe it's a good thing that dd/lg is slowly becoming less associated with BDSM and becoming more flexible.

 

I think this whole thing is a pretty interesting, just from a social point of view. On one side you have people that want to stick to explicit definitions and terminology about what a true little or daddy is, and what is a valid dd/lg relationship, and on the other side you have people that just say "fuck that" and leave everything open to personal interpretation. Probably the best solution is somewhere in the middle though.

[Guest littlevulcangirl]

So, are non-bdsm, non-sexual, adult littles welcome here?

(I'm not saying I am one but it's the main reason I'm here)

[Princess-P]

You don't have to be sexual. No one is saying that CG/l or identifying as one of the rolls in the dynamic has anything to do with sex.

 

If your under 18 and feel like you age regress for whatever reason. Then that's what you do. You age regress. Your not a little. Its dangerous to the community to give adult titles to minors.

 

When I say age regression doesn't make you a little it's true. The two are not exclusively related. For some littles age regression is part of being little but not all people who age regress would consider themselves little.

 

While minors may want to use the term for "lack of a better one" its still wrong. When a baby calls a cat a bird we correct it.

 

While mainstream media is making CG/l more "relatable" its still a lifestyle for adults. And still holds roots in bdsm. People might not like it. May argue the non sexualization of it. But even without sex, without relationships, the terminology remains somthing for adults.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

So, are non-bdsm, non-sexual, adult littles welcome here?

(I'm not saying I am one but it's the main reason I'm here)

Yes, absolutely yes.

 

I welcome anyone to the community who's over 18, but that's just my opinion. No being 18 doesn't necessarily make you an adult mentally or emotionally, but legally speaking you are no longer a danger to me or my fellow BDSM/DDlg comrades. Could this place still be dangerous for you? Sure! Heck sometimes it's dangerous for all of us. People here are very blunt and to the point on their opinions and many of us believe our ways are right and others are wrong. It's one of the things I love and hate about this community.

[Guest Little_Miss]

I even worry about minor daddies taking care of minor regressed littles, they should not be doing that. I take age regression seriously and wouldn't recommend minors try it for themselves or others just for fun. If they do it on their own naturally and safely and seek information or help if it is to do with trauma then I am okay with it..

[Guest Princessaj]

“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”― Benjamin Franklin

When I see a personal ad or a post that says that the person has been into DDlg for a year, years....and they are 18 or whatever age, if you do the math and they have been an underage calling themselves little or Daddy-have been into DDlg for years, I want to tell them that they have not been a little or a Daddy in the core definition of DDlg=Adult is 18+, but that is not my place. This kind of personal ad and post happens almost every day.

 

I am grateful for and know that the Mods are very busy.

 

I wish there was a way, a very respectful way, that these ads can be "reported" and given a prewritten private auto message to tell them that what they have been doing is not DDlg as a minor including the very best in class explanation of why they can't have been into DDlg as a minor and support it with links to posts to give them a basic understanding of the

 

-whole DDlg lifestyle, in clinical terms

-its history/relation to BDSM

-the average definitions of little and Daddy

-commonly posted questions that have a post by a MOD explaining such, i.e. What is a fade? Red Flags for xyz...

etc.....

 

Sort of like a "Welcome to DDlg now that your are 18 and are now an adult."

 

I think that this would be a responsible way to educate that person, create a

-better-more responsible member

-defuse a lot of the discussions/debates/arguments/misunderstandings

-show the "haters" that we are being pro-active in enriching our community.

 

I know that that my comment can/should be in the "Feedback and Suggestions" category, but I hope that everyone reading it here will "Like this" enough that everyone reading this post/thread, especially who it is meant to help, will then be able to become a better member. Happy New Year!

[PrincessSacrifice]

So, are non-bdsm, non-sexual, adult littles welcome here?

(I'm not saying I am one but it's the main reason I'm here)

Yes they are! All littles (as long as they're over 18) are welcome here.

[Antoinette]

You don't have to be sexual. No one is saying that CG/l or identifying as one of the rolls in the dynamic has anything to do with sex.

 

If your under 18 and feel like you age regress for whatever reason. Then that's what you do. You age regress. Your not a little. Its dangerous to the community to give adult titles to minors.

 

When I say age regression doesn't make you a little it's true. The two are not exclusively related. For some littles age regression is part of being little but not all people who age regress would consider themselves little.

 

While minors may want to use the term for "lack of a better one" its still wrong. When a baby calls a cat a bird we correct it.

 

While mainstream media is making CG/l more "relatable" its still a lifestyle for adults. And still holds roots in bdsm. People might not like it. May argue the non sexualization of it. But even without sex, without relationships, the terminology remains somthing for adults.

 

Well I just don't see the problem with someone using the terminology without incorporating the dynamic. Fifteen year old girls in my area are getting pregnant rn, I wish the most I had to worry about was them calling themselves ''littles''

[ddlgdude]

I think with the internet, its hard to keep things like bdsm and DDLG exclusively an adult thing. The internet gives people mounds of information for them to read up on these subcultures and let them take apart of them.  While I wouldnt want them coming to this site and joining us (this is an 18+ afterall) I dont think we should discourage them from experimenting and learning about the lifestyle. As long as they do it safely and healthy, I have no problem with it. There really isnt anything we can do other than make places where only adults can join.

 

Keep the info free for all those curious and let them learn and hope for the best. That's all that we can do.

[daddies_velvet_kitty]

I totally agree that identifying as a little while underage can be very harmful to the "little" as well as the dom. I'm only 18 years old and only started being active in the ddlg community when I turned 18. When I was underage I realized that there was something different about me, I never really outgrew coloring, barbies or dress up. I just told myself that this is who I am and this is what I like. But I was never in a ddlg relationship underage because I didn't really know what it was then. I just identified as being me, no label. The problem is when underage boys and girls identify as littles, it can put doms at risk legally and the underage girls in unsafe situations. What the OP i think meant was, in order to keep both parties safe, don't label yourself in an adult community if your not an adult. But enjoying little like activities and age regression is fine and learning about ddlg is ok. I have little to no experience being a little and being in a ddlg relationship but i did have experience with age regression etc. A lot of people get the two confused and therefore say that they have been littles for years even when they are only 18 or 19. The same goes for caregivers too. Anyway all i meant to say was from the perspective of an 18 year old I agree that there is harm in identifying with an adult title underage but just because you don't have the title as a little that doesn't mean you cant learn and cant age regress for when you do turn 18.

[Princess-P]

15 year olds in every area get pregnant. Its called bad life choices or poor education. But mostly choices. If you can use the internet to facebook and watch makeup tutorials you can Google how not to get pregnant.

 

Minors should have access to educational information. They should be able to access resources that let them know the way they feel or thoughts they have are normal. But they still should not put a community at risk by using its titles.

 

Again, if you say its ok for a 15 year old to identify as a little then is it ok for them to identify as a slave? A submissive? What makes one lable ok and not the other?

 

I also agree that there's nothing we can do to stop a minor from using any title they want. Children are stubbern. But if we accept it then it will happen more. And those who defend them are clearly not worried about the repercussions nor do they see the harm it causes the community as a whole.