Punishment and guilt

[Bunniegural]

i guess i just want to know if this is normal, or where it comes from, or what to do about it.

 

When it's for fun, i can really take a beating. Uram has all kinds of crops and paddles and stuff and it is loads of fun, but when i am being punished it's like a whole different lens comes on things. i feel really intense guilt, and i'm very sensitive to pain, and i end up with all these really bad feelings of self hatred and a lot of putting myself down. It isn't just for beatings either. Uram could have me write lines and i still end up crying. The other day i was snooping around in the cg section reading about punishments cgs would give out and i got so upset i had to go snuggle with Uram and remind myself i didn't do anything wrong and im not in trouble.

 

Is this the purpose of punishment? Am i supposed to feel this way? i think it's expected that you feel guilty during punishment but i don't think Uram wants me to hate myself...is punishment supposed to make you feel better because you've done something to fix what you did wrong? Does anyone else get like this? What do you do?

[Sleepless]

I don't think that's how punishments are supposed to make you feel at all! Punishments are supposed to remind you of what you've done wrong and make it so you're less likely to do whatever you did again. When I get punished sometimes I feel guilty and sad, like you said you do, but then my honeybun snuggles me and reminds me of what a good girl I am and that makes me feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, like I've paid for my crime and everything is all better now. Are you getting proper aftercare? A lack of proper aftercare could possibly lead to you feeling this way, even the wrong type/ wrong amount of aftercare could cause these feelings as well. I would definitely suggest talking to your caregiver about it to see what they think.

[Bunniegural]

i did snuggle with Uram afterwards and we were silly and i felt better but what worries me is just that i have such a strong guilt response in the first place. Sometimes i wonder if there is something wrong with me that i feel this way...

[DaddysMonkey]

Hello there !

 

Just based on what you have posted here .. to me it seems like maybe your Daddy(?) and yourself might need to rework your punishments or aftercare for punishments ? Of course this is only my humble opinion , but punishments are made to correct behavior and should be fair in comparison to your infraction to rules. I do not believe punishments should make you feel guilty or hate yourself.

 

After care is not only for after sex or sexual activities , it is for punishments as well. Whether those punishments are physical or not , after care should be there to make you feel better if you truly are this impacted by your punishments. Maybe you need a lot ,ore reassurance after your punishments ?

 

If I may suggest , look into your childhood experiences with punishment ? My Daddy and I do not use certain punishments due to my past experiences with said punishments and they have traumatizing memories attached to them. Could this be something that is happening ?

 

Is your self esteem okay ? Could this be affecting how you feel about yourself after punishments or after doing something to call for punishment ?

 

I also don't believe guilt is necessarily the best way to feel during punishment either.. perhaps sorry for your actions.. or regret of misbehaving. Guilt has never been associated with fair punishments for me. I don't believe littles should feel guilty for being little. Yes , we should learn from our consequences as well as learn what is acceptable behavior. But guilt , at least in my experience leads to resentment , which is never pretty. Don't feel guilt for being little , rather be happy you have a Daddy (?) who is willing to give you attention and time for punishments. (Granted they are fair and help improve behavior.)  

 

I suggest talking about your punishments and if they are working for both of you properly , and discuss your aftercare routine. 

 

Hope this helps !

[Bunniegural]

Thanks monkey,

i tend to need a lot of reassurance and my self-esteem is quite crap sometimes. Since i've started D/s relationships i've realized i have a lot of buried issues, especially around my family.

As for the guilt, it's not guilt about being little, i'm not even entirely sure it's guilt about what i've done to deserve that punishment, it sort of starts out as guilt for what i've done and then blooms into 'i'm worthless, i have no self-discipline or restraint...' Blah blah blah, all kind of negative thoughts.

Afterwards Uram and i cuddle and talk and get it back under control, but it's just so scary how quickly all of it explodes out of me the moment i am punished.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Hi there :3 I agree you could need to rework your system.

Typically I am a very bratty, mouthy little. Spankings were not doing a darn thing for me. So Daddy changed it. Now I get "the talk". You know that "you can be a good girl and this makes Daddy sad when you act like this talk". Do I feel guilty afterwards? Yes, but not to the extent you just described. I have moments of guilt briefly then it goes away and I'm better and I never feel worthless.