how did you discover you were a little?

[Guest ZenDD]

ZenDD, I kinda find your comments off-topic really. The thread is about sharing stories of Littleness and self-discovery and you've inserted a bunch of passive aggressive policing of our own identities. Like, please don't. This forum is clearly stated to be for all flavours of the 'lifestyle' and you're exploration of the minutiae of one particular angle on this thread is just overbearing and obnoxious.

 

You have every right to find it off topic. It isn't for me, because I find many posts about littleness mentioned without any mention or acknowledgement of the CG/l dynamic. My response is addressing that, because I see that often, I believe there are two different kinds of littles who frequent this site: the kind into DDlg/CGl, and the kind that aren't. 

 

There are many littles here who believe that their "littleness", if you will, has nothing to do with the dynamic within a partnership. That is perfectly fine, but I pose that that is not actually the definition of a little within the DDlg/CGl context. DDlg/CGl specifically describes two people, or two "roles", or archetypes, actually (more accurately it should be stated that it describes at least two people). Yes, by proxy, the terms describe the psychology of those involved, but DDlg/CGl describes a relationship, not a person.

 

Find it overbearing and obnoxious, fine. But to deny me the right, or to critique my desire to discuss what you call the minutiae of the CGl concept within a CGl forum is preposterous! What better place to discuss the detailed specifics of DDlg/Cgl psychologies, issues, topics, and ideas than the DDlg Forum?!! Just because I don't want to discuss surface issues or peripherals like toys or teddy bears doesn't invalidate my perspective. I find you calling the motivations and specifics of CGl psychology "minutiae" to be dismissive of the CGl community. To many of us, this "minutiae" is important. To many of us, what I have discussed is relevant and important. I don't think that responding with comments that might make us reflect deeper or question our ideals, understanding, definition, or application of CGl is wrong. 

 

Again, you don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, but to call the things important to me "minutiae" is dismissive of those here who share the same priorities as I do. And like it or not, there are many. To call these ideas minutiae is to imply they are insignificant. And to say that you aren't calling them insignificant, only insignificant to the relevance of this particular post, would be a cop out, because as I've explained, above, my response holds relevance to this post whether or not it is relevant to you, personally.

 

All flavors of the "lifestyle"? What lifestyle are you describing? I'm not sure. I only know that the general consensus of the DDlg/CGl lifestyle is one in which at least two consenting adults take part in D/s dynamics while utilizing Caregiver and child-like archetypes. Anything, any combination/inversion/creation of roles and dynamics including those basics are what CGl is. I didn't invent that. That came thousands of years ago. I'm not questioning or policing anyone's identity, the concept itself does that. I'm challenging people to understand the concept and question for themselves whether this is what they really are a part of.

 

Again, there are two types of littles here, the DDlg/CGl type, and the non-DDlg/CGl type. I feel like there are more and more non-DDlg/CGl littles here everyday, and those are the ones that seem to be "defining" what DDlg/CGl is and telling me that "my" definition is incorrect, when their littleness actually doesn't have anything to do with the counterpoint to a CG in a CGl relationship. A littleness solely about individuality and self-identity, having nothing to do with a partner, is not actually DDlg/CGl. Again, DDlg/CGl describes a relationship, not a person. I'm not saying a non-DDlg/CGl little isn't a little, I'm saying they aren't a little within the context of DDlg/CGl. I'm saying there are different types of littles and DDlg/CGl describes a specific type. Some things aren't open to interpretation, some things are what they are. Basketballs are round. Period. DDlg/CGl littles have or seek a CG counterpart. Period. If one doesn't, then they are a different kind of little, not a DDlg/CGl little. How is that not clear and logical?

 

Anyway, I'm glad we're having in-depth discussions about DDlg/CGl on a DDlg Forum! Thanks everyone!

[Guest ZenDD]

I understand everyone's point,especially about the psychological side of DDlg as well as the Dd as well. Trust me I really do. x3 I feel bad cause I feel like I just caused a minature uproar. :/

 

Not a miniature uproar at all! This is debate and discussion about our community's concepts and ideas. This is precisely the place to discuss these issues; OUR issues.

 

DDlg/CGl is a complex psychology that many outside of it don't understand. We, ourselves, often find it difficult to understand; the motivations, the methodology, the application. This is a place to help dissect it, challenge it, question it, and figure it out. Thanks for the conversation!

[Guest Ginger]

I neglected to mention anything related to the dynamic in my first post >w< My bad :c

 

While I do enjoy the non-sexual side of things, it was more the D/s end of it that really drew me in. I didn't know about DDlg until I was roaming Tumblr and that sparked some research. After looking into it, I mentioned it to my then bf. Things didn't go well there, but it's more than lovely with my current bf!

[Guest littlevulcangirl]

Zen I only skimmed your reply. It's pretty clear you're inferring things I didn't actually say. I'm done with reading your passive aggressive posts on threads like this. I have zero issues with your own views on Littleness (tho the thread is about discovering Littleness, a topic aimed squarely at other littles). You do you. I'll do me. Go stamp all over someone else's topic. Like, you're a Dom, and you've taken over a thread for littles. Not cool. I don't need you to educate me, I understand your point, we've seen you write endlessly about it in the last few days. And I stand by saying if someone says they're little, they're little. This thread is not the place to start digging into that.

 

Please don't confuse a call out with an attempt to silence your very loud voice. You don't seem to be having any trouble feeling free to voice your opinions despite us meanie littles. But you gotta appreciate how you're just derailing topics and taken over them with your he said/she said arguments. It's very childish.

 

You've been called out by several littles on this forum and you're ignoring the trend here. Regardless of your intentions, you must listen when people who don't enjoy your level of privilege call you out. And that means not arguing back endlessly.

 

I don't care you feel like non ddlg littles are taking over. Everyone is welcome here, that's what the forum is for. Get over it. Maybe go to an admin if you wanna start policing identities? Just an idea.

 

I'm not engaging with you further on this subject. Go ahead quote me and pick apart this post, if that helps you. But at some point you're gonna have to accept that you're sharing a space with *all* types of littles/doms. And you need to learn that your *behaviour* here is the issue, not your views.

[CrazyLittleBuggaBoo]

I've always been a Little, I just never grew up. So for me, "discovering" my Littleness was really more of me learning Oh hey there's others like me and a term and lifestyle that matched what I have always been like

[PeachyPantsu]

At first I was disgusted by CG/l entirely. Not even going to try to front. And then the more I kept seeing it, I got curious. So I looked into it. I even looked at these forums before I created an account. Mind you, I was looking into it before I was 18, I apologize. However I didn't identify as one until after I had actually experienced a relationship like it. Then afterward is was like a "oh hell I'm actually into this" kind of reaction. 

It took me by surprise, but looking back now I can see little Easter eggs in my life that hint towards it. And now I know that I hated it before because I misunderstood it completely. Going through all of that has changed me as a person and now I've started to look at things in different lighting.

Although I'm not completely independent yet, I've been struggling to be ever since I was 16. Just not much you can do where I live.

[Guest ammy]

ahh im not even sure if i can reply to this

i don't like to think really technical and say that "okay, to be a little i have to meet these requirements", it can be for other people !! but it just stresses me out and makes me feel like I shouldn't even be here x(

ahh edit im sorry I don't want to be rude Im just trying to say that everyone can have their own definitions, and their own ways of thinking, as can you. it's just upsetting when a person with one opinion tries to make it seem like the right way, or the best way, or the way it should be done..

Edited January 9, 2017 by ammy

[Guest Loki]

[arineunha]

i'm basically raised by my mom mostly and i have an older sister. I think my older sis got her way when we were younger, I gave everything to her (my barbies) and I usually got nothing in return. I missed out on enjoying my childhood. i think my childhood was a memorable experience nevertheless, i loved waking up early on Saturdays to watch girly cartoons. i used to have squeaky light up shoes, pink heels with colourful beans inside it, and doll socks. i miss the attention i got when i was little

Edited January 21, 2017 by arineunha

[❤Snow Bunny❤]

well i've always just been really childish. i've always obsessed over disney, stuffed animals, candy, stickers, hello kitty, dolls, bubbles, cartoons, etc. and i've always loved wearing childish clothes like frilly skirts, bows, tiaras, and kitty ears ^u^ children things have always just appealed to me more than boring adult stuff xP and i act pretty childish too and do childish things (skipping around, getting excited when i see candy or toys at the store, pretending to be an animal, swinging and sliding at the park, etc.) and i've always loved the idea of being the child in a relationship while the boyfriend plays a parental role.... then i recently found out about DDLG and found out what a little was and i was like, ''WOW that's me!'' XD

Edited January 22, 2017 by ❤Snow Bunny❤

[DaddysLittleRageMonster]

I have a general interest in human sexuality, fetishes, and kinks. My career goal is to become a sexologist. Naturally for me, I did a lot of researching and talking to my co-workers (I used to work at an adult store) and came across DD/lg on Tumblr. I realized that I wanted to try it out, but my partner at the time wasn't into it. My current partner, however, jumped right into the daddy role soon after I brought it up and has helped me feel more comfortable with being little. I often have so much going on in my daily life that feels so daunting and I have to be responsible, so being little means I get to put those aside and have someone take care of me. However, I'm an independent Little and tend to buy my own stuff/take care of myself more often than my Daddy does. I have a difficult time letting others take care of me. 

 

In addition, I've noticed that I have always gravitated towards things Littles would like, such as Lunchables, sippies, snacks for babies/kids, bath toys, etc. I love being read to and watching cartoons. I adore coloring pages and books. When I worked for an organization where I got to plan kid's activities, I found that they were things that I wanted to do when I got home. I really enjoy this lifestyle and I'm really happy to meet others in the same community.  

[Guest Baby_Kitty9818]

I've always had child-like tendencies, so when I found out that age regression was a thing, it just felt right. It took awhile before I was fully comfortable in my headspace though. But I got there! 

[little1grl]

You have every right to find it off topic. It isn't for me, because I find many posts about littleness mentioned without any mention or acknowledgement of the CG/l dynamic. My response is addressing that, because I see that often, I believe there are two different kinds of littles who frequent this site: the kind into DDlg/CGl, and the kind that aren't. 

 

There are many littles here who believe that their "littleness", if you will, has nothing to do with the dynamic within a partnership. That is perfectly fine, but I pose that that is not actually the definition of a little within the DDlg/CGl context. DDlg/CGl specifically describes two people, or two "roles", or archetypes, actually (more accurately it should be stated that it describes at least two people). Yes, by proxy, the terms describe the psychology of those involved, but DDlg/CGl describes a relationship, not a person.

 

Find it overbearing and obnoxious, fine. But to deny me the right, or to critique my desire to discuss what you call the minutiae of the CGl concept within a CGl forum is preposterous! What better place to discuss the detailed specifics of DDlg/Cgl psychologies, issues, topics, and ideas than the DDlg Forum?!! Just because I don't want to discuss surface issues or peripherals like toys or teddy bears doesn't invalidate my perspective. I find you calling the motivations and specifics of CGl psychology "minutiae" to be dismissive of the CGl community. To many of us, this "minutiae" is important. To many of us, what I have discussed is relevant and important. I don't think that responding with comments that might make us reflect deeper or question our ideals, understanding, definition, or application of CGl is wrong. 

 

Again, you don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, but to call the things important to me "minutiae" is dismissive of those here who share the same priorities as I do. And like it or not, there are many. To call these ideas minutiae is to imply they are insignificant. And to say that you aren't calling them insignificant, only insignificant to the relevance of this particular post, would be a cop out, because as I've explained, above, my response holds relevance to this post whether or not it is relevant to you, personally.

 

All flavors of the "lifestyle"? What lifestyle are you describing? I'm not sure. I only know that the general consensus of the DDlg/CGl lifestyle is one in which at least two consenting adults take part in D/s dynamics while utilizing Caregiver and child-like archetypes. Anything, any combination/inversion/creation of roles and dynamics including those basics are what CGl is. I didn't invent that. That came thousands of years ago. I'm not questioning or policing anyone's identity, the concept itself does that. I'm challenging people to understand the concept and question for themselves whether this is what they really are a part of.

 

Again, there are two types of littles here, the DDlg/CGl type, and the non-DDlg/CGl type. I feel like there are more and more non-DDlg/CGl littles here everyday, and those are the ones that seem to be "defining" what DDlg/CGl is and telling me that "my" definition is incorrect, when their littleness actually doesn't have anything to do with the counterpoint to a CG in a CGl relationship. A littleness solely about individuality and self-identity, having nothing to do with a partner, is not actually DDlg/CGl. Again, DDlg/CGl describes a relationship, not a person. I'm not saying a non-DDlg/CGl little isn't a little, I'm saying they aren't a little within the context of DDlg/CGl. I'm saying there are different types of littles and DDlg/CGl describes a specific type. Some things aren't open to interpretation, some things are what they are. Basketballs are round. Period. DDlg/CGl littles have or seek a CG counterpart. Period. If one doesn't, then they are a different kind of little, not a DDlg/CGl little. How is that not clear and logical?

 

Anyway, I'm glad we're having in-depth discussions about DDlg/CGl on a DDlg Forum! Thanks everyone!

 

 

What if you want a DD/lg relationship but don't have one? For me, I am with my Sir and he was never looking for a little. I've discovered I'm a little after living with him for a few years...not just with age regression stuff (though I've been doing that lately) but just with how I am. But, (and I'd never tell my Sir this) he does a lot of things naturally that, I think, fit into what a DD would do as I understand it. (He would probably be upset if I said that). And he's also willing to do other DD things for me, such as interact with my when I'm in little space, or read me bed time stories, or etc. And he does set bed times for me, punishment, etc. But, my Sir is more into M/s. I'm into TPE as well though my ideal would be a mix of DD/lg and TPE. Because I also want a relationship where I can be my little self, and do so in the context of our relationship. If I ever broke up with Sir (and I would never because I love him too much, and I am very happy being with him) I would probably seek out a DD/lg relationship with a lot of power exchange if not TPE.

 

But do I even fit here? I have felt very welcomed in this community. I have understood the difference between age regression and littleness as ...little being "who you are" whereas age regression is a role you play or a mindset you temporarily get into. (Age regression is not about who you are). Anyway I have felt really welcomed in this community, and now I'm not so sure I belong here. Because my relationship is not officially a DD/lg relationship, even though I would like it to be and it probably has a number of qualities of one. Do I even fit here?

Edited March 5, 2019 by little1grl

[zanderandspike]

Anyway, I'm glad we're having in-depth discussions about DDlg/CGl on a DDlg Forum! Thanks everyone!

Sorry, I'm not directly replying to this, but it was the one I could find, I'm not an adult(I'm 18, living in a dorm so kinda but not really) and I just gotta ask what about people who can't alway control their regression? Like I know I can regress on my own, but sometimes I can't control it(this is from trama, I know) but like whould that still make me a little? 

 

As well, I've been in a couple of cg/l relationsships, one was long distance, and the other was before we were 18, but I was the cg and he didn't have a great home life. So do thouse not count? Like was he not a little because he was under 18? He couldn't alway control when he regressed, so is there another term for it?

 

Sorry, I'm not sure if I sound rude or not, I'm really not trying to, I just wanna know what you would define someone have little to no controll over their regresson as?

 

(also you said if someone doesn't want a cg they're a diffrent kind of little, what other kinds are there?)

 

EDIT: "Remember, being a little is one thing, being into DDlg is another. There are many littles here who are not into DDlg and it's D/s concepts. And that's okay to not be into DDlg if one is a little, but this place is called DDlg Forum, and i'm just reminding people of that. Thanks." 

I think I missed this in my first read through, sorry for that, just had a mild panic over that lol, my b

Edited March 7, 2019 by zanderandspike

[little1grl]

Sorry, I'm not directly replying to this, but it was the one I could find, I'm not an adult(I'm 18, living in a dorm so kinda but not really) and I just gotta ask what about people who can't alway control their regression? Like I know I can regress on my own, but sometimes I can't control it(this is from trama, I know) but like whould that still make me a little? 

 

As well, I've been in a couple of cg/l relationsships, one was long distance, and the other was before we were 18, but I was the cg and he didn't have a great home life. So do thouse not count? Like was he not a little because he was under 18? He couldn't alway control when he regressed, so is there another term for it?

 

Sorry, I'm not sure if I sound rude or not, I'm really not trying to, I just wanna know what you would define someone have little to no controll over their regresson as?

 

(also you said if someone doesn't want a cg they're a diffrent kind of little, what other kinds are there?)

If someone can't control their regression, say due to trauma, that would be more of a mental illness I think then being a little, because if you're at work and you regress and can't get back to an adult state that could be a problem. It would cause life impairment I think, which would make it qualify as a mental illness if it does. Thats just my two sense. I've heard of people with dissociative identity disorder regressing to an earlier age as one of their personalities. Actually its quite common, and dissociative identity disorder is almost always (if not always) caused by abuse and trauma. It could be that. But if it doesn't impair your life or your functioning, then it wouldn't count as a mental illness. I'm new to the DD/lg community, but If it's a mental illness like dissociative identity disorder that is causing the age regression, then I don't think the person would be a little.

 

And just in case someone wants to jump on me because they read my post too quickly: the key if its a mental illness or not is if it impairs your daily functioning in your life. It just sounds to me like if you can't control it, then it would impair your life unless you don't act on anything while little, in which case your controlling it.

[zanderandspike]

EDIT: "Remember, being a little is one thing, being into DDlg is another. There are many littles here who are not into DDlg and it's D/s concepts. And that's okay to not be into DDlg if one is a little, but this place is called DDlg Forum, and i'm just reminding people of that. Thanks." 

I think I missed this in my first read through, sorry for that, just had a mild panic over that lol, my b

Edited March 7, 2019 by zanderandspike

[pacikiss]

trigger warning: rape, sex ring, abusive relationships

 

 

hey! i love seeing all these cute littles respond! i wish my story was as adorable though! i've always been kinda childish, but the bandaid over everything was when i got into a relationship with my ex daddy. we'll call them D! d was very nice at the start, but the relationship was very toxic at first. at the time, i was a minor. yes, dumb to be a minor and in a dd/lg relationship. anyways, he became extremely toxic and abusive. beatings, sexual assault. and child p/rn was a very huge thing in this relationship. i soon found out he was involved in a child sex ring. i was soon involved in this ring, and had to go through a number of different men who treated me the same way. luckily, i got out of the relationship a bit later and pulled legal action against him. he won't be an issue anymore!

 

i was struggling a lot after the relationship, and even went back to him a few times (before all the legal action). i wasn't really too much into the dd/lg thing in my relationship with D, it was just me calling him daddy. not a true dd/lg relationship. after a while, i found my mental starting to slip. i'd black out and next thing i knew i was in the bathroom vomiting. this went on for a while and i became very sickly. my parents forced me to get more extensive counseling, and my counselor did indeed recommend in-care age regression. this wasn't your normal age regression, this was just mentally going back at a younger age to reveal old memories. nothing with pacifiers, diapers, etc. with me having major daddy issues and now being raped, in combination with performing age regression in office, i became slipping at home. instead of vomiting, i found myself having my pacifier. instead of cutting myself, i was coloring. i felt much better and i believe fullheartedly that dd/lg saved my life, as well as my daddy of almost one year.

 

tl;dr i was raped at a young age and tried out age regression.

 

thank you all ♥

[prince eefy]

ive always been childish to an extent. i didnt realize that age regression was a thing until a few years ago. but i think ive always been lowkey slippin into a child-like headspace an not realizing it. i did identify myself as being into the ddlg lifestyle until very recently (as in yesterday), but ive slowly been realizin that age regression fits me better cause im never in a regressive headspace when doin sexual stuffs

 

anyways! i think that it was rlly caused by trauma (parents were in a domestic violence situation an i saw..not great things an i didnt have the greatest childhood growing up, moved around lots an was a very isolated child for the most part) an a coping mechanism to cope with trauma an mental illness. i jus didnt rlly know what it was until a few years ago. i like havin a caregiver/daddy. its nice. makes me feel..tiny nd wanted. an it makes me feel happy.

Edited March 6, 2019 by littleblueskyee

[little1grl]

To answer the OP question, I first discovered I was little when I go into little space/talk in a childish voice when I get very submissive. But even then, I didnt realize I was a little for a few years. Then I read something about it online, I don't know why I did that one day, and I realized that a DD/lg relationship was what I wanted and that I really really fit being a little. When I started sleeping with my stuffie and liking it, then I knew for sure.

Edited March 6, 2019 by little1grl

[Paddedgamer88]

I think I've always known but kept it locked up for the longest time. Mainly from my dad finding some of my things in my room as a kid and freaking out big time so it was always a bad thing growing up.

 

Once I got older I started exploring more but it's only recently I've started really embracing it. Yay to a new start!

[Misha]

If someone is 17, lives at home, and doesn't pay their own bills, they are considered an adolescent child; not yet an adult. Turning 18 wouldn't automatically make that person an "adult" in actuality, only in the legal sense. This person, regardless of their age, would still not be capable of regressing or role-playing to a child-like psychology because it is the only one they have had. This is what is considered a child. A child can't be a little.

 

Just gunna point out real quick that this statement is entirely inaccurate.

 

 

18, living with parents, and not paying own bills does not mean someone is a child. That person could have many other responsibilities and be far more mature than a 25 year old who lives on their own and pays their own bills. Though it doesn't matter anyways, because you don't need to be a mature and responsible adult to regress to an age far below your own.

 

For example: A 19 year old girl lives at home with her parents and has no real responsibilities. Her parents pay her bills, she doesn't work, and she doesn't even have to contribute much to household chores. She's in a DD/lg relationship with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend takes the Dominant role, setting and enforcing rules. He rewards her good behaviors, punishes her bad behaviors, and provides discipline. She gets to enjoy little space with him, embrace feeling 4-5 years old, and being cared for by her boyfriend as if she was that age. She is a little, simple as that.

[Guest ChisaiMixy]

I knew about the BdSM world before I knew about the world off ddlg/cgl and being little. It never occurred to me and when I was searching for Role Play partners for various plots, I also saw people posting about “looking for a daddy” or “diaper role play” and I’m not going to like, I cringed at first. Mainly because I just don’t do well with babies.... at all... and well, diapers are not my things and that’s okay, but it’s also okay for others to enjoy it. Power to you. But, back to the story.

 

One of my Role Plays, it didn’t get very far. But he chose a role play and was like “I chose it because I could kind of act like a dadd.” A time this point I was starting to know it was a thing. And I started doing my research. The role play didn’t get very far but now there was this pit of wanting to fill the void, but I still wasn’t well educated about the scene. So, I made a Role Play Plot about my OC being invited to a ddlg event unkowningly, there she finds after meeting her rescuer, might have found a place to fit In.

 

I realized I had put a lot of my characteristics into the character and realized that oh hey, I’m a little little. And since then it’s been... an uphill experience. Talking with many great new people, and writing my new novel, based off the plot. Though, I’m a little down that my husband doesn’t like this kind of thing, and will often say it’s weird or stupid about the things I like... I just kind of push through it.

[CherieBits]

Like many others, ive prettymuch always been a bit childish, with my love of animated movies and cartoons and stuffed animals and whatnot. I dont think i ever really made the connection with that childishness to DDlg until i met my daddy. When things began to get more serious between us, one day he asked if i wanted to call him daddy. After that, i did a ton of research, and discovered DDlg, and how much i fit into it and desired it. I clarified after that, asking him if what we were would be considered DDlg, and he said yes.

 

Honestly, ive never been happier. WHen i regress, its back to when i was a child, before i had all this pain and suffering in my life. When i was happy. Having my daddy, and being able to be in that place where its just happy things, has done so much good for me these past 7+ months. uwu

[Guest Ittybittyberry]

I have always loved childish things. I never wanted to grow up and loose the fun. I can even fit in fisher price outside houses. I have never wanted to give up being a little girl. So after a while and Tumblr. I found out I was a little.

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

Slightly necro-posting. But in for a penny, in for a pound...

 

Over the years, there were tiny little things that kept creeping into my life that I did. The cartoons were a big one--and one that other adults commented on. Whenever I'd go on trips away from my (now) CG, I'd inevitably find myself a stuffed animal to sleep with at night, despite the fact that I'm very much a grown adult woman. I could be so entirely and completely silly in ways that the adults around me seemed dismayed about.

 

I started hiding those things about me, and it felt awful. I guess I'd gotten so good at it that I denied them about myself completely until I accidentally stumbled onto a DDlg site, read what a little was, then had the best kind of ah-ha moment a girl can have. Only problem was that my relationship had been very long established and he had no idea--and I was afraid to share.

 

I'm not a coward, and it took me time, but I finally let him know about my little side. He was supportive in every way--and our relationship was strengthened by that step forward.

 

I enjoy my stuffies and my coloring and my silly variety of t-shirts and socks and getting tucked in at night and having a bed time. If I had to guess my little age, it's closer to 4-5 when I regress hard and 7-8 when I'm scratching the surface. It feels good to have myself back.