Friends Mental Health

[daddycare]

A close friend is facing some tough times right now, the other day she started saying how maybe we shouldn't be together which came as a surprise. Luckily I was able to get her to explain what was going on...

 

In her words she becomes 'self destructive' and feels very down and overwhelmed by life (work, school, family, relationships). She feels like a failure and that she doesn't deserve the friends she has. And because she has these issues feels its best to cut ties with people, as she doesn't want to hurt them and feel selfish for placing a burden on them.

 

I care for her very deeply and I want to help her get better, but I'm no expert at these things. Obviously she needs to be given professional help and I can't cure all her problems. But how can I best help her through this and have you had any past experiences?

Edited December 23, 2016 by daddycare

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Hai!! ^.^

 

I am Dolly!

 

What your friend is going through is pretty normal for a depressive episode. It's very important that she speak to a doctor because these types of breakdowns don't go away on their own and can get worse. As a friend you can reassure her that you're not going anywhere - some people need to hear this a thousand times before thy believe it. Secondly, maybe you can sit down with here and do an emotional autopsy on where her stress is. If she is overwhelmed with work, is there something she can hand off to another employee to lesson her load? If it's school, is she takimg unneeded classes that maybe she can put off until things settle down? Family can be tricky because well. It's family. Family however doesn't get a free pass about everything - if someone's actions are causing her excessive amounts of stress she needs to distance herself from it in order to heal.

 

This won't be an overnight process, it takes months and sometimes years or decades to be "okay". Some people never get there. What you can do to help her is to support her but don't allow her to project her stress on you. Social Workers have something called compassion fatigue (burn out) becauze it's our jobs to listen, support and educate And it's very hard to be objective sometimes. We care and we take it to heart and eventually the weight becomes too much for some of us. Be her Sanctuary without weighing yourself down. Find that balance! When you start to feel overwhelmed you need to take a step back.

 

Research depressive disorders, the internet is full of amazing articles.

 

#1 factor is she needs to want to get better. She needs to say "enough" and seek help. If she doesn't see that she is spiraling and can't be shown the signs then there is nothig you can do until she is ready. Just assure her you will be there as much as you can without risking your own mental health!

 

Hope this helps!