How to stop myself from reaching out?

[~LittleRaven~]

First of all, I'm not sure if I'm not allowed to talk about this, like if it's against the rules or something, if it is, I'll put it down?

 

Long story short, I had a daddy and he was the one who showed me this life aspect and since I'm new and dont really know anything, I fell into a abusive relationship. I ended up reaching out to someone to see if what we were doing was normal and healthy (to make sure I wasn't overreacting) and she open my eyes to see the abuse that I was trying to ignore.

 

She told me it would be hard to not go back to him and apologize for blocking him and she's right. I feel like a horrible person for blocking him off like that. I'm thinking things that aren't healthy and I'm afraid. I'm not sure what to do and how to stay away and make sure I don't get back into that.

 

I got out early but he's already twisted my mind and making me feel guilty and I can't go back. So lol. How do I stop myself? I'm hoping that by getting to really know everything about this, the next time around won't be abusive.. and that I can make friends with people/littles who know where I am in life and understand me.

[Guest]

I kind of had the same thing happen to me. I got a daddy and was happy as could be for a while but then it just turned bad. I was always upset and crying and when I finally talked to a friend they told me how messed up my relationship had become. I am still kind of dealing with the emotional damage they have done to me, but I know it was best to get away from that person.

My best advice would be to block them and cut all contact. YOU know it was abusive, so you should never feel bad or guilty for getting yourself away from abuse. (If you have not already done so)

It's difficult to always be able to spot who will be abusive. I know I would have never thought in a 100 years my ex daddy would have done such things to me. Just try to really get to know someone before hand. If they never take responsibility for their own faults and always blame others it maybe a sign. Someone who is super fast to get upset if you don't agree with them, or if you don't give in to their wishes ,when you don't feel comfortable about it and they get upset. Just somethings to look out for.

Edited December 21, 2016 by Arya

[~LittleRaven~]

I did block him off but I feel guilty for doing that. Like I know it was abusive. Very bad but I feel guilty either way and it's like. Maybe I can make it work by not angering him any longer and unblock him. So I'm trying to find a way to not do that.

 

Yes. I want to focus on myself and really get to know people before stepping into this kind of relationship. Thank you for the hints. I'll definitely keep them in mind.

 

Thank you for replying to me

[PrincessClara]

I know exactly how you feel. I was in an abusive reltaionship for 4 years. I did all kinds of bad things, DRUGS, to make him happy. I though maybe if I just do this thing, he will love me again. It was never enough, *I* was never enough. You cannot let the guilt run you. You KNOW it was a bad situation. You have to distance yourself and as time passes the guilt will fade. 

 

Going back will teach him and yourself that you aren't worth more. That you don't deserve more and you DO, you deserve the world and someone to treat you like you deserve the world. He/she is out there waiting for you, you just have to believe and move forward. You're profile pic is Dory...what is her motto?? JUST KEEP SWIMMING! You can do it, you DESERVE to do it, you have to do it for yourself so you can be happy and feel better. 

 

He doesn't deserve you if you were abused. He doesn't respect or love you. Just keep swimming and keep telling yourself those things. 

[Magi]

The fact you recognize it is great. I know its hard, I think you did the right thing. Of course it is hard. I had to do that when a friend wouldn't leave me alone and wanted something I couldn't give, but in time you will feel better and know you are doing what is best.

Edited December 21, 2016 by Magi

[Guest]

I've had an abusive relationship here. It started off as everything I thought I wanted... Then over a few weeks it turned bad to where I was being emotionally abused and crying myself to sleep at night. Threats of being left if I didn't listen to him. Eventually he abandoned me during a panic attack I was having... That was the last we had any contact....

To be honest, sometimes I miss him... But I know it's unhealthy and it's only when I'm feeling lonely or needing attention...

 

So keep yourself busy, color pictures, go into the chatroom n run around

[HeCallsMePrincess]

you recognize the abuse and that's the most important part. you have to remind yourself every time that it's not healthy. he doesn't love you. that's not love. find some good friends to confide in that you can go to when you're feeling weak. keep him blocked in every way you can. 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

I do not try to push my beliefs on others here... or anywhere, however the first thing that came to my mind is this bible verse:

 

"Love is patient love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight with evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers."

 

Love is not abuse. He did not love you.

[~LittleRaven~]

Thank you guys so much. Thank you. It really really means a lot to me. I went to sleep without reaching out and waking up I felt horrible but coming back and reading this, I feel reassured in myself. Thank you so much. I'll keep swimming. (Just keep swimming!)

 

You guys are all amazing.

 

He told me he did so many times but you're right. He really didn't. Thank you for your words and sharing your stories with me.

[ConnecticutDaddy]

I did block him off but I feel guilty for doing that. Like I know it was abusive. Very bad but I feel guilty either way and it's like. Maybe I can make it work by not angering him any longer and unblock him. So I'm trying to find a way to not do that.

Yes. I want to focus on myself and really get to know people before stepping into this kind of relationship. Thank you for the hints. I'll definitely keep them in mind.

Thank you for replying to me

When I broke up with an ex that was emotionally distant and abusive , I told my best friend, who will I care for now?

 

That's the clue right there. I didn't say I love her. I was in a bad place, damaged and I was dependent on her, not because of love buy because of my shattered ego.

 

You need someone that you can't stand to be without because they elevate you to be the best version of you. Be with someone because you want to care for them because of who they are, not because you're in a bad place and need a "purpose"

 

Cut off contact with him and spend some time with good friends and family.

 

 

You need a man not a project.

[~LittleRaven~]

Thank you for your words. I definitely want to be around my family and friends and just focus on myself and not get into anything because of what I'm feeling now.

 

I'll definitely be looking for that, this really helped. Really. Thank you.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Next time you have the urge to contact him...make yourself wait 5 minutes and in that 5 minutes I want you to take a piece of paper and write down all the poopy things he did and made you feel. It's kind of the same concept as quitting smoking - if you delay giving into an urge (or craving) you'll find it passes really quickly. It's an impulse! Delay giving in, focus on the reasons why you're walking away and hopefully the urge will go away!