Can Therapy Destroy DD/lg Relationships?

[Guest 3dDomD]

Hi

 

I started seeing a therapist recently due to four harrowing years of my wife first being ill (18 mths) followed by her having an affair, followed by me becoming involved with my wife's adulterer's wife (!) who is now a very confused person (her wounded inner child struggles to differentiate fantasy from reality). Recently she and I discovered she had a little (neither of us had any idea such a thing existed until about two months ago). To deal with all the shit I've been through and the subsequent anger, I'm now seeing a therapist. Ive also suggested she do the same because she is deeply deeply confused. But the one thing that takes us both out of this nightmare we are still going through is our DD/lg relationship and BDSM (all LDR btw). My question is this: could therapy result in her little and my desire to love and protect her little both disappearing? I don't want that. But the therapy has already made me realise I have a wounded inner child and my therapist aims to help me fix that. I'm conflicted. I want it fixed. But I want to keep my little too. Has anyone had experience with therapy and what were the results?

[LoralieHaze]

This is a complicated issue that I could probably go into great detail about but it really all boils down to a couple of things.

 

1. If someone sees the little or caregiver aspects of themselves to be a problem, especially a problem that needs to be solved, then yes, going to therapy can help fix things that are viewed as problematic. If someone is into DDlg solely because they have Daddy issues, Peter Pan syndrome, White Knight syndrome, or anything like that, then once those lessen or go away, so might their desire for a DDlg relationship. Basically what I'm trying to say is that if a CG or a little goes to therapy, they will still be a CG or a little, unless they're using this only as a coping mechanism or enabling technique.

 

2. If you're in a healthy relationship with someone, you want the other person (or people, if you're poly) to be healthy and happy. (I mean you in the general sense, directed toward anyone reading this.) I know I said I wasn't going into detail but I'm compelled to share a quick story.

 

Months before I met my Daddy, I was talking to a guy on here about the potential to start a relationship. I'm a very honest person so I told him up front that I have depression and anxiety. He not only accepted this baggage, but said that it made him feel good, and basically that he enjoyed the fact that I have mental illnesses. To some, I can understand that might sound refreshing, but what he really wanted was to enable me to be unwell so that he could feel better about his own issues and the fact that he would have to take care of me. As soon as I realized that, I pretty much said "Bye Felicia" and we haven't talked since.

 

Now with Zen, things are so much different. While he accepts the fact that I have lots of issues, he doesn't revel in it. He reminds me to take my meds, encourages me to discuss things with my psychiatrist, and is always there to talk me through my bad days. I do the same things for him too. We both support each other and want each other to be as healthy as possible, both mentally and physically. We want each other to be better, not just as a couple, or as friends, but as individuals. This is how I believe things should be.

[Daisies&Donuts]

I am not a therapist nor have I personally used one, so take my words as you will.

 

If therapy is helping you, don't stop. Being a Dom of any sort does *not* mean you shouldn't take care of yourself and your own needs. In fact, quite the opposite. When your needs are being met - even when they aren't directly linked to your relationship - you will be better able to care for your sub. A Dom who's stressing over his work life, for example, might be too distracted to properly care for his sub.

 

Some people are naturally switches - sometimes Dom, sometimes sub. Some people are switches temporarily or take on a role for a while so they can experience it, learn from it and/or heal past experiences. It is possible that you are a natural Daddy/Dom who happens to need some healing from his childhood.

 

I believe you had posted about your little needing not to be sexualized in her little state. Normally you take on the role of Daddy while she's in that subspace, but would it be impossible for you to experience being little with her? This might even help her with her discomfort over being a sexual little. Or if that is not your interest, doesn't it stand to reason that ensuring her safety while she is little would also be a healing process for your "inner child"?

 

Honestly this doesn't sound like a threat to your relationship, it sounds like something that can give it more depth and meaning. *If* you handle it properly and remain open with one another.I think you'll know what to do. Don't work yourself up stressing over everything. It's OK that there are things you can't control. Those things....you just have to accept them.

 

Good luck to you both!

[Guest VioletSquirrel]

It shouldn't affect your ddlg relationship. There are plenty of people who have ddlg relationships without all of that extra stuff that you're going through. Everyone has the ability to nurture and be protective over people they care for.

Just as "normal healthy" relationships dabble in bdsm.

Figure out if you still enjoy each other's company outside of ddlg. You most likely do.

Ddlg just gives your connection to one another a different perspective. So whether you solve your psychological issues or not doesn't necessarily need to affect anything.

 

Hope that helps.

[Guest 3dDomD]

Thank you for your replies. This is a really great forum. People here are very generous with their time. Yes, I did post about my little not being ready to be sexualised. She's very sexual in her child headspace and that confuses her. So I've said we will stay away from that until I think she's ready then introduce it slowly. But she can be a bit naughty too so sometimes she will go ahead even if I tell her not to. Last time she clammed up afterwards. But she's wanting to explore it again even though she's weary of it. I also said our relationship is on off on off because of her confused feelings about her marriage. But I've decided to give her space to figure that out for herself. He doesn't know about her little and she's not confident about telling him (and I hope she doesn't because he's an abusive narcissist and I'd hate to think what he'd do if he knew). So on one hand I'm trying to maintain our vanilla friendship, encourage the BDSM and DD/lg (both of which only I know about) and hope that will give her the confidence she needs to preserve our relationship and one day leave her sorry-ass manipulative husband. Hell, even my therapist figured out he's bad for her and she'd be far better off with me so I hope one day she will realise too. Complicated? Yes. Is she worth it? Absolutely.

[Guest ZenDD]

There are plenty of people who have ddlg relationships without all of that extra stuff that you're going through. Everyone has the ability to nurture and be protective over people they care for. Just as "normal healthy" relationships dabble in bdsm.

 

 

(My response is slightly off topic but the post above allows me to address this issue:)

 

Good point, but I must clarify a definition here: BDSM has become an umbrella term that describes many non-normative sexual, romantic, or other types of interpersonal dynamics that are not exclusively related to Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism. However, DDlg is a type of D/s relationship dynamic and therefore is actually a very classic style of BDSM. I'm not sure why so many on here tend to separate the two. 

[Guest 3dDomD]

Answer deleted. Edited December 18, 2016 by 3dDomD