I'm kinda dumb

[That-strange-neighbor]

Okay, so I'm knew to the whole thing. My boyfriend is into ddlg and I am an asexual person who doesn't have any kinks or is into bdsm. I know little to nothing about bdsm and I kinda don't know what to do. How can I be the best for him with making me uncomfortable and me, being a people pleaser, just force myself to do something I'm uncomfortable with and have sex and what not. I don't know how to be the one for him. Any advice? Any resources you suggest?

[FLdaddy]

Ddlg is not about sex! Its about a person being career for by another. Its about taking a special bond that you already have and make it better! If a daddy or mommy just want sex or sexual conversations then they are not truly grasping the concept of the wonderful ddlg dynamic. As a daddy I get more joy for looking into my littles eyes ( when I have one) and seeing how happy she is and knows she is loved and protected. That's what it is about! If you have a bf and he wants to be your daddy then that's great. You have already found someone! The secret to this is open communication with your partner! Then its up to the two of you and no one else on how to move forward! Good luck and I hope this helps!

[IchigoHime]

I agree FLDaddy! DDlg is definitely not about sex (although some include it). If you enjoy being cared for and feel like you are a little - then that is all you need to do! If your boyfriend says he is in DDlg and does not care for you, I feel like he may be one of those guys who just likes being called Daddy during sex. And if you do not enjoy sex, you should not let him or anyone convince you to engage in sex! Do what makes you comfortable (unless you're totally into being made uncomfortable - then go for it)

 

Best of luck!

[Daisies&Donuts]

Hey, Neighbor! 

 

I think a bigger problem for you is going to be your boyfriend wanting sex when you don't. There is NOTHING wrong with being asexual and you can absolutely be in a DDlg relationship that is completely not sexual. You can have romantic relationships that don't include sex. But I was in a relationship with someone who did not tell me they were asexual and it was a completely horrible and degrading experience for both of us. Really the worst. He felt forced to have sex (but never told me until the relationship was over) and I felt unwanted and unloved. I am assuming you have told your boyfriend that you are asexual and that he is ok with that, but do ensure that he understands what it means to be asexual and what it means *to you* and *to your relationship with him*. If he understands and accepts what it will mean for your relationship (never sex? rarely sex? how rarely? never when you're "little"?), then you have no need to worry about whether or not you are "doing things right". There are littles who do not like to be sexual while in their little headspace and there are completely asexual littles. It's about regressing into that headspace. So relax and let Daddy lead. 

 

Good luck!

[Antoinette]

I understand and agree with everyone that is saying it's not about sex and I think you should 100% take that on board but I also think before getting you into a DD/lg relationship your partner should provide ample research resources for you to look at to ensure you're into the platonic aspects of DD/lg and being a little in general. It's important that you're not doing something you don't like just to please others. 

[Guest ZenDD]

Your problem has nothing to do with DDlg. The problem it seems you have found yourself in is that you are an asexual person in a relationship with someone who apparently is not asexual. I have no idea how it is even possible that neither of you thought that would be an issue, but life is funny and here you are. It's the equivalent of a heterosexual person being in a romantic relationship with a homosexual person. Anything is possible in this world, but this issue of complete sexual incompatibility is bound to create problems that are, for all intents and purposes, unavoidable.

 

Sex and sexuality are defined differently for everyone and i'm not sure what sex means to you. But in general, if you choose to have sex with your boyfriend, then you aren't really asexual, or at least it's fluid, and that would be okay if you're okay with it. Otherwise, don't ever sacrifice your own sexuality for someone else's. Be who you are.I think you need not worry about the issues of the "type" or "style" of sexuality to engage in, but whether you want to engage in sex at all. Take care, good luck.

 

And FYI (and ultimately not related to your true issue) DDlg is a branch of D/s which is a part of BDSM. 

Edited December 17, 2016 by ZenDD

[That-strange-neighbor]

I see now that it's sort of important to add, my boyfriend is a little. He is also FTM transgender. I am aware that it isn't all sex related but much of those things make me uncomfortable. Idk if that makes me an asshole but it is what it is. I may be gender fluid but I'm no daddy. As much as he acepts this fact and has said that it is just a kink and is not the whole of our relationship, I hate to think that I'm just not enough and I'm not what he deserves. Also, to those concerned on the asexuality portion of things, we knew each other before getting into a relationship as well as known each other's sexualities prior.