Helping your significant other find their little side

[AZDaddydom]

Hello everyone, I have a question for all daddy's here.

 

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and have always had a great relationship. A little background about us, She has always been an independent woman and can certainly take care of herself, but has always loved cuddling up in my arms at the end of the day and being somewhat submissive when in my arms and only with me. She has always loved to color, loves to have her hair brushed by another and just loves to naturally be taken care of. She likes dressing up, does a little talk when she wants something or is sad. She is never a self soothere and pouts pretty good for an adult when things don't go well. She does get anxious when things begin to be too much and hasee made it clear our whole marriage that she needs me and I am recharge for her and a comfort and strength to her. Me I'm a hard working man that has always been very passive and caring but I love dominating her and taking care of her every need. I do have a slight little side to me or used to so I kind of had an interest in this but didn't know what it was. Our personal life was always pretty vanilla but used sex toys a lot and some rp. About 3 years ago I got all dominant on her and she loved it, told me she wants more of a sub/dom relationship. So I committed to finding my dominant side and I did and we tried some bdsm stuff but she doesn't like pain and I don't like inflicting it. So being the more dominant one I found out about ddlg and instantly loved it and loved how cute a grown woman looks dressed up as a little and going into a little space. I showed her all this and she thought it was wierd and was not sure about it. I showed her it's all about her being completely submissive and acting little in the process. After reading more of others I told her that she seems to have a lot of little tendencies, like hair being brushed, coloring, cuddling, pouting and not self soothing among others. She was willing to learn more because she knew I liked it. There has been a lot of mental hurdles for her to get over but as she saw how nurturing I have been and how I take care of her she has seen how enjoyable this can be and has opened up more to the idea. She does like her onsie Jammies and has one stuffie she sleeps with sometimes.

 

So that's our background, my question is this. I see that for many Littles their little space is a place they go when stressed and feeling upset. Some even get dressed up when they go there. I think she wants to be more little for me but it's not a place she goes to unless I help her go there. Have any of you other daddies helped your SO find their little side, or have any of you Littles been in this situation? Does it take a long time sometimes for a vanilla person to find their little side completely? Are any of you Littles only little when your daddy is home and only then? We do have three kids so I know it's hard to go there with them but just curious if someone else is in a similar boat. I guess I should be happy she is open to finding her little side even if it's only when I'm home and don't get me wrong I am but I admit I feel she has a bigger little side then she is letting out and want her to be little more often when I'm not home but just curious if there is littles out there that slowly found out about their little side and it took a while to cultivate it and let it grow? Am I trying too hard? Lastly are there any Littles that didn't like something like a paci at first at all but over time grew to enjoy it? I know this is long and lots of questions but I would love feedback, want to be the best daddy I can without being pushy. Thanks.

Edited December 15, 2016 by AZdaddydom

[Antoinette]

I would urge you to allow her to do her own research and assure her that she doesn't have to commit to this lifestyle. By telling her that she has many little tendencies you may be confusing her and it might be harder for her to actually discover whether or not she is a little. But anyway to answer your questions.

 

1) I have been in the situation personally but reverse. My daddy was 100% vanilla before he met me, he hadn't even been introduced into BDSM which surprised me because he was the most natural Daddy I've ever met. Some vanilla people are into it and don't know about it, some may be slightly into it but more into vanilla and others aren't into it whatsoever. It changes from person to person. 

 

2) I would also say that this is dependent on the person. Like I said above my Daddy was naturally a Daddy so it was as if he didn't make the switch whatsoever but for others it will vary.

 

3) I'm in a long distance DD/lg relationship so we're never 'home' together, but I am mostly little when we talk on Skype or Xbox but I can get into litlespace alone.

 

Overall, I would urge you to not push her to be a little or anything else until she has done the research and everything herself and concludes that she wants to be a little. She may never find a little side within herself and that's just how it is for some people. 

[AZDaddydom]

Thanks for the input. She has done some research on this and told me that she does identify with some of it like the coloring and snuggles and some little talk. But she said she is not into sippys cups and paci's. She does however tell me all the time how she would like to try this because it relates to what we are cultivating. For example she said she wants to change the way she dressesaid to a more retro look, like the rockabilly clothes. She said it goes well with the little girl. She says she thinks she identifies more with a middle which is ok by me but is not sure if it could be younger. She knows I love the paci but right now only during play time because it's not her thing. We watched Suicide squad the other day and she didn't care for the movie but wants to watch it again because the dynamic of Harley and Jokers relationship intrigued her a lot. This was something new which could be fun to watch. But no I am trying really hard to not be pushy I want this to be natural. May I ask what you did to introduce your daddy to this? Did you have to talk a lot about it with him or just tell him to research it? I'm sure acting little helped a lot to be more into it. Edited December 15, 2016 by AZdaddydom

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Hi there :3

 

First, I haven't read other replies yet so this is just based on your original post...

 

My Daddy and I are a married, mono couple. We have two children. A boy, 7, and our girl who is 2. Daddy and I were completely vanilla when we started. He was my second relationship ever and I had never used any toys before... so yeah, vanilla as an ice cream cone. Growing up, sub/Dom interested me greatly... but, it also didn't. I was scared of it. I had a lot of pain as a child and because of that never wanted to submit to anyone again.

 

My first boyfriend and I were sexually involved, despite my reluctance at first. That relationship ended and left me with a lot of pain. When Daddy and I got together... I was scared. See, our boy isn't biologically mine and he was 2 at the time. I was so scared because I knew Daddy had more experience than me and I didn't want to get hurt again. We took things slow, and our first non-vanilla act in the bedroom involved bondage. I was hooked.

 

We toyed around with bondage for awhile, and then switched to sub/Dom in the bedroom. It never felt quiet right though. We decided we wanted to do this full time and found out about DDlg... it fit so much more. Daddy is a gentle Dom. It isn't his style to be intimidating or overpowering. I'm a bratty sub. I don't ever obey fully, though I try... I'm mouthy. I'm also shy and backward. I literally have a panic attack when I have to make any decision. I nearly cried last night when I had to decide how big of a brownie I wanted.

 

When we started, I knew a few things. One, I wasn't into diapers. Not my thing. Two, I didn't fit in. I wasn't a "little" because I didn't really regress much (I'm 23). It didn't make sense though, because I felt like I was. So what was I? The thought of diapers and pacis was... frankly, repulsive to me. So I couldn't be a little, right? Wrong. I found out some littles are actually older, and that's what I was. I do enjoy my paci now, but only at night for stress relief.

 

I went little for awhile, then got scared and stopped. While I was little Daddy and I had a great relationship. Once I stopped, we started fighting. I stopped because I got scared. I was afraid that this made me so much more vulnerable to him, and though I trusted him... this requires a "no-walls" sense of trust, one which I wasn't prepared for yet. We talked, and I'm fine now... I have opened up and I'm little and happy again.

 

Try to understand that your wife may not be into it... but the idea may also terrify her.

[AZDaddydom]

Thanks for the input, she is somewhat like you, she doesn't like making decisions and doesn't like pain so that's why we went this route. We are slowly working on it, having a 10 yo, 7 yo and new born make it hard for new ddlg relationships I think. But she knows that I love being dominant and is almost like I found a while new side of me. She loves to be submissive but no pain and so I think she feels this is who she is but just trying to figure out what brings it out and how often she wants to be little. She isn't ready for 24/7, however how do you guys make that work doing it 24/7. I mean you have two kids and a lot of adult responsibilities all day. How do you stay in little mode, do you guys have to work on it all day to keep you in that mind set? For her right now she can't be adult and think about being little at the same time. Again i know this is very new to her and I'm bring patient, just seeking all the advice i can so i can be a great DD. Also you said you were not into paci's at first. What changed your mind did he really want you to use it? I know it is only sometimes but you never used to you said, in fact it repulsed you, so why all of the sudden or was it slowly over time you just started to accept it like you did your little side? Edited December 15, 2016 by AZdaddydom

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Thanks for the input, she is somewhat like you, she doesn't like making decisions and doesn't like pain so that's why we went this route. We are slowly working on it, having a 10 yo, 7 yo and new born make it hard for new ddlg relationships I think. But she knows that I love being dominant and is almost like I found a while new side of me. She loves to be submissive but no pain and so I think she feels this is who she is but just trying to figure out what brings it out and how often she wants to be little. She isn't ready for 24/7, however how do you guys make that work doing it 24/7. I mean you have two kids and a lot of adult responsibilities all day. How do you stay in little mode, do you guys have to work on it all day to keep you in that mind set? For her right now she can't be adult and think about being little at the same time. Again i know this is very new to her and I'm bring patient, just seeking all the advice i can so i can be a great DD. Also you said you were not into paci's at first. What changed your mind did he really want you to use it? I know it is only sometimes but you never used to you said, in fact it repulsed you, so why all of the sudden or was it slowly over time you just started to accept it like you did your little side?

Well I didn't use a paci as a kid, and Daddy really isn't into it. He doesn't dislike that I use it, but he would be okay if I didn't too. Actually, I found that I have a bit of an oral fixation. I chew/suck on things constantly, usually clothing and my lower lip. It's a stress relief for me as I have some pretty intense anxiety. I just thought I'd give it a shot, cuz why not? I found out I liked it. It doesn't do much for me, but it does calm me down and allow me to sleep. It isn't a playtime thing for us, and I use it most nights before bed and sometimes after our kids are in bed if it's been really stressful I get it out while we watch TV.

 

As far as how we make it work... it's hard. Daddy and I both work full time, very demanding jobs. In fact, he is in HR and I am the manager of a memory care unit in a long term care facility. I can't be "little" at work, but I'm always my Daddy's little girl. I dress modestly when not with him, as this helps me feel safe. I keep in mind he is my Daddy always. I text him when I arrive to work safely, if I need to leave where I am going and whom with, when I get wherever I am going safely. I TRY to ask him before making plans. I have rules to follow, some of which I'm responsible for telling him if I break. At home, our kids really don't notice.

 

Our daughter is still young at only 2 and our son doesn't pay us much mind. Daddy does normal, non-sexual Dom things. He gives me looks or tells me it's enough if I'm bratty. Daddy has always done little things like that so it's not new to him. Punishments are handled in a way our boy can't tell what's going on. Either a) discreetly (small pinches to my inner thigh, which he thinks is playful) when he's gone to bed or c) in another room.

 

I haven't called Daddy by Daddy in front of our kids yet, however, will be starting to call him Opai in front of them soon, which means Daddy in another language.

 

I'm still mommy to our kids. I have to be, that's my first priority. Daddy does most of the discipline, but I do it when needed. I get to play with them though as a little, which is a lot of fun. 24/7 is hard, it really is. When we first started transitioning to all the time, we did it just on weekends for awhile. That let us both get use to it.

 

Talk with your wife and find out what she likes about DDlg and what she doesn't. Don't tell her what you see in her about this. Let this time be her chance to tell you about it.

[AZDaddydom]

Well I didn't use a paci as a kid, and Daddy really isn't into it. He doesn't dislike that I use it, but he would be okay if I didn't too. Actually, I found that I have a bit of an oral fixation. I chew/suck on things constantly, usually clothing and my lower lip. It's a stress relief for me as I have some pretty intense anxiety. I just thought I'd give it a shot, cuz why not? I found out I liked it. It doesn't do much for me, but it does calm me down and allow me to sleep. It isn't a playtime thing for us, and I use it most nights before bed and sometimes after our kids are in bed if it's been really stressful I get it out while we watch TV.

 

As far as how we make it work... it's hard. Daddy and I both work full time, very demanding jobs. In fact, he is in HR and I am the manager of a memory care unit in a long term care facility. I can't be "little" at work, but I'm always my Daddy's little girl. I dress modestly when not with him, as this helps me feel safe. I keep in mind he is my Daddy always. I text him when I arrive to work safely, if I need to leave where I am going and whom with, when I get wherever I am going safely. I TRY to ask him before making plans. I have rules to follow, some of which I'm responsible for telling him if I break. At home, our kids really don't notice.

 

Our daughter is still young at only 2 and our son doesn't pay us much mind. Daddy does normal, non-sexual Dom things. He gives me looks or tells me it's enough if I'm bratty. Daddy has always done little things like that so it's not new to him. Punishments are handled in a way our boy can't tell what's going on. Either a) discreetly (small pinches to my inner thigh, which he thinks is playful) when he's gone to bed or c) in another room.

 

I haven't called Daddy by Daddy in front of our kids yet, however, will be starting to call him Opai in front of them soon, which means Daddy in another language.

 

I'm still mommy to our kids. I have to be, that's my first priority. Daddy does most of the discipline, but I do it when needed. I get to play with them though as a little, which is a lot of fun. 24/7 is hard, it really is. When we first started transitioning to all the time, we did it just on weekends for awhile. That let us both get use to it.

 

Talk with your wife and find out what she likes about DDlg and what she doesn't. Don't tell her what you see in her about this. Let this time be her chance to tell you about it.

Yea she doesn't have an oral fixation which means she will never really want it which is ok I guess. I just really think it's super cute when a woman sucks on a paci. We do use it during play time because she knows I like it so that's good. I have always fantasized about her in her feetie jammies snuggled up next to me sucking on her binky and watching a movie, but that's ok, she knows I hope she likes it one day which I guess might be possible but I don't push it.

 

We have talked about doing it more than just during playtime and outside the bedroom. She calls me daddyjames because daddy is too close to what she calls her dad. So sometimes she calls me daddy buthe because that's what she refers me as when taking to the girls but we give each other that look and smile because I know. She is not very decisive on this at all,she believes she has little tendencies but I guys maybe doesn't know quite where she fits in this will dynamic. She just knows she likes how dominant and caring I am and she loves to be submissive. I am working on a punishment and reward list for us to go over because I know she loves structure.

 

I hope you dont mind but I added you.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Yea she doesn't have an oral fixation which means she will never really want it which is ok I guess. I just really think it's super cute when a woman sucks on a paci. We do use it during play time because she knows I like it so that's good. I have always fantasized about her in her feetie jammies snuggled up next to me sucking on her binky and watching a movie, but that's ok, she knows I hope she likes it one day which I guess might be possible but I don't push it.

 

We have talked about doing it more than just during playtime and outside the bedroom. She calls me daddyjames because daddy is too close to what she calls her dad. So sometimes she calls me daddy buthe because that's what she refers me as when taking to the girls but we give each other that look and smile because I know. She is not very decisive on this at all,she believes she has little tendencies but I guys maybe doesn't know quite where she fits in this will dynamic. She just knows she likes how dominant and caring I am and she loves to be submissive. I am working on a punishment and reward list for us to go over because I know she loves structure.

 

I hope you dont mind but I added you.

Don't take it personally, but I don't add Daddy's. It's just something I've decided on for myself. If your wife makes a profile I would be more than willing to add her. And if my Daddy ever makes a profile I'll have him add you.

[AZDaddydom]

Don't take it personally, but I don't add Daddy's. It's just something I've decided on for myself. If your wife makes a profile I would be more than willing to add her. And if my Daddy ever makes a profile I'll have him add you.

Oh that's ok, I have loved your input and appreciate your help. I am trying to get get to get an account because she said she has come here before to read about it but you need an account. I've heard from others that they were not sure about their little side but after coming here it really help them know what they like about it. You agree?

Edited December 15, 2016 by AZdaddydom

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Oh that's ok, I have loved your input and appreciate your help. I am trying to get get to get an account because she said she has come here before to read about it but you need an account. I've heard from others that they were not sure about their little side but after coming here it really help them know what they like about it. You agree?

Yes, I do. This site helped me know that I did fit in and that there were others like me. It also helped me know more about DDlg. I am by no means an expert. We are very new into DDlg ourselves. But I have learned a fair bit.

[AZDaddydom]

Yes, I do. This site helped me know that I did fit in and that there were others like me. It also helped me know more about DDlg. I am by no means an expert. We are very new into DDlg ourselves. But I have learned a fair bit.

Well we will see if she wants a profile and I'll have her add you. She may be older than you but I think she will like to know someone that lives this dynamic and had kids and works full time and still makes it work. You think she should at least give a try to learn more about her? I told her I can't force her but this would help a lot.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Well we will see if she wants a profile and I'll have her add you. She may be older than you but I think she will like to know someone that lives this dynamic and had kids and works full time and still makes it work. You think she should at least give a try to learn more about her? I told her I can't force her but this would help a lot.

I think if she's at all interested it's worth it to try. Older than me doesn't really bother me. My Daddy is 28, and I'm not exactly your average 23 year old... I've never been much for people my own age.

[AZDaddydom]

I think if she's at all interested it's worth it to try. Older than me doesn't really bother me. My Daddy is 28, and I'm not exactly your average 23 year old... I've never been much for people my own age.

May I ask what kind of binky you have? I'm just curious, I got her two and both are the big adult ones with the big shield. I think I got them from onsies down under. Pink and purple.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

May I ask what kind of binky you have? I'm just curious, I got her two and both are the big adult ones with the big shield. I think I got them from onsies down under. Pink and purple.

I modified mine, actually. I like MAM best, but their nipples are too short (they only sell 6month near me), so I have a MAM shield with a 36m NUK nipple on it because I'm too cheap to invest in an adult nipple just yet, though I may here very soon.

 

MAM have some of the cutest designs in my opinion, and if you google modifying a MAM pacifier you'll see it's super easy to do.

[AZDaddydom]

I modified mine, actually. I like MAM best, but their nipples are too short (they only sell 6month near me), so I have a MAM shield with a 36m NUK nipple on it because I'm too cheap to invest in an adult nipple just yet, though I may here very soon.

 

MAM have some of the cutest designs in my opinion, and if you google modifying a MAM pacifier you'll see it's super easy to do.

Nice, good job. The paci I got for her with the big shield and big nipple was only like $11. Here is the link to the site.

 

onesiesdownunder.com/collections

 

I assume since your not into diapers your not into rompers or sippys or bottles huh?

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Nice, good job. The paci I got for her with the big shield and big nipple was only like $11. Here is the link to the site.

 

onesiesdownunder.com/collections

 

I assume since your not into diapers your not into rompers or sippys or bottles huh?

No, not really. I use a water bottle with a straw some but that's as close to a soppy as it gets for me. I am really a middle, i don't like to give an age range but if I had to I'd say 10-15is probably.

[AZDaddydom]

No, not really. I use a water bottle with a straw some but that's as close to a soppy as it gets for me. I am really a middle, i don't like to give an age range but if I had to I'd say 10-15is probably.

You just do what makes you feel safe and comfy right? My wife is the same way. She feels she is more of a middle. She tried the sippy but didn't care for it. However, she did get a princess cup for herself and she does like her onsie Jammies, when it gets cold enough.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

You just do what makes you feel safe and comfy right? My wife is the same way. She feels she is more of a middle. She tried the sippy but didn't care for it. However, she did get a princess cup for herself and she does like her onsie Jammies, when it gets cold enough.

Oh I'm all for some footie pjs when it's cold. Yes, I do what feels right to me. There is no right or wrong way to be a little, middle, or Daddy. It's all about personal preference.