New little, nervous because of my past.

[Disney_cutie90]

First let me start by saying hi, I'm new to the site, as well as new to the lifestyle. I have always been fairly submissive. I've experimented and researched kinky bdsm, bondage and such. My husband and I have tried it and it works well, but doesn't seem to fit us very much. (He doesn't like to be overly aggressive) He mentioned this to me and I decided to see if it would fit, so far has been working well. And a plus is that he seems more comfortable with this, as he has more experience. I've always been rather childlike in personality so this sort of fits us. I have stuffies, and color, love Disney as the name implies, this just fits.

 

My nervousness/anxiety comes from my past. When I started researching the term daddy comes up a lot for obvious reasons, however this triggered my anxiety. I was sexually abused as a young teen until late teens, by my stepfather. I never told anyone other than a therapist because I don't like stirring drama. But it triggered some bad past emotions, and made me wonder if this is not for us. I really hope it works for us because it's been enjoyable so far.

 

I finally discussed this part of my past with my husband ( we have been together for 6 years). I let him know "daddy" can't be involved anywhere in our play. He understands and we've come to terms with sir.

 

My question to you littles is how did you become comfortable/learn your little space. Also are there any suggestions for my situation to ease my anxiety a little. I've overly enjoyed the things we have started with, just want to make sure i don't end up scared and potentially ruin something that could end up being great for us.

 

Thanks in advance, and when talking about your CG please abbreviate if your term is daddy. I apologize if this upsets anyone.

[Little_wolf114]

Okay so I understand the worry but it's okay. Me and my sir/master try to get me in that head space and then we do things that would make me comfy. So maybe you could try to get into that head space and then color or do whatever the little side of you likes to do. After you get comfy with it I would then set rules and such. I hope this helps a little. 

[Antoinette]

First off, I think you're doing a fantastic job setting up the boundaries to protect yourself from emotional trauma, telling your husband that you don't want to use 'daddy' is a great start in my opinion. 

 

It's important to note that not all littles actually regress or have a little space. I do, and many others do but it is not uncommon for people to not have one - so if you never find yours, don't worry about it! It doesn't make you any less of a little. 

 

Abuse is a hard topic to deal with and I know from my own experiences that it brings a lot of ghosts with it. Perhaps seeking out counselling would be a good idea, I have a counselor currently just because I'm doing so well in life and I want to stay on the right track, so don't feel like seeking it out makes you weak or a victim, it doesn't. Overcoming abuse is also extremely hard and for some people it simply never happens. I'm lucky that my abuse wasn't repeated, it happened twice and then stopped. I say lucky for lack of a better word - of course, it's horrific, but alas I am lucky it was not worse. On the other hand you have been through an unspeakable amount and to free some ghosts from the past would probably be a good idea for you. Whether it be counselling, talking to your partner, talking to someone on here (my messages are always open!) - talking is healthy. A problem shared is a problem halved.

 

Once you become comfortable in yourself and with yourself, emotionally, physically, spiritually if you're so inclined then you will become comfortable with your little space.

 

Also on a final note, age regression is actually a well recognised coping mechanism and I'm not saying don't try to channel your little space whatsoever, I encourage it! It could help you tremendously, all I'm saying is just try not to stress over it.

[DaddysMonkey]

**** TRIGGER WARNING ****

 

 

Hello there !

 

I agree with the post above me , I think your Sir and yourself are off to a wonderful start. You set boundaries , and it sounds like he lovingly complied ! That's what I believe a big part of Cg/lg is... respect , compromise.. understanding. 

 

Also being abused as a child fairly extensively , by family and by a "church going family friend". The first years were around 6-11 years old , and again in my later teen years. I will never say to you , "I understand what you're going through" , because I think everyone's situation is different and the emotions involved before and after are always different. (Even if they are similar.) What I ca tell you , is that I am proud of you for making boundaries , and I am EXTREMELY happy your Sir sounds so understanding.

 

For myself , finding my little space was very natural and helpful for my anxiety. Not everyone has an actual "little space" , and that's totally okay. There are no "rules" to being a little. Every single one of us is different , and are a little and/or have little space for various reasons.

 

When my Dd and I first got together we were strictly Dom and sub. I enjoyed it , but felt unfulfilled.. like something was missing. After a lot of research , I came across DD/MD/CG/lb/lg. It was like my whole childhood flashed before my eyes that very instant and I had stumbled across something so life changing that I knew I was never turning back from that point. Something major I had been missing before was the affection , the love , and aftercare I've longed for. (But didn't realize I needed it.) Having the nurturing and caring side of my Dd , helped soothe my anxieties in so many different ways. Yes , my anxiety  attacks still come ... but it's much further and fewer between.

 

I can't speak for anyone else , but I found my little space so natural and helpful that I am a 24/7 little. When I first discovered it , it felt SO right that I delved right in. If little space is something you are nervous about , you could try starting very lightly ! You mentioned you already like Disney , and love to color.. Maybe your Sir and yourself could find other little space activities you could slowly get into and find what is most comfortable for yourself. 

 

Some little space things you could try out slowly : 

 

- Building a fort

- Bubble baths and bath toys (I love washable finger paints in the tub)

- Going to the zoo

- Having a picnic with "little space" style food (candies , crackers , fruits cut into cute shapes)

- Plant things with your Sir

- Try taking on simple sewing / knitting

- Ask your Sir for any ideas he may have

 

Hope this helps ! 

[Disney_cutie90]

Thank you all for the support and suggestions! He initially told me communication is key, which I completely agree. We were talking and we think I might be a young middle. Reason being I still like stuffies, coloring and all things Disney, but I'm also sexual. Hoping we start to figure things out, here's to experimenting! Lol

[LittleMistressJessiya]

Alright.... little side aside for now. I am actually an advocate for BDSM. *gloves off, steps up to mic*;

 

BDSM is not ALWAYS "aggressive" though it can be. The fact that your lover is having that hesitation shows he cares about you and your well being and you as an individual. So thats a step in the right direction. BDSM also includes a LOT of communication.

 

Usually BDSM is a process (and I will go over these in a moment);

• discuss a scene
• set up the scene
• act on the scene
• assurance and consoling
• processing the aftermath (by yourselves)
• discussing the scene (after the fact)

Okay so you discuss what you both like and wish in a scene obviously remember a safe word if things get TOO rough so your partner knows when to stop.
Set it up (sexually arrousing clothing/ lingerie, or even some sort of restraint system).
Act out your desires.

Then directly after, it's NOT best to discuss what just happened... this is actually the best time for your partner to assure you are okay, and console you. Cuddles are the best after a scene <3

Process what just happened, come up with ways to make things better (was it too rough?(assuming the safeword was not used) too light? Find ways to strengthen yourselves in your BDSM journey).

NOW is the time to talk about it, and what happened. And also tell your partner what could have been better. But this is also always the time to tout your enjoyment. (my fiance and I usually dont discuss until a week later)

 

BDSM partners, well... they have some of the BEST communication skills when it comes to sexual communication, it opens the door for an all around better relationship, both between the sheets, and just... in general

 

So as I had said BDSM does not always have to be hard core spanking, caning, forced object penetration, anal beads... blah blah blah. No not even I like that. And I would never do that to my baby girl.

 

It can be something as subtle as leather handcuffs with fur on the inside (trust me that feels AMAZING) and like either tickles, breathplay, hickeys, sensual licks, or an arousing massage with warm massage oils. Stuff like that. Sometimes Mistresses and Masters, we like the subtle play, and teasing like that.

 

 

But like I said to you Disney Cutie!

The fact that he has that concern about being to aggressive, that definately shows that he is concerned about your well being.

[Guest softheartbruisedknees]

I am still somewhat new to DDlg, but I get comfortable with my little space knowing that I can recreate the best parts of my childhood. And of course, like other people have mentioned, communication and negotiation is key!

[Disney_cutie90]

I whole heartedly understand that BDSM does not always mean rough! I know a lot of people confuse that sometimes, there were times where we were rough, and other gentler times like you said. However I enjoyed the rougher times mostly and that doesn't seem to fit him which could sometimes cause frustration on my part! I wanted to take that extra step. However since trying this, this fits us well too! I think this might actually fit us better, he and I both seem to be getting the same enjoyment out of it, vs one person being fulfilled and the other not so much. Hoping we continue to experiment and grow