Rushing DDLG relationships

[Baby_squirrel]

[Moonwolf]

In my experience, outside of DDlg world, there is nothing set in stone and the best relationships evolve organically and at the pace of the individuals involved. So long as you two are entering into the arrangement with your eyes as well as your ears and hearts open; there is no timeframe too fast or slow.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Wellll...

Daddy is my one and only Daddy ever... and only my second relationship in my lifetime, so perhaps I'm a poor person to answer? My ex and I moved very, very quickly (met online, a week later met in person, the next day labeled it official). It was a horrible and sad relationship for me with no substance. It was borderline mentally abusive, and I felt I had no way out. I had moved there (3hrs away) within a month of knowing him, convinced he loved me and we needed more time together. It wasn't until I was forced to move back home I saw the truth and cut ties.

 

Daddy and I started very vanilla, and neither one desired anything more than friendship. You see, Daddy had a little boy who he was a single father to at the time, and I was fresh outta high school (18 almost 19). Daddy is 6yrs older than me, and had it not been for his best friend, wouldn't have ever messaged me back! He had no desire to talk to "an immature 18yr old" he "had a son to raise". His friend convinced him if I was legal and he was merely looking for friends, age shouldn't matter.

 

Goodness we talked for what seemed like forever but was really only a month or two before we met. Daddy says at that point he already really liked me and I was different than most girls. I, having experienced my past relationship and it having been my only one, was highly skeptical and scared... he came 4hrs away to help my mom and I move though... and after meeting him, I was so happy. We made it official two weeks later.

 

I think it's all really just up to you and your potential partner. How important is a label to you? Is that when the relationship has substance? Daddy and I became officially a couple at the point where it no longer mattered. What I mean by this is... we were both committed to each other and if, heaven forbid, something happened and we stopped talking... it was going to hurt either way.

[Moonwolf]

Wellll...

Daddy is my one and only Daddy ever... and only my second relationship in my lifetime, so perhaps I'm a poor person to answer? My ex and I moved very, very quickly (met online, a week later met in person, the next day labeled it official). It was a horrible and sad relationship for me with no substance. It was borderline mentally abusive, and I felt I had no way out. I had moved there (3hrs away) within a month of knowing him, convinced he loved me and we needed more time together. It wasn't until I was forced to move back home I saw the truth and cut ties.

 

Daddy and I started very vanilla, and neither one desired anything more than friendship. You see, Daddy had a little boy who he was a single father to at the time, and I was fresh outta high school (18 almost 19). Daddy is 6yrs older than me, and had it not been for his best friend, wouldn't have ever messaged me back! He had no desire to talk to "an immature 18yr old" he "had a son to raise". His friend convinced him if I was legal and he was merely looking for friends, age shouldn't matter.

 

Goodness we talked for what seemed like forever but was really only a month or two before we met. Daddy says at that point he already really liked me and I was different than most girls. I, having experienced my past relationship and it having been my only one, was highly skeptical and scared... he came 4hrs away to help my mom and I move though... and after meeting him, I was so happy. We made it official two weeks later.

 

I think it's all really just up to you and your potential partner. How important is a label to you? Is that when the relationship has substance? Daddy and I became officially a couple at the point where it no longer mattered. What I mean by this is... we were both committed to each other and if, heaven forbid, something happened and we stopped talking... it was going to hurt either way.

Daddys_babygirl raises a very good point; that caution is always called for. Unfortunately, we cannot always foresee the end result of our life encounters. I would, however, like to reiterate my statement that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

 

While her first relationship may not have been the healthiest; it prepared her to meet her Daddy and defy his expectation of an "immature 18 yr old".

 

Our experiences, Good and bad, shape who we grow into as people; we cannot discard the negative without losing a crucial part of ourselves. It has taken me years to come to terms with the shadows of my past and embrace the darkest moments of my life; I am more complete for it.

 

Please keep in mind that this is just the opinion of a single I dividual based on the anecdotal evidence of his own life experiences; like the law of pragmatism states: if it works, it must be true.

[Baby_squirrel]

Thank you both for your answers. They are really helpful.

 

I think it's all really just up to you and your potential partner. How important is a label to you? Is that when the relationship has substance? Daddy and I became officially a couple at the point where it no longer mattered. What I mean by this is... we were both committed to each other and if, heaven forbid, something happened and we stopped talking... it was going to hurt either way.

I'm going to think on this part for a bit. I kind of already know how I feel about labels, but the way you pointed it out leaves me with a bit more to consider. Then I suppose I have to take into account how the other person feels. Should my feelings towards labels be compromised to satisfy someone whom I trust but not to the point of calling him daddy, yet he believes he has the potential to if given the chance? I hope some Bigs post in their opinions.

[Guest Daddy F]

So, as a Daddy here is my two cents.....

 

I've always been a little fast on the draw so to speak in this manner.

 

I told my fiancé I loved her after twelve days and then just waited patiently for her to feel and say the same. It was how I felt so I said it.

 

There is one here I am getting to know for an online DD/lg relationship and we are getting to know each other. However I've watched her in the chat since getting here and have spoken with her a couple of times. I know I'm drawn to her and am waiting patiently to see if she accepts the relationship.

 

((Note: yes my fiancé knows and is okay with it as she is not into this life at all and it's online here))

 

It's all a matter of personal wants and feelings.

 

If you are a bit slower to want to label/accept things then don't you dare change that about yourself. If your potential Daddy doesn't accept that than they're not YOUR Daddy.

 

*takes my soapbox with me as I go*

[FLdaddy]

In my experience, outside of DDlg world, there is nothing set in stone and the best relationships evolve organically and at the pace of the individuals involved. So long as you two are entering into the arrangement with your eyes as well as your ears and hearts open; there is no timeframe too fast or slow.

Could not have put is more simpler than this. You and your partner will go at your own pace. If you want to go slower then he should respect that and not try and force you to do something you do not want! If he cannot respect you then you obviously knkwnthat it is not a good match for you.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Daddys_babygirl raises a very good point; that caution is always called for. Unfortunately, we cannot always foresee the end result of our life encounters. I would, however, like to reiterate my statement that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

 

While her first relationship may not have been the healthiest; it prepared her to meet her Daddy and defy his expectation of an "immature 18 yr old".

 

Our experiences, Good and bad, shape who we grow into as people; we cannot discard the negative without losing a crucial part of ourselves. It has taken me years to come to terms with the shadows of my past and embrace the darkest moments of my life; I am more complete for it.

 

Please keep in mind that this is just the opinion of a single I dividual based on the anecdotal evidence of his own life experiences; like the law of pragmatism states: if it works, it must be true.

I spent a long time blaming my ex for the pain he caused me. It hurt, deeply. He cheated on me and... frankly, I wasn't prepared for that pain at all. I never loved him, I know that now... in fact the only person aside from Daddy I ever loved was a boy I never got to officially be in a relationship with. None the less... my ex cut a deep wound when we split up... and I hated him for it. I don't use hate lightly... he is possibly the only person I ever truly felt I hated.

 

See, not only was he my only relationship ever... he was the only person I ever got sexually involved with, something I fully planned to save for marriage... he said the right things, and I agreed reluctantly. Once that was gone... I couldn't just get it back. When I found out he had cheated, I was so incredibly hurt and felt unlovable...

 

Now, I'm over my hatred of him. I have no desire to see him again, but that's because I don't want to reopen those feelings of hurt. I've dealt with them, and am beyond thankful to him for what he taught me. I learned what a relationship was from him, disfunctional as it may have been, and learned what I wanted out of a relationship... I knew that wasn't it. He also made me okay with who I am and taught me not to hide that for anyone.

[Moonwolf]

I spent a long time blaming my ex for the pain he caused me. It hurt, deeply. He cheated on me and... frankly, I wasn't prepared for that pain at all. I never loved him, I know that now... in fact the only person aside from Daddy I ever loved was a boy I never got to officially be in a relationship with. None the less... my ex cut a deep wound when we split up... and I hated him for it. I don't use hate lightly... he is possibly the only person I ever truly felt I hated.

 

See, not only was he my only relationship ever... he was the only person I ever got sexually involved with, something I fully planned to save for marriage... he said the right things, and I agreed reluctantly. Once that was gone... I couldn't just get it back. When I found out he had cheated, I was so incredibly hurt and felt unlovable...

 

Now, I'm over my hatred of him. I have no desire to see him again, but that's because I don't want to reopen those feelings of hurt. I've dealt with them, and am beyond thankful to him for what he taught me. I learned what a relationship was from him, disfunctional as it may have been, and learned what I wanted out of a relationship... I knew that wasn't it. He also made me okay with who I am and taught me not to hide that for anyone.

If you are worried that seeing him again will bring up rose painful feelings again, you have simply repressed or buried them rather than dealing with them properly; when they have been properly dealt with, seeing him again will bring no painful feelings and he will have no more power over you than a flea.

 

If the feelings are too intense for you to deal with alone, seek the solitude of your new Daddy when you feel you can trust him enough, or leave them buried until the passage of time has dulled the razor's edge, so to speak, and those feeling cannot cut you so deeply.

[Guest LittleLexiKitty]

I would say just feel it out. It might be 3 months or it might be a year but just go with what feels right.

[Guest Princessaj]

I find experience of the other person tells so much about who they are. Actions speak louder than words.

 

This will all depend on if you are going to be able to physically be with this person or if they are only going to be long distance...you will have to modify things if you are long distance.

 

I don't want to take the fantasy out of your question, but....

 

Make a list of the most common things you do every day, once a week or a few times a month. Here is a start..

 

1. Go grocery shopping = Will he go grocery shopping with you? Will he grocery shop for the 2 of you?

2. Check air in your tires and the oil in your car = Will he volunteer to do this for you?

3. Take out the garbage. = Will he volunteer to do this for you?

4. Go to the cinema = Has he taken you to the cinema?

5. Go to the Dr. = Will he go to your Dr. appointment with you?

and more

 

The reason I say this is, this is real life. How does this person handle these things with you?

 

Him doing things for you doesn't mean you can't do them for yourself, but they indicate how much he is willing to involve himself in what really happens in a relationship, daily life.

 

My bf, we live together, watched my habits and figured out what I liked doing and what I didn't.

So now he cooks, takes out the garbage, cleans the cat box (he is terribly allergic to the cat-loves him now),

and so much more. That is how he takes care of me.

 

More to think about....

Does he listen to you and ask you questions about what you are talking about?

Take an interest even when you are not talking about it? Bring up the subject?

 

You have to experience each other doing normal, fun, silly, serious, good days and bad days. That is why the 3 months is a great measure of immersing yourself in the behavior of the other person and how you are interacting with them for more than once or twice. It is also a good way to find out how he is around you when you PMS, 3 times.....

 

Set your self a challenge to answer a lot of questions about each other. You write a list of questions and he writes a list. Write each question on small pieces of paper, fold them up and put them in a jar. Each time you talk to each other choose a question to answer, the both of you. No, yes or no questions. This will help you investigate each other. The more you learn about what you like about him or not like about the better.

 

Actions speak louder than words. Hugs