How to be a good caregiver?

[jbd]

Lately my little and I have been arguing more than either of us would like. Today she said to me that she thinks I don't take care of her like a caregiver should. I'm really scared of losing her. I appreciate literally any advice I can get on this. Thank you.

[Antoinette]

I'm not trying to be horrible but I would guess that perhaps she's not saying it because you're not a good caregiver but rather just to hurt your feelings. If there were real issues with how you behaved I'm sure she would address how you could improve or what you're doing wrong rather than saying ''you're a bad caregiver'' to be honest it's a horrible cop-out and not a nice way to treat anybody.

 

If one or both of you aren't happy in the relationship the simple answer is to leave. If she genuinely thinks that you can't meet her needs you both need to ask yourself what the point of the relationship is. If it is just words then you both need to work on your communication skills and talk to each other, find ways to resolve the issues you face.

[Guest SoloFairy]

Now is the time to have a calm discussion with her about what she thinks a caregivers roll is and how you're not providing it. Listen openly and be honest with her if it's something you can't or aren't willing to do.  There also needs a long discussion on proper communication because her leaving you hanging is completely unacceptable. 

 

You also need a turn to what you need from her as your little and she needs the opportunity to let you know if she can't or isn't willing to give it to you. 

[stargirl]

You should ask how she would like to be cared for and take it from there. Good luck!

[DaddysMonkey]

Hello there ! 

 

Something I would like to point out .... OP never mentioned his little saying "you're a bad caregiver." What was said was , " she thinks I don't take care of her like a caregiver should."   

 

So , JBD , my first advice to you would be to ask her what she thinks you should be doing as her care giver. You can't play guessing games , all people in relationships have to communicate. Did she happen to mention why she thinks that ? Was the argument too heated in the moment for it to be expanded on ? 

 

My second piece of advice to you is to ask her what her needs are. Every little is different and has different expectations and needs from their care giver. Personally I need structure , guidance , discipline. I expect him to follow through with his word and keep up on our chore chart because I put in the effort to earn my stars. He keeps track of my vitamin taking. I could go on , but like I mentioned every little is going to be different. 

 

If she refuses to elaborate on what she needs from you , or doesn't want to discuss it with you than perhaps it could've been said out of anger. Which is not okay , but not a reason to throw someone out the door either. Sometimes littles have tantrums and everyone has their own opinion on what is okay and not okay to say while feeling upset or during said tantrum. 

 

Your little could very well be as afraid of losing you as you are of losing her. Could she be too shy to ask for what she needs or wants ? Could she feel guilty about it wanting too much ? I've experienced similar feelings , feeling like I ask for too much attention or maybe worry my Daddy doesn't like being a Daddy when really , he's just tired. I don't like feeling like I'm asking the world of him so I used to be quiet and not ask for anything of him , until he noticed something was wrong.

 

Which leads me to ask , are you too tired ? Maybe you don't spend enough time asking her how her day was , maybe she needs to regress more and have you step up to the plate and initiate her littlespace. Sometimes I need help from my Daddy when I'm fighting my own battles. 

 

Communicate with your little , ask her what she needs from you , and what she expects out of you.

 

Hope this helps !