How do I get him to play with me?

[tayiie]

My daddy doesn't play with me through messages.

Long distance can be tough, but on my previous relationship I was managing to cope with it by playing, and what do I mean by playing? Well I mean such things as when you send someone a message you use "* *" to make an action, like *hugs* or *tickles* but with this new relationship my daddy doesn't want to do that, and it's making it really hard to cope with the whole distance and not being able to be around him.

Yes this lifestyle is sort of new for him, he does some times give me a hug through text but that is only when I'm really sad or am sick, he says he doesn't like it, that it's not a part of who he is, yet he says he is way better at expressing himself through text and not when we skype, and I can do both even if typing for me can be difficult on my phone, cause small keys annoy me and I always missspell. 

Anyhow, I can accept that he can't play with me through skype, but I really need this through text, just a little, I've come to realize that because I am nott getting it I'm starting with bad behaviour because I get no reaction from him at all otherwise.

So, how do I get him to play with me through text?

[HeCallsMePrincess]

you can try explaining to him again how much it means to you, but you cant really make him do it. 

[tayiie]

No I can't make him do it, but since he does drop one or two hugs every now and then it's at least going to the right direction, I wish I could explain to hime how it means to me, but I don't know how to form the words so that he will understand :/ 

[Antoinette]

No I can't make him do it, but since he does drop one or two hugs every now and then it's at least going to the right direction, I wish I could explain to hime how it means to me, but I don't know how to form the words so that he will understand :/ 

 

If you can't effectively communicate with him then why are you together? Not trying to be rude, darling, but communication is a key role in any relationship.

 

Some people fine the ''* *'' ''playing'' thing quite weird and out of their comfort zones, perhaps instead of doing that you could say things like ''I want to hug you right now'' or ''I want to kiss you'' etc. 

[tayiie]

If you can't effectively communicate with him then why are you together? Not trying to be rude, darling, but communication is a key role in any relationship.

 

Some people fine the ''* *'' ''playing'' thing quite weird and out of their comfort zones, perhaps instead of doing that you could say things like ''I want to hug you right now'' or ''I want to kiss you'' etc.

 

We do communicate, alot, though he finds it easier to do so when we meet irl, like thats when we discuss the hevy things that has occured when we arent seeing eachother, and I know I'm the one lacking on the communication part when we arent seeing eachother, because I sometimes dont know HOW to SAY or FORM the words so he wont misunderstand me. The thing is he doesnt dislike when I "play", as far as I can tell, but he just doesnt play back, and when I try to be little on skype he can sort of ignore it cause his attention is elsewhere, though that is something he is working on because I said I felt lonely when he did that. I know he's new to this type of lifestyle which is why I know he will find things that arent usual to him, but I can see he is trying and Im trying to, cause this is a different lifestyle than I was used to so I myself am learning alot of new things. But we are both learning, its just this one thing I really need to be able to cope with the whole distance thingy, cause I miss him so much.

 

Like when I say I really want a hug, he tells me to "come here then" and when I do he doesnt give me a hug or anything...

[Antoinette]

I'm not trying to be rude but it really does sound like you're complaining about nothing. Perhaps he's just not comfortable with being affectionate like that through text, maybe this is all a bit overwhelming for him. 

 

he says he doesn't like it, that it's not a part of who he is

 

If it's not 'a part of who he is' there's really nothing you can do about it. LDRs are hard and the distance is difficult to cope with but if you're ''coping mechanism'' is ''playing'' I feel like the relationship mustn't have an awful lot of substance. 

 

Also I'm really confused because here you've said: 

 

The thing is he doesnt dislike when I "play"

 

But originally you said: 

 

 he says he doesn't like it

 

This sudden flip-flop makes me feel as though perhaps you're just looking for things to fault within the relationship, indicating that you're not entirely happy - because come on, let's be realistic... Does it really matter whether or not somebody does the "* *"-role play type things. I get that for some people it's a way to feel cared for but as long as he makes sure he does care for and love you I honestly don't see the problem.

 

But if this is such a big deal to you perhaps... Find somebody else that will ''play'', gosh, I honestly don't know - I really don't want to be rude but this honestly just seems like such an insignificant thing that you're blowing out of proportion. To be honest, and good gosh don't take this as a personal attack because I feel as though you're probably lovely but you seem incredibly immature. Perhaps you're not ready for the stresses of an LDR. 

[Guest LiddlePwincess]

Some people find roleplaying odd and just don't get it.. If he's one of those types there is nothing you can do to change it.


I 100% agree with all the responses you've had on here. I feel like you would know pretty early on if your Daddy liked roleplaying or not, clearly he doesn't otherwise he would respond. So if its something you need move on.

It is so easy to rush into a DDLG relationship, there are so many littles and daddies out there looking. The thing is when you do rush, this is exactly what happens. It cheapens the entire experience in my opinion. When will people learn? Like above I don't mean to insult but if you don't know basic information like his preference when it comes to roleplay, why exactly are you in a relationship again?

Edited December 11, 2016 by LiddlePwincess

[DaddysMonkey]

Hello there ! 

 

From reading the previous posts , it seems to me that maybe a tad confused ? Or maybe just not sure of what you want. 

 

I can agree that you can't make him play along , or use some sort of "role playing". I've found in most cases , guys and girls who haven't done it before find it a little odd , unusual even. If he is clearly unwilling to compromise and it is something you really cannot live without, then you should probably find someone else to be in a relationship with. 

 

I personally , don't see it as being a big deal breaker if you do get to see each other often enough in real life. But , it is not my place to make that kind of decision for you. 

 

If you feel that you need some sort of role play , I'm sure you could join chat for some non-sexual role play , it happens quite often in there ! Or maybe find a friend to have non-sexual role play with if it is something you are comfortable with.

 

Hope this helps !

[tayiie]

I have tried finding someone else to play with, though it doesnt feel completely right, I want to do it with him because I love him. Everyone are different and have different ways to cope with the distance, I need something to cope but right now I have nothing we barely talk on skype, we dont rp, the messages are short, the most fun texts I send him is when I dream something creepy or weird and thats something we can both laugh about and enjoy.

 

I dont think he's unwilling to rp, I just think he hasn't gotten to that point with anyone before, because he can talk about things he wants to do when he talks with other people, just not with me, or at least that's how I feel it is.

 

he often complains that we dont talk about much when we talk and I TRY to talk about a lot of different things to get our conversation going, I talk about my day because on my days things actually happen because I go to school and at school theres a lot of drama and fun classes I can discuss about, his days involves watching series and playing games so he doesnt talk much about his day, even if I can ask him about the games or series he doesnt tell me much, hos family on the other hand, he could probably talk about them for hours, though that only pains me because I am happy he has a family that strong, but its hard since I barely have one and it just makes me sad, if we would talk more than we do during skype then perhaps things would be easier for me, but if we cant really talk about our days then its hard, he can talk about the future but that just gives me anxeity because it feels like he rushes everything and I just want to be here and now and enjoy every moment with him because life is short.

 

But when we actually see eachother, totally different dynamic, we talk about so many different things, we can cuddle, we can watch TV together, we can go on walks and that is to me really awesome and I wish we could meet more often but we can't.

 

We (he) kind of rushed from going to messages on one site, to snapchat to kik to skype in only two weeks, it has never really happened to me before so we havent really had time to get to know eachother through messages first which is why I believe that things are hard, we dont fully know eachother yet, there are things we havent been able to talk about, things that pop up and we have to talk about that to understand eachother.

 

I havent had this issue before in my previous LDR, and that was with someone I never met, ever, we lasted for 1.5 years and even at that time we were still madly in love with eachother when we broke up, but that relationship started out way differently, at that point he was the more experienced one and I was the "newbie" we talked alot through messages before we went to skype, we managed to last for so long because we both made effort in talking, and I think we both had a better ground to stand on before we started talking on skype, not even the time difference mattered

 

I really wish I could get this new relationship to be just as good, or even better, but at the moment idk, we do need more things to talk about. And I'm not going to leave a relationship just because I hit a bump on the road, because I believe there are solutions for most things, people can develop new things, peole can change their way of thinking, I don't know how anyone can go around and say "leave him/her, get another" just because they've hit a bump in the road, no one is perfect, I certainly am not and there are things that has happened in my life that has kept me from growing as a person, but that are starting to grow right now, and as far as I can tell thats the same thing for him, and I want to be there and help him grow just as he wants the same for me.

Edited December 11, 2016 by alex

[LoralieHaze]

We (he) kind of rushed from going to messages on one site, to snapchat to kik to skype in only two weeks, it has never really happened to me before so we haven't really had time to get to know each other through messages first which is why I believe that things are hard, we dont fully know each other yet, there are things we haven't been able to talk about, things that pop up and we have to talk about that to understand each other.

 

There are a lot of things in this thread that I would like to comment on but this snippet in particular needs to be addressed most in my opinion. From what I can tell, it seems that both of you rushed into the relationship and are now dealing with the consequences. I mentioned in my previous response to you that you might be moving too fast for precisely this reason, because I didn't want you to be unhappy or feel stuck in a unfortunate situation. I'm very sorry that this is happening to you and please don't think that I am trying to "rub your nose in it" so to speak. I just want to express to you that my concern for your situation was in fact valid, despite your defensive towards me afterward.

 

I understand what you're saying about not wanting to break up just because of a bump in the road but I believe this is more than just a mere bump. Based solely on what you have told us in your posts, the two of you weren't compatible from the very beginning. You said before that he wasn't strict enough, that you didn't think the relationship would last, that you were just experimenting together, that it's a messed up situation, and now all of this. I'm worried that the only thing holding you and this guy together is stubbornness and a fear of being alone, and that's not healthy or productive for anyone. Again, I understand not wanting to give up easily, but there's really not much here worth staying together for. Are the few times that you're together in person really so amazing that it's worth all the extra stress and unhappiness?

 

You probably won't want my advice but I'll give it to you anyway. Break up with him. I think you're both complacent and unsatisfied. I can't tell if you actually love him or just the idea of being in a couple. He doesn't seem like he's into you that much either. I think you have a lot to learn, both about life and about this lifestyle, and you would ultimately be much better off seeking out friends rather than a caregiver. I hope you can see that the people commenting here are genuinely trying to help you and have your best interests at heart.

[tayiie]

Based solely on what you have told us in your posts, the two of you weren't compatible from the very beginning. You said before that he wasn't strict enough, that you didn't think the relationship would last, that you were just experimenting together, that it's a messed up situation, and now all of this.

Most of the things I have brought up we have talked and worked out together. You can't base everything on previous posts because theres a lot of things going on "behind the scenes", I am not the kind of person who just puts all the issues up in a pile, I try my best to communicate with my partner, the best way I can, when I can, if I can.

 

I think you have a lot to learn, both about life and about this lifestyle, and you would ultimately be much better off seeking out friends rather than a caregiver.

Sure would like to know more about DDLG, concidering I just found the term and I am searching and trying to understand, though what I find is sometimes hard for me to understand concidering english not being my mother tongue, therefore I can't learn everything. A friend would be nice so I could discuss all of this with, but I don't have friends, I don't like "friends" anymore because I somehow always end up finding friends that just stop talking to me after a while for no valid reason and then they're putting the guilt card on me instead. Also I can't get out what I want from a friend like I can from a CG, it feels like the only thing I would get out from a friend is so I could talk about my issues and get tips on how to deal with them, and honestly that wouldnt feel good at all towards that person. Its not like I could meet that person and talk about other things, go shopping or anything, there are no such people like that around here.

[Princess-P]

Going back to the original post because there is so much more going on here that needs to be addressed but is being rejected...

 

You want him to role play with you. You have told him this. You say you have communicated your needs and why you need it. He says he doesn't want to do it.

 

He's not going to do it. He may put in a half assed effort to make you feel better for a minute. But he won't continue. He's not being mean. He's just not into it and has told you this. A relationship is a two way street. Compromise. Don't ask for something he's told you he's uncomfortable with, that's selfish and unfair to him.

 

Do not expect him to change. There's no reason to. If you can't live without it leave. If you can, because if you stay with him you will have to, then find something else to focus on that makes you feel good rather than one small thing you aren't happy with.

[Guest SoloFairy]

There really seems a lot that needs to be figured out. Things need a fresh start so to speak.  So address your OP from a different angle I don't do the roll playing or ** playing either. For me I think it's weird and I honestly don't understand the point of it. Daddy does occasionally and I generally respond more like you said your Daddy does lol. The most I've done is *snuggles close* and that's preeeeeeeetty much it.  I'd rather express myself without roll playing and such you know? He could get used to it over time or not at all. You have to decide if you're ok with that. 

 

 

Being long distance is hard but it's always very rewarding and you really do learn a lot about yourself. Rushing a long distance relationship can make interactions seem awkward and forced. Which I think is where you're at. I have been in a LDR with my Daddy for  a bit over a year.  We have many tools that we use to help deal with the distance and help increase the communication between us. 

 

When we video with each other we're not always talking. There are many quiet moments. Sometimes I'm washing dishes and humming to myself or doing stuff with the kids. Sometimes he's cooking or doing something on the computer. Sometimes I'm napping or he is.  The point is to take the pressure off of each other to be constantly engaging with each other while videoing. 

 

Also look into www.rabb.it   It's a fantastic site that allows you to do things online (like watch movies) together while video chatting. 

 

Another suggestion is to start an online journal and write in it. (him doing one would be great too) This will give you both a chance to learn more about each other, open up more, and really dive into a deeper and more meaningful relationship. It can help with miscommunication as well as learning more about what the other person wants and needs.

[Baby_squirrel]

[pinkdaughter]

I'm not trying to be rude but it really does sound like you're complaining about nothing. 

 

But if this is such a big deal to you perhaps... Find somebody else that will ''play'', gosh, I honestly don't know - I really don't want to be rude but this honestly just seems like such an insignificant thing that you're blowing out of proportion. To be honest, and good gosh don't take this as a personal attack because I feel as though you're probably lovely but you seem incredibly immature. 

 

That is unnecessarily harsh to OP, who is trying to get advice on how to communicate effectively. She(?) is only trying to improve her relationship, there's no need for that.

 

Ninja edit. It's invalidating her feelings, and also isn't going to change her mind. It's just gonna make her feel like shit. It's not gonna make her magically ~~mature~~ enough. This is a DDLG forum, the only high horses should be rocking horses. 

Edited December 12, 2016 by pinkdaughter

[Antoinette]

That is unnecessarily harsh to OP, who is trying to get advice on how to communicate effectively. She(?) is only trying to improve her relationship, there's no need for that.

 

Ninja edit. It's invalidating her feelings, and also isn't going to change her mind. It's just gonna make her feel like shit. It's not gonna make her magically ~~mature~~ enough. This is a DDLG forum, the only high horses should be rocking horses. 

 

Just because we are littles that doesn't mean we can't think and act maturely. I guess you're just going to completely ignore how I said 'I'm not trying to be rude.' I have no ill will or bad intentions towards this person. It's not invalidating her feelings at all, I even stated that I understand that it's a way to feel cared for and I understood her coping mechanism, so that's really reaching to say that I'm ''invalidating her feelings''. 

 

If you want to act as though him not ''playing'' with her is the end of the world and they should break up over it sure enough, do so. Just because I am a little and she is a little doesn't mean she can't handle a brash opinion and it certainly doesn't mean I can't give one. I don't have to 100% act like a child so I'll make myself comfortable on my 'high horse' thank you very much. 

 

Have a wonderful day! 

 

EDIT: 

 

Also, if this girl needs advice on how to communicate effectively what makes you think she's ready for a relationship? Communication should be the one thing a relationship thrives with. Communication is everything - so if she can't communicate I'd highly suggest she re-evaluate being in a relationship. 

Edited December 12, 2016 by xAntoinette

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

That is unnecessarily harsh to OP, who is trying to get advice on how to communicate effectively. She(?) is only trying to improve her relationship, there's no need for that.

 

Ninja edit. It's invalidating her feelings, and also isn't going to change her mind. It's just gonna make her feel like shit. It's not gonna make her magically ~~mature~~ enough. This is a DDLG forum, the only high horses should be rocking horses.

You literally came here to tell someone they're invalidating her feelings and offered absolutely no advice whatsoever. Now who's being harsh here, really?

 

Anyways, Alex... I understand why you want to play, I do. Daddy and I were long distance for a few months way back when at the beginning of our relationship. It was super hard, and we did play around through quotes a lot.

 

You say you've spoken with him and he still isn't getting the importance. I'm not going to tell you to break up with him simply because of this. I am going to tell you to have an adult conversation with him. He needs to get how important it is to you and YOU need to get why he doesn't like it. Then you both need to come up with a compromise, which doesn't have to involve play but maybe it will. Being your daddy doesn't mean he does everything you want him to do, it means he does his best to make you happy while not invalidating his own feelings (he is human, too, afterall).

[tayiie]

so many new comments, aint gonna read em all. >.<

So, he broke up with me today, and I'm happy about it. Because all the things he said to me is his own fault in the end. I was never allowed to say what I wanted, everything I said was seen as negative or he just became irritated on what I said for no fair reason. Sure, I can seem negative at some points, but apart from him I seeked out looking for help from others in order to find solutions to our "issues" and try to see if our relationship could work, some were fixed, some I suppose he kept stashing up in a pile and then let it explode today. I myself was planning on breaking up after new years, I thought that maybe meeting him one more time would maybe fix things, aparently he couldn't waits another 9 days. When it came to his family, he only talked about how his siblings lives were before they came to his parents, Surely, I apreciate what his parents do, but hearing over and over again about how the kids' real parents abused them, its not something you wish to hear when you yourself was mentally abused by one of your parents, even if I told him he just never stopped talking about it. The times I tried going to LS while skyping with him I was ignored, and if I mentioned it he would be upset.

 

But, on the bright side, I'm single and I can focus on myself :3 don't need him, and I'm hoping I can find that special someone, one day, not right now, but one day, maybe, or I'll just get another dog

Edited December 18, 2016 by babyfoxalex