how do i tell my girlfriend?

[glowingstars]

my girlfriend and i haven't been dating for very long, but we've known each other for ages and i trust her completely, i have so much faith in our relationship. and this isn't just the honeymoon phase talking- trust me, i know how bad i get when i'm in that state, but i promise it's past. i've already had my standard what-if-i-don't-REALLY-love-her-what-is-love-i'm-scared-i-should-break-up-with-her-oh-god-i'm-terrible breakdown (i've had a lot of bad, abusive relationships in the past that really messed me up :/) and we're in the clear. this is the first really healthy and happy relationship i've been in since early high school. that's a VERY good sign for me.

 

my little side is the one thing i haven't really talked to her about. she knows i'm more of a submissive, but that's really it. i want to tell her, but i'm afraid of how she'll react. i don't know, everything's more difficult because we're in a LDR so it's not like i can sit her down and tell her, i'd have to find time to text or call her and that'd usually be late at night and she's got a lot going on with school and work and i don't want to overwhelm her.

 

(i ramble when i get upset whoops)

 

i think winter break would be the best time. should i tell her? and how? i'm scared of losing one of the only really healthy relationships i've been in, of losing my best friend.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Okay so....

Should you tell her?

Yes, absolutely yes. Honesty is the most important part to any relationship and while you may not be lying directly, you are omitting the truth about yourself, which for me is an indirect way of lying.

 

For me, if you can't be honest about yourself, it may not be as healthy as you think. She may not like that you're a little, but she may love it. Be it for this dynamic, or any, I feel like you should let her know.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

As it's been mentioned before, this topic comes up a lot. 

 

I can understand how scary it can be to expose a part of yourself that was once private, but try to remember that you certainly aren't alone. Many, if not the majority, of us have had to have a similar conversation with someone we loved. Is it possible she'll not be interested? Of course. And that's a scary, terrifying risk to take. But it's who you are. It's a part of your being. And why would you want to be with someone to rejects such a massive part of yourself? 

 

I could be wrong here. I certainly don't know your situation as well as you do, but when I see posts like this, I always have to wonder if the person is afraid to be themselves or if they are afraid of being rejected for being themselves. Sometimes, it's a bit of both. But being afraid to lose a relationship for being yourself, well. That seems a bit silly once you think about it, doesn't it? Why would you /want/ to be in a relationship with someone who /wouldn't/ want you to be yourself? 

 

The worst that can happen is that you can learn that she isn't interested in it in the way that you are, and you have to make a choice. You can't force her to be interested in the things that you are, but you also shouldn't continue a relationship where honesty isn't something that's transparent. You'll never truly know until you talk to your partner. It's a test of your relationship, and not of your bravery. Even if it isn't for her, she should know what makes you happy. 

 

When I came out to my mother as poly, she took a very deep breath and then promptly looked like she was about to throw up. I instantly felt horrible, and spouted off something similar to "I should have never told you." Her head snapped in my direction, she completely swallowed her reaction, and looked me square in the face. "Don't ever say that again. Always tell me things you don't think I want to hear. Even if I don't agree with it, I want to know it, and I'll respect it because it makes you happy. I never not want to know the things that make you happy." 

 

My mother and I don't always have the best relationship, but her words ring true and applicable for relationships of every type. You trust her completely, so show her that by being honest with her. Good luck. <3 

[Baby_squirrel]

Edited December 8, 2016 by Baby_squirrel