Help?

[Mezgoezrawrz]

So I'm in a relationship with a great guy. He's got his bad points, but he's only human. Maybe a year ago, he agree'd to try the DDlg relationship with me. That being the problem I guess. It's been a year and there's been no progress. I've been trying to learn more about other little's and what might be considered 'normal' in the lifestyle, just trying to understand it all. He continues to be uninterested though. I mean, recently he's demanded I call him 'Daddy' but that just makes me uncomfortable. It feels more like he's using it as a way to get me to do what he wants. Like he'll tell me that he's the Daddy in the relationship so he doesn't have to do the dishes, or clean the bathroom. Stupid things really, but it just feels like proof that he has no real interest in all of this, and isn't going to take it seriously.

 

I know it's nice when a Daddy can play with their little's and be able to get on that level with them, but does that really count as him getting on a level with me? On top of that it makes me perfectly uncomfortable calling him 'Daddy' right now. Nothing about our relationship seem's DDlg like. I actually feel more like the Mommy and he's the little, and it all makes me uncomfortable. If it'd only been a few months with no progress, I don't think it would bother me as much, but after this much time??

 

I guess I should mention that when I first told him about DDlg relationships he very quickly, and rather bluntly called it 'disgusting', so it makes it hard to talk to him about the things I learn, or that I'd be interested in trying. I can't get the sound of him calling me disgusting out of my head. It's worsened my depression, and I've even reached a point that I just lash out at him sometimes. Back on topic though, because of that initial reaction, I already know that he's perfectly uninterested in this kind of lifestyle. Even though I know this as a fact, it makes me happy when he says he wants to try, all up until the point where I realize he's made literally no effort at all. 

 

We really do talk about all of this, which is another thing I think that makes all of this so frustrating. He's made no real effort to try and help me get over the whole 'disgusting thing,' nor has he shown any interest in learning anything about DDlg relationships, or what my little interests might be. I feel like I'm just running out of options. I'd rather he just tell me that he's not interested in this so I can just let it go, instead of being strung along on some false possibility. 

 

Is there a trigger word or something? Or how do I at least get it through to him that the way he's stringing me along really is hurtful? I don't know what to do anymore.

[daddies_velvet_kitty]

It seems as though you are looking for something more in this relationship than he is. If you communicate your feelings to him and he still doesn't think that your feelings are valid enough, then he doesn't care about you. I know at the beginning of my current relationship I was nervous to call him daddy but I tried it and realized I liked it, but not all littles have to call their partner daddy. Anyone who forces you to do something that you are not comfortable with doesn't care about your feelings. If when your doing chores for daddy and you feel manipulated by him instead of feeling like a proud little, something is wrong. Sorry to sound harsh but my friend was in a relationship where her partner didn't care about her feelings and it ended badly. 

 

Now on a more positive note- If you want to stay in this relationship here are some things that if you haven't already done, could help. Firstly maybe he's very confused by the lifestyle and doesn't know where to start. Maybe bring him onto the forum and show him a post about something you would like for him to do. Or tell him what routines or rewards or punishments you want. I know that sometimes it may feel like your doing all the work, but it is your relationship and if you have a want that needs fulfilling then you should tell your partner. A caregiver cares for you and your the one in charge in how you want to be cared for, caregivers enforce and help you be a better person based upon your wants and needs plus their wants and needs.

 

Communication is key, and with communication is direction. New people to the lifestyle may not understand, hence the original "disgusting" but with proper direction and understanding of the lifestyle they might see how they fit into it. A friend of mine who is a daddy was seeing a girl who originally was not interested in ddlg at all. But once learning what being a little really was she realized that she was more little than she thought. Maybe your current partner only sees being a daddy as someone who has the little do all the housework and as someone who he has full control over. Maybe by sending him a link to a video or blog post he'll see what being a daddy is all about. 

 

But if all else fails and you've tried everything to explain to him what ddlg really is, then you might want to consider a break-up. In any relationship, ddlg or vanilla, sharing your emotions and how your feeling is key. If he neglects your feelings than maybe you could look for someone else. With that being said, maybe he is not interested in ddlg as you are and thats ok. Ddlg isn't for everyone and you have to respect his wants and needs to. Overall as someone who has gone through this I hope things go better with you. I'm sorry for writing such a long response, I just want to help you! Bringing new people into ddlg can be quite tough. I'm sorry If you've already tried all of this and none of it has worked thus far. Just remember you always have a friend here

[Daisies&Donuts]

A Daddy cannot only be in control of you without giving you what you need in return. That's an abusive or neglectful Daddy. A lot of people don't realize when they are engaging in abusive activities, especially in BDSM or D/s type relationships. They get hung up on being in control. Aside from learning how to be in control, he needs to learn that control is only a way of fulfilling *your* needs, not his own. The main objective of being your Daddy should be fulfilling your needs as a little.

 

You mentioned that you feel like you are the Mommy. A lot of the time people who really need to be submissive will try to act dominant because they have a lack of control and they believe that bossing someone around will make them feel more in control. Is it possible that the reason you are having such a difficult time is that your boyfriend needs to be a submissive? Or is otherwise incapable of being dominant? It takes mental fortitude, stability and desire to be a Daddy/Dom.

 

Being a Dom or Daddy is a lot of work. It can be very emotionally draining because it isn't about being in charge and getting your way. If you think about it most real parents boss their kids around and expect them to do whatever Mommy/Daddy says without an explanation or discussion as to why. IMHO it shouldn't be that way for actual children but it DEFINITELY CANNOT be that way in a DDlg relationship. It's a lazy and careless way to behave toward your little. A little should always be happy about their treatment including punishments. They should always know why they are being expected to do something and agree with the reasoning. If his parents were bossy types or if he's just lazy or immature he might be confused about this.

 

It sounds to me like your boyfriend has no idea what it means to be a Daddy and the sad truth is that not everyone is capable. If he refuses to learn about the lifestyle and wants to simply boss you around without giving you what you need, refuse to call him Daddy until he learns. If he continues to refuse then you have to decide to either let the relationship go or let the dynamic go.

[Princess-P]

So this does not sound like a CG/l relationship. It is clear that your partner only likes that he can use "Daddy" as a title to get away with doing what he wants and putting a work load on you.

 

The fact that you have communicated how you feel to him and still there has been no resolution shows of Hus disinterest in your feelings. This is not a good sign for any relationship.

 

Of course you can be little without his involvement, but I think the real problem here is not that he doesn't want to be a Daddy but rather that he's not respecting you.

 

I would just drop the idea of having this type of relationship with him. Be little on your own terms. And if you feel like he's worth being with regardless of him ignoring your feelings than just have a "normal" relationship without roles involved. Then he can't exploit your littleness and try to use a power exchange as a scapegoat for things he doesn't want to do.

 

Make him scrub the bathroom 50% of the time. Come on, that's just childish.

[DollDirector]

I guess it is possible that someone's first encounter with DDlg may bring a shocked reaction of some kind.

I guess what's happening is that your partner has not really moved on from his first reaction ? That's all,then. 

The dynamic often comes as a revelation. Even if your first reaction was a shock,you quickly move out of this state,to a sort of coming out to yourself.

[Mezgoezrawrz]

I wanted to thank everyone for their opinions on this matter. I really was beginning to think I was running out of options, and while things are still looking a bit bleak, I'd like to give it one last shot. It's a bit tough to just let it go since whenever we talk about it, he always says he would rather give it a shot. So it's a small bit of hope, I guess we just need to get him some understanding of the roles and all. Hopefully then he can make a real decision and tell me if he actually wants to continue with the DD/lg aspect of things, or return to normal.

 

On the other hand, if anyone has any advice on where I should look for a DaddyDom blog to look into? Or maybe just a few sites or threads that might give a really basic explanation of the role of a DD at this point. I feel like he might be tired of hearing it from me since I always add that I'm not 100%.

 

Again, thank all of you for taking the time to even read my rather long post, and I really appreciate the feedback!  

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi, here are my go to recommendations.....

 

https://www.domsub.life  

DDlg blog written by a DDlg couple. Both the Daddy and the little write entries. I have read every single page and it is the closest thing to a perfect DDlg relationship I have found.

 

Here is my DDlg library channel of videos explaining the DDlg lifestyle, What a little is and the third What a Daddy Dom is.

They are hosted by a sex educator and Daddy Dom. Its like taking a class. Hope you enjoy.

 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjR-yR-NNs1uD2ECwfJ20dLwJUCdaaKsT 

[Daisies&Donuts]

Domcoaching.com has a lot of info, including an intro to dominating, here:

 

http://domcoaching.com/introduction-to-kink-being-dominant/

 

And this:

 

http://dominantguide.com/1496/an-absolute-beginners-guide-to-domination-as-told-by-an-oregonian/

 

 

The above two links talk a lot about sado-masochism so make sure you read together and discuss what you're into there.

 

This one speaks specifically about Daddy Doms.

 

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/miya-yamanouchi/your-boyfriend-your-daddy-daddy-domlittle-girl-love

[Guest Princessaj]

Sorry the youtube channel link wont work. Here are the videos with their respective links.

 

Daddy Dom's and Little Girls! Part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhPXY-E__vA&index=1&t=342s&list=PLjR-yR-NNs1uD2ECwfJ20dLwJUCdaaKsT 

 

Daddy Dom Part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svsEAtHetIM&index=2&list=PLjR-yR-NNs1uD2ECwfJ20dLwJUCdaaKsT

 

Little Girl Part 3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVwgHkIfo6k&list=PLjR-yR-NNs1uD2ECwfJ20dLwJUCdaaKsT&index=3 

[Mezgoezrawrz]

Yay!! Thank you again so much. Everyone on here is so helpful, kinda makes me feel bad for wanting to hide in the background >.> Anyway, thanks again! 

 

Now I just have to get him to sit still long enough to read or watch any of this. Before that though, I'll be going back into doing my own homework. Seeing what I enjoy personally and making notes here and there. It's like a school project that I'm actually excited about X3 Thank you again for all the cool sites and videos!!