What are the red flags for you?

[Little Monster]

Hey all,

 

as the name of the thread implies I am just curious what some of you look for as red flags? One of my biggest things is age. I am a huge supporter of "Age appropriate ddlg". That being said one of my biggest red flags are younger men who say they are a daddy, but are only 18 and 19 yet they say they have 5+ years experience. Meaning they started being a daddy when they were still in high school at ages 14, 15, 16 and so on. I'm sorry, but to me, that's a red flag. Sure, they may be perfectly good kids, but, it's just not something I really want to involve myself with. If the years experience matches age, I'm golden, but otherwise? I just avoid it. Adult lifestyle choice should be as an adult, not when your still in High School. That's my opinion at least.

 

 

What about you?

[Antoinette]

I don't really have any specific red flags, I feel like you can kinda just tell when somebody isn't being genuine, or that's me at least. But I don't think anybody loses credibility if they say they have so many years experience as they've been doing it since they were younger, sure it's something that shouldn't have happened but kids will be kids especially in their teen years and they make mistakes. To each their own though.

[Guest]

before the relationship...

Starting to flirt right away or saying they want to be your daddy right off the bat.

Only talking about sexual things and that's it.

Not actually reading or replying to what you say , (just replying with , oh cool. Okay , nice for example. )

Asking about stuff that's non of their business when just getting to know you.

 

 

Once into a relationship...

Starting to guilt you for simple things like going to the store and not being able to text back right away (yet when they go out its okay for them not to talk to you at all.)

Giving you harsh punishments for very small things.

Giving you rules you do not agree with, and will not hear you out or take back the rule.

Using times you "messed up" against you to make you feel weak and submit to them.

Using self harm /threats of suicide to get their way.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

"This is what all *insert what you identify as here* do."

"If you love me, you'll _____."

"If you're a real *insert what you identify as here*, you'll behave this way." 

"This is what you are. I'm older, wiser, and been in the community longer, so I know what I'm talking about."

"Because I'm your partner, what I say goes. Even if it's something we didn't negotiate or agree upon previous to this moment. You must obey me." 

"You're right, I'm a worthless piece of shit and I don't deserve you. Let me turn this conversation away from you expressing your dislike in some negative or hurtful behaviors I've done and focus instead on how terrible I am and how low my self-worth is so you'll end up comforting me when you're the one who was wronged." 

"I shouldn't be the one to change, you should be. Here's something things you can work on alone to repair our relationship."

[Omo]

Just reading these red flags. I'm curious, do people actually do this? There's no way. They seem like, hmm, how do I put it. They seem almost alien to me, how can people act like that? Edited November 30, 2016 by Omo

[Guest QueenJellybean]

Just reading these red flags. I'm curious, do people actually do this? There's no way. They seem like, hmm, how do I put it. They seem almost alien to me, how can people act like that?

 

It's an upsetting truth, unfortunately. 

[Little Monster]

I agree with all of these that people have seen or experienced.

 

I guess for me on the age thing... ddlg is an adult lifestyle relationship, i guess it's just a bad sign for me personally if someone has started it when they were still a minor.That's why it's a red flag for me.

[Guest]

Just reading these red flags. I'm curious, do people actually do this? There's no way. They seem like, hmm, how do I put it. They seem almost alien to me, how can people act like that?

I have had everything I talked about happen to me at one time or another sadly

[Omo]

Well I'm sorry you guys had to experience that. That's just horrible.

[Harley_Quinn]

Red flags from when I was single (and even now when random so called daddy's add me despite having on my profile I have a daddy and what not) are:

 

When they would snap chat me it'd always have to be "pics?" And if I declined because I'm jot comfortable with sending even a face pic till I know you better they would say "cause your ugly" (this happened today lol I was like yeah exactly and the kid had already deleted me)

 

When they are massively older than me. I am perfectly okay if your with someone older/younger don't get me wrong. But I'm 20 years old. The oldest person I've been with was 26. I was 18. But ive had men message me who are well into their 40s. It creeps me out

 

Guys who immediately call themselves daddy. One person messaged me on Kik and said he was my daddy and I was to refer to him as such. I said no I have a daddy. And he said not anymore and continued to send me degrading texts every two minutes and even sent me inappropriate pictures.

 

I have lots of red flags. I've had lots of fake daddy's. My current daddy even sends me some red flags. Such as saying he had a little before when he was 16 and the woman, and I say woman because she was 22 years old. That's a red flag a no no. This relationship is for two consenting adults. Don't get me wrong I've dated younger and I've been in a relationship with an older person while under 18. And yes I wanted to expirement with DDLG but I waited.

I'm sorry I'm rambling this topic gets me a little heated

[Little Monster]

Red flags from when I was single (and even now when random so called daddy's add me despite having on my profile I have a daddy and what not) are:

 

When they would snap chat me it'd always have to be "pics?" And if I declined because I'm jot comfortable with sending even a face pic till I know you better they would say "cause your ugly" (this happened today lol I was like yeah exactly and the kid had already deleted me)

 

When they are massively older than me. I am perfectly okay if your with someone older/younger don't get me wrong. But I'm 20 years old. The oldest person I've been with was 26. I was 18. But ive had men message me who are well into their 40s. It creeps me out

 

Guys who immediately call themselves daddy. One person messaged me on Kik and said he was my daddy and I was to refer to him as such. I said no I have a daddy. And he said not anymore and continued to send me degrading texts every two minutes and even sent me inappropriate pictures.

 

I have lots of red flags. I've had lots of fake daddy's. My current daddy even sends me some red flags. Such as saying he had a little before when he was 16 and the woman, and I say woman because she was 22 years old. That's a red flag a no no. This relationship is for two consenting adults. Don't get me wrong I've dated younger and I've been in a relationship with an older person while under 18. And yes I wanted to expirement with DDLG but I waited.

I'm sorry I'm rambling this topic gets me a little heated

THANK YOU!!! The underage "starting point" always gets me irritated.

[Baby_squirrel]

A few of my red flags.

 

When talking as friends you say would like something with your future SO the 'friend' tries to implement it. Then gets upset when you start 'acting funny'.

 

When you say no to a non-agreed upon rule and the big tries to enforce it by responding 'well I didn't ask you'.

 

Anyone trying to convince me by saying 'I know you, I think/feel that you really think...' why do people believe my shy and polite no are hiding a yes. It isn't. I just don't want to bust out with, Bitch, I said no!

 

A lurker that suddenly huggs/kisses you in chat. That has happened to me severly times. Also, irl having a guy go to touch my face or hold hand because I'm 'so nice to everyone'. Being nice isn't an invite to fondle me.

 

Any person who seemingly waits for you to lead a conversation so that they can agree. However, when you ask them questions directly they can not provide a solid answer for their opinion. I can't explain this properly without coming off harsh. Hopefully some of you get what I mean, it goes for both littles and Bigs.

 

When a dom says he/she has so many years of experience then you ask about ex. aftercare and they respond 'what's that?' it's time to panic.

 

After the above situation you provide a link or information and they ask you to tell them the basics. They never really follow up on reading or expanding their own knowledge of the subject.

[Baby_squirrel]

Last one, is for everyone from my experience of attempting to help people and motivate them.

 

A person that knowingly has a physical or mental health issue but rejects all attmepts to better themselves (including advice and medicine). A person saying they cannot do anything or will wait until they have their Big or Little to start getting bettee. On top of that they want their new SO to help them out with their issue. If they love them it will get better. This thinking is WRONG in every sense of the word. It is a huge red flag. This person has basically planned to effectively trap their little or big in an emotional situation that they themselves have not properly handled in the months or years that they have had to deal with it. It makes me want to cry and rage.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

A red flag for me, is when you look at a girls friend list, and they have like 30 daddys as friends after being on the forums for like a week.

[Prince_Towelie]

A red flag for me, is when you look at a girls friend list, and they have like 30 daddys as friends after being on the forums for like a week.

 

This is true.  I also find it disingenous when I get friend requests from users who are more into collecting 'friends', then actually being friends, and who have nothing in common with me, at all.

[Guest Sinderella]

Trying to act as if they own you right off the bat.

Had a "Dom" on Instagram message me and try to tell me to do sexual things to myself. Those guys are obviously just trying to take advantage of another.

Getting angry when you do not do as a stranger asks.

[Guest Barefootgirl]

A red flag for me is when a man doesn't take the time to get to know me as a friend first. I get that we are both looking, but I know my perfectly imperfect Daddy will be my friend first and foremost.

 

As for littles who have Daddy friends in the first week, isn't that how you're able to message and talk?

[Kara]

Red flags for me would be

 

being to pushy to do something I'm not comfortable with

 

being in another relationship married or dating someone else

 

Not listening (I mean really listening to you, like when you tell them things that make you uncomfortable or that hurt you and they don't seem to care)

 

Asking for naughty pictures

 

Lying

[Pekorin]

I actually accept almost every friend request I get because if I don't I can't talk to them and get to know them, the only reason I have to deny is if they are 40+ and I'm 18 and I can't have an age difference that big.

 

So that's my first red flag but I'd say my main is if the person isn't making friends first like some of you said, I find it crucial to be platonic because it's more important to me than anything else that we appreciate one another as friends, romance happens or it doesn't that's far from being my priority, very very far.

[Elleeeephant2]

One red flag is if they ask for nudes/pics an hour into meeting them, it makes you question why they are a part of the Dd/Lg community.

[Baby Neko]

For me a big one for a Top/Dom is if they aren't interested in any of the safety side of bdsm like safe words, aftercare etc. They don't want to learn about that stuff because it's "boring" or not explicitly about sex. Also if they want to jump right into activities that are currently outside of their skill level and not recognising how dangerous this is, no researching or taking precautions. If they do this they aren't responsible enough to be a Dom imo. 

 

For a sub I think one is thinking that being the sub means not contributing to the relationship at all (for example thinking the Dom always needs to provide a shoulder to cry on, but can't ever need the sub's help because a Domly Dom does not get upset or need help). 

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

A red flag for me is when a partner doesn't put my safety or well-being first.  For example, something as simple as sending a text while you are driving can have severe consequences, and my partner needs to not be encouraging or asking me to endanger myself in any way, shape, or form.