Does your daddy have anger issues ?

[DaddysMonkey]

​Today in the chatroom I was discussing anger issues that my Daddy has and how it effects him being a Daddy , as well as effects myself as a little.

I personally find it extremely hard to be myself (I'm always in littlespace) when my Daddy gets angry and shuts down. When he gets to that point of anger , which is very easy to do for him , he completely forgets he is a Daddy or the fact that anyone is even around or with him. We've worked on ourselves , in many different ways.

I am curious if other littles go through this with their Daddys , what they do to cope , or options for helping my Daddy with his anger. Also , maybe different ways I could help.

 

DISCLAIMER : I know some , if not all Daddies need personal breaks. This is not what his anger is stemming from as we have discussed it with each other.

[Guest LittleLexiKitty]

id say you need to have a long talk with him when hes calm and try and dicuss how his anger affects you and how you want to help him. It might be a really hard convo but in the end it might help

[Tasha-Pasha]

Are you safe when he is angry?

 

Does he threaten to injure himself or others?

 

What does he do/say when he is angry?

 

How these questions are answered would affect how I answer this thread.

 

Be safe.

[Trash Queen]

Anger issues are often a symptom of a mental illness or problem with a person's thought process. Some people can even be "addicted" to anger. If it's actual uncontrollable anger, this is something that can be treated if you look into counseling or therapy. I am a firm believer that most behavioral issues can be treated by seeking professional help because I've seen a myriad of issues treated that way.

 

If talking by itself isn't helping, suggest therapy. Therapy isn't just for extreme problems or breakdowns, it can be as simple as being helped through a minor setback.  

[DaddysMonkey]

Are you safe when he is angry?

 

Does he threaten to injure himself or others?

 

What does he do/say when he is angry?

 

How these questions are answered would affect how I answer this thread.

 

Be safe.

I am safe.

He does not threaten himself or myself , 

but he has punched holes in doors before. Which is the only "extreme" thing i would say he has done.

He yells , shuts down , denies anger , I feel blamed for said anger , it turns into myself shutting down as well and completely leaving littlespace behind because of it. And he abandons the Daddy roll while angry.

[Guest whatever]

Without knowing much of the background it can be quite difficult to suggest ways to help, but of course I understand that you may want to maintain any personal issues private. Is it possible that is may be due to some form of depression? Or is he under any stress? 

I know it can be quite difficult to see your daddy like this and sometimes you may feel helpless. All you can really do is constantly reassure him that you are there for him no matter what (provided that this isn't detrimental to you!!!)

And of course make sure that you have a support system for you too. This can be quite trying on most people, especially littles. If you do need someone to talk to, I'm always here, though I am sure you have many you can turn to. 

 

Hope all is well for you and your daddy soon 

[Tasha-Pasha]

Oh monkey! I am so glad you are safe!

 

Okay... So I agree with Trash Queen. Counseling would be a great option if:

1. Your daddy agrees that counseling would be good for him and,

2. Counseling is available and affordable for your daddy.

 

That being said, there are things that you can do to help manage how you react to his anger. You can go to counseling. If that is fiscally unobtainable you can try peer support groups in your area. PM me if you want more information on that option. When he gets angry you can remove yourself from the situation. He is allowed to be angry. You do not have to stay to witness said anger nor are you responsible for managing his anger. His anger is HIS emotion. It is his to manage and deal with. You are not responsible for his anger. How he reacts to any situation is HIS reaction. He owns that 100%.

 

Being with someone who has anger issues is difficult. I know, I have been there before. I do not know how to deal with those sullen silences where you know the other person is moments away from bursting. I do not know how to react when someone is yelling or throwing things or slamming things around me. I get scared and then I want to run and hide.

 

I do know that things will only get better if both you and he can admit that there is a problem. It sounds like you are at this point now. I hope that your daddy gets to this point as well.

[lilsnoopy]

He yells , shuts down , denies anger , I feel blamed for said anger , it turns into myself shutting down as well and completely leaving littlespace behind because of it. And he abandons the Daddy roll while angry.

If you blame yourself to the point it's unhealthy this could be a problem. I understand having issues or problems in some form or another. no one is perfect. But no matter if he means to or not he's hurting you/ you're hurting yourself (emotionally) because of his uncontrolled anger. That is a problem so therapy or counseling or even proper medication might help him. Hopefully one of those or a combination of those options you can both be happier. 

[Sylve0n]

I have to agree with Trash Queen and Tasha... If counseling ends up being something that you decide upon, but you can't afford it, there are other options. <3 *goes to see if there's a resource list for that kinda thing*

[CrazyLittleBuggaBoo]

Mister Master and I both have some pretty bad angry issues. While we are both much better with this than we use to be, say like when we were teens, it still can happen from time to time. It's important to talk about it. What I mean is, not when he's angry. And make a "game plan" ((if you will)) about how to deal with it. Like with Mister Master and I. We will try to tell each other when we are having angry issues. I'll give Mister Master some space for time to cool down((and likewise for me)) It's important to remember that it's not you((or not always you)). When we are fighting, we both try very hard not to cuss or yell at each other. If we can't talk about what's bothering us without yelling or fighting, we'll take the time needed to wait until we are able to talk about it while staying claim. Try something like this.

 

• Have him or ask him why he is angry. Do not bug him about it though. ((When Mister Master is acting upset, I'll ask him if he's angry about something and what it is. Because we've talked about this, he'll tell me what it is or that it's not me so I know I don't have to worry about him being mad at me))
• Give him a little space to cool down by himself. I know, we all want to make the person we are with feel better but sometimes people just need to be left alone. I'll give Mister Master some space to himself and after 20/30mintues or so I'll lay my head on his lap and just sit there or I'll kiss his cheek and tell him I love him.
• Try not to be upset that his is mad. Which can be rather hard, but being upset because he's mad((when he's not even actually mad at you)) will only make it harder. He'll be angry and then upset that he's making you upset which can cause more angry.
• If you are fighting; ask for some time or space until you both have claimed down and are able to talk without fighting.

You said that you guys have worked on yourselves, so I'm guessing you've talked about things like this before. So when he's not having angry issues, sit down with him and talk about some of these ideas. It really does help out. Just don't try to talk about these ideas while frighting or angry lol

[DaddysMonkey]

I very , very much appreciate everyone's feedback.

I was apprehensive to post another thread considering what happened last time. 

 

Daddy and I are going to try a few of these things after talking about it with each other.

We had some small discussion last night about it , and he did apologize for having such anger and expressing it the way he does. 

He also tried to explain a little further in depth , and he says a lot of his anger comes from feeling inadequate or feeling "stupid" in comparison to myself. I may be  little but I consider myself highly intelligent , as does he. This leaves him feeling like he can't express himself how i can because "he doesn't know big words" , so he resorts to the he was taught growing up.. anger instead of emotions or trying to talk.

 

So , I also need to work on being able to not correct his grammar , or use of a word during then I can tell he is getting irritable until later on when we are calm. (I don't rub it in his face it's just a habit of mine , and no he doesn't resent me correcting him he wants to learn how to speak properly instead of concrete worker slang.)

 

Hopefully a mixture of all these things can help us :3 

Thank you everyone again so far feel free to give more tips and advice. 

[Guest princess_jasmine]

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I know the struggle of being a playful silly little with a grumpy daddy who can just shut down. Me & my daddy have been together for five years and I also find it so difficult to come back from him being angry with me, or shutting off, when he gets like this it is just like what you say he doesn't just be angry with me he is angry with everyone and seems not to care who is around him, I wonder now after all these years is this something that will just forever be a side to him & is it up to me to just accept that side of him as okay? And then is that the right thing to do I don't know? I hope you guys can resolve it X Edited November 28, 2016 by princess_jasmine