Feeling sad and alone after my first punishment

[LittleJulieBean]

So tonight, my Daddy punished me for the first time in our relationship. We’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost a month now. I was a bad girl and needed to be punished, I understand that. I had lied, so as my punishment I had to write “I won't lie anymore” on my tummy, and snap a rubber on my thighs 15 times, each thigh. After my punishment, I was feeling really sad and guilty, which is what the punishment is supposed to do. When I finished, I expected my Daddy to tell me how good I was or how I took my punishment well or some form of praise, but I got none of that. I then thought he would tell me to out lotion on or something because the punishment was over, but he didn't. I had to ask him if I could, and he said yes, but kinda brushed me off like it didn't matter. I was completely surprised at the lack of aftercare for my FIRST punishment! He told me to shower, but I asked if we could just keep talking for a little bit. The reason behind this was so that I could get some comfort and maybe some aftercare so I could calm down a little, but I didn’t tell him that. Less than 30 seconds into “talking”, he asked me if I cared if he played. I was shocked that he would want to do that while I was still so obviously upset. I told him that I would call him later, and I hung up the Skype call.

 

 

What do I do? I feel very neglected, and almost like he doesn't care anymore. Any advise? Big or Little?

[James Connolly]

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Edited June 21, 2024 by James Connolly

[Guest blah911]

Sorry to hear this, does sound like he sub dropped a little but I agree with Francisco, he might just feel really bad for punishing you for the first time

[Mr. Walden]

he could just be upset you lied to him.

 

the simplest answer is usually the most likely.

 

WF

Edited November 24, 2016 by WaldenFound

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

just a wild guess, he could just be upset you lied to him.

 

the simplest answer is usually the most likely.

 

WF

Even if he is upset that she lied, to most subs and littles, aftercare is vital and not something to neglect.

[FLdaddy]

Hello. Now I am sure I will get my head bitten off here for what I am about to say, but here goes! You deserve better from your daddy! All littles do! Aftercare is a forgotten aspect that may do not give to their partners. Now I don't need to know what's going on in your relationship nor do I want to. That is yours and his business. So let's look at the fact here. You lied. Bad girl, yes. He gave you punishment for this offense. You did the punishment. Good girl! Now your very first punishment (kinda harsh in my eyes but that's just me!). You did this without question. The reason for that is you know you messed up. Now the thing about your daddy is he didn't care to say or do anything after the fact. You stayed on Skype with him to see if he would come around. Well he did come around and asknyou to play with him. No I am not daddy bashing him here! We don't know why he did this nor do you. From the way you stated it he is more into the controlling and sexual aspects of your relationship than the actually being a daddy to you. This is just one instance, so I can not say that for sure. Honestly its none of ours business. This is something you need to sit down and think about. Look back over the month and see if he actually did anything for YOU! Cuddles, non sexual play, messaging you out of the blue to let you know he was thinking of you. If he is all that and a bag of chips then like the above said, he might be feeling guilty. You will never know unless you talk to him. Now be prepared to find Mr grumpy pants on the other end of the line as you hung up on him. If you encounter that, let him know why you did it. That you were hurt by his insensitivity, and you were crushed over it. If he doesn't want to hear that, then you have your answer in your face of what he is all about. Good luck and take care. Remember you have those that care about you here!

[Mr. Walden]

added note: try not to overthink things. communication is key, and if he's not ready to communicate yet, forcing it will turn him off even more. likewise, obsessing about it will cause you unnecessary grief.

 

I'm not saying you're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Aftercare very well may not be on his radar at the moment. You said this is your first punishment... maybe he just doesnt know what to do. Just try to put yourself in his shoes.

 

WF

[LoralieHaze]

To the other posters: I don't understand how y'all are saying to give him space and look at it from his side. All aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville. Yes, we don't know all the details, and yes, she should have said something about it in the moment. BUT if he's going to call himself a Daddy Dom, or any kind of Dom at all, he needs to know that aftercare is a right, not a privilege. He might not already know this, but that doesn't mean he's in the clear, that means he's not ready to be in a BDSM relationship. Notice how this was the first punishment for OP as well but she still knew what she needed. 

 

To the original poster: Please have a discussion with him about this as soon as you feel ready to do so. To elaborate on what FLD said, if he brushes you off or undermines your feelings, then he's not the right Daddy for you...or anyone, in my opinion. If he is sympathetic and apologizes or gives an honest, legitimate reason for neglecting you, then you count it as a learning experience and move past it together. 

Edited November 24, 2016 by LittleKittenLo

[IchigoHime]

To the other posters: I don't understand how y'all are saying to give him space and look at it from his side. All aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville. Yes, we don't know all the details, and yes, she should have said something about it in the moment. BUT if he's going to call himself a Daddy Dom, or any kind of Dom at all, he needs to know that aftercare is a right, not a privilege. He might not already know this, but that doesn't mean he's in the clear, that means he's not ready to be in a BDSM relationship. Notice how this was the first punishment for OP as well but she still knew what she needed. 

 

To the original poster: Please have a discussion with him about this as soon as you feel ready to do so. To elaborate on what FLD said, if he brushes you off or undermines your feelings, then he's not the right Daddy for you...or anyone, in my opinion. If he is sympathetic and apologizes or gives an honest, legitimate reason for neglecting you, then you count it as a learning experience and move past it together. 

 

My thoughts exactly. My heart hurt to read OP's post. Aftercare is ALWAYS something that should happen after punishment or anything that was particularly hard on the sub. 

[Guest Docotaco]

Wow. I never thought that the DD/LG community would stand on the daddy's side of things when he should know better. If you're going to accept being a Daddy Dom or Dom in general you need to do research. As Lo said "Notice how this was the first punishment for OP as well" not just for him.

OP you just need to talk to him. If he's not listening or makes up excuses and not reasons for his actions (there's a difference) then you and him are not a match.

[Tasha-Pasha]

To the other posters: I don't understand how y'all are saying to give him space and look at it from his side. All aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville.

 

...if he's going to call himself a Daddy Dom, or any kind of Dom at all, he needs to know that aftercare is a right, not a privilege.

 

...Notice how this was the first punishment for OP as well but she still knew what she needed.

 

LittleKittenLo this right here is why I think you are amazing! I agree with your post (and FLdaddy's post above) completely.

 

Plus this line:

 

All aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville.

 

Gave me the giggles!

[Mr. Walden]

guys, I'm just afraid our community is emotionally vadidating impulsive irrational behaivour.

 

be honest... we only know OPs side of this issue, with VERY little information, yet ya'll are calling for the "daddy's" head on a plate here. my support of our community here is stating to waiver, becaue i feel irrational, hyperemotional behavior and decision making is encouraged, yet critical thinking and having a cool head on your shoulders is discouraged.

 

WF

 

edit: I'm not taking the "daddy's" side here, im just trying to help ya'll understand BOTH positions. google "The Selfish Age". it can be an age, but also a mentality of adults, too.

Edited November 24, 2016 by WaldenFound

[Vlad ziva's Owner]

Firstly, it's understandable that you feel neglected. You were. This could be for a number of reasons and all the people on this forum can do is speculate. You need to sit down and have an adult conversation with him and tell him how you feel and what you need for aftercare. Every sub deserves aftercare. 

That said, this is also the first time he has punished you. He might have no idea what is expected and what should be done, and that is simply negligent. D/s relationships require a lot of trust, and he should have had some understanding before diving in. I'm not saying everyone needs to know EVERY little detail before they get involved. Every relationship is different, but there should be a common understanding between partners what is needed and expected from both sides.

I hope you both get this sorted and can use it as a learning experience to move forward in your relationship. Best of luck to you both!

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

guys, I'm just afraid our community is emotionally vadidating impulsive irrational behaivour.

 

be honest... we only know OPs side of this issue, with VERY little information, yet ya'll are calling for the "daddy's" head on a plate here. my support of our community here is stating to waiver, becaue i feel irrational, hyperemotional behavior and decision making is encouraged, yet critical thinking and having a cool head on your shoulders is discouraged.

 

WF

 

edit: I'm not taking the "daddy's" side here, im just trying to help ya'll understand BOTH positions. google "The Selfish Age". it can be an age, but also a mentality of adults, too.

The bottom line is he had s responsibility to aftercare here and he neglected that responsibility. You say you are not taking her Daddy's side here, but it feels as if you are. I don't care who's side it is...

She lied- bad. She was punished. It is his responsibility as a Daddy to drop it once the punishment is over and go back to loving her.

He is not a new Daddy, I know as I spoke with her about it. He should have known better than the treatment he gave to her.

[Antoinette]

guys, I'm just afraid our community is emotionally vadidating impulsive irrational behaivour.

 

be honest... we only know OPs side of this issue, with VERY little information, yet ya'll are calling for the "daddy's" head on a plate here. my support of our community here is stating to waiver, becaue i feel irrational, hyperemotional behavior and decision making is encouraged, yet critical thinking and having a cool head on your shoulders is discouraged.

 

WF

 

edit: I'm not taking the "daddy's" side here, im just trying to help ya'll understand BOTH positions. google "The Selfish Age". it can be an age, but also a mentality of adults, too.

 

I have perfectly fine thinking abilities and I'm sure OP does also. We're not validating 'impulsive irrational behavior' and even if the people in this forum were it has nothing, I REPEAT, NOTHING to do with the DD/lg community at large. ''My support of the community is starting to waiver because they're not 100% agreeing with what I have to say"

 

Please stop. People are just trying to help this girl who is clearly upset and clearly has the right to be upset. Don't blame the community for trying to help her. 

[Tasha-Pasha]

guys, I'm just afraid our community is emotionally vadidating impulsive irrational behaivour.

 

be honest... we only know OPs side of this issue, with VERY little information, yet ya'll are calling for the "daddy's" head on a plate here. my support of our community here is stating to waiver, becaue i feel irrational, hyperemotional behavior and decision making is encouraged, yet critical thinking and having a cool head on your shoulders is discouraged.

 

WF

 

I respectfully disagree WaldenFound. The majority of the posters in this thread clearly state their opinions on the situation and then give the same advice to the OP... That she and her daddy need to sit down and have an adult conversation about the punishment and its aftereffects. This is a reasonable, mature, and sane suggestion no matter who's side the posters seem to fall on.

 

I don't see anyone on here calling for her daddy's head on a platter or responding in an irrational or hyperemotional way.

[Mr. Walden]

I respectfully disagree WaldenFound. The majority of the posters in this thread clearly state their opinions on the situation and then give the same advice to the OP... That she and her daddy need to sit down and have an adult conversation about the punishment and its aftereffects. This is a reasonable, mature, and sane suggestion no matter who's side the posters seem to fall on.

 

I don't see anyone on here calling for her daddy's head on a platter or responding in an irrational or hyperemotional way.

sorry, i guess i was a little hyperbolic in my response. I'll clarify...

 

I find there is a sense of undeserved entitlement growing in this community in regards to relationships. omg daddy hasnt returned my text! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! omg daddy disagrees with me! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! omg we have diffrent kinks! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! omg i feel bad! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! etc ect ect.

 

in this day and age of entitlement and instant gratification, no one wants to put forth any energy into solving relationship problems. why solve somthing, when you can just run away and get a new relationship? i believe a narcissistic attitude is creeping into our community ie: "it's never my fault, i deserve absolute perfection in a mate, this relationship isn't perfect, so i will bounce from daddy to daddy, or little to little.

 

there is a common and predictable response to threads about relationship problems. the guaranteed response? just give up on the relationship, he/she a bad daddy/little, you did nothing wrong, you deserve better ect. it is an intellectually dishonest emotional "circle-jerk". it is in every single thread, and predictable like death and taxes.

 

it's almost like people are rooting for relationship destruction, instead of healing.

 

WF

Edited November 24, 2016 by WaldenFound

[FLdaddy]

The bottom line is he had s responsibility to aftercare here and he neglected that responsibility. You say you are not taking her Daddy's side here, but it feels as if you are. I don't care who's side it is...

She lied- bad. She was punished. It is his responsibility as a Daddy to drop it once the punishment is over and go back to loving her.

He is not a new Daddy, I know as I spoke with her about it. He should have known better than the treatment he gave to her.

With this said everyone here is correct with their opinions on the fact the daddy did not fulfill his responsibilities as such. Like wf said we have only got one side of the story here and we must have all been assuming that he was new to this as well. After this there is no excuse for his actions. Now the ball is the OP court to sit down and try and fix this or move on. To the OP I am so sorry you are going through this! As you can see we as a community, we do care for you and your well being!

[LittleJulieBean]

So I have good news! I took the advise, and I talked to my daddy! He said he was very very sorry and didn't know how he forgot. He said that he's going to try more to tell me when I'm a good girl and such!

[Mr. Walden]

[LittleJulieBean]

Thanks to everyone who gave me advise, and tried to help! I appreciate it!

[Mr. Walden]

So I have good news! I took the advise, and I talked to my daddy! He said he was very very sorry and didn't know how he forgot. He said that he's going to try more to tell me when I'm a good girl and such!

can i ask where the disconnect was between you two? (why the problem happened?)

[LoralieHaze]

I find there is a sense of undeserved entitlement growing in this community in regards to relationships. omg daddy hasnt returned my text! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! omg daddy disagrees with me! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! omg we have diffrent kinks! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! omg i feel bad! solution? he's a bad daddy, i/you deserve better and the relationship should be over! etc ect ect.

 

This entire post is rather maddening but I'm only going to address the hugest fallacy that you're buying into. Someone not texting back right away, or having a disagreement, or not having the same kinks is nowhere even remotely near the seriousness of aftercare neglect. I can't even begin to understand how someone can see these things as comparable.

 

It's overwhelmingly obvious that you've never experienced subdrop. Do you know what it is? Do you have any idea how horrible it feels? It's not just "I feel bad". It's "I feel disgusting, abandoned, worthless, and guilty". And that's only the emotional part! (I experienced it ONCE and it affected me for six years.) You suggested that the OP put herself in her daddy's shoes but did you ever try putting yourself in OP's shoes? Or any sub, for that matter?

 

I apologize to anyone reading this for coming off so ragey. It just really irritates me when people in this community shrug off the basic tenets of BDSM. Especially when they use that as an excuse to criticize the entire community at large.

 

I'm very glad that OP did the right thing and talked to her daddy about it though .

[Mr. Walden]

relax, LKL.

 

i was meerly pointing out the hypocrisy of the threads wherein a "little" is venting about some trouble with their daddy, then everybody rushes to the little's rescuse with false emotional validation. the point is that NO one is making a counterpoint. per your argument, i guess littles are so emotionally fragile, they cannot be troubled with anything less than 100% support, intellectual honesty be damned.

 

this is called being emotionally disingenuous, with cognitive dissonance as "support".

 

but, whatever. a real psychologist would be able to explain it better.

 

have a happy thanksgiving!

 

WF

Edited November 24, 2016 by WaldenFound

[Tasha-Pasha]

in this day and age of entitlement and instant gratification, no one wants to put forth any energy into solving relationship problems. why solve somthing, when you can just run away and get a new relationship? i believe a narcissistic attitude is creeping into our community ie: "it's never my fault, i deserve absolute perfection in a mate, this relationship isn't perfect, so i will bounce from daddy to daddy, or little to little.

 

there is a common and predictable response to threads about relationship problems. the guaranteed response? just give up on the relationship, he/she a bad daddy/little, you did nothing wrong, you deserve better ect. it is an intellectually dishonest emotional "circle-jerk". it is in every single thread, and predictable like death and taxes.

 

it's almost like people are rooting for relationship destruction, instead of healing.

 

WF

Hmmmm... Again, I respectfully disagree with your assessment of this thread. The majority of posters on here gave advice of talking things out with the daddy, not just up and leaving him.

 

I do agree that we live in a world where instant gratification is rampant, however I do not see that reflected in this thread. Yes, many threads on here show support towards the OP when the OP has posted about a problem within their relationship dynamic. I find this to be a supportive action, not an enabling action. I do find that most posters are rather level headed in their advice to the OP. The most common advice I have seen given on this forum is for the OP to face the problem head on (i.e. talk to their SO or whomever they are having difficulty with).

 

I do also agree that there is quite a bit of bouncing from one daddy to another as well as from one little to the other but I would equate this with the age of these "hoppers" as most seem to be in their late teens to early/mid twenties. This is the time of life when a person dates many people in order to gain experience and knowledge in both what they have to offer someone else and what they are looking for in a relationship. In other words it is par for the territory and not indicative of underlying narcissistic tendencies.

 

I am happy to see that the OP has talked this through with their daddy. Hopefully both have gained valuable insight and wisdom from this experience.