Little training?

[Baby_squirrel]

I've been seeing littles mention being new to ddlg and needing training. I've also seen a few DD's personals post they offer little training. What exactly is training? Does it have a place in ddlg? Who decides if it is needed in a relationship. I would like to know if I'm missing out on something important. Thank you in advance!

[Johnny Hammersticks]

I used to use the term "in training" with my little. Just basiclly meaning getting her used to the rules and structure i wanted for her. She started out pretty bratty and defiant, but after a year or so, i would jokingly refer to her as being well trained. Cos she knew what to expect from me in terms of our set of rules and punishes. And she became to follow the rules really well, made progress in the areas we worked on, like healthy eating and asking permissions for stuff.

 

It was both of our first try at a DDLG relationship, so we both changed alot, and, again, thats when i refered to her as being well trained. After we got to that point, i would mention begining her sub training, which she was curious and receptive to, but we didnt get that far with that cos, y'know... Circumstances n stuff... Blah.

 

But yeah, for us, training was just a playful way to describe how we managed our DDLG relationship, and how it progressed over a certain period of time. Thats what "training" meant to me, at least.

[FLdaddy]

As the term training goes, everyone will have their own definition for it. As you can see from above. However with my experience in the bdsm world, I was a dom and master and I used training to teach my sub/slave to want to submit to me. Anyone can tie someone up and spank them lol. However it takes a special person to willingly want to submit to you. As far as littles go I honestly do not see a need for training. Wither you are a little or not. If you like to color, drink from sippy cups, use a pack, or whatever then guess what your a little. You cannot train someone to do that. Now a DD or MD, they could use training to better understand what to do. I think the big thing we as caregivers need to know is the amount of time and sacrifice it takes to keep the little happy and feeling safe. Just always remember that you are who you are and as long as you and your partner are safe and happy then you are doing it right for the two of you and who cares what others think.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I agree with the above, but I actually see a lot more of mentoring than training being used. Maybe they are the same concept, but I've been a mentor for subs and doms for nearly three years now. It's very rewarding, and it's basically just like having a friend who sometimes assigns you homework and makes you think about yourself more than you would normally. But it's different everywhere you look!

[PrettyLittlePrincessAlison]

Coming from a littles perspective, training consisted of my getting used to following Daddy's rules and learning what his expectations are. It was also how he got used to how I would react to his punishments and my ways of getting around rules. He is hella organized and the training bootcamp lasted 3 weeks. I still have the same rules now but things are a little more relaxed.

From my POV, training is pretty necessary because it helps to break habbits and form new ones that are desirable to Daddy. Through training, I also earned rewards that helped me feel like I was doing things correctly the way Daddy wanted me to. My training was not at the very beginning of our DDLG relationship but it was maybe two months in (we were in a vanilla relationship for almost 2 years before DDLG where we slowly incorporated more and more BDSM), which gave us the opportunity to figure out some ground rules and goals and our limits before training bootcamp.

Edited November 16, 2016 by PrettyLittlePrincessAlison

[LoralieHaze]

The concept of training comes directly from Master/slave and has no inherent connection to or with DDlg. In my experience, when I see a little saying that they want/need to be trained, they are brand new to this and actually just want someone to teach them everything (which isn't good by the way). When I see a caregiver saying that they offer/demand training, they either want someone much more submissive than the average little or they're confused about how this dynamic works. I'm not saying this is true every single time but about 99% of what I've seen.

 

I've said this before and I will say it again: littles do not need to be trained, littles need to be nurtured. I have absolutely no issues with the concept of slave training but littles and slaves are extremely different. Littles require a much more gentle approach from their Dom/Dommes because we're often (but not always) very vulnerable people. It is that gentle approach that, in my opinion, defines what it is to be a Daddy or Mommy. 

 

It's fine to incorporate aspects of M/s into DDlg, but both (or all) parties have to be completely aware of the differences between the two dynamics and give their full, informed consent to it. It worries me a lot when I see the lines between these two types of D/s being blurred because the vast majority of people who join this site are brand new and know nothing at all about BDSM. I don't want someone coming into DDlg for the first time and thinking that they must be trained, or that they're not allowed to say no. Neither of those things are what this dynamic is about.

 

In regards to what Belle said, mentoring is very different. In my opinion that is helping someone to grow in the community and learn about themselves, more often than not in a non-sexual way. Mentoring is something that seems very old-school to me but that should be encouraged more in this community.

Edited November 18, 2016 by LittleKittenLo

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Daddy and I have decided we are going to do a training of sorts. We are DDlg and sub/Dom and we've experimented with it for quiet some time now. We have never really tested boundaries though. So for awhile we're going to be following rules pretty strict and for punishments Daddy is going to test my limits, something we've never done. This is 100% consensual and more experimental than training. We both want to know what our limits are, and I strive to be more obedient so hopefully have a strict period for rules will help in this matter.

[PrettyLittlePrincessAlison]

[Baby_squirrel]

Thanks for all your explanations. I get mentoring, it sounds great! I believe there used to be volunteer mentors availble on this site, sometime in 2015? I don't know what happened after that. Truly it is important for littles and bigs to do their own research and come to a proper understanding themselves.

 

A bit of help is always welcome and why I asked about training. It does indeed sound like training is from M/s origins. Coincidently I think a few littles already have that type of relationship established and came over from that to ddlg or (like me) are lacking background info about bdsm.

 

So far, for those supporting training it sounds like the natural occurrence of establishing and adjusting rules along with establishing fair punishments. The exception is that training sounds more (physically) intense. It honestly scares me a teensy bit. However, I did ask a more adult question, so I thank you for the answers. Honestly, training by testing boundries through punishment scares me a bit. I'm not knocking it and in fact have more questions!

 

For the sake of myself and any others trying to understand are there 'softer' forms of training. Alison and babygirl what type of rules are you all referring to and do you have examples of punishments?

Edited November 18, 2016 by Baby_squirrel

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Well Daddy and I have not officially started our training yet, and I have s long list of rules but some of my more important ones are...

1) don't talk bad about myself. I am Daddy's and I am beautiful

2) don't pick or cause self harm (I don't self harm... however part of my anxiety is I pick at anything open on my skin... it distracts Me but is something I wish to not do so Daddy is helping me get over it)

3) do not talk back to Daddy

4) no cussing (I never use to cuss period and then we started using some words in the bedroom and I decided to start using them all the time. So now Daddy wants me to get back to using them in the bedroom only)

5) respect Daddy always and no mean words about him

6) tell Daddy what's on my mind/be honest

 

Punishments we have established we are okay with so far is:

1) spankings

2) Daddy will pinch my thigh sometimes out in public since spanking isn't acceptable. This is easy to hide.

3) taking away privledges (although we've yet to ever use this one...)

4) time outs (again, never used)

5) lines (never used)

 

We are newer to DDlg and started off strictly vanilla and transitioned to sub/Dom about three years ago. We are still very much learning. We will be setting up some ground rules for training tonight to keep each other safe...

 

I also feel the need to add that Daddy and I have yet to ever use our safeword. Which i suppose is good.

Edited November 18, 2016 by Daddy's_Babygirl

[PrettyLittlePrincessAlison]

[Baby_squirrel]

Thanks so much for your replies again. Especially the details of your TPE. I'm interested in TPE once I find someone that I trust and love enough to hand mt power to (not sure I said that right).

 

Alison, do your eating rules only apply at home or does it extend to work and possible dates at restaurants or family/friends houses? If I'm being to nosey please ignore my questions. The punishments don't at all seem as intense. I guess they could vary once training starts. I wonder in general how often punishments evolve.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Thanks so much for your replies again. Especially the details of your TPE. I'm interested in TPE once I find someone that I trust and love enough to hand mt power to (not sure I said that right).

 

Alison, do your eating rules only apply at home or does it extend to work and possible dates at restaurants or family/friends houses? If I'm being to nosey please ignore my questions. The punishments don't at all seem as intense. I guess they could vary once training starts. I wonder in general how often punishments evolve.

I can't answer for Allison... but Daddy makes our dinner every night and when we're out he orders for me. I generally get to pick my food, however sometimes he does tell me no. For example, I LOVE pasta, but being diabetic it makes my blood sugar drop. Daddy limits how much pasta I can have and makes me have meat with it so the protein can help maintain my sugar.

[PrettyLittlePrincessAlison]

At home I cook all meals and sometimes Daddy helps. Daddy and I meal plan once a week together before grocery shopping. While cooking I wear my apron and while eating I wear a bib and use a sippy (or Tervis) cup to drink. When we have visitors I don't have to wear a bib. While out, he orders my food for me so I dont have to talk to anyone. I uusally ask him for what i want and he decides if thats what I'll get or not. I have several food sensitivities and allergies so I can't/shouldn't eat much of certain things so he watches out for ingredients that might effect me.