Need Some Advice

[musicaddict]

Hey everyone, I know I haven't posted much and not in about a year at that, but I could really use some advice.

 

So I've met someone (yay!), maybe. It's new. We've only been talking for a few of weeks but we try and talk everyday even when we're busy or tired and we're both trying to make an effort to get to know each other. It's purely an online and text thing right now. We haven't really discussed what we are but we've both indicated we want to see how this goes, saying that in the future we'll have certain discussions and have discussed the idea of visiting each other when we're both ready.

 

Bonus? She's got a dominant side. It's something we've flirted about and discussed a little, though not any real specifics yet. But enough to establish she likes the idea of me submitting to her and that I like the idea of submitting to her.

 

Which leads me to the point where I need advice, and I figured why not ask here since a) I have questions relating to my fondness for age play and a lot of cg/l relationships start long distance so I figured you guys would have the experience to offer sound words of wisdom. Especially given I have NO relationship experience.

 

1) At what point is it reasonable to try and define what we are? I've indicated I'm not interested in anyone else and she's said things that make me think she feels the same though she hasn't outright said it (I'm actually somehow the more open one about my feelings).

 

2) What's a good amount of time to wait before bringing up the idea of a phone call? We're already texting and taking it slow but I really want to hear her voice. At the same time I don't want to rush things or make her uncomfortable.

 

3) Any advice for how to have the talk about what we're each onto sexually? Like at what point is it a reasonable discussion to have? And if/when we have it, is it a good idea to bring up the age play/MDLG thing from the get go or leave it until later?

 

The next two are more me venting insecurities but if you have advice for them, it'd be welcome:

 

4) I worry I might suffer from a degree of sexual dysfunction. I can get turned on but I don't really orgasm or get a ton of physical pleasure. Which is odd because I really enjoy the mental aspects. I haven't been to see an OB/GYN yet because finding a good one in my area is hard, let alone one who takes my insurance. I know depending on how things go, I'm going to have to disclose it at some point because I don't want for us to get intimate and her to think it's her or something she is or isn't doing. I'd imagine it's come up with the kink discussion but I don't know.

 

5) I am overweight. Not morbidly so, but I'm definitely carrying some extra pounds. (200 and something lbs and 5'5"). At what point would I disclose that? Should I even disclose that? I don't know what she looks like and she doesn't know what I look like either. Honestly, for me if I meet her in person and still feel the same connection and she still makes me laugh and smile then I don't really care. And I'd like to think it'd be the same for her but who knows. On one hand, if she balks then hey, she's not the one for me and it's her loss right? But also I really like her, so I'd be bummed.

 

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read and offering advise if you do so! ~ Music

[andromedae]

For number 5, I don't think your weight would matter personally. It's really what's on the inside that counts, not the outside! If you decide to tell her, then I hope she's accepting of it. Someone's appearance shouldn't matter. Weight isn't the first thing that you should be worried about. Unless it's affecting your health greatly and it's taking a toll on your daily life functions.

 

For the sexual dysfunction; Don't get all worked up about that. They should understand that you may have a dysfunction, and maybe you could try and find one that takes your insurance and is reliable. You could discuss it when bringing up your age-play/mdlg kink.

 

You could simply ask her if she would be comfortable with having a phone call, it took a while for me to get comfortable with calling my Daddy, but if she refuses, then wait a little. Tell her why you would like to. Maybe that it would comfort you. Don't sound too forceful about it.

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[Antoinette]

Hey there! Congrats on finding someone, buddy. So to answer your questions: 

 

1) Generally I find establishing a relationship can make it more awkward for the initial time it's initiated in, it's better to just enjoy what you have now and then let it turn itself into a relationship, happening naturally is the best and easiest way in my opinion. 

 

2) For this one I don't think there is a 'specific time', maybe because I talk to just about anybody I can because I'm obsessed with accents but just bring it up to her! Ask if she has Skype or whatever she'd like to talk on and bring up the topic of talking to each other, if she has any worries let her express them and talk through it together - make her comfortable. 

 

3) Now this one is tricky. Generally, at least for me - it's a huge turn off when somebody brings up sexual things without me showing interest first. I'd wait for her to bring up a sexual topic and then bring up what you're into. And it's no more than that, just explaining MD/lg and telling her that it's what you like, talk to her about age play, correct any misconceptions she may have and then see if you're both comfortable with trying it. It really isn't too hard - I promise!

 

4) I'm sure you know that an orgasm for a girl is a lot harder to achieve than for a male. So what I'd suggest is invest in some toys, learn how to stimulate your clitoris properly and also just enjoy yourself sexually. I think a lot of people get caught up in the idea of 'having to orgasm' when, at least for me, it can feel amazing without even climaxing, I personally don't need to but perhaps it's something that you should explore more 'within yourself'  

 

5) Weight, in my opinion, is only an issue if it effects your health. If it doesn't, who cares? If you like how you look, rock it! If you don't try to focus on having a healthier diet and exercise routine, perhaps ask a doctor if your current weight is healthy or if it's causing you any health problems currently or if it will in the future. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's purely what's on the inside that counts because for a lot of people, that's not true and I'd be lying. People like to lie to themselves and pretend that physical attraction isn't even a factor and they care about only personality; for many people, yes, personality is key but physical attraction is needed for most people. If you don't find your partner attractive what's the point? I don't think it's personally something that should be a deal-breaker but I do think that 5'5'' and 200lb probably isn't the healthiest you could be, but again if you have no health problems who am I to say anything? Health and happiness are all that really matters here.

 

Please do tell us how things go! [: