Guest Ginger Posted November 13, 2016 Report Posted November 13, 2016 So... a little background is necessary, I think? I was with my ex for almost 4 years. He knew I liked DDLG, but was extremely abhorrent to the idea of it. He told me so on multiple occasions. But whenever he wanted something sexual, he'd abuse the fact that I liked it and guilt me into a lot of stuff I wasn't interested in doing. He'd get really upset if I wasn't in the mood for sex and ignore me afterwards for hours. That didn't help the anxiety and depression I had (which he knew of and called me 'crazy' for). We went long distance when I had to move for my job and it only got worse. I had an anxiety attack one evening and tried to talk to him about it. He yelled at me, again called me crazy, and berated me for going to therapy and taking medication. He thought I should be able to deal with all of this on my own. I was sleeping up to 15 hours a day, I'd lost almost 20 lbs, and he still made it out like I was to blame for all of my problems. Fast forward to present day. I broke up with him when I found out he was cheating on me. Maybe 5 months ago, I ran into an old co-worker (let's call him Jack) I knew about 4 years ago. We spent some time catching up and went out to dinner a few times with a group of friends. The night before we were both due to go on an extended job for work, we went out on a date and it all went well! We continued to talk through email and were able to see each other every day (not privately of course). Given our living conditions, we weren't able to have any real alone time, so it was all just us talking and such. He'd jokingly tell me to call him Daddy, in a roundabout way set up unspoken rules (going to eat, sleeping, things that are common sense but he'd check up on whenever he saw me). I kinda pushed it all aside because of how my ex had treated me. We were finally able to go out on another date about two months after this job started and Jack asked me out, I said yes. Well, one evening a week or so later we were out drinking and I stupidly suggested we play 21 questions. It turned more into me answering questions because I can't clearly recall any of his answers... But from what Jack had told me and what I can remember, he did ask a few sexually related questions. I don't clearly remember him asking anything about or related to DDLG but he'd started calling me baby or baby girl, making more references to it. We went out to an aquarium and I was super excited about it, dragging him along as we looked at all the fish, penguins and such. We got to a little store that had stuffed animals and I was slipping into my little space. He didn't bat an eye, going right along with me debating what one to get and the reasons why I couldn't get certain ones (not soft enough, not squishy enough). I finally picked one out and he grabbed it for a second, "He needs a name... Moxy!" and handed the seal back. I was grinning and laughing while we sat down to wait for a show to start. My ex would have gotten mad at me for joking around, telling him to talk to my new stuffed animal, berating me for playing. Jack? He just smiled and had a full on conversation with Moxy while I laughed and swung my feet. He pointed out that the seat I was sitting in didn't allow me to touch the floor (I'm short) and said I was cute and started tickling me. I plan on having a conversation with him when this job is over with... but what do you all think? >.< I really don't want what happened with my ex to repeat itself... I was crushed and I don't think I could put up with it all again. On one hand I'm hoping Jack does like DDLG (or already know of it), but on the other, I'm scared he'll just use it against me. I'm just confused right now :/
skipro101 Posted November 13, 2016 Report Posted November 13, 2016 Sounds like you were really affected by your ex. I was really affected by my ex when she cheated on me. It hurts a lot and certainly leaves deep wounds that take time to heal.It sounds like you are bonding with your bf well. Take your time to get to know him better, A guy/girl can only hide their true character for so long before they start to show their real character. He seems like he is soo much more suited to you, Even if he isn't into the ddlg way of life he sounds like he would still love you for who you are... who knows he might even be into ddlg but is also too shy to say it. 1
LoralieHaze Posted November 13, 2016 Report Posted November 13, 2016 In my interpretation of what you've posted, I don't see any of it as a sign or clear indicator that this new guy is or isn't into DDlg, or if he will or won't be open to the possibility. The problem with your ex wasn't that he wasn't into DDlg, it was that he was abusive. It's possible for you to find someone who is into DDlg but also abusive, or someone who isn't into DDlg and isn't abusive. What I'm trying to say is that there's no correlation between the two. You don't need to be looking for signs that someone might be a daddy, but instead looking for signs that someone might not have your best interests at heart. That's really what's important here. If you want to remain casual with "Jack" then there is no reason to tell him about DDlg unless you want to. But if you feel like you might be falling in love with him and you would like him to potentially be your Daddy, then you should have an open and honest discussion about DDlg with him very soon. If he is 1) already familiar with it, or 2) open to the concept, that shouldn't mean that he is automatically your CG now. You two will still need to negotiate each others hard and soft limits, what you want from the dynamic, all that type of stuff. 2
xX_iRis_Xx Posted November 13, 2016 Report Posted November 13, 2016 I'm sorry that you had to go through such a painful experience with your ex. It's definitely something that no one deserves to go through. But, painful as it was, you were still able to go out and have fun with Jack right? I think that's very admirable and courageous because you didn't let your past experience stop you from socializing with other guys and/or getting to know them. Jack seems like a cool guy. Even if he isn't DDLG, he seems like he accepts you for who you are and I think that's all you been wanting. Especially after how your ex treated you. I say "give it a chance". Definitely, get to know more about Jack and talk to him about your feelings. Let him know that you been hurt in the past and that you can't go through something like that again. But, I would only tell him this if you actually form feelings for him. That way you let him know what happened and it will show him that you are invested in this relationship just as much as he may be. I truly hope the best for you and good luck!
Guest Ginger Posted November 13, 2016 Report Posted November 13, 2016 @Skipro101 ~ Thank you very much. I'm a lot happier with him than I was with my ex, by far! I'm not exactly looking for him to be into DDLG, but it would be nice that if I were to bring it up, he wouldn't be so against it. I'd be happy honestly if he were just accepting of it. I don't need a CG to be happy Not saying it wouldn't be nice but he's already so sweet! I wouldn't him at all. @LittleKittenLo ~ I'm not really looking for him to be into it or not, I'm just afraid of what happened before. But you are right, there isn't a correlation between the two and I shouldn't be looking for signs. I guess it's just a guard I've put up is all. Like I said above, "Jack" is so sweet and he treats me well, I wouldn't want to change him. If he is into it, awesome. If he's not, that's totally fine. I just don't want a repeat of my ex. He was abusive, I agree and it's just put me on edge with guys for awhile, I suppose. But we've already established a few soft and hard limits, regardless of the relationship we hold, vanilla or not, which I'm happy with. I don't *need* a label to be happy with him. Whatever happens, happens. I'll just have to hope for the best I'll bring it up with him as soon as we're back home and in a work environment 24/7 though. Thank you! @Iris ~ Oh, I definitely had a fun time with him, and have continued to do so! ^^ I let him know as soon as we met up against what had happened and he apologized for how my ex treated me. He even had a few of his buddies asking why we weren't dating when we'd been hanging out every day for nearly a month. He told them that I'd just gotten out of a relationship and he wasn't going to push another one on me so soon. We talked it out though and that's why we are where we are :3 I certainly like him a lot, but I'm waiting to see if that goes deeper before I say anything serious ("I love you"). Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it! ^^ 3
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