New to the lifestyle... help!

[SweetLilPeach]

First off let me start by saying hello to everyone. I haven't made an intro yet, but I will soon. I am new to the lifestyle, as I have just recently learned about it. I have always done "little" things though and have always liked calling my SO "daddy" especially in the bedroom (my current SO doesn't mind it, but hes not turned on by it either. Also I know there is more to a DD/lg relationship than that, but that is what got me looking into it more). Since learning about the Dd/lg community I have done some research and I very much love the idea of a DD/lg type of dynamic.. and honestly I already sort of have one. But neither of us really knew about the community or anything. He looks after me and asks if I have eaten yet and things of that nature and he has bought me stuffies and thinks I am cute when I embrace my inner little and color, watch Disney movies, or wear a onesie. He has been into Dom/sub relationships before, and knows quite a bit more about it than I do honestly. But he was unfamiliar with DD/lg. I tried to explain it to him and share with him some of the blogs and things I have read and why it appeals to me and stuff. He says he is afraid it will change the whole dynamic of our relationship and turn everything on its head. He said he likes us being equals/partners and doesn't want to have to put all this energy into being a dom. From what I have found every DD/lg relationship is different. Some have rules/harsh punishments and so on. He really almost meets all of my needs, but i'd like to call him daddy outside the bedroom. I want him to call me princess/babygirl. I want him to be on board with this and explore this with me. He already pushes me to better myself and looks after me. How do I explain to him what I am asking for? I don't expect him to carry the weight of all the adult things in our life or anything, im still going to be there to help as much as I always have. I'm still going to work to help support us. But I would very much love to be collared by him. I would very much love to call him daddy. I respect and love this man more than anyone I have ever been with and I want this with him so bad. Does any of this rambling make any sense? Someone please help! 

 

**Edit: Thought I mentioned this, but.. we are also a long distance couple who have been together over a year and a half.

Edited November 12, 2016 by SweetLilPeach

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi welcome and great on you for asking a super question.

I am going to use your own words to answer your question.

 

You have just created a list of the things you want to put in your DDlg agreement. 

1. "i'd like to call him daddy outside the bedroom.

2. I want him to call me princess/babygirl.

3. I want him to be on board with this and explore this with me.

4. He already pushes me to better myself and looks after me.

5. I don't expect him to carry the weight of all the adult things in our life or anything,

6. I'm still going to be there to help as much as I always have.

7. I'm still going to work to help support us.

8. But I would very much love to be collared by him.

9. I would very much love to call him daddy."

 

Here is the beginning of his list...

1. Does not want to change the whole dynamic of your relationship and turn everything on its head.

2. He said he likes us being equals/partners

3. He doesn't want to have to put all this energy into being a dom.

 

Invite him to a conversation about how you want to be a DDlg couple.

Bring the list with you as a tool to help the flow of chat.

When you each have voiced your desired points of agreement you will feel so much better and live happily ever after. Hugs

[SweetLilPeach]

Thank you so much! I am going to give it a shot. I really just need him to understand that there is no cookie cutter dynamic for DDlg, that we can adapt it to fit us. Have any other daddies on here possibly gotten into the lifestyle this way (your little telling you about it)? If so, what helped make it "click" for you?

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Daddy and I were vanilla early on, but we started sub/Dom in the bedroom after a year... ''twas my ideas... Now we are DDlg alllll the time. I never really felt like your traditional sub, though. I found a blog one night by mistake about DDlg and went "ohmygosh this is us!" And brought it to Daddy's attention. We realized it was, indeed us... and so we began.

 

We are new to it, only a few months in with the label, but it has always been who we are. Best advice I can give you is just be yourself, accept it, and move at your own pace. If your Daddy is nervous then it may be a slower pace.

[SweetLilPeach]

Yeah we are pretty similar. I feel like we already have the type of dynamic I want. Like I just got a diet coke and a cup of iced espresso and he goes "not the most healthy breakfast :P". He cares about my well being and points out when I could be taking better care of myself. I love that. He is also always pushing me to go put job applications in and have faith in myself. He builds me up. He is nurturing, kind, patient, and thinks most of my little hobbies/habits are cute. He just seems to be under the impression that if we do this we have to change everything about our relationship and turn it on its head. I was going to try having a talk about it with him last night, but he wasn't in the best of moods and I didn't feel like it was a good time. Due to our time difference it will be tonight before I can try again. We'll see. Last time I tried to talk to him about this he seemed pretty dismissive about it all. :/

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Start the conversation offf with telling him this is a time for open and honest communication and that you need him to listen before he makes assumptions. Let him know that everything doesn't have to change. Tell him about how and why you feel that you're already in the dynamic. If you feel it will help, have both of you take the BDSM test. Ask him why, when he has had similar relationships in the past, he is not willing to try one with you.

[SweetLilPeach]

Yeah, I would really love to know the answer to that. I honestly sort of feel like i'm being penalized for not knowing about this when our relationship first started. I think had we gone into the relationship knowing about it he would be much more open to it. I think he is just scared of any kind of change, doesn't want to "rock the boat" so to speak. Or "if it ain't broke don't fix it". 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Relationships change, as do the people in them. Your partner might be wise to try it out before yours gets stagnant. It's my belief that one can only deny themselves their true personality for so long before they can't take it any more.

[Princess-P]

I think everything you've said about your relationship so far is great. It sounds like all you really want to do is put a label on it and give yourselves label type names.

 

While labels do not define a relationship I do understand your desire to be able to express yourselves more openly as a CG/l dynamic. This takes some communication. Tell him what you have told us. Explain that nothing will change but that you wish to use some terminology for each other that suit this lifestyle and maybe open up some new possibilities for your relationship. Let him know nothing you try is set in stone but that exploring your interest is healthy.

 

Your right about no right or wrong way to carry out this kind of relationship. Make it what works best for the two if you. In my experience, with my Daddy of almost 9 years, trying something new often strengthens a relationship,even if its a total failure and you never try it again.

 

Try some mild rules, if they don't work then don't continue. Or a daily routine he sets for you. Again, if it doesn't work you don't have to keep it up. (Neither of these worked for me so its not part of my dynamic but it does work for many). Leave the conversation open to things he would like to try as well, even if they are not typically CG/l related. It will show that its not one sided and that things he's interested in can also be tried out.

[SweetLilPeach]

Oh absolutely! Thank you everyone for your amazing advice and the warm welcome! ♥ *hugs* 

Edited November 13, 2016 by SweetLilPeach

[Littleboobookitty]

Hey guys! (New too) and in a similar situation.. but with hubby. We are basically already DDlg relationship. But I too want to bring up the idea that I would like to further it. He already calls me baby/baby girl/kitten. I call him daddy. He plays with me like I'm little too. And buys me stuffies and things like that. But he doesn't actually know about DDlg. So rules, punishments aren't really existent right now...

I'm just wondering how to bring up the idea to him and tell him about it. SweetLilPeach, can you let me know how it goes with your family and how you confronted the idea!! ❤️❤️❤️

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

All the others gave you awesome advice! I just wanted to say Welcome!

[SweetLilPeach]

Well me and my *internally squeals happily as she calls him this* Daddy, are long distance. So our main way of communicating is via skype, sometimes voice but a lot of the times we just type back and forth as we go about doing whatever we need to do that day/night (time differences are so much FUN!..not). But basically I wrote him a book haha I told him what I was asking for and what it would mean to me both sexually and not. When I first spoke to him about it he was having a bad day and not all that receptive, which upset me. So the next day even just through texting he could tell something was wrong. This man is like super intuitive. Anyway he ends up dragging out of me what is bothering me and he wrote ME a book. Apologized for his mood and if he had upset me and reassured me he was okay me having little time and that some of it might even be hot for him. Basically he just said to take things slow with him and explain things to him like he's stupid because he has no idea what he's doing, but he wants to try for me. He wants me to be happy. So I'd say just go slow with him and  just drop into conversation. Be like hey, so you know what I think would be fun? If you help keep me on track. I want to make a goal or chore chart and we could make up prizes and punishments for me doing them. Bring some sexy into it to grab his attention. I wouldn't just throw DDLG at him, just kinda ease into the other aspects you feel your relationship is missing. Once you start to get there and get all those things you can be like so did you know there is a whole community of couples/people like us?! and then you can tell him about it.

 

Edit: Also thank you for the welcome! 

Edited November 15, 2016 by SweetLilPeach