Confused, need help

[Guest Angel163]

My bf always gets upset when I go with friends, but he never tries to understand when I am having a problem with him being alone with another girl. I'm so confused and hurt as to why he does that if I follow the rule of not being alone with a boy. I'm lost, confused and emotionally hurt, not only that but he also seems to not make time for me when I always sacrifice a ton of time for him. I've done a ton and almost died proving my loyalty and love for him but he doesn't. I don't understand anymore what to think.

[ruthy0103]

I have been in a relationship like this and I am not saying that it will end up like mine, because I am not an expert on this, but what I would recommend is for you to talk to him seriously, like let him know how much it hurts, because maybe he doesn't know or understand how big of an issue it is to you and of course do whatever makes you happy, do not sacrifice your happiness for anyone else. At the end only you can make yourself truly happy. I hope everything goes well and if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me .

[Guest Angel163]

Thank u princess, I'll try.

[Guest Princessaj]

Good for you to ask for help.

The following is my guess, since you didn't mention these things in your post

 

It sounds like you have a young bf, you have not been together for very long and you may or may not be exclusive?

 

-Your bf is around your age? Guys around this age are sometimes very exclusive/loyal and sometimes not at all.

 

-It doesn't seem like you have been together for very long, but that is ok. The issues about seeing others are for the early times when things are getting worked out.

 

-Are you exclusive? Well, this is the deal breaker for you it seems. You have to be crystal clear with each other on this point. It can't hang in the air as it will make problems as it seems to be doing.

 

I am unclear if you are having a vanilla relationship or DDlg? In vanilla there are agreements and understandings with both partners.  Some couples in DDlg, have an agreement about these things that is written and signed by both the Dom and the sub. You may want to make your own list of things you want to be agreed on and bring it to a conversation so you can discuss it. When you go one by one you can mark the ones that will be in the agreement and when your done, type up a copy for each of you to sign.

 

So far it looks like you have the following to discuss, I have written it like you would in your agreement...

 

1. I want to be able to go see my friends on my own.

A note, if a guy ever tries to keep you away from your friends it is a danger sign of being controlling so please keep this in mind.

2. I agree not to be alone with a boy and you, (your bf )will also not be alone with a girl.

3. We will both make time to be with each other on specified days for a certain amount of time available.

A note: this depends on work, school and other obligations. Make a balance of all the time you give to others and keep some for yourself. The best way to suggest this idea is to decide to make a calendar of things to do. example: We will have dinner between classes and work on Monday. Come up with things to do that compliment what you both like. If you just say you will get together, sometimes you just end up doing nothing, unless that is what you want to do.

 

If your bf is not able to discuss these things with you and come to an agreement you both can live with, he may not be right for you. Use the agreement as a tool to prove knowing sooner than later.  DDlg is for adults and adults communicate and make agreements because it protects both of you from making assumptions. I wish you all the best. Happy to chat anytime.

[Guest Angel163]

He is 18 just a few days older, we have been together for a year and 2 months, we had already discussed the whole situation on the girl and boy alone but he seems to not take it into account sometimes. Even when I tell him why it bothers me he seems me as if there is no reason to be. We are in a vanilla relationship and he is learning about ddlg but didn't understand so Shy offered to explain to him. Thank you for reading and responding, I'll see what we work out.

[Guest Wholockprincess23]

Hey Angel.

 

I'm really sorry that you are experiencing this. I unfortunately have to say that I've been in similar situations a few too many times. 

 

Unfortunately, guys do mature slower than girls do, regardless of us being "little". At that age boys don't tend to take us as seriously as they sometimes should.

 

I think what you really need to do is tell him that he's seriously hurting you and that he needs to start taking you seriously when you voice things that upset you. That it's not something to just shrug off and that if he cared he would make sure to listen. Your feelings matter just as much as his and if he can't see that, there's something wrong there. You deserve just as much love and respect as you are putting out there and he needs to see that and reciprocate it.

I hope you can manage to have a talk that helps him to see how he's making you feel and takes steps to change it.

 

Just remember, take care of yourself. Do what is right for you and don't let someone treat you as if you are less than what you are. <3

[Guest Angel163]

Thank u, I'll see if we can talk since I do see all your points on what's going on.