Trust taken for granted?

[Guest thequeenslittle]

Hi im sorry i dont know how to make this sound not like complaining or bratty but it kinda is so im just gonna say it. My mommy and i have beenhaving issues lately where i feel like she takes my blind trust in her for granted. I have had a few really bad relationships in the past where i was heavily taken advantage of and hurt but i have done my best to focus on the fact that mommy is not them and to be mature in all of this in my relationship with her and to completely trust her. Yet she doesnt seem to realize how hard that is for me and she doesnt seem to belive im being honest when i tell her things. i have a history of lying but not to her. i always tell her the truth but i have a bit of a mental isse that causes a blur ebtween reality and fantasy so sometimes what i think is the truth is in fact not. Am i wrong to be upset by this? or is it understandable? Its really hard for me to have my blind trust in her when she keeps doubting what i say should i continue to trust her anyways? i have made myself insanely vulnerable to her should i continue that or put up some walls? im not really sure what im looking for i think i just need some advcie to help me straighten things out in my mind

[Guest Princessaj]

I am inspired by your post. So please slow down and see how I have learned how trust is created.

 

Trusting yourself and Trusting someone are not a perfect science.

 

Here is a basic way I look at the big picture of trust.

 

Trust is complex.

 

1. Can I trust myself?

 

Trusting yourself takes modeling.

 

People in your life, usually your family, have to show you how to consider many Human factors that will teach you decision making instincts.

 

EXAMPLE: when you approach a new dog..they will smell you, lick you, listen to you because their instincts tell them to pay attention to these details and from experience, they can make a decision if you are safe/friendly.

 

The following Human Factors are complex in themselves and take many experiences to form confidence in using them to decide to trust.

 

Human Factors

Reliability-gives predictability and comes from commitment.
Consistency-builds confidence.
Respect- to self and others gives dignity and shows a caring attitude.
Fairness- appeals to justice and integrity.
Openness- shows a willingness to listen and your views.
Congruence- action and words harmonize.If a person says one thing and behaves differently, how can you trust that person.
Competence- comes when a person has the ability and the attitude to serve.
Integrity- the key ingredient to trust.
Acceptance- in spite of our effort to improve we need to accept each other with our pluses and minuses.
Character- a person may have all the competence but if he lacks character he can't be trusted.
Courage- a person who lacks courage will let you down in a crisis.
Dependability.
Loyalty...

 

Once you have learned about the Human factors and are confident in using your instincts, you are prepared to TEST it.

We test things our whole lives. As we age, we are confronted with different situations that require the original instincts and new ones.

 

2. Can I trust someone?

 

Formula: Trusting myself, filled with experiences, understanding of Human Factors and using my instincts

                Plus +

               Someone, what they tell you about themselves, their story, actions, Human factors and what they want from you

               Equals=

               My best effort to take what I have learned in life and consider how someone can be what they say or not.

 

 

After all this study and effort, people lie.

 

I have stories of doing all those steps and the thing that ruined everything is that they lied.

There are huge stories of how people with all the "making sure" that things were "right" have been lied to.

 

THERE IS HOPE!

You owe it to yourself to take the time to really learn how to trust.

Start from scratch, it is never too late.

No matter how many times I have made a mistake in trusting the wrong person

I can learn how to choose more wisely.

 

I really wish you the best. Happy to answer any questions.

PS: I don't believe in blind trust....to dangerous.