Single Little with a crush life problems?

[NyaaChan]

Okay, so, hello, I'm new here~

 

I'm more of a Kitten than a Little (i want a Master rather than a Daddy, and rather than kiddy things I like kitty things like my lil ears and collar and wiggly ribbon toys!).

 

Anyway so I have a super big problem, I am in a position where I have a super big crush on a roomate. But we don't have the kind of relationship where I can talk about things like Littlespace or things like that, I plan to some day but I'm just not ready.

 

The issue is that I often go into Little/Kitten space at random, and find it very difficult to get out of it.

 

When I'm being big and grownup, I'm usually a super calm and analytical type of girl.

However I also have two states rather than one that I can slip into.

 

One I am putting down to my ADHD, I become louder and bolshier and get way too honest and tell people about things like my fetishes. My doctor knows about this one and it's why I'm in the middle of an ADHD diagnosis now.

 

The other one is my kitten space, where I will sit on the floor and really "simplify". I'll answer most things with little noises and bat at fun looking things on the floor and forget 90% of social conventions like not patting people and staring at them for ages.

 

My crush has seen me in kitten space several times,since we live together, but I haven't explained it since he's never been exposed to any part of the kink community before due to our location (it's super rural). Anyway I'm super shy around him (not at all around other people) and have anxiety on top of the whole Little thing.

 

A few weeks ago, I asked him to go for coffee with me, and he seemed super down to do it though we had no set date. Ive lived here since May so he's seen my littlespace before then.

 

When I started going back into big girl space last night, I texted him to ask when he's off work, he didn't know so I was all like "oh okie I was gonna ask about that coffee thingy but it's cool! Have fun at work tomorrow!" But he seemed super distant and didn't really answer like he normally does.

 

My Big part says that it's my anxiety doing all the talking and I was texting him at 11:30pm so he was just sleepy, but my Little part is super worried that he's not ever gonna like me if I can't control or at least explain Littlespace in a non kink related fashion so I don't have to be super embarrassed about it.

 

The closest thing he's ever seen to Kittenspace is those dog guys on TV and that was a super horrible representation of us in my opinion. He did not like the dog guys on TV.

 

But he's always super kind to me in general and has never told me off while I'm in Kittenspace, I think he just thinks I'm weird and tolerates it, since I've never offered any kind of explanation.

 

I'm an artist so I was thinking of making a little comic explaining it and putting it on Facebook so he can see it.

 

(Our actual ages are 19 and 21 if that helps, I'm the younger of the two. Also, due to various things I don't wanna spend hours explaining, I don't have the option of moving out or something, nor do I want to)

 

So, does anyone have any tips on either snapping myself out of that space when it doesn't suit me to be in it (I go into it naturally and I am not aware of my surroundings when I'm in the headspace), or on how to explain it without bringing anything to do with the kink community and not accidentally convincing him that I have multiple personalities or something? I'd like for it to be easy to explain with no questions asked so I don't want it to get mixed up with having MPD or something.

 

Also I hope this is the right place for it to be posted ^w^

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

First of all! Welcomes!

 

Well I am a little/middle with zero pet tendencies. I just recently realized there were words for me lol. I grew up very rural and although I knew of the kink community, it was highly frowned upon and I really didn't know what it was. To me, BDSM/ageplay/petplau was... weird, frankly. I felt like it was a way for one partner to abuse the other.

 

I of course have discovered that in a true BDSM relationship this isn't the case because... well you can't abuse someone if they want it. That being said... if he isn't questioning your behavior, first I must ask WHY you want to bring it up to him?

 

Daddy introduced me to this lifestyle on accident. As I said, I had known about it but nothing more. We were dating when he introduced me to it. He asked me if I trusted him, I said yes and he used his belt to tie my hands up.

 

The rest came later, much later, and was all very natural. We started with sub/Dom in the bedroom, and ventured into part of it being effective during daily life. But I never felt like a traditional sub, and always felt super innocent (I had a relationship with one guy when I was 16 for a few months, and that's it aside from Daddy).

 

I found DDlg by accident, actually. It was a blog I stumbled across... and I felt so at peace and at home. Now I know it's just who I am.

 

My theory is this... everyone feels different about the kink community, and he's either going to like it or hate it. I know you say you go into the space naturally and cannot control when you do, and perhaps you do.... but I doubt it. Be it consciously or not, you probably have a guard to some degree. Do you walk around public spaces in the headspace? Are you ever in the headspace around people you dislike/don't trust? I believe our reservations with these sitatuions are part of our bodies fight/flight response. It is keeping us both safe and protected.

 

My thoughts are if you go into the space around him... you probably trust him somewhat. However you're still afraid to tell him... so it may not be time yet. For whatever reason you have reservations on telling him, and that's okay. If you really, truly want to tell him... I feel the best option is to be upfront and honest about it. Tell him what it is, how it's a part of who you are, that you can't control it, and frankly, don't hide that it's part of the kink community! If you beat around the bush now or deceive him and he's okay with it... then later on you'll have to tell him the truth and it may bother him that he didn't have all the information up front. Just my two cents!

 

Best of luck, and again, welcome!

[NyaaChan]

Thank you very much for your reply ^w^

 

My reason for wanting to tell him is that we live together, and I swing very very rapidly between being the girl managing everyone's budgets and dealing with the crises of life, to being sat on the floor and only responding in noises and patting people for attention.

 

About public spaces, I am essentially a NEET and don't go outside unless I absolutely have to. I have had issues since I was tiny with people, which has led to me being very isolated, and dropping out of education (I'm in the process of re-enrolling now at a new college). I have gone into the headspace before in public, it seems to be a response to panic as much as anything else.

 

 

For example, last night we were meeting his grandma for the first time, and I was fine for a bit but went into headspace and was sitting by his feet while he played guitar because in little space that seemed like a safe place to go. He didn't mind and nobody mentioned it because I just kept quiet and played games on my phone, and snuggled my actual cat.

 

I don't know if I have triggers or not, since I go into headspace whether I feel needy or content, and whether i feel emotional or not. I think it's possibly tied to emotion, but I can't pull myself out of headspace physically, usually because once I'm in it I don't see why I would want to leave since I don't see things the same as I do when I'm not in the space.

 

And it's more, for me, I don't really want it too heavily linked to the kink community when I tell him why I do that, since for me it isn't really related to my kinks and also because i get told off a lot for telling people my fetishes and the such when I go into the other mode I mentioned in my post, so I worry about talking about such things when not in that mode so I can keep them separate.

 

I want to tell him purely because he sees it a lot, and id like to provide an explanation for the behaviour since i have 3 completely different "modes" and they're basically opposites. So one minute I can be like hyper-analysing something or being big and bold, and then the next minute I'm responding only in mews.

 

Sorry if I repeated info or anything, very stressed today ;-;

[Guest Princessaj]

The "do I tell?" or "not to tell" comes up often.

 

In general, I don't care what other people think about my preferences about anything, including kinks.

 

There are some people that feel compelled to tell people everything about themselves, then second guess.

 

Some people are in such a hurry to share, that all they want to think about it the result "they" want.

 

I am old. I think that there is a lot of time to share things. Its called getting to know someone over time.

 

It sounds like you are in a really big hurry. Being in a hurry fuels fires in all parts of your life.

 

What if you took the pressure off yourself? What helps me is to create a plan.

 

-Take a paper calendar and map out the things you want to share with him over a month. That sounds like forever.

-Write them on the days of the calendar over the 4 week period..

-Look at it now and again.

-Visualize yourself talking to him or anyone for that matter.

-Practice what you would like to say in a measured way, not just blurting it out. Dumping let's you exhale and drowns them.

-Also, include things happening in the world, your hobbies, school, job, stuff etc so you have a well rounded interaction.

 

Before you know it you have been respectful to yourself and kind to the other person.

 

Love Note: Carefully consider whether or not the person you want to tell is REALLY going to be able to handle your news..

Be Graceful and consider others capacity to accept, not just your own agenda. You can be just fine without telling people.