How to explain DDlg

[Princess_Mica_18]

Sorry if this post isn't allowed or it comes across in a bad way, I have trouble wording things sometimes.

So I recently started talking to this guy and I feel myself liking him and seeing him in a little/caregiver way but I'm not sure if he's into the ddlg dynamic and not sure how to explain it to him. He says he has high functioning autism and I know that's not really supposed to be a factor but I read that they understand things in a different way so not sure how to explain

 

Can anyone help me on how to explain what it is and what to do?

[stargirl]

It really depends on both your personalities and your current relationship. Are you comfortable just bringing it up, or would you prefer to slowly introduce him to these concepts?

[MrG]

Well I get the feeling that this guy is probably fairly broad minded and you should just bring it up with him.

He is probably the kind of person that gets a lot of satisfaction / enjoyment from making others feel good feels so will more than likely want to take care of your needs.

It's also likely that the best way for him to learn is to just jump in at the deep-end and experience it for himself.

He probably likes you too Mica.

 

[Aaleayha]

It's not quite the same, as the person has no potential to be my caregiver, but the person I came out to last night is the most important person in my life. My closest and best friend. And if I had to really say, acts like a substitute caregiver. She does everything that one might think a Mommy would do. I didn't think it fair that I finally figured this all out and her not to know.

I can't really say how to explain. Every person is different and they have different reactions. But I can post what I told my friend if you want and maybe you can get some ideas from it? My friend accepted me. I was super nervous but she said I couldn't run her off with this.

Edited November 9, 2016 by Aaleayha

[~Wini~]

Hi Mica, 

 

I understand where you're at, I just came out to my friend as a Little but we have been friends for almost a year. You said you have just started talking to this uy, so I suggest that you keep talking to him and make sure that those potential CG characteristics are actually there; and, hey, there might be more. If he really does have CG tendencies, then it makes the reveal much easier because you have something familiar to reference: your own relationship dynamics. I would also recommend easing out bits of your little self to see how he reacts.

 

I can not stress this enough: Take your time to vet him. Your friendship is still new and you've got on rose-coloured glasses. Not everyone needs to know about ddlg. You can be his fun, youthful, silly friend without him knowing you're a little. If you really want a DDLG relationship with him though, take your time, just as you would with any other CG, and make sure he is the type of person who can handle being your CG.

 

Good luck!

[FLdaddy]

If you don’t ask him (or tell him), he’ll never have the chance to fulfill that need for you. For all we know, he may be feeling the same things as you (or similar). You both share certain kinks, maybe this is one of them…and perhaps one person doesn’t know how to bring it up to the other.

 

Do you trust him to keep you safe and protect you, no matter what? If yes, chances are he’ll hear you out and want to treat this as a learning experience to hear more about what you’re into. At its core, BDSM relationships require discussion of what each person’s soft and hard limits are. These discussions also commonly cover each person’s kinks, and (at least for you) it sounds like DD/lg is one of those that should be explored.

 

One of three things will happen:

 

He’ll be turned off by the idea, and not want to continue it further.

He’ll like the idea, and want to include it in scenes in the bedroom.

He’ll like the idea, and want to incorporate it into your daily lives.

In terms of how to suggest it to him, try just bringing it up casually. Such as:

 

Hey, so I’ve called you “Daddy” several times, and I’m wondering what you think about that. Can we talk about it?

 

Take the conversation from there. Another thing you can probably do is walk him down the aisles of the grocery store on a regular shopping trip, but pick out “little” things that catch your eye. Maybe jump up and down and squeal when you find something cute, or show him the sippy cup you like the most. Okay…maybe those are a little over-the-top, but you get the idea. There are ways to show him in a serious way, and ways to show him the “little” way.

 

Either way, I think he’ll get the message loud and clear. And remember; depending on how serious you both want this to be, there will be effort on both peoples’ ends to make it work. It takes two.

[LoralieHaze]

I'm really not a fan of the idea of easing someone into this incrementally. I think it's dishonest and manipulative.

 

If you want this person just to be your friend, you don't have to bring up DDlg at all. If you want this person to be your CG, then you have to have an open and honest discussion about it with them. How you explain what it is and what is involves is entirely dependent on you and how you see it. Your definition of and experience with DDlg is not the same as everyone else's and therefore this person needs to know how you personally interpret it.

 

For me, I am a purist with this dynamic, so what it is to me is a type of BDSM relationship. However, some people don't see this as D/s at all. (Whether or not that's still DDlg though is another topic for another time.) Do you see what I'm saying here though? My way of explaining it is going to be very different from the way someone would explain it if they're asexual, or poly, or a switch, or confused vanilla.  

[Princess_Mica_18]

I've never called him Daddy before but he does know I like to do some little stuff so its just expanding from there

[Aaleayha]

Here, I found it. Sorry it took so long. It was on FB chat... and messages tend to disappear. Basically just told her that because she's the most important person in my life LIKE EVER and that I needed to explain this to her. It's a big thing and I don't want to hide who I am from the person I love.

 

 

you know that I'm not always my age... I can be very immature at times. More then immature. It's just who I am. Naturally. I cuddle. I snuggle with stuffed animals and watch MLP and steven universe. I like colorful straws and playing pretend. And I get bouncy and hyper. Loud. I can burst into tears.

It's called being a Little. Basically the mindset of a child but you're an adult. There's a whole community for it. Daddies/Mommies, Big, caregivers and then the littles (me). I won't bog you down with too much info. Basically for me ... it's a deep connection with someone. They take care of you. They become your world. They DO NOT take the place of real parents. They are not an actual parent. Don't let the label scare you. But they do become caregivers in a different sort of way. It's completely consensual. The caregiver makes sure you're needs are met. If you need time to cuddle, then you cuddle. If you need to run around like a bumbling idiot, then they go play with you. If you need to talk or need comfort, they give it. They make sure that you're the best person you can be and that you're happy to be alive. And little's do the same for their partner in crime. They make them feel like the most needed person in their world and so loved they could explode.

They don't have to be just romantic couples. There are those with platonic caregiver-little roles. Two people who just really click and make sure that each other are happy. They can be really close friends. They can be roommates. They can be more then friends too. They can be lovers. They can be married. They can be aromantic and/or asexual. They can be demisexual like me. It doesn't matter.

 

I then went on to tell her that even though we are really close friends... she's the closest thing to a caregiver that I've ever had. That the role she put herself in takes care of most of my largest needs. And that it might hurt if she can't accept it, that I can try and understand if she needs time to think about it.

Hope this helps.