My little has the idea I'm cheating....

[Guest DHocks35]

So generally I talk to a lot of people about their problems.  I take the time to befriend people and talk to them to make them feel better.  It's where my free time is spent (after school, work, and time with my little of course).  The other night, I had to message someone really quickly while on skype with my little.  My little isn't allowed to talk to people online according to her parents (although she is 18).  And she doesn't say a word on skype at all.  I try and keep the conversation going, but it's not easy since I can only really ask yes or no questions.  Anyway, I messaged someone while her and I were on skype, it got to my little's bedtime, and she was upset that I ended up messaging someone in the middle of our "conversation."  I don't cheat, that's something I think is disgusting and I could never bring myself to do it.  But she has the notion I am, even though I showed her the conversation I had with the person (Who has a boyfriend as well).

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to help me prove to her I'm not cheating.

[Guest foxylady]

I can understand how she feel bout it. Well, i have to admit that there's littles are sensitive bout it n want a real quality time with their daddy when together without no anyone bother it. Some littles are possesive too cause maybe they ever been hurt before

And the other side i can understand bout u tried to explain to her bout that msgs just for someone that has a bf.

Back again, when it's bout this just talk to her calmly n make sure she was in a good mood n tell her at first that u want to talk n explain not argue cuz u love her n want to explain everything that happened is just misunderstanding ..

I dunno if this help. But this is my point of view. Hope u two get it settle down soon

[Guest DHocks35]

I hope it settles down soon as well.  I spent last night with her on skype, we watched netflix together, let her pick the show.  And we watched until she had to brush her teeth and get ready for bedtime.  She was feeling lonely, so I decided that would be the best course of action.  And hopefully it worked out okay.  I'm just trying my best to make her comfortable and happy.  Just worried that it won't get better, even with time.

[Guest foxylady]

Hope she know what u mean. But she being with u watching movie means everything is calm now doh. Hehe. Good luck!!

[Guest DHocks35]

Thanks, I really hope it is.

[Eris]

Hope it will be better. I think you can't do more as what you did (showing her the conversation, talking with her, being there for her, spending time). I think maybe she was jealouse that you didn't foucused her 100% (like foxy said, we littles can be pocessive when it comes to time with our partner).

[Antoinette]

Okay, I know this is a different opinion and possibly an unpopular one but here goes.

 

It's not okay for her to act like that. It's the start of abuse, quite frankly; she's trying to keep you to herself and keep you away from talking to others (from what I can tell from what you've written). Now I hate bringing gender into this but if this was a female little that wrote a post saying exactly what you said then I'm sure people would have said the daddy was controlling and trying to manipulate the little. 

 

It also seems like she has major trust issues, if you're in a relationship trust is one of the key factors you need. So, ask her why she doesn't trust you, how you two are going to make it work without trust from one of the people. Eventually, if this continues it will wear you down and stress you out to the point where you don't enjoy the relationship anymore. You need to make it clear to her that you have friends and you don't need to justify that to her.

 

Sorry if this sounded harsh, it's just I've been through a similar situation myself that led to an abusive relationship. 

[Michael]

My little isn't allowed to talk to people online according to her parents (although she is 18).  And she doesn't say a word on skype at all.  I try and keep the conversation going, but it's not easy since I can only really ask yes or no questions.

 

Dude, based on this, I would guess she probably isn't even 18, forget about her, and block her on everything. She probably doesn't have much experience with relationships either. She doesn't say a word on Skype, most likely because her parents watch her closely. You're talking to a minor.

[Guest DHocks35]

Dude, based on this, I would guess she probably isn't even 18, forget about her, and block her on everything. She probably doesn't have much experience with relationships either. She doesn't say a word on Skype, most likely because her parents watch her closely. You're talking to a minor.

I would agree with you, other than the fact that She drives and goes to college.  I've seen a live picture of her in the driver seat of the car.  In addition, I've seen on her campus.  And to further that, I found her on here (yes I am aware it's very difficult to makes sure someone on here is 18 when joining the site).  

[Guest DHocks35]

Okay, I know this is a different opinion and possibly an unpopular one but here goes.

 

It's not okay for her to act like that. It's the start of abuse, quite frankly; she's trying to keep you to herself and keep you away from talking to others (from what I can tell from what you've written). Now I hate bringing gender into this but if this was a female little that wrote a post saying exactly what you said then I'm sure people would have said the daddy was controlling and trying to manipulate the little. 

 

It also seems like she has major trust issues, if you're in a relationship trust is one of the key factors you need. So, ask her why she doesn't trust you, how you two are going to make it work without trust from one of the people. Eventually, if this continues it will wear you down and stress you out to the point where you don't enjoy the relationship anymore. You need to make it clear to her that you have friends and you don't need to justify that to her.

 

Sorry if this sounded harsh, it's just I've been through a similar situation myself that led to an abusive relationship. 

I must agree with you on what you say about this being the case.  She has mentioned to me before that she wishes to not allow me to speak to others online.  Because, "You probably talk cute with them." is her reason for saying this.  I've invited her to join in group chats I join in while I'm here as she is a member of the site.  I feel you're correct with this statement.

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

All your little has is her time with you, when you give time that is supposed to be spent with her to someone else you are shortchanging her = in a manner of speaking it is cheating. I think showing her your messages was a good step, but you were still conversing with someone else instead of her, you didn't put her first, you put yourself and your friendship with someone else first IMHO. Think of it from her point of view.

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Okay so I'm going to give the opinion of someone who had a friend that I Skyped with when I was younger...

I knew this guy for 6yrs we had talked and become good friends. We had a long distance relationship, more or less. We had made nothing official as he was 19 and I was 16 due to be 17 soon. We lived on completely opposite sides of the state.

 

We skyped, but I couldn't speak due to my age. He spoke, I wore headphones, and I typed messages in response to his comments. We became really close and there were times his best friend would get ahold of me if he had to stay late for a class because he knew I had anxiety. Two people knew about us, my best friend and his.

 

Well once I turned 17 he really wanted me to be able to talk on Skype. My mom knew we were friends, but nothing more. My dad passed away when I was 15, and as a result my mom became more protective of me than even a typical parent. He took it upon himself to message her on Facebook and ask if I could please skype, explain that he had loved me for quiet some time, and all that.

 

That day was the last day we talked. I wasn't allowed back in a chat room until I turned 18, at which point it was my mother who encouraged me to... my friend committed suicide about 6 months after we stopped talking. I still blame myself.

 

During our time talking though,I never got upset when he would have to speak to someone else. We lived in different time zones and literally got maybe 2hrs a day together. At that point I didn't know what DDlg was, but I had rules and one of them was I had to be in bed. By 9pm because I was still in high school.

 

My point is, if she lacks trust that much... it worries me she has something to hide herself.

[Princess-P]

Something about not being able to speak while on Skype is very strange for me. I can understand maybe not wanting to get sexual because someone may overhear but a normal conversation should be fine. Especially at 18+ her parents can't really not let her talk.

 

I'd ask to see a photo ID. You say she drives so she must have one. Some high schools look like a college campus and you can drive when your 16. Hell I was done highschool at 17 and already in university.

 

I can understand that she wants your full attention while you two have time together but her insecurities and unwillingness to join in your group chats so she can see what you talk about points to immaturity (just memtaly but probably in age as well).

 

There's a lot to talk about here because honestly even the idea that someone is cheating is enough to end a relationship. It causes a lot of undue stress even if its not true. So while things may seem to be going back to normal if the idea is still in her head then it will be an issue. I'd check on her age then work on your problems after that.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Showing an outward display of jealousy, especially early on in a reltionship, is a very unattractive trait, to me.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I'm with P, this sounds fishy. You don't need to be 18 to drive and what adult is told they can't be online? The unfounded jealousy is also a sign of emotional immaturity...which normally comes from lack of life experience and very little self esteem.

 

I would tread very carefully.

[aj_21]

From your comments it would seem that she acted like that because she doesnt want you to talk to anyone apart from her. Fair enough if you had spent half the time messaging other people but you didnt it was 1 message and you showed her the conversation. I can understand why she is jealous but she needs to learn to be ok with you talking to other people.

And yup that is the start of abuse - which she may not realise btw! Its wrong of her to want you to talk to no one but her. If you can try to explain that to her. You should be able to talk to friends without having to answer to her

[aj_21]

It sounds really strange that she cant talk on skype if shes 18...anyone can take a pic of themselves in a car and you can drive before 18. If by seeing her on campus you are talki g about pics maybe she was checking the college out and isn't actually going there?

 

I agree with Princess-P....check her ID if shes driving she should have a licence

Edited October 30, 2016 by aj_21

[Eris]

Guys, she could live at her parents and don't want them to find out about ddlg or maybe her parents are strictly against internet relationships (over protective) so she really can't talk with him. It sounds strange and he needs to talk to her but like I said, this thing could have more explanations (maybe she is really shy).

Showing the license sounds good at the first thought, but on it stands everything (it's here in germany the case, don't know in US or other countries) so maybe she doens't want him to know her adress so fast (we don't know how long they are together). So how do you prove it? You can't, like most of us we have to trust the other person that they are who they say they are.

So talk with her.

[Little Illy]

Dude, based on this, I would guess she probably isn't even 18, forget about her, and block her on everything. She probably doesn't have much experience with relationships either. She doesn't say a word on Skype, most likely because her parents watch her closely. You're talking to a minor.

 

I do just want to point out that I had the opportunity to take college courses, on campus, at the age of 16. I was also in a super strict household, but even then I was allowed to speak to friends on the computer after 16 and such. But I have to agree with Michael. This seems beyond skepticism and points to the inevitable. Added in with the severely clingy, and high school-esq seclusion she wants over you, I would step back. Step way back. Even if she is 18, the likelihood she has had any experience in relationships, let alone something of this caliber, is fairly low. Which is fine, but that means there are going to be many difficulties because she might not want a real relationship. But instead she wants something in her control and focused solely on her. As we are all conditioned to want through our teen years (at least in some, small, way).

 

 

Okay, I know this is a different opinion and possibly an unpopular one but here goes.

 

It's not okay for her to act like that. It's the start of abuse, quite frankly; she's trying to keep you to herself and keep you away from talking to others (from what I can tell from what you've written). Now I hate bringing gender into this but if this was a female little that wrote a post saying exactly what you said then I'm sure people would have said the daddy was controlling and trying to manipulate the little. 

 

It also seems like she has major trust issues, if you're in a relationship trust is one of the key factors you need. So, ask her why she doesn't trust you, how you two are going to make it work without trust from one of the people. Eventually, if this continues it will wear you down and stress you out to the point where you don't enjoy the relationship anymore. You need to make it clear to her that you have friends and you don't need to justify that to her.

 

Sorry if this sounded harsh, it's just I've been through a similar situation myself that led to an abusive relationship. 

 

I agree with everything said here. Step one of domestic abuse (mental or physical) is to segregate the person from those around them. Starting with friends. Yes littles can be clingy and so on, but that doesn't give us the right to stop you from talking to your friends. Nor do you (general you, as in all Bigs) have the right to stop their littles from talking to their friends. This is only ever acceptable if said friends are truly dangerous is some way.

 

Being a little is not an excuse for isolation, I'm sorry. But that is another, and my, unpopular opinion. I think that may work in high school, but not the real world. And as it was so astutely pointed out above; if this post had been about a Daddy trying to enforce these things, people would be telling the little to get away because that is too controlling, and not in the good way. The moment a person starts restricting your, normal, life like this... it goes down hill from there. It is mentally abusive. That is why I (personally) never agreed with the mantra "Oh my boyfriend cannot talk to any other women, can't like any female's statuses, can't be friends with them, etc" and reversed. This is too possessive. And you (general you) are then restricting your partner from gaining valuable, social, interactions and experiences. And that is never okay. That points to your insecurities. And those should not be manifested on others.

 

My advice is two-fold:

 

1. Find some way to validate her age. No matter how. If you two are serious and you want to continue this relationship, this needs to be step one. Otherwise you are opening yourself to greater risk. Simply tell her you need a way to know, without a doubt, she is over 18. If it makes her feel better, prove the same sort of evidence on your end. "I want to see a photo ID, with birth date, please. Look, here is mine. See?" If she doesn't want specific information to be seen, there are these beautiful things called expo markers. Cover up the unwanted information with them and just wipe it off when finished. Dont have expo? Tear up some paper to cover it up. Don't suggest blanking it out with photoshop or whatever. Keep it off the computer, if possible. Less risk of photoshopping the date. Regardless. Have a serious talk and simply say before you two get any more committed. You just have to know that she is not a minor. If she refuses... that is another clear indication... Example? I have been asked to provide proof of my age before. I do it without hesitation. And I think any adult would as long as they could without revealing specific, personal, information (like address, social security number, etc)

 

2. If you are staying in this relationship, I suggest you two get out of headspace and talk. Adult to adult. Restricting social venues is not acceptable on either end. Trust has to be there. Otherwise you two have nothing. And it isn't just for the two of you; she needs to understand that this is not healthy behavior. Flip the tables. "How would you feel if I told you not to speak with..." and so on. Show her it is not fair. Sometimes people are blind of their actions until it is forced upon themselves. I would also go in and, if it helps, explain the dynamic in ways she may be more prone to listen to. "I am your Daddy. I have provided all of the evidence to show I am faithful and honest. You are now being disrespectful. This is not how you should treat your Daddy, especially after he has been so patient and understanding. It is not nice." Show your dominant role. Sometimes this will snap things into perspective. Granted, I say this not knowing a thing of the dynamic you two share. So. Utilize what works for you two.

 

But then this is all speculation and going off of the slightest bit of information I have. Take it with a grain of salt as these are all general assumptions.

[Guest DHocks35]

Guys, she could live at her parents and don't want them to find out about ddlg or maybe her parents are strictly against internet relationships (over protective) so she really can't talk with him. It sounds strange and he needs to talk to her but like I said, this thing could have more explanations (maybe she is really shy).

Showing the license sounds good at the first thought, but on it stands everything (it's here in germany the case, don't know in US or other countries) so maybe she doens't want him to know her adress so fast (we don't know how long they are together). So how do you prove it? You can't, like most of us we have to trust the other person that they are who they say they are.

So talk with her.

There are ways to prevent me from seeing the address and other bits of information by blocking them while takign the picture.  I have also shown her my license.  And in addition, she has invited me to add her on facebook, which has the same profile picture as her kik, which is where I speak with her.  Yes, her parents are strictly against talking to people over the internet, and she is extremely shy.  Both of which I understand.  I do trust her, it's just odd that all these things add up in the way that they do.  I would appreciate a video with her voice, even if it were only on snapchat, which yes I have that of hers too, when she is going to start driving to school, or after she gets there.  Since her parents wouldn't be able to tell if I am just someone over the internet, or someone in real life. Since she uses snapchat anyway.

[Trash Queen]

This post has more red flags than pre-'91 Russia. 

Let me just say that there aren't many things my dad told me that stuck with me as much as one phrase: "You can't bullshit a bullshitter." And let me tell you, I have bullshitted hard in my life. I was basically the Muhammad Ali of bullshitting. This situation reeks of it and something isn't right with her story. You better step up and verify that DOB before you get your mug shot plastered in the teacher's lounges of local schools. If that passes, then I'm still super suspicious of this situation. 
 
I mean it's completely possible she's legit. But if her parents are that serious about letting their 18 year old daughter (assuming she's actually 18) not talk to people online, then that's some insane abusively controlling behavior and a sign of deeper issues that are present. So if you verify everything and she is legit, be prepared for a long road of basically tearing her between obeying her Annie Wilkes parents and talking to you. Her insecurity, jealousy, and controlling attitude might be a mirror of that upbringing. Oh, and actually meeting will probably be out of the question for a looooong time. Until she can be out on her own, which will be hard if she's just started college. 

I'm not trying to dissuade you from trying to figure it out. I encourage it. But I want you to see the spectrum of possibilities that might not be so pretty. Some things you might be forced to do or ask might be hurtful to her or upset her, but honestly, you need to look out for #1 which is yourself. If not hearing her voice or talking is hard on you, then you owe it to yourself to find a relationship that will deliver the things that will make you the happiest. You have no obligation or duty to sacrifice your own satisfaction in a relationship and you never will. 

 

This started as a "prove I'm not cheating" threat, but I think it's pretty universal in these responses that it's a "prove she ain't frontin'" thread.

[ziva vlad's kitten]

The irony of this thread is astounding. You came to the table asking for advice on how to help your little feel less suspicious of you so you can have trust in your relationship, and instead, everyone tells you to be suspicious of her.

 

Although it's good to be cautious in a new relationship, it's also important for both of you to get to know each other well enough to be able to trust each other. There can be lots of bumps in the road especially when its a long distance relationship.

 

I hope you don't take all of these narrow minded responses to heart. well into my twenties I still cared about what my parents thought when I did things. just because she also cares about her parents opinion doesn't mean she's necessarily under 18.

As for her getting so jealous of your attention, I am that way as well. It can be especially difficult for people who have been cheated on, have you and your little talked about past relationships yet? It something that you have to learn to have a little bit of self control with. I am that way both in relationships and in friendships. She might be isolating herself too much, and need a few more friends to talk to, that usually helps me.

 

Not talking is little bit odd, have you ever heard her voice? There time that I cannot talk, but other times people can't get me to shut up. I had a friend that would never talk on skype, because she was very self conscious about her voice. There lots of other reasons to feel self conscious about talking.

 

I hope things work out well for you and her.

[aj_21]

The irony of this thread is astounding. You came to the table asking for advice on how to help your little feel less suspicious of you so you can have trust in your relationship, and instead, everyone tells you to be suspicious of her.

Although it's good to be cautious in a new relationship, it's also important for both of you to get to know each other well enough to be able to trust each other. There can be lots of bumps in the road especially when its a long distance relationship.

I hope you don't take all of these narrow minded responses to heart. well into my twenties I still cared about what my parents thought when I did things. just because she also cares about her parents opinion doesn't mean she's necessarily under 18.

As for her getting so jealous of your attention, I am that way as well. It can be especially difficult for people who have been cheated on, have you and your little talked about past relationships yet? It something that you have to learn to have a little bit of self control with. I am that way both in relationships and in friendships. She might be isolating herself too much, and need a few more friends to talk to, that usually helps me.

Not talking is little bit odd, have you ever heard her voice? There time that I cannot talk, but other times people can't get me to shut up. I had a friend that would never talk on skype, because she was very self conscious about her voice. There lots of other reasons to feel self conscious about talking.

I hope things work out well for you and her.

I think part of the reason a lot of people are telling him its abusive and sus is because in a later reply by the original poster he said that his lil wants to stop him from talking to people. That is the start of abuse whether she realises it or not. That is not simply possessiveness. It could also be a sign of immaturity which is why people suggested check ID. Edited November 2, 2016 by aj_21

[Guest DHocks35]

I've seen all of her messages, she showed me on skype as I asked her, after not touching the screen.  I am her ONLY conversation on kik.  And I already know the names of her siblings, and the contact names she has for people in her phone.  The most recent messages from her phone texts are entirely group chats with her family.  This is brand new information for everyone's information.

[aj_21]

I've seen all of her messages, she showed me on skype as I asked her, after not touching the screen.  I am her ONLY conversation on kik.  And I already know the names of her siblings, and the contact names she has for people in her phone.  The most recent messages from her phone texts are entirely group chats with her family.  This is brand new information for everyone's information.

DHocks does she expect you to talk to no one but her because she doesnt talk to anyone else?