This isn't going to work, is it?

[Guest JessTuesday]

I've been in an on again, off again relationship with my most recent daddy for 6 years. Just recently, I found out he's married, and I'm not sure what my reaction is supposed to be. I was really unhappy about it for the longest, and we didn't talk for almost a year. Recently, we started having basic conversations again, and he wants to resume where we left off, but it's weird for me.

 

Other details...

LDR

We talk almost every day.

Apparently his wife doesn't know, and he has no real interest in her finding out.

[Tasha-Pasha]

That is a rough spot to be in Jess! I guess the questions I would ask myself if I were in that position are:

Was/is this a platonic nonsexual relationship?

Can I continue this relationship knowing that a) he was not transparent with me and that there is another person involved that he is choosing not to be honest with?

I know how I would answer these questions but what really matters is how you would answer these questions!

 

Sending you an electronic platonic hug!

[Guest JessTuesday]

This definitely wasn't a platonic relationship. I've been considering telling him I couldn't be an active participant in this, because I feel horrible for his poor wife.

[LoralieHaze]

There's a lot of messed up stuff here but I'll keep it short and to the point: If he's lying to his wife, he's probably lying to you as well. This type of person cannot be trusted, especially with the responsibility of being a Daddy Dom. If you feel horrible and unhappy, it's obvious that you need to end this relationship here and now. Don't allow him to string you along any more than it sounds like he already has.

[Guest JessTuesday]

Thank you both for your replies.

If he's lying to his wife, he's probably lying to you as well.

You're right. He probably is lying to me much of the time. He's a little narcissistic.

[Tasha-Pasha]

Jess - in your heart you know what to do. Sometimes life is painful and crappy. It can feel worse if you choose to drag it out. My motto is to pull that splinter quickly before it can fester and become more painful.

But ultimately that choice is up to you. I know that whatever you choose there will be people on here that will help you through it.

[Guest JessTuesday]

I think deep down I was already planning to cut my ties. It's a sad thing, but I don't like having to share.

[Guest ZenDD]

Thank you both for your replies.

You're right. He probably is lying to me much of the time. He's a little narcissistic.

 

I don't think there is any such thing as "a little" narcissistic. Some are just better at hiding it than others. But it doesn't stay hidden for very long. He's obviously ok with cheating. If you are, too, then I guess you're  fine, because you are both adults. But if you expect to be in a fulfilling emotional relationship, this is not the one for you. It will always be limited in what it can provide for you. You are his escapism from his marriage, and as you say he is a narcissist, you are also a trophy for him, representative of his ability to manipulate and control situations. He's only as committed to you as you will allow yourself to believe, and he'll do everything to ensure that you believe he is....except for actually commit, that is. Same for his wife: he's manipulating how committed he is to her, too, and she's being deceived. 

 

But as he is a narcissist, it's going to be hard to ever really know what he's telling the truth about. He will always take a nugget of truth, and twist and turn it into what makes him feel good about himself, regardless of how it makes others feel. People like this tend to "pretend" to care about others when they truly only care about themselves. They are users. Take care, good luck.

Edited October 28, 2016 by ZenDD

[ziva vlad's kitten]

You definitely deserve to be treated better than that!

There are daddy's out there that will treat you like a treasure, instead of lying to you, and not even telling you that their married. Its amazing that he would have the nerve to try to get you involved with him again after that. I'm sure he can be incredibly kind and pleasant to talk to, otherwise you wouldn't even be toying with the idea. The best thing would be to stop talking to him at all. I know from personal experience, that doing that can be painful and lonely, when you're used to talking to him almost everyday.

The problem is, if you don't cut him off, its hard to put in the effort for a real relationship, with someone who will treat you right, and be better for you.

But trust me, someone better is so worth looking for.

[CallmeCoups21]

I'm so sorry! I hope it becomes easier to cope and handle this. But everyone is right. There are red flags and def take those into account t and the fact he lied isn't good. You are worthy of a daddy who will take care of u and show u off.