Calling all Daddies

[mrbig]

Fellow Daddies,

I am in need of some advice...

 

My fiance and I have been friends for over 10 years, and have recently became an item and quickly were engaged. Through the process, we both discovered we both loved DDLG and that was a pretty amazing coincidence!

 

Like any relationship, it comes with precursors. My little had gotten in trouble a few years ago and did a little time in prison. She had formed relationships there (to be expected of course), but there is one in particular that I'm struggling with. She was pen pals with a guy she met (via letter), and they had become engaged over time. Since she has been out, we have reconnected, and things were unstoppable between us, so now we are engaged.

 

Here's the technicality. She has still been taking phone calls and speaking with him as though they are together. This isn't backhanded, she shared with me about this honestly and I deeply understood her situation. She has talked about how to let him down gracefully. (This part comes because she knows how little you have to be happy about in prison)

 

Now, I feel for the guy I really do, and I feel for her compassion about the situation. But, it's been a couple months with no real end in sight yet. I chose to accept the situation, knowing it wouldn't last, and ultimately my feelings wouldn't be able to take it forever either.

 

This is obviously not exclusive to DDLG, it's pretty standard relationship decision making. But through our daddy/little relationship, I am still pinning down certain areas I need to keep her accountable to me, and how to enforce them.

With this situation, she knows she has to do it. She knows she feels weird when he calls now. And I've let her know it's not appropriate for me to have to share her emotionally with anyone, that's creates any sense of secrecy. 

 

I would describe our current DDLG relationship as Middle with a desire to both be Lifestyle. Right now we are having great affectionate play in our roles, but I haven't fully established all areas where she needs rules and dominance.

 

I'm looking for sound advice on addressing the issue here, and encouragement to handle it properly. I don't want to just shut the situation down because of what it did mean to her, but I'm trying to think of ways to make it easier for her. Obviously the longer this goes, the more let down the guy is going to be anyway right? Also, I've just never had to deal with something like this, you probably haven't either lol

 

Thanks in advance!

MrBig

[Atomisk2121]

Having been in a similar situation before I have to tell you that this will definitely kill your relationship.

 

The secrecy and the frustration you feel about this continuing on and on are only going to make the pain and anger you feel grow more and more over time. It is like a cancer and it will not do anything to help either of you in the long run.

 

I know you said that you do not want to just shut it down, but it is my opinion that you should. And Immediately. If you are engaged to someone who is engaged to someone else and not telling the 3rd party the truth then imagine how much more pain this person will be in when he finds out he has been led on all this time. The consequences could be quite a bit more than you would have had to deal with had she been straight up with him.

 

Additionally, if she TRULY loves you and wants to be with you, this shouldn't even be a conversation or up for debate. This now boarders on disrespect (to both you and this other person) and she needs to make a decision.

 

As you said, this isn't really a DDLG thing, but just relationship thing in general. If problems are this extreme now and she is not willing to face/handle them, maybe she's not really ready to settle down yet. Lingering issues like this make for messy breakups if you try to progress your relationship without addressing them. It's ok for you to feel upset about this, but I don't think it is ok for you to "accept the situation". You deserve better.

 

I hope you can get this all sorted out before it causes too much heartbreak. I'm here to chat it up if you'd like. Good luck!

[Secret-ingredient]

i wholeheartedly agree with the pirate king secrets in a relationship where two people are meant to be open to these feelings is the killer of all things great a ddlg relationship is meant to feel like one that is open and without that feeling of being empty that empty feeling eats at you and chokes you till you cant breathe.

 

the best thing to do is sit down and talk it out tell her you understand that this guy probably made her feel needed when she felt abandoned but she has you to fulfil that roll now her.    

not only that but you are engaged now that means whenever something is bothering you you cant just let it bottle up at the very least if you cant get her to stop let her know how you feel ..... sometimes it can be hard being a daddy get your big boy pants on  and GOOD LUCK 

Edited October 24, 2016 by Sir-alderan

[Thequeen]

I know you said daddies but I figured a mommy would be fine too. If not just disregard me. I agree with what both the gentleman above me said, this is going to internally destroy you as well as your relationship. Whether she wants to be with this guy or not it doesn't really matter because he is still taking up her time, her attention, and giving her guilt. That's not fair to you or her. If your girl loves you as much as you think then she should have dropped this right always. I get there is guilt but still. There are nice ways to end things I have to do it countless times to people who thought they were entitled to date me.

 

If she has ever broken up with someone, then just do the same thing with this man. She is not into him, but rather is into you, and she should feel no guilt for that. I personally think that if she refuses to end things with him or continues to not end things with him that you need to put your foot down and honestly pause your own relationship. The period of engagement is supposed to be so happy and fun filled and overflowing with love and if all you two are thinking about is this other guy then you have a problem. I know that would be hard for you to do you would feel guilty but you would just have to say I came here for you and only you, no more split attention. Call of your engagement not your love of her. If that doesn't shock her into doing it then maybe you truly do need to end things with her because you obviously aren't important enough to her.

 

I'm sorry about your situation please keep us all posted we love hearing what's happened! If you need a friend I'm here as is most everyone on the forum,

-TheQueen

[DisciplinarianSir]

I have to agree with the above. She's being deceptive to both of you and this doesn't bode well to your relationship. Hopefully you two can talk it through and she can do what needs doing. Its confrontational which I know is hard for a little (hard for a lot of people) but she'll need to pull up them big girl panties and have the conversation. She'll need her DD to hold her hand and help her through .

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

As a little she may have trouble handling this situation on her own and she may be waiting for you to step in and assume control, taking it out of her hands might be what's best for both of you, I wish you both the best!

[mrbig]

I have to agree with the above. She's being deceptive to both of you and this doesn't bode well to your relationship. Hopefully you two can talk it through and she can do what needs doing. Its confrontational which I know is hard for a little (hard for a lot of people) but she'll need to pull up them big girl panties and have the conversation. She'll need her DD to hold her hand and help her through .

 

I appreciate this input, with the closing sentence as most needed. I'm in no way insecure about where I am as Daddy, and I guess I'm looking for the best way to handle this from a DD perspective. Don't mistake, our relationship is solid, and structure is solid. This one thing just happens to be out of my control, and as a DD and just a person is a little challenging.

I agree with everyone's input, and thanks for chiming in everyone. 

Without writing a book, there are a few things that add up to a lot of pressure on her and I've been balancing them delicately. She genuinely wants to tell him, but she just wants it to happen a bit naturally. Of course, that's a LOT of leash. I don't want to overwhelm her, but I do need to assert control in here somewhere, somehow without making her feel like she's under a time limit.

Should I discipline her every time he calls?

As per PirateKing, you're exactly right the guy would probably only get more upset as time goes on. I feel for the guy because he put in care and respect for her, but I feel worse for him not knowing at this point.

My babygirl has such a level head on things, but I just can't figure out why she thinks badly on this one. (Ok, the guy isn;t getting out of prison for at least 10 years so...not worried about that)

(Anyone who's been locked up knows the importance of having someone to call or something to look forward to) This is my babygirls view on it. She's giving him a little inside encouragement. I get that.

Maybe she needs a storyline to tell him in pieces slowly over a little time so it's not all at once lol I dunno...

Thinking of ways I can help her through this... and me.