My S/O isn't into DDlg

[Princess Puppers]

Okay so I've been into DDlg for maybe 10+ months now (I only really started getting into it around January of this year though). And I've been in a committed, monogamous relationship with a guy for almost three years (will be three years November 26th). We'll call him N.

 

Now, mine & N's relationship has always had BDSM undertones. I have a collar. He likes to be called master. He's fine with pet play and the general Dom/sub dynamic. I found out about DDlg on my own one day while browsing through my NSFW Tumblr...and everything seemed to click. I always loved plushies and I still love watching kid shows. It just felt...natural. So I had begun this transition with myself - sometimes at night I'd get myself into little space before I went to bed, and I was content with that.

 

A few months ago I brought up the idea to N. I didn't outright say that I was into it, it was more like "Hey what do you think of DDlg", I had thought that since he was into all the other stuff he'd be fine with this too, but he shot it down pretty quickly. I was crushed to be honest. I tried to stop going into little space even if it was by myself, but I noticed that when I did I started to feel more stressed and like I was trying to hide myself. So I began going into little space again, but I was missing something. I wanted that special relationship with a Daddy. I wanted to be cared for, just like a lot of littles do. 

 

So a few nights ago I slept over at N's place. We were laying in bed and I had decided to come clean. I told him that sometimes when I get stressed, or even just for no reason, I like to go into a little space. I said that I liked to colour in my colouring book, suck on a paci, snuggle with plushies, all that jazz. I told him it made me feel safe, like I could just "switch off" from reality for a bit...recharge. I said that I'd like for him to possibly be my Daddy, that I was craving that caregiver role and I wanted him to be a part of it. And, well, he didn't take that too well.

 

He said he wasn't comfortable with the idea, and I said that's okay - I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want. But then he said something which kinda bothered me, and still makes me feel...weird.

 

"I don't mind talking to you when you're stressed, but I don't want to talk to you like you're a baby. It's wrong. Have you talked to your therapist about this?" 

 

I just...I dunno, I went quiet after he said that. I don't really get any sexual gratification from it, and I had told him that's not what it was about. To me my little side is the most innocent part I have of myself, and when I get into that space I don't want sex.

 

As I said, we are pretty into BDSM already and he has told me before about some non-conventional kinks he has too. So I thought he'd be more understanding of this. 

 

I don't really want to leave him, I mean, we've been in a relationship for three years and leaving him over this would feel wrong. But at the same time this is a huge part of myself, a part that I obviously can't just turn off. I like being little, and that's okay. But I desperately want N to accept it too...and I feel like the more I become a part of this lifestyle the more it'll divide us, because I do crave that love that only a Daddy Dom can give.

 

If there's any suggestions or even just people who can relate I'd really appreciate it. 

 

 

[Vlad ziva's Owner]

Wow... That's a harsh response. He clearly took that information with a lot of negative connotations.

When my little, who is also my kitten and my wife, first found out about DDlg and told me about it, I shot it down rather quickly. Honestly, from a male perspective and just hearing a brief overview of it, and especially of all the labels, it can be rather off-putting. It wasn't until my wife and I did some more research into it together that we found that there were some aspects of it that were already just part of our natural groove. Maybe find some articles to read to him and just discuss things that you would like to incorporate, or discuss how the things that are already natural for you both fit into DDlg. It could just be the titles and connotations that are freaking him out. There is no need for you to use labels. You don't have to call him daddy. I mean, you certainly can if you both decide you would like to, but the titles aren't really what is important. The whole idea behind DDlg seems to be just a place for people with similar personalities and relationship dynamics to interact. Just be you and be open and honest. Tell him about the aspects of the relationship you have that you like, what things you want more of, and what things aren't working. Also, I would ask him why he thinks therapy is relevant to any of this. Try to find out what assumptions he is making and how he is connecting this to something perverse that requires "fixing."

Best of luck!

[HeCallsMePrincess]

my dom/husband fell into it pretty naturally when I started bringing it up, so I guess I'm lucky in that sense. what he said, IMO was seriously harsh. I get how it can be misunderstood and maybe he just needs to do more research but for I would have immediately disconnected from him at that point. I cannot and will not be anyone other than who I am. I cannot imagine trying so hard not to be little to make my partner happy. I hope he does some research and apologizes for that comment. but if he refuses, you may have to make a choice here that no one else can really help you with. I'm sorry you're in this position.

[Snugglebum Princess]

I would like to start by saying I am sorry you are going through this... I completely understand how you could have felt disappointed, especially knowing about all of his kinks and being accepting of them, only to have yours scoffed at!

I have been there and it sucks. But BDSM is all about limits and respecting them. Everyone has a limit. Is it possible that this is one for him? 

I have had personal experience with this, I myself am married and my Daddy is not my husband. When I came to my husband with my desires, he just couldn't meet me on that level. He likes my little side and I get a pat on the head every once in a while but he has no interest in being my Daddy. My situation is slightly different in that my Hubby knows that I am polyamorous. So has said to me that maybe getting a Daddy who can care for that side of me would be best for our situation. I am not saying that will work for you, but maybe its a possibility? Or maybe you just take it really, really slowly. You already have a BDSM element so maybe he would be alright with implementing a few rules? And maybe when he does that he would be alright with "rewarding" you with a stuffie or two when you have been good. There is no "one size fits all" and it looks different for everyone. If you really want to be with him I am sure there is a way to work it out so you are both happy and your needs are being met.  If you want to ask me more or have a private discussion about my experience you are more than welcome to pm me.