I need some advice regarding my little and her boyfriend...

[Daddydom1337]

So my Little has a ld bf about 2 or 3 hours away until last night they had never met in person and she was with him before I came along but broke up/ took a break before we moved from friends talking about DDLG to being in a DDLG relationship and about a week into it she told me that her bf wanted to get back together with him and she had explained me and DDLG to him and said he was ok with us doing stuff since he couldn't be around because of work and stuff... I found out a few days ago when she told me that her telling him was a lie she said the reason she lied was she was happy she found a daddy that wasn't fake and was scared I wouldn't want to be her Daddy anymore. Last night she had come over to spend the night with me again we have "play time" almost every chance we get and this week was her "big girl week" so no sex last night. while we were hanging out her boyfriend texts her saying he just got home from work and his parents are fighting again he is 18 and still lives at home and it sounds like from the texts I have read that they are on there way to a divorce... and he asks her if he can come down and she her tonight and asks me if he can come over I know that they have been fighting a bit the last 3 or 4 days because of his lack of messaging her and showing her that he cares etc and I said sure he can come over because of how happy it would make her feel (I of course didn't want him over) so when he got her they hung out made out did basically everything but sex I even saw him take off her shirt and bra etc and this had ended up happening in my bedroom on my bed :/ so later that night when made her and him move from the bed so I could gave my ex girlfriend and her guy friend the bed since it was her turn for the bed we still are roommates for money reason and our other two roommates are moving out at the end of this month so there will be an extra room so we don't have to take turns sleeping on the bed/couch but my ex girlfriend and I had made a deal for me and my little to use the bed that night since it would be our first time getting to sleep on the bed together the last two times she stayed we used two couches pushed together and then an airbed in the middle of the front room :/ so me my little and her bf are all in the front room and I am sitting on one of the couches and they are just making out like crazy and what not right in front of me and I am giving her a dirty look every now and again and she has pretended that I wasn't there or that we have a loving DDLG thing going on. I was reading some notes she wrote for me that she put in a envelop as I was reading a few of them I run across one that said "I am only yours" and I ended up crushing it and putting them all back and throwing them away I went and got them a few mins later and uncrushed the one and putting them away they then left for mcd because she wanted to get away from me because I pissed her off with the note thing this was around 5am and then she came back around 7am but i was on a drive and then went back to his van and she came back up at 9am still pissed at me didn't really want to talk or anything I warmed up her leftovers from the place we went out to the night before I even fed it to her and then warmed up some pizza for her and brought her the cheesecake we got to go. she left at 11am still mad at me and not really talking much but gave me a hug. we did talk a little bit about what happen that night. she understood how I felt but was so happy to get to meet her online boyfriend for the first time and was feeling stressed from there week of fighting and he was giving her lots of attrition which is what she been wanting from him all along. Some how I still feel like the bad guy here i'm not 100% sure whos the bad guy but she did say something that made me feel a little better after I told her I was sorry for the way I acted etc... she said we both did things that we shouldn't have. 

 

me and her when she isn't mad at me or just mad in general talk almost nonstop about anything and everything and we hang out all the time even if its just for 15-20 mins on her lunch... we have been doing this long enough that we both love each other in the DDLG (I love my princess and she loves her daddy) but as far as when she is big see says she has feeling for me and she loves me a little bit and I fall for both the little and big person in her I love them both and she knows it we even talked about last night if things don't work out with her boyfriend she has been venting to me about him for about 2 weeks I really don't thing its going to work out between them so I am waiting it out and I still have feeling for her in that way she will date me as well as be my little.

 

nether on of us had gotten more then an hour of sleep last night and it is now 3pm i'm not sure if she stayed awake or took at nap 

I am not sure what to do.... earlier this week I pinky premoms her I would go to her choir concert if she still isn't talking to me by tomorrow should I still go? I always send her a good night/ check for monsters / don't forget your meds text every night should I still send that message... and how long do I wait to talk to her should I wait for her to message first?

 

any other advice is welcome also....

Thanks in advance.... 

Edited October 23, 2016 by Daddydom1337

[Guest]

Well it's clear you don't like sharing her. So you can talk and say hey it's me and only me , no ld boyfriend take it or leave it. But honestly after she totally lied and disrespected you by having that guy there and doing all of that in front of you I would dump her if I were you . For her to act like you did something wrong is bull shit. Like you should have kicked them both out for behaving like that. You need to move on. She is using you.

 

Not to be rude or mean but that's what it seems like from what you said here.

Edited October 23, 2016 by Arya

[Atomisk2121]

First off, I'm sorry that this all happened to you. It sucks to find something that you think is working so well and then it falls apart like that. I know that feeling too, I'm afraid.

 

One of the most important tenants of a ddlg relationship (or any relationship, really) is respect. She showed none to you in this scenario.

 

On the other hand, it sounds like you did not 1. set proper rules and boundaries before entering into this relationship, and b. talk about this ld boyfriend ahead of time and how to address it/say if you were ok with it.

 

I wouldn't put blame on either of you, but it seems this is not a scenario that will work for you. I would also suggest you two part ways as it would be best for you so that you can find exactly what it is you are looking for. Don't be discouraged, however. If you liked how it was going with her there will DEFINITELY be another little waiting just for you and you will be much happier knowing how to avoid this mess in the future. 

 

Chalk it up as a learning experience and move on wiser. 

[Daddydom1337]

I am thinking about sending her a message before she starts talking to me again saying that I don't think we should be daddy and little anymore (she has done that to me twice now) there has been more lies about her bf then i wrote... and the stories and reasons don't make sense when you put them together... 

[Hannah]

well now some littles are poly and only want to be poly some are mono and only want to be mono and then there are ones who can be either however if you arent okay with it then it is considered cheating and if she cant be mono then its not healthy for yall to be together 

[Daddydom1337]

Oh she says she wants mono we had a misunderstanding a while back about my ex girlfriend which is also my roommate and she had a boyfriend at the time before we were doing stuff... it's a big mess....

[lilsnoopy]

She hasn't been honest, doesn't want you the way you want her, and had sex with a different guy on your bed. I know you have deep feelings but those are the details i pulled out of your story. I'm sorry but it sounds like fighting a loosing battle. Let her go, it's hard to change people. I'm sorry if I am blunt but it was completely insensitive of her to do that. I would personally end i,t tell her and her guy friend to get out, and mourn for a little bit. There are better, truer littles out there. She had the chance to be with you and be a little for only you and chose something else. That type of behavior probably won't change. You might just be the safey net/ back up choice to the guy she's with. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You actually seem like a nice guy; I think you would be so much happier without her drama. 

 

p.s. to make poly work the all sides have to be informed and consenting, she lied about it and keeps you both guessing on where you stand. That's more manipulation than anything poly related. It is not healthy in any relationship.

 

communication and honesty are important and she's not doing either. 

Edited October 24, 2016 by lilsnoopy

[HeCallsMePrincess]

I'm sorry, but this entire situation sounds like a mess. and very childish on both ends. she had a boyfriend before, you knew she did. if you want her for just your own, you have to tell her. she cannot read your mind. telling her "sure it's cool if your boyfriend comes over" and then being mad about it later and throwing a fit is childish, especially for a dom. if you want to be daddy/dom AND boyfriend you have to tell her you're not willing to share her anymore. you didn't set clear boundaries. period. that's your job.

[Baby_squirrel]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's a terrible situation. She let you invest your feeling in her before she told you the truth. Under the circumstances you give I can understand your accepting him over to make her happy. Being conflicted on whether to throw them out and how to doing it. A good majority of people would have lost their mind and started screaming and cursing after both of them. Frankly I think she was testing you and baiting her boyfriend. She got the attention she wanted from him. Because you didn't say anything, dirty looks don't count, and you let her disrespect you. Then to top it off she guilted you with the silent treatment for being upset by her behavior. Got you to apologize for crippling up a piece of paper?!? And yet you still cooked for her and took care of her the morning after.

 

I'm along with everyone else, I think you should break it off, especially if you don't feel you can trust her or she's going to keep you in limbo. You can't really come back from that position (you were in last night) too well. That's pure manipulation, lies, and heaping disrespect. I won't say this is completely your fault, but you let her come and go out of your place as she pleased. If you get angry now She could likely throw it in your face for accepting it (by staying quiet).

 

The situation is completely blown. If you want to put it into better perspective imagine a lg in your position and a daddy doing all this to her. Would you encourage her to stay with him? Don't you believe you deserve the same reapect? You can love someone and not be with them for your own sake.

[Guest Faith137]

Get rid of her, she doesnt deserve you as a daddy or a caregiver.  Or she wouldnt be playing the field.  

Sorry about being blunt, but youre only hurting yourself be keeping a relationship open with her.

[Daddydom1337]

Thanks everyone.... 

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Oh honey....

 

This is 50 shades of fucked up.

 

I'm going to be as gentle as I can be... this isnt healthy. There's so much going on and none of it is good.

 

Again I will say CONTRACT CONTRACT CONTRACT!!!! Boundaries need to be established, limits and honest dialog!!!

 

Making out in your presence is disrespectful plain and simple. It shows a complete lack of consideration an quite frankly is a character defining action. You however did not voice your opinion. You pretty much folded and gave her the 'yes dear" response. That is not very dd like behavior and it certainly doesn't speak of a stable relationship dynamic. You clearly don't want to share, she says she wants Mono but spent the night dry humping some other dude in your house - your values are clearly not the same. Communication is a pillar of this life and there is a severe lack of communication and boundaries.

 

I'm not sure what your personal dynamic is with her but if you guys do have a power exchange (traditional Dom/sub relationship outside of bedroom scenes) you severely need to stand up and remind her of her role and you need to remember who you are supposed to be... she treated you like a cuckold (an unwilling one!) I have a clear bias as I am in a TPE and if I did that shit... dominus would bury me in the yard (not actually but he'd most likely leave me and that way worse) but more importantly I wouldn't even think about it as an option because I know who am I, I know my place and My Dom has my complete admiration and respect.

 

TL;DR - what she did was wrong, what you did was wrong. Carrying on like this is toxic. Think long and hard about what you want and WHO you are in this. You broke the cardinal rule in relationship Zen... never ever betray yourself or your feelings to make someone else happy!

 

I hope you find a solution. The #1 quality of a good dd or cg is that they can be the bad guy sometimes and tell us littles "No". Can you imagine the world if we didn't have our Daddies?! Chaos. Pure and unadulterated chaos! Glitter And icing everywhere! Hair pulling in the Walmart over the last hello kitty stuffie!! We need the structure!!!

[CrazyLittleBuggaBoo]

Wow... I mean... Wow. I have to agree with Lil'MissDolly. This does not sound very healthy! You really need to talk to her about your lives together and what you want out of or from the relationship. However, before you even try to talk to her about everything, you need to take a good long hard look at yourself and what you want and what will make you happy. Are you happy sharing her? Can you be happy sharing her? Will you stay happy sharing her? Can you handle sharing her? Do you want to be a Daddy that has "play time" or do you want to stay Daddy but cut off the "play time?" And besides all that, you need to remember that she did lie about all this. Misleading you or however you'd like to put it. Trust is a really important part of any kind of relationship. Can you handle that trust being broken? Could it be fixed or regained? Are you sure she's just not using you? There's just so much stuff... Yes a good long hard think about your life and want you want, weather or not this girl is able to give you want you want and be happy. Then a good long talk with her about everything.

[Guest DavidAlan]

.... enjoyed this. However, I went to like a comment and accidentally hit"report". I cancelled it. Hope I didn't cause any trouble...