Need Advice: I'm a *new* little and my boyfriend is really put off by DD/lg

[little swedish babe]

Really loving this community!

 

Some background to start out: My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for 5 years and plan on getting married soon. I've always been a strong, independent young woman that is a go-getter with a confident yet QUIRKY personality. My bf is definitely on the shy side, a wonderful nurturer and he loves me fiercely. I've always sorta been the one to "wear the pants" in the relationship because that is just how are personalities fit together. But like I said, I'm quirky and I have an inner child and at the end of the day I love to chill out, act silly and let my bf take care of me [which he loves to do] 

 

I just found out about DDlg- like a few weeks ago. And everything I have learned so far has just felt so right. I naturally act like a child and my bf naturally acts like my amazing, loving and dutiful caregiver. He cooks for me, helps me with the chores, drags me out of bed in the morning, forces me to brush my teeth (haha!), draws me a bath, brushes my hair, takes care of me in every way imaginable. He ADORES me. And I adore him. So when I read about DDlg, I was like, "damn, we basically do this but without a label and without that ability for me to really delve into this little space or for us to reap the benefits of the partnership". So I told him about DDlg. He laughed for 1 day, spent 2 days being weirded out, and now he's in a mixture of shock/confusion. He told me he didn't mind TOO much if I called him daddy in bed, all the while he is still extremely skeptical.

 

Then tonight, I was just being my usual self sitting on the couch messing with my phone. He comes down the stairs and says, "are you ready to go to bed?" and I say "yes! come get me" while holding my arms out. For the record, this was just me trying to be cutesy/flirty/didn't-I-already-say-I-act-like-a-child-half-the-time?. And he thinks I'm trying to rub DDlg into his face when I'm just doing something that I've done for years now but now he's associating it with a "kink" per se.

 

I am really interested in DDlg or at least incorporating it into our lifestyle some how. Mostly because, I truly feel like giving our current relationship the structure of a DDlg would be so beneficial. I could really give him the respect/submission he deserves with guidelines cause I'm a girl that needs rules.

 

How do I get him on board? How do I talk to him about it without him becoming defensive? For all you daddies that began this very hesitantly, how long did it take for you to fall in love with this?

 

Thank you so much in advance, I can't wait to hear back from you all  

[Michael]

You're acting like it's only a matter of time until he accepts it or comes on board. It doesn't work that way. You have to be prepared for the fact that he might never be into it.

 

It sounds like you were already mostly in a dd/lg relationship, so I'm confused why you introduced him to the dd/lg label. When most people first learn about dd/lg, it disgusts them because they wrongly assume its linked to pedophilia or something like that. It might be that he needs time to get over his initial assumptions, but he also might be uncomfortable with the dd/lg label forever, who knows.

 

If he naturally acts like a daddy and gives you care and treats you like a little girl, then I think you're already in a really good position. Hopefully with time he'll start to open up about dd/lg, but you definitely shouldn't expect it as a guarantee.

[dnswd]

Honestly there is no need for a label but since the horse has left the barn no point in closing it. Show him the various articles on the subject, read them together. Not everyone likes to put label on things, maybe he is like that. At the same time even if he is like a daddy/care taker he doesnt necessarily like the kink itself. Give it time, do it slowly. Snail's pace if needed.

 

From what you said sounds like he is a natural. So my question is this....does your relationship NEED to have that label?

[Strawberry Sprinkles]

I'm in a similar situation.

 

I met my boyfriend in the mindset of diving into the BDSM world. We talk for about three hours in before he had said something like good girl then we talked about D/s and DD/lg. I was openly a little girl from the start, new to the DD/lg scene. He then confirmed he was a Dom. Already having a liking to one another, we went into what we thought would be a one nightstand that brought out a spew of unintended emotions - including me sobbing about a personal matter. Whoops.. Now, here we are four months later.

 

Only, the initial D/s relationship I was seeking never happened. I tried to drop hints, but it never clicked. We're more or less vanilla. Yes, he is the final decision decider on major things and he keeps me close at hand when we go out with an iron fist (at the zoo, he lets me lead the way~). However, there is no real power dynamic. I try to submit, but I don't know how.

 

DD/lg is out the window. He supports me in my own ventures, but does not involve himself. I can use sippy cups around him and act silly but that's about where the line is drawn. He knows I refer to him as Daddy on the forums, but I refer to him as his name when we're together. I've also found out that he's a switch when we finally put sex on the table in person. I was uncomfortable taking charge, but I wanted to help make him feel good. 

 

Now, I had a decision I had to make very recently. Do I stay with him and forego the world I've been flirting with since I was a teen, or do I let this relationship go?

 

Obviously, I decided to stay. Things don't always work out how I planned and that's okay. We hold onto the cards we've been dealt. While I don't have a big bad "Daddy" per say, and I had to let go of a lot of my kinks I'd been wanting to try out, but in return I have a doting boyfriend who thinks the world of me and that's okay.

 

__________________________

 

TL:DR

 

Relationships are a game of give and take. We don't always get what we want - take time to enjoy what you have.

Edited October 22, 2016 by Strawberry Sprinkles

[Caring King]

Well I don't remember it all that clearly, but after my lovely girlfriend seduced me, she started talking about being a little. I can't recall how it started, since it wasn't a big deal at the time, but I'm sure I was pretty accepting so she opened up more and more. At the very start I didn't think I wanted to be a part of it. I knew I wasn't a very dominant person, and new next to nothing about it, but as I started seeing how adorable her little side was, I felt like I should nurture this side of her. A month or two into our relationship I accepted being her daddy. It was very rough learning to be a daddy, and I still feel plenty lost even after a year of our relationship. Learning her as an individual and learning her as a little were both slow processes. As I tried enforcing rules and being dominate, I messed up a LOT and came close to ending the relationship then and there several times. I didn't understand what I was doing, but still expecting her follow my rules and respect my judgement. For someone like me, who isn't the most sure of himself leader, learning the role of daddy without prior knowledge of the community was very hard. Eventually I settled on the role of caregiver over dominant. Our relationship seems like a watered down version of most other ddlg relationships, but apparently im not supposed to compare them. ^^;
 For instance, My rules for her aren't really talked about, nor enforced, and are kind of forgotten. I ask instead of tell most the time, unless it's serious, and overall I just feel like I'm very soft. Regardless, she tells me I'm a wonderful daddy, and I have to believe her.

If your boyfriend is on board, and he's a gentle person like me who isn't all that dominate, he may very much struggle with the role of dominant daddy. I'm still figuring it all out, and like I've said, a year into our relationship. If he doesn't want to join in however, DON'T pressure him! While ddlg is a lifestyle and form of a relationship, it's still like forcing a kink on someone. The most you can do is offer it to him, and see what he thinks. As things are right now, it sounds like he thinks you're dead set on making him have the role. I'd suggest pulling back for now. Try again after he has time to think it over, and feels more relaxed. Remember, you still have to explore it yourself, and you have no experience of how things work with a daddy, while I'm sure you two will find your own way if he accepts, I suggest you work slowly. For me, it took a month or two.
 

[SweetLilPeach]

I am having this exact problem.  Yes a relationship is about give and take. I have indulged in my boyfriends big fantasy/kink, this is mine.  I feel he should be open to doing the same for me that I have done for him, approach it with an open mind and legit give it a go/TRY to get into it. If you aren't asking for your whole dynamic to change, I don't see why it's such a huge request to call each other different pet names if it makes 1 person in the relationship happy. If that label means something to your partner, and you already all but fit the criteria, why can't you just give them that? For me it would mean the world and I would feel totally understood/accepted by my partner and feel my needs are being met. Whether you agree/understand or not, I feel my relationship is missing something and it seems to me I am not alone in feeling this. 

[sephiroth]

it not really something you can force a guy into ...
beside the bdsm side there are the age player 
it sound a lot like what you had.

 

I do hope that he will give it at least a try
but like Michael said you need to take into consideration that he might not be open for it

 

you are tougher for five years so i am sure he is a good guy 
and have many other great qualities even if this will not work

[TeddybearCandyfloss]

I'm currently in an it's complicated relationship with a person who knows I'm a little and is okay with it. I can't be sure that he's open to be my daddy, but his acceptance is a lot, especially since he hadn't even been interested in kink before I appeared. Relationships are  a give and take thing, if you don't think you'll be happy without ddlg then suggest an amicable split.