Where To Go From Here

[Guest *Aurora*]

[stargirl]

Hmmm well it really is different for everyone, I think. I've had these inclinations and desires since I was 9 years old, so the idea had always been in the back of my mind. Until one day, I finally decided to embrace it instead of run from it.

Edited October 19, 2016 by stargirl

[LolitasDaddy]

Don't rush into anything, and don't try and force it. Experiment, and find which parts of it are most appealing, and lean towards those. For me, keeping an open mind, and testing my own boundaries have really worthwhile.

 

Just keep in mind, as long as no one is getting hurt or exploited, there is no wrong way to do this.

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Read read read read read. Articles, our resource section, google! Just be a sponge for as much information as you can get your hands on. There's no right way to go, no set out path - it's all your path and your journey so arm yourself with knowledge and explore!

 

Your questions will all answer themselves eventually.

[LoralieHaze]

You're not giving much detail here, so I have some questions. Do you know what that something is that's missing? What is it about DDlg that appeals to you? Do you feel naturally drawn to it?

 

I'm asking this because in my 5 months of being on this forum, I've noticed a pattern, or more aptly a trend among new members. A lot of people that join here seem to be motivated not by their desire to be in a Dom/sub relationship dynamic but instead by their desire a part of a club, community, or subculture. They're lonely, want a place to be belong, and think that DDlg is perfect for them because we're mostly quite welcoming and friendly. This is only further enhanced when people don't do any research and automatically assume that this lifestyle revolves completely around looking cute and buying stuffies. I'm not saying that you definitely fit into this category, but I am getting the vibe that you might. My Daddy explains it much better than I do, specifically in these two posts. (I highly recommend reading this one as well.) I really hope I'm not coming across as harsh or judgmental here .

 

When I first heard about DDlg, it scared me, for lack of a better word. I foolishly assumed that it was sick and disgusting, because I didn't know anything about it. Despite that, I was still extremely drawn to it. Even though it filled me with guilt and made me feel like I was a horrible person, I thought about it pretty often. It took me about 2 or 3 years to finally come to terms with my interest and even just research it. To take that perceived risk and find out more about it was probably the best decision I've ever made. I struggle to rationally and coherently explain what a huge change this sparked so please bear with me .

 

To put it very, very simply, it was the epitome of an "aha" moment for me. DDlg was and still is what I had wanted most of my life but didn't know that there was a name for it. The descriptions of a little girl all fit me like a glove and the descriptions of Daddy Doms were exactly the type of men that I'd always been interested in. I knew immediately that the next step after discovery was to learn as much about it as possible. I didn't have to learn how to be a little, because I already was one, but I did have to learn the terminology, such as the difference between a little and middle (although I am both). I didn't have to figure out how to introduce it into my life because it had already been there: my interest in BDSM, my interest in ageplay, the feeling that I never grew up, my ever-growing doll collection, me referring to attractive men as daddies since I was 13 .

 

During the research process, I did a lot of experimentation, but the most important part was letting go of the guilt and shame that I felt while in denial. I still hate that I was in denial for so long but it taught me a lot about myself and made me a better, stronger person. Because my...craving for it never went away, I have zero doubts that this is where I belong and that DDlg is the right lifestyle for me. By allowing myself to express my little and middle aspects, it has given me an immense sense of freedom and contentedness that I've never experienced before. I'm no longer ashamed to carry around a backpack instead of a purse, watch Doc McStuffins marathons, or admit that it turns me on to wear nothing but knee high socks and pigtails. This whole process was never about me changing who I am, it was about me liberating myself to be who I've always been. 

[Guest ZenDD]

Is what you have a need to fit into the community, or are you searching for your personal identity? If it's the first, the DDlg community isn't "official". There are no Associations, no rules, no guidelines. It's a BDSM-based community (though that is changing) so it's all open to your own interpretation and implementation. Relate and engage with others as much or as little as you want, in whatever form is most comfortable with you.

 

If you're trying to find your own identity, then I'm not sure how you'd do that. Being a Caregiver or a little, or a Dom or a sub, should feel natural. You should never have to ask someone how to do that. If this doesn't come naturally to you, then it isn't who you are. You can't "become" a Caregiver or a little any more than you can "become" a heterosexual. The only thing a real Caregiver or little can do is accept that it's in them and live it, or deny it and suppress it.

Edited October 19, 2016 by ZenDD

[Guest *Aurora*]

You're not giving much detail here, so I have some questions. Do you know what that something is that's missing? What is it about DDlg that appeals to you? Do you feel naturally drawn to it?

 

I'm asking this because in my 5 months of being on this forum, I've noticed a pattern, or more aptly a trend among new members. A lot of people that join here seem to be motivated not by their desire to be in a Dom/sub relationship dynamic but instead by their desire a part of a club, community, or subculture. They're lonely, want a place to be belong, and think that DDlg is perfect for them because we're mostly quite welcoming and friendly. This is only further enhanced when people don't do any research and automatically assume that this lifestyle revolves completely around looking cute and buying stuffies. I'm not saying that you definitely fit into this category, but I am getting the vibe that you might. My Daddy explains it much better than I do, specifically in these two posts. (I highly recommend reading this one as well.) I really hope I'm not coming across as harsh or judgmental here .

 

When I first heard about DDlg, it scared me, for lack of a better word. I foolishly assumed that it was sick and disgusting, because I didn't know anything about it. Despite that, I was still extremely drawn to it. Even though it filled me with guilt and made me feel like I was a horrible person, I thought about it pretty often. It took me about 2 or 3 years to finally come to terms with my interest and even just research it. To take that perceived risk and find out more about it was probably the best decision I've ever made. I struggle to rationally and coherently explain what a huge change this sparked so please bear with me .

 

To put it very, very simply, it was the epitome of an "aha" moment for me. DDlg was and still is what I had wanted most of my life but didn't know that there was a name for it. The descriptions of a little girl all fit me like a glove and the descriptions of Daddy Doms were exactly the type of men that I'd always been interested in. I knew immediately that the next step after discovery was to learn as much about it as possible. I didn't have to learn how to be a little, because I already was one, but I did have to learn the terminology, such as the difference between a little and middle (although I am both). I didn't have to figure out how to introduce it into my life because it had already been there: my interest in BDSM, my interest in ageplay, the feeling that I never grew up, my ever-growing doll collection, me referring to attractive men as daddies since I was 13 .

 

During the research process, I did a lot of experimentation, but the most important part was letting go of the guilt and shame that I felt while in denial. I still hate that I was in denial for so long but it taught me a lot about myself and made me a better, stronger person. Because my...craving for it never went away, I have zero doubts that this is where I belong and that DDlg is the right lifestyle for me. By allowing myself to express my little and middle aspects, it has given me an immense sense of freedom and contentedness that I've never experienced before. I'm no longer ashamed to carry around a backpack instead of a purse, watch Doc McStuffins marathons, or admit that it turns me on to wear nothing but knee high socks and pigtails. This whole process was never about me changing who I am, it was about me liberating myself to be who I've always been. 

That's not how I'm trying to come off at all honestly, I just suck at expressing it :/ I know that this is what I've want since I've been drawn to bdsm in general for about 6 years I just didn't have the balls to do anything about because I was taught that's not how you're supposed to think and it wouldn't be accepted (quite honestly it still wouldn't be among certain individuals in my life). And when I discovered DDlg I thought that was probably the weirdest thing to be into so I tried to just forget it, obviously that didn't work since I'm here now lol It's not a matter of forcing myself or trying to use this as an escape from my life or take it as a joke. 

 

I'm still struggling with how to say this coherently so I apologize. I know there isn't some set rules, or set journey, I just thought if I asked others I'd get a better understanding on where I would go with what I'm learning because it's a looooot of info to take in all at once. To come to terms with this being something that is a part of me is still new, because where these tendencies come from is beyond me, since no one in my life introduced it to me but I found it myself. I hope I'm making some type of sense because at this point I'm just typing without really thinking. 

[Beasourous]

I found DDLG on my own too. It was something i chanced upon one day and I'm glad that I found some friends online who are more experienced and guided me to understand more. I would say lots of reading up to understand it and most importantly if you are willing to embrace this side of you.. Being where i am, i cannot be a little in public cos i think i will be gossiped to death.. But when im in private or online with my  friends, i can be free and just act like my little self..

 

i guess the most important question to yourself is do you want to embrace this little side of yourself? because no one can tell you what to be or how to be.. its all in you..

[Guest Plebian]

First off, I tip my hat off to LittleKittenLo. Her post is spot on and very insightful.

 

That's not how I'm trying to come off at all honestly, I just suck at expressing it :/ I know that this is what I've want since I've been drawn to bdsm in general for about 6 years I just didn't have the balls to do anything about because I was taught that's not how you're supposed to think and it wouldn't be accepted (quite honestly it still wouldn't be among certain individuals in my life). And when I discovered DDlg I thought that was probably the weirdest thing to be into so I tried to just forget it, obviously that didn't work since I'm here now lol It's not a matter of forcing myself or trying to use this as an escape from my life or take it as a joke. 

 

I'm still struggling with how to say this coherently so I apologize. I know there isn't some set rules, or set journey, I just thought if I asked others I'd get a better understanding on where I would go with what I'm learning because it's a looooot of info to take in all at once. To come to terms with this being something that is a part of me is still new, because where these tendencies come from is beyond me, since no one in my life introduced it to me but I found it myself. I hope I'm making some type of sense because at this point I'm just typing without really thinking. 

 

It's okay to feel dubious about DD/LG. The things that make you happy shouldn't ever matter or be judged by other people, but that's the world we live in sometimes, and it's okay. I've consciously known about my small side for about a decade, and it's still not something I would normally talk about with my friends. Society has its ways of trying to streamline everything. Conformity keeps things easier to manage for the big guys. But it's ridiculous, and I think most people who listen to themselves carefully and dare to engage with their desires (whether it be people into DD/LG, BDSM or anything else out of the ordinary) know this, at least to some extent.

 

As long as you follow your heart and don't hurt anyone, the sky is the limit. Take it easy, let it sink in, and see where it all takes you .

[LoralieHaze]

That's not how I'm trying to come off at all honestly, I just suck at expressing it :/ I know that this is what I've wanted since I've been drawn to bdsm in general for about 6 years I just didn't have the balls to do anything about because I was taught that's not how you're supposed to think and it wouldn't be accepted (quite honestly it still wouldn't be among certain individuals in my life). And when I discovered DDlg I thought that was probably the weirdest thing to be into so I tried to just forget it, obviously that didn't work since I'm here now lol It's not a matter of forcing myself or trying to use this as an escape from my life or take it as a joke. 

 

I'm still struggling with how to say this coherently so I apologize. I know there isn't some set rules, or set journey, I just thought if I asked others I'd get a better understanding on where I would go with what I'm learning because it's a looooot of info to take in all at once. To come to terms with this being something that is a part of me is still new, because where these tendencies come from is beyond me, since no one in my life introduced it to me but I found it myself. I hope I'm making some type of sense because at this point I'm just typing without really thinking. 

 

Thank you for adding detail. I now have a much better understanding of what you mean and where you're coming from . 

 

There are a lot of aspects of this that will never be accepted by society at large, even though DDlg/Cgl is (both fortunately and unfortunately) becoming more well known and mainstream. That is something that we as adherents have to be at peace with because we cannot change it. We can't control everyone else's perceptions and reactions, only our own. You are the only one in your life who has to accept DDlg. If you choose to embrace this part of yourself, you will not need to inform your family, friends, or acquaintances, nor will you need their approval.  If you choose to immerse yourself in this lifestyle, you will not be required to tell anyone about it other than your romantic/sexual partner(s). While being a little might be a large part of your personality, DDlg is at the end of the day a sexual fetish/kink, and those sorts of things are best to keep private.

 

I will say that for me personally, I am very lucky to be able to be so open with my littleness. My mother isn't aware of the naughtier aspects of this but she is quite accepting of it's trappings, or manipulatives as Zen calls them. I can tell that she finds it odd that I love Fluttershy and to eat with Little Mermaid utensils, but she doesn't treat that as a bad thing. (She actually even knows that I use a sippy cup sometimes, although her finding that out was purely by accident .) Here I am acknowledging my awareness that this is an exception and not the rule, but I also want to express to you and anyone else reading this that if someone you know sees you displaying the outward signs of being a little, their reaction might not be quite as negative as you fear it could be.

 

As others have suggested above, please continue to learn and do research, while also knowing that not everything you read will or must apply to you. It might seem overwhelming but it's a very important step and you can go at your own pace. If you find out more about this and feel that it's doesn't suit you or your needs, then no further steps need to be taken. If you do decide to move forward with it though, then the next step will be coming to terms with it. The second most important part of this will be letting go of any harsh judgments you have placed on DDlg as a whole and on yourself specifically for being interested in it. I had to go through that process, and in a few small ways I still am, so I know how hard it is, but I also know how incredibly vital it is for my own happiness and peace of mind.