Friends

[GenuineEnglish]

I am not denying responsibility. I totally accept my duty of care. I know that she wasn't & possibly never will be comfortable. Your impression that I pushed her into things is totally wrong. Yes it was rushed & there are very good reasons why.

 

I am not blaming & I never will. I simply asked for opinion on the subject of friends. . Whilst I accept the principle of an open forum people will be put off posting if they receive comments from people who choose to interpret their posts in negative ways.

 

There is another person involved here & I would never of asked a simple question about friends if I knew that it would degenerate into a disection of my character & hers.

 

In case you aren't clear. I do not blame her in any way whatsoever.

Edited October 20, 2016 by GenuineEnglish

[Baby_squirrel]

I've been reading this post over for the last 2 days and going through everyone's responses in hopes of getting a better understanding. I also read your other content in the forum (sorry if that seems creepy).

 

From your previous post you seem fair minded and trying to do what is right. I don't know who your little is or was (being that you already broke it off, making this advice kind of a mute point), it would be helpful if she stepped forward.

 

As for dealing with friends imposing, first I would not expect that it is her friends telling her to break it off. If they are it is likely a reaction to what she has told them. I am in no way saying she is telling them negative things about you, but the simple fact is that they are her friends, they are hearing a one sided version of events. They are going to likely side with her underlining opinion of you through whatever she says. Unless, they are using her you need to assume their judgement is to protect her. That being the case, her friends aren't so much influencing her because she has her own mind.

 

First she said it was the x-box next she said it wasn't. If you believe she is lying about the x-box there is really nothing you can do for it now. If she readily agreed to the reserved time then ditched for 2 hours, Geez,you are patient! She made her choice if who she wanted to spend her time with. Someone pointed out your wording for it ruining the mood sounded like something intimate was going on, perhaps she ditched because she wasn't ready for that. So she coukd be absolutely wrong for leaving you waiting and is being inconsiderate or she could have done it out of self preservation.

 

Moving on. I get that changing your schedule and that is a big deal. Your making time for her and rearranging your personal life to fit an online persona. That's a great big deal. I feel for you on this. There is a big difference speaking to a person when they have the time and their MAKING time for you. You need someone to match the intensity of dedication you are giving to them.

 

Speaking of intensity, it is highly likely that yours does not match her's. I can't be clear on how long you two have known each other, but you Sir are full of intense emotions for this girl. In essence that can be waaay too much, it is why people are accusing you of pushing. And, your intensity and actually what is subconsciously pushing her away. I've been there myself, on both sides. It leaves the recipient of your emotional and mental focus battling within themselves, which I suspect is why she us 'mixed up'. If this is the case, You are leaving her with the choice of telling you it's too much and hurting your feeling/devastating you if you are as hooked on her as you seem to be or trying to please you by going along with what she knows you want.

 

You aren't together now, it maybe possible that you get back together. You need to think on this more than in terms of her if her friends interfering. You aren't blaming her because you trust that her reaction stems from a genuine point of view, it could be a number of things, don't rule yourself out.

[Baby_squirrel]

Moot point. Freak I can't edit for grammar issues and spelling. I hope my advice is clear enough.

 

Next time around if/when you get a little I would suggest you casually asking about her friends. There isn't anything wrong with getting to know her friends and they get to know you. I wouldn't push for restricting their time together unless you know that friend is angling to have more than friendship with your little. Even then you may want to hold off on mentioning that until you all get to know each other better. Someone people won't give that friend up even knowing what's going on. You'll have to decide if your possessive nature can handle that.

 

Besides, there should be an in between time that you discuss these type of things before jumping from strangers to a Daddy-little couple. It makes for less stress and helps to get a feel for who people really are.

[Guest ZenDD]

I am not denying responsibility. I totally accept my duty of care. I know that she wasn't & possibly never will be comfortable. Your impression that I pushed her into things is totally wrong. Yes it was rushed & there are very good reasons why.

 

I am not blaming & I never will. I simply asked for opinion on the subject of friends. . Whilst I accept the principle of an open forum people will be put off posting if they receive comments from people who choose to interpret their posts in negative ways.

 

There is another person involved here & I would never of asked a simple question about friends if I knew that it would degenerate into a disection of my character & hers.

 

In case you aren't clear. I do not blame her in any way whatsoever.

 

Oh, I'm clear. Crystal. 

 

After I suggested you were pushing the pace, rushing it, you said: "I would never push a relationship faster than the other person is comfortable with." Then after I used examples, many of which are your own quotes, to prove my suggested point, you said: "I know that she wasn't & possibly never will be comfortable." How contradictory could you possibly be? Who do you think you are talking to? Do you honestly think your double speak is going to persuade or fool me, or everyone here, for that matter?

 

Not every post receives critique like this. You would be wrong and misinformed to make the assumption that they do. You're being critiqued for what you've posted, in the way you've posted, in the tone you've posted with, with the words you've not-very-carefully chosen to post with. I'm sorry my critique isn't to your liking. You're behavior isn't to mine. You can "simply" ask all you want. That doesn't mean I have to "simply" give you what you want. I'm not your sub. None of us are. You're not making yourself a hero by standing up for others here to say that "others will be put off posting if they receive comments from people who choose to interpret their posts in negative ways." That's just another defensive excuse to shrug yet another responsibility off on others. It's a poor method of trying to take the spotlight off of yourself, when you are the one who asked for it in the first place. Now that the hue and intensity isn't to your liking, you'd like to shine it somewhere else. Again, we're not your subs. We don't take your orders.

 

You seem to like to see things in black and white. I'm not playing that game. You can't manipulate me into giving you the answer you want. Now I believe that you most definitely are manipulative, consciously so, and I believe that you're upset because you were fully aware that the little you are involved with would have access to this post and be reading the responses, and you expected we would all chime in with you to teach her a lesson. Now, apparently, she's getting more information and perspectives, and it's obviously the kind that you didn't bargain for. Do your own dirty work. And I'm not dissecting her character, only what you've said about her. That accusation of me doesn't fly, either. I have no idea who she is, how she is, or what she thinks about your relationship. I only know what I see based on your words. And now I see you acting as though you're defending her even though you've been almost entirely condescending and critical of her.

 

Let me make this perfectly clear: I have had nothing but respect for the people that have posted in this forum. In 100 posts, I have been supportive, had lively debates, and shared stories and opinions without ever being as curt as I'm being with you right now. And that's because of all of the posts Ive read, I have never been left with such a bad taste in my mouth as I have with yours. This "negativity" as you call it ("critical awareness" as i'd call it), has been entirely reserved for your post, as I don't think I've ever seen anyone make as many defensive excuses in one post as I have with yours. Now, you're just giving Daddy Doms a bad name, and at your age, which you've been deceptive about as you've posted two very different ones (yet another reason that shows your manipulative nature), you should know better. That's right, I've done my homework. I read before I post. You're a great example of how age does not necessarily equate with experience or wisdom.

 

There are many young people here, and I do my best to set a good example with researched, nuanced, objective information, perspectives, and opinions. I'm not perfect by any means. Unlike you, I do make mistakes. But I put my best foot forward, and a lot of effort and heart into my responses. You won't succeed in squashing me by inaccurately stating that i'm discouraging people here on the forum by "interpreting their posts in negative ways." Nice try at deflecting this critique to others, but it's to no avail because this critique is specially tailored for you, and you alone. I won't cower to your manipulative tactics, you've chosen the wrong target. Look in the mirror. Target that guy. But don't manipulate him; be honest and tell him the truth. It would be a more productive day if you did. I'm sorry you're getting a character dissection, but you made the mistake of showing your questionable character, and you thought no one would notice. I'm not the only one who has seen it.

 

I'm fully prepared to receive another passive aggressive (maybe not quite so passive) response to this, but that's okay, you have every right to say what you like, as do I. You needn't worry, I won't respond. I've no need to. It's pointless to argue with someone who has an excuse for everything. I'm finished with you now, as anyone reading all of what you've written throughout your entire post here can see your defensiveness, lack of experience, irresponsibility, and lack of accountability. You did that to yourself, you exposed yourself. Stop being a perpetual victim. Even if my lack of decorum at this moment gets me booted from this forum, it would have been well worth it for the young people here to see your example as what they shouldn't do as Daddies/Caregivers, or what they shouldn't be exposed to as littles.

 

*Mic drop* (why not add some comedy, it couldn't hurt.)

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Oh, I'm clear. Crystal.

Dude, i think youre way oversteping your bounds here and coming to your own conclusions. I think you been the passive agressive one towards Engilsh in this topic, not the other way around. Let him conduct himself how he sees fit. Im not seeing him exhibiting manipulative behavior, as youre suggesting, he simply asked how othe guys would handle a situation where his girlfriend is talking to other guys. Only the two of them know the full dynamic. But you trying to portray this charactor assaination againt him, just made me lose a ton of respect for you.

 

You can be the pied piper to all the little girls on here with your smooth sweet clinical advice, but as soon as a guy needs advice your jumping down his throat?

 

Im actually embarrassed for you and super uncomfortable with that rant you just posted. This forum has not been a friendly place lately, and its not just you.

 

In my opinion.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

This thread is being locked after being reviewed by staff due to the fact that the most recent posts have gotten completely off-topic and are no longer about the OP's original question. The inability for the direction of dialogue to remain civil and polite has caused this thread to be closed.