How to be a good Daddy (What littles look for??)

[Guest Switch_Ewen]

Was just wondering what littles look for in an ideal caregiver? I've spoken to a few littles and have seen a variety of qualities they desire, understandably the role of a caregiver as an older, caring style of partner is the idea in a ddlg relationship, however I find it hard to fully comprehend what this role should include. I am naturally drawn to the more bdsm dom role but offer daddy like aftercare and ddlg style out of the bedroom relationship. However there seems to be very few littles interested in this style of relationship:( So yeah what is everyone preference for a daddy inside and outside of the bedroom? 

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Well I can tell you, I'm very new to this side of the bdsm spectrum. I'm a little/middle. My Daddy is very loving, compassionate, and has a general concern for me and my wellbeing. His concerns are for all aspects of me, my physical, mental, emotional, and sexual health.

 

Inside the bedroom, we tend to have a mixed playing field. Sometimes he's a very traditional Dom and we cuddle after. Sometimes we want more intimate. It depends on the mood at the moment, and this is fine for me.

 

Outside the bedroom I want Daddy to be focused on me. I constantly crave his attention. If I want to color, I want him to color with me. If he's playing on the computer, I play alongside him. If I don't get the attention I want/need, I act out to get it in other ways.

 

Mostly, littles want to feel loved. They want to feel like they are the most important thing in your world.

[LittleGirlEmilia]

Hmm, I guess it depends on your little/middle's needs, what can work for some might not work for others. I agree with the post above, littles want to feel loved and like they are the most important thing in your world.

 

For me, what makes a good daddy is being strict and stern but has to be loving too! Communication also! There's nothing worse than a daddy that doesn't listen to what you want or need. If you just listen to what your little/middle needs, then you will be a good daddy. 

 

For the sexual part, I'm the same as the previous reply, depends on the moods, it's mostly dom though, but being intimate is extremely important too, it is for me personally anyways.

[LolitasDaddy]

It's like any other relationship. Honesty and compatibility. If you want this to work on any level other than play, you will have to get along as adults, and be friends. Littles are just like everyone else, they are all very different.

[Daddy Dominic]

Eventually, you'll own your dominant side and embrace all of the unique qualities that make you the type of DD that you would be. 

And what tends to happen is that when you've fully embraced that side of yourself, the right Little will come into your life to balance you. 

 

The biggest characteristic of a DDLG relationship is that of "ownership". When a Little submit themselves to you, they essentially become

your property. And just like any other prized possession, you will have to take great care of her. 

 

And this applies to wiping the cum off of her, and drying her sweat when you're done... or getting her a glass of water because she's 

dehydrated... or simply listening to her rant about some BS nonsense that doesn't interest you one bit, but it makes her happy because you're listening. 

 

The same things that are required to make a "normal" relationship work are also required to make DDLG or BDSM relationship work... 

except in this world, your Little is your prized possession and you must treat her as such. If you do this properly, she will submit to whatever

desire you may have... and will probably love it because she knows she's satisfying her Daddy. 

 

 

DaddyDominic

[HeCallsMePrincess]

okay one thing, the biggest characteristic of ddlg is NOT "ownership" let's just get that out there. not all littles are subs or slaves.

 

 

to answer your question: every little is different. it's not about being the person she wants, it's about being yourself and finding someone compatible. like any relationship, it's more important to have open communication with your little.

[Guest ZenDD]

Know that every little is different. The stereotypes of what a little should be run rampant, but are not indicative of what a little really is or needs. As you get to know a little, you will understand her specific needs, interests, and manifestations as a little. That is, of course, if she herself understands those things.

 

Fret not, young man. The style of your particular D/s and DDlg is actually the common, "default" style; the textbook Daddy Dom dynamic implementation. If this is indeed a natural part of who you are, and you aren't just jumping on a fad, then it appears that you are an adherent of DDlg in its original form. You are pretty young to be a Daddy, but if it feels natural to you, then by all means roll with it. I think your comment on your experience with your interaction with littles not being interested in your style of relationship is interesting, because that could become the general observation of original-concept Daddy Doms in the near future.

 

From my experience, I would venture to say that most of the little's here, the younger ones anyway, who are about your age or a little older and tend to be the most active and vocal here, are not typical DDlg littles. "Stylers", as I call them, are the typical little in this forum, but not of the DDlg community at large. Many littles here associate with little "style" (the typical fashion, toys, and activities that they associate with childhood) but don't associate their being little to the BDSM roots of DDlg, and therefore don't necessarily associate it with an adult psychology or as an element of their sexuality, or D/s sexual dynamics. This type of participant appears to be the largest growing membership of the DDlg world, and their numbers will soon overtake the numbers of the original BDSM DDlg adherents soon (if they haven't already) as the subculture makes its way out into the open more and more everyday, and more money is to be made utilizing the DDlg "label."

 

There is nothing inherently wrong with being a styler. Everyone deserves to interpret things in their own way, pick and choose what they like, and discard the rest. Sometimes that does leave the "purists" behind and forgotten, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles --- things change. It would be nice if "stylers" did understand that their take is different than how DDlg began, but they aren't obligated to do so. I won't lie, I often feel that the new evolution of DDlg is a watered-down version of what its true nature is, and half of Hot-Topic will be filled with items marketed as "DDlg" and/or "little" products to cater to the growing fad. But no one owns a subculture, even if we sometimes feel we do. History does own it, though, and I'll always remember to pass that history down. The truth is that subcultures become popular and then evolve into something entirely different as they become absorbed into general pop-culture. DDlg is no different.

 

Little-style is becoming something all its own, and the original focus of a D/s dynamic with a Daddy Dom is becoming a side note. DDlg is becoming just "lg": some littles might be interested in having a Daddy Dom, some might just want a Daddy, some aren't interested in having either, some are more interested in having "sissies", sister littles with whom to play with. If you are truly a purist, an original-concept DDlg adherent, you'll find an original-concept little eventually. They're out there, just like you are. It just might take a bit more time and effort. But things worth a bit more time and effort are usually worth it. Good luck!

Edited October 17, 2016 by ZenDD

[Guest ZenDD]

Eventually, you'll own your dominant side and embrace all of the unique qualities that make you the type of DD that you would be. 

And what tends to happen is that when you've fully embraced that side of yourself, the right Little will come into your life to balance you. 

 

The biggest characteristic of a DDLG relationship is that of "ownership". When a Little submit themselves to you, they essentially become

your property. And just like any other prized possession, you will have to take great care of her. 

 

And this applies to wiping the cum off of her, and drying her sweat when you're done... or getting her a glass of water because she's 

dehydrated... or simply listening to her rant about some BS nonsense that doesn't interest you one bit, but it makes her happy because you're listening. 

 

The same things that are required to make a "normal" relationship work are also required to make DDLG or BDSM relationship work... 

except in this world, your Little is your prized possession and you must treat her as such. If you do this properly, she will submit to whatever

desire you may have... and will probably love it because she knows she's satisfying her Daddy. 

 

 

DaddyDominic

 

Everyone is welcome to their own interpretation and implementation of DDlg, but there are some basics that are generally understood as being definitive of certain BDSM concepts. "Ownership,"  for example, is most definitely NOT the biggest characteristic of DDlg. I can concur that a positive form of possessiveness that could be interpreted loosely as ownership exists within DDlg, by both the Dom and sub/Caregiver and little, but within BDSM, the term "ownership" is very specific to M/s relationships which, while not exclusive from DDlg, are still distinct from it.

 

Of course there can be elements of M/s dynamics that occur within DDlg. Collaring, for example, is common and this is completely derivative of the M/s dynamic (whether that's commonly known or not is another issue). But in general, DDlg does not incorporate M/s techniques and terminology. That would be the minority of adherents and not the norm. As DDlg is originallly a branch of D/s, submission is the norm (though that seems to be changing), but submission does not equate to the granting of ownership. The BDSM community places much value on semantics, and therefore claiming that "ownership" is the biggest characteristic of DDlg is actually not accurate at all.

 

On another note, I'd be remiss if I didn't comment on you saying that being a Daddy Dom sometimes entails "...listening to her rant about some BS nonsense that doesn't interest you one bit...". This is a very insensitively-worded statement and an insensitive sentiment. I'm very surprised, and frankly disappointed, to see it conveyed from someone who calls themselves a Daddy. A consensual display of insensitivity, and even cruelty, can be a characteristic within some BDSM dynamics, but it is most definitely NOT a characteristic of being a Daddy Dom.

Edited October 17, 2016 by ZenDD

[Guest Switch_Ewen]

Cheers for the response everyone:) What I can conclude is there is that littles like different styles on daddy doms, I will just be myself and hope I find a little who likes me for who I am

[Littlest_Lushie]

For me personally, its difficult to start a relationship as ddlg from the get go. Its important to get to know someone as who they are when they aren't little. If a connection isn't there when you both aren't in your roles- then I don't think that it will pan out. 

 

Every single little is different. Biggest things that make a difference to me are: Maturity, Patience, Honesty, and Loyalty. Of course, dominant, older, and playful are other nice things- but the main 4 that I listed are important to me personally. Trust is also key- you must gain their trust in order to further help the d/s roles develop.

 

P.S. in your most recent post- I think you have the right idea!

[Willa14]

Just wanted to say... We are out there!! So don't give up. My husband and I have exactly the kind of relationship you described and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love BDSM in the bedroom as long as the aftercare is sweet and more DDlg feeling. That is very important to me and makes me feel like everything is okay. DDlg in our lives too helps me feel important and cared for. I have a sticker chart for healthy eating, water, chores, etc and love that... But at the same time on the bedroom side of things I am just naturally darker I guess. Even completely into consensual non-consent. So my advice is just be you!! Be strong and firm in who and what you are and the right little will be naturally drawn to that strength.

 

Best of luck!

[ThePrincessMinMin]

It can range from little to little, but mainly:

 

✨Trust

✨Honesty

✨Compatibility

✨Commitment

✨Respect

[Daddyslilhoneybee]

I feel like DDlg is kind of an umbrella term. I have met a lot of CG/L and CG/Lre folks who aren't into the Dom/sub or sexual side of things. Not every little is sexual, keep that in mind. Not every little wants a Dom(me) and not every little is a sub. I don't think any one answer to this question will be right or wrong, because every little is so different!

[Guest SoloFairy]

I think in order to fit your particular style you'll want to find a little who also identifies as a submissive. There are definitely plenty out there but not all littles are subs so I think it's pretty vital to let any potentials know that you are a Daddy DOM and that you embrace both. 

 

My Daddy and I started off with a strictly D/s relationship that eventually morphed into DDlg on it's own. However we are unique in the fact that we still have a strong D/s relationship and a bit of M/s sprinkled in there. We took the aspects from each dynamic that we liked and mashed them together to make something that works well for us. 

 

Submissive littles are different than littles who do not identify as a submissive in many ways so it's best to pursue a little that can feed both your Daddy side and your Dom side. 

 

Good luck!

[Daisies&Donuts]

Want to clarify that not all littles want older Mommy/Daddy/CG. At least one user on this forum is married to her Daddy who is, I think, about 10 years her junior? DDlg is NOT about getting with younger girls or actual littles. It's fine if the CG is older and that's what you both want, I'm not knocking it, but that's not the point of the relationship. Being little is about regression, not actually being a kid. Being a Big or being a little is about being in a particular headspace.

 

Also, not all Mommies/Daddies are Doms, some are submissive, though it is rare. There can be submissive caregivers because the idea is to give Care to someone.

 

There are littles who are kinky in other ways, you just have to find them. This forum is realy focused on NOT enabling casual "encounters" or encouraging overtly sexual conversations. That's why most of us are here. A lot of us here don't want to talk about the details of our sex lives with people we don't know,so how can you tell if a little here is into kink? You're going to have to get to know her first.

 

Finally, the younger someone is, the less likely they are to have experience. The less experience someone has, the more difficult it is for them to know what they like. My advice as always is to take things very slowly at first to show them how enjoyable something can be. If they don't like it, back off - no, really: abort mission; do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

 

I don't mean to sound patronizing by any stretch here, just wanted to help you out a little. I know how confusing and frustrating it can be trying to find a partner who matches the dynamic you crave. Good luck to you!

Edited December 7, 2016 by Daisies&Donuts