I Cheated on Daddy!! :( Advice?

[stargirl]

I see Daddy maybe a long weekend every 2 months or longer because we live different states and travels a lot for work. He's amazing and I'm super happy with him! He's attentive and goes out of his way to make me feel very little and cared for, but is gone for very extensive periods of time to remote areas, sometimes without cellular data. However, I suffer from PTSD, panic attacks, and dysthymia. Thankfully, I've had therapy and have learned several coping techniques so this isn't a huge issue, until it is. After Daddy's last visit I felt very down, and i think I experienced sub drop for the first time. In addition to that, my grandmother passed away very recently, I'm a single parent, etc. What I'm saying is, the stress coupled with my mental and emotional instability, and the virtual and physical absence of Daddy led me down a dark and downward spiral of self destruction. I spoke to Daddy about how I was feeling, and we tried several tactics. Talking to Daddy more, different video apps, mailing letters, more rules, coloring, a schedule... none of those things worked. I tried my usual coping techniques as well, they were mild successes at best. My instincts were telling me that our relationship, as it was, was emotionally unsustainable for me. Daddy said things would be like this for another 6 months to a year, possibly more. At the same time, I was confused about his feelings for me. The long stretches of time without talking or seeing each other were triggering my PTSD, and I took these absences as a sign that he didn't feel the same way about me. And I was scared to commit to an indefinite amount of mental anguish.

 

I'd been battling self destructive inclinations for weeks, when a "friend"/"Daddy Dom"/co-worker texted me wanting to "have some fun". He knows I have a Daddy and that I'm very happy with him, we've had conversations about how Daddy and I met, fun dates, etc. I told him I was sad and didn't want to go anywhere. He then started appealing to my little nature and convinced me to come and hang out and we'd both cheer up (he recently broke up with his gf). He was immediately very grabby, and I told him to cut it out, even physically removing him from me. We went inside and I told him I wanted to talk and that I needed his advice about Daddy. But I he insisted, appealing to my little nature. I cheated. It wasn't fun and I was mean to my friend cause I was upset he wasn't my Daddy, and he told me he was taking advantage of me the entire time. Thinking that I might catch a glimpse of my Daddy, I didn't tell him to stop. Until I cried out that I love my Daddy, and we both snapped out of it.

 

Thankfully, it didn't take long for both of us to come to our senses, he apologized and took me home. I called Daddy to tell him what happened when I got home, but he was in a meeting.

 

We finally spoke this morning and he is rightfully hurt, he says he can't be my Daddy, that I betrayed him. And he's right. I feel awful that I lost complete control of my mind and emotions that way. Daddy knew about the mental health issues, and was looking into getting me therapy, but I cracked before that could happen. I spiraled out of control and questioned whether he cared about me, then ran to someone who wasn't the friend I thought he was. I never thought this friend would take advantage of the situation that way.

 

I'm not sure who is right and who is wrong in this situation. Or how to proceed, he told me he needs time, so I'm giving him time. He recommended I read some books about anxiety and trust issues. I've gotten one of them already.

 

What do I now? I know I made a mistake, but I don't want to lose my Daddy.

[sighing]

Yikes. There's not really much you can do at this point. Give your Daddy some space and let him decide whether he wants to continue being with you. If he stays then you'd better be prepared to spend a great deal of time earning his trust again. If he leaves, well take it as a learning experience.

 

Good luck.

[PrincessPear]

"I cheated. It wasn't fun and I was mean to my friend cause I was upset he wasn't my Daddy, and he told me he was taking advantage of me the entire time."

 

Oh gosh. :-( I hope some of what I'm about to say is helpful. But I must ask: You said you had to physically remove him in order to make him stop grabbing at you. Was the sex you had consensual or did he "wear you down" in some way? Feel free to PM me if you feel too embarrassed to answer in public *or not even answering at all is fine, too. I'll tell you one thing: that guy is NOT your "friend," no matter what he says. That's the thing about morals: They don't just suddenly disappear when opportunities to have sex arise, so that guy is a 24/7 scumbag.I, too, have had mental health issues cloud my better judgment in relationship matters. As a mentally ill person, I've also had people (attempt to) prey on my real or perceived vulnerabilities. As I got better, I started noticing certain traits and behavioral patterns that surfaced in the more predatory/selfish sorts who used, attacked, or discarded me so I could avoid them. I noticed that people who break boundaries in one way tend to have that same disrespect in other areas of their lives, so I pay attention to all aspects of a person's behavior when I'm getting to know them. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Since the distance is a source of discomfort, you might find it helpful to consider developing a clear sense of how much e-interaction (texts, phone calls, e-mails, etc.) you prefer to feel "connected" to long distance partners and not being afraid to be picky about daddies. Being a daddy is a very personal role and it is you, my friend, who gets to decide who gets to enjoy that role in your life. If someone makes you feel disrespected or cheapened in any way, then please know that guy doesn't deserve to be called your daddy in he first place. Really - Of course, once you let them know, you'll encounter denial or resistance, but that's how you know he's really not worth suffering for. Give yourself permission to expect respect and turn away from those who don't give it to you.

 

I wish you the best of luck. <3

Edited October 14, 2016 by PrincessPearBBW

[Johnny Hammersticks]

The fact that it seems you were honest withhim, right away, is a huge plus. Honesty is so important. Its everything. If you can build on that honesty and reestablish trust, you guys have a great foundation.

 

But be true to yourself, and be certain he is what who want, because if your Daddy forgives you and something like this happens again, might hurt him real bad.

.

[Michael]

It sounds like this other guy was able to provide you with the physical attention that you were longing for from your daddy, and you temporarily lost sight of things and went with it. If you two don't break up over this, I think you really need to look into seeing each other more often.

 

I don't think a long distance relationship is healthy for you given all that you've described about your mental health issues and how the long stretches of time without talking are triggering your PTSD. Do you really think you can keep going months at a time without seeing him? How long would you do that for?

 

Maybe you two can take a break, and you can take time to figure things out.

[aj_21]

I dont know if you cheated as much as this guy wore you down and (it sounds like) physically forced himself on you. It doesnt sound to me like what happened was consensual and that guy is not your friend at all he admitted to taking advantage of you friends dont do that. You went over with the intention of having the support of his friendship not to cheat.

Your Daddy may need time to come to terms with it and to trust you again. If the relationship is having a detrimental effect on your mental health though as much as you care about each other than you need to start thinking about what is really best for you and your child (ren).

[Guest SaladHater]

Find a new daddy

[Trash Queen]

Things are never the same after you cheat. No matter how much you want to take it back and go back to how it was, the trust you had before is gone.

 

I know because I've done it. I was sick and our relationship was unhealthy. We tried to fix things, but it wasn't the same. Both of our mental health issues sky rocketed and our moods declined. It would have taken years to build back to the level of trust. Years we didn't have the energy or mental health to deal with.

 

 

As someone who went through extremely challenging years of mental health issues and then cheating, I suggest you let it go. It's hard and it sucks. It'll make you cry and want to curl up and die. But after four years, I got through it. I'm at the peak of health. And I look back and don't regret anything. Me cheating was me being unhappy. Then us staying together was us afraid to be alone. Our split needed to happen. We needed to split. I can't say the same for you. Cheating isn't usually the problem; it's the symptom of another problem.

[Whispering-oak]

Hello,

It is part of being a Daddy or CG to be responsible... Little one's need to be cared for as the person they are no matter their RL age. There is no excuse you can give for breaking the trust between you and your daddy.  You placed yourself in the other persons circle of influence, and things went down hill from there... you have friends here that will talk to you and help you through times of anguish and your physical problems.. I do not call the other person a Daddy .. What he planned from the start was to get you into his sphere of influence and then get you into his bed and that is evident by the physical accosting that was done and the continual verbal smooth talk to wear you down.. I would say you have two things you need to do....1 you broke the trust and if you get another chance then make the best of it... but remember it could end up a break up .. enough said on that... 2 you need to warn any little who comes in contact with that person about what happened and caution them to stay away... people like him give the good Daddy's and CG's a bad name .... don't be afraid to point him out if he comes around.. Littles are a gift .. to be cared for and treasured for the time we have with them... will keep you in my prayers..

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Oh honey that's a tough spot to be in. At this point - give him some space, let him know how sorry and remorseful you are.

 

I will say (and you might not want to hear it) maybe you just need someone who can give me a little more of their time. Cheating is never excusable but denying that you may need more than once every few months isn't fair to you either. We all have different needs and levels of need, princess and thats okay! I am super needy, I need the constant companion and attention - that's who I am! Ne honest with yourself about what you need!

 

I would cut ties with this other guy - pushing and being grabby when he knows you are attached is never right. It's greasy and all kinds of icky! He clearly does not care about or respect boundaries!

 

Hope everything works out for you! I'm a pm away if you need to talk

[Mikaitaku]

this sounds more like rape and manipulation on the part of your "friend". you made if pretty clear that you did not want to have sex with him and it is pretty obvious the guy was preying on you. You are not blameless but given the context of the situation you where not at a place where you could emotionally think straight the fault lays more on the other person and your daddy.  It does not matter if you said no while he was on you, it was clear that you only wanted someone to talk to while he had other plans.

[stargirl]

"I cheated. It wasn't fun and I was mean to my friend cause I was upset he wasn't my Daddy, and he told me he was taking advantage of me the entire time."

 

Oh gosh. :-( I hope some of what I'm about to say is helpful. But I must ask: You said you had to physically remove him in order to make him stop grabbing at you. Was the sex you had consensual or did he "wear you down" in some way? 

 

He definitely wore me down

[Guest ZenDD]

I'm sorry for the situation you've found yourself in. We all make mistakes, and hopefully we can learn from them. I know some of the responses are focusing on the fact that your "friend" went too far, and It definitely sounds like he was hard to convince that you weren't really interested in sex with him. But the fact is, according to you, that at some point you "didn't tell him to stop", and you say point blank that you cheated.

 

I know you weren't in a good head space at the time. Neither was your friend, as he had just broken up with his girlfriend. But you're both adults, and you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. I know you feel that you were vulnerable, but as adults we're still responsible for our actions, even in littlespace, or whether or not we're vulnerable due to sadness, anger, or loneliness. Mental illnesses like depression are hard to manage, no doubt. Many of us here know the challenge of living life with that kind of weight to bear, but as it is happening within our own mind, our own body, it is indeed our own responsibility, and we need to be sure we hold ourselves accountable for not only the management of this illness, but also the things we do while under its influence.

 

I can feel that you're genuinely sorry for having betrayed your relationship with your Daddy, but even though you felt that you had a good connection with him, it seems your lives were just too incompatible for your particular needs. It may be best to let this relationship go if you need someone who is more physically and emotionally present than he was capable of being. Don't beat yourself up for needing more, either. Be true to yourself. 

 

Your Daddy's hurt is understandable. As someone who has been cheated on in his life, i know it can be the worst feeling. Being cheated on made me question my worth, my ability to make good choices, my ability to trust, my ability to be loved. If he has indeed been a good Daddy, but he really was just too busy to give you the attention that you needed, then he'll have to live with the consequence. We all have priorities and responsibilities that sometimes keep us from the very people we work hard for.

 

He's going to find it very hard to trust you again, especially being physically distant from you. It's hard to say whether this relationship is truly reparable or not. It's ultimately up to the two of you. It would take a lot of work on his part to trust you again, and for you to prove to him that you can be trusted, devoted, and committed. You'd also have to be willing to work hard to show your accountability somehow. And it can be difficult to give someone a clean slate, hard to erase the betrayal from our mind. He may not be able to give you a fair shot again, even if he wants to. Additionally, you may feel that you can never live it down, and carrying that weight for the duration of your relationship may prove to be too much.

 

I wish you the best. I know you're smart, and you'll figure out what's best. Be completely honest with him, don't give any excuses, and no matter what happens between the two of you, be willing to forgive yourself, learn your lesson, then start anew so that you can move on and be proud of yourself and what you have to offer a relationship in the future. Good luck.

Edited October 15, 2016 by ZenDD

[stargirl]

Just remembered my "friend" physically hurt me repeatedly after I told him to stop.

[stargirl]

Thanks everyone, I got a lot of good advice and feedback! I'm going to focus on myself (getting proper meds, counseling) and figuring out why I make such obviously bad decisions. I will give FKA Daddy some space and hope for the best.

Edited October 15, 2016 by stargirl

[stargirl]

I'm sorry for the situation you've found yourself in. We all make mistakes, and hopefully we can learn from them. I know some of the responses are focusing on the fact that your "friend" went too far, and It definitely sounds like he was hard to convince that you weren't really interested in sex with him. But the fact is, according to you, that at some point you "didn't tell him to stop", and you say point blank that you cheated.

 

I know you weren't in a good head space at the time. Neither was your friend, as he had just broken up with his girlfriend. But you're both adults, and you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. I know you feel that you were vulnerable, but as adults we're still responsible for our actions, even in littlespace, or whether or not we're vulnerable due to sadness, anger, or loneliness. Mental illnesses like depression are hard to manage, no doubt. Many of us here know the challenge of living life with that kind of weight to bear, but as it is happening within our own mind, our own body, it is indeed our own responsibility, and we need to be sure we hold ourselves accountable for not only the management of this illness, but also the things we do while under its influence.

 

Unfortunately, I did make that choice. It came from warped perspective, and for whatever reasons I didn't see things clearly. In my head, at that moment, my actions were perfectly logical and justified by my illogical emotions.  My actions were motivated by extreme fear and I looked for friendship in someone who took advantage of the situation. I'm taking responsibility for my actions, I should've left once realized that the attention I was getting was not the attention I wanted or needed from this person. But again, he manipulated me into staying. I'm honestly still trying to remember everything that happened and make sense of this blurry memory I'm fighting hard not to repress.

Edited October 15, 2016 by stargirl

[Guest ZenDD]

Unfortunately, I did make that choice. It came from warped perspective, and for whatever reasons I didn't see things clearly. In my head, at that moment, my actions were perfectly logical and justified by my illogical emotions.  My actions were motivated by extreme fear and I looked for friendship in someone who took advantage of the situation. I'm taking responsibility for my actions, I should've left once realized that the attention I was getting was not the attention I wanted or needed from this person. But again, he manipulated me into staying. I'm honestly still trying to remember everything that happened and make sense of this blurry memory I'm fighting hard not to repress.

 

Write down everything you remember, as soon as you remember it. Piece it all together. Come to terms with what happened. If this person assaulted you, let a trusted friend or family member know, let them help you notify law enforcement. If this person truly hurt you physically, without your consent, he shouldn't get away with it. You've got the right idea so far; counseling, treatment, meds, support. Stay healthy enough to stay productive and care for your responsibilities. Work on your relationship with yourself. Any other relationship should be a secondary priority. You can do it. Keep your head up. Good luck.

[Guest GrapeApe]

As soon as your 'friend' started being grabby, you should have left.  By staying, and going inside, you made a choice.

 

Having such an LDR, with a DD who 'lacks cell service sometimes', seems very suspicious to me.

 

I think you should emotionally distance yourself from your previous DD, try to work on your own life, and maybe try meeting people who are geographically closer.

[PrincessPear]

Just remembered my "friend" physically hurt me repeatedly after I told him to stop.

Have you ever heard about sexual coercion? ^^ It happened to me and I was very traumatized by it for a while. I'd recommend reading up on it so you can detect the signs/tactics and get away from creeps.

 

Sending good vibes your way. <3

[stargirl]

Have you ever heard about sexual coercion? ^^ It happened to me and I was very traumatized by it for a while. I'd recommend reading up on it so you can detect the signs/tactics and get away from creeps.

 

Sending good vibes your way. <3

 

Thanks! I will look into it.

[stargirl]

Write down everything you remember, as soon as you remember it. Piece it all together. Come to terms with what happened. If this person assaulted you, let a trusted friend or family member know, let them help you notify law enforcement. If this person truly hurt you physically, without your consent, he shouldn't get away with it. You've got the right idea so far; counseling, treatment, meds, support. Stay healthy enough to stay productive and care for your responsibilities. Work on your relationship with yourself. Any other relationship should be a secondary priority. You can do it. Keep your head up. Good luck.

 

Thanks

[HeCallsMePrincess]

i could tell you what you should have done, but you know. I can tell you why you did it, but you know. it's mostly about moving forward from this. you broke his heart. he needs time. it might be a month, might be a lifetime. if you do get past this, you both need to look at seeing each other much more. if it's impossible, I would say emotionally you cannot handle a LDR. I know personally, I couldn't for similar reasons. I have such a severe abandonment issue that more than a couple hours apart, say when we're at work, is too much and I start texting and calling and needing reassurance.

[Dumbledork'sPrincess]

You said that your friend saidbhe was taking advantage of you. If you didn't explicitly say yes to his advances then he raped you.

Yes your Daddy will be upset, but he should also understand how you feel. If you didn't consent then you're the victim and it's not your fault.

 

How ever if you did consent then yes, you cheated and I think you need to think about why you did it, and how you feel now, explain it clearly to your Daddy and see if you can start to put it behind you

[Guest ZenDD]

I'm concerned that this post went from you doing something bad to someone else, to something bad being done to you. The original focus of your post, which is titled " I cheated on Daddy..." seems to have become "My friend took advantage of me." 

 

It's concerning on a couple of levels. First and foremost, if someone really stepped over the line of consent and assaulted you, that's horrible. But as your memories seem to still be developing on the situation, I hope you're mind isn't dramatizing or creating a situation that can help excuse you from your original concern which was cheating on your Daddy. I know situations are complex, and none of us were there to know what went on, but i'm confused as to how you would feel that someone sexually assaulting you could constitute you cheating. Even us here responding to your post don't seem exactly sure what part of this to focus on. But your safety and well being come first.

 

Based on your post and various responses, you seem very confused about whether what you did was consensual or not. You began your post being the victimizer, with a betrayal of your commitment to your Daddy, and have morphed your story, almost exclusively, into being a victim of sexual assault. Please don't get me wrong, if you've been assaulted this is a horrible situation and it must be addressed. I'm not implying it didn't happen. But your mind is obviously playing some odd tricks with you here. I'm not sure if its doing it consciously or subconsciously. You need to seek some counseling promptly while all of this is fresh. It seems that as more time passes, everything is getting more convoluted. You're going to make it through all of this. But please get some help, some professional guidance. I wish you well, good luck.

[stargirl]

I'm concerned that this post went from you doing something bad to someone else, to something bad being done to you. The original focus of your post, which is titled " I cheated on Daddy..." seems to have become "My friend took advantage of me." 

 

It's concerning on a couple of levels. First and foremost, if someone really stepped over the line of consent and assaulted you, that's horrible. But as your memories seem to still be developing on the situation, I hope you're mind isn't dramatizing or creating a situation that can help excuse you from your original concern which was cheating on your Daddy. I know situations are complex, and none of us were there to know what went on, but i'm confused as to how you would feel that someone sexually assaulting you could constitute you cheating. Even us here responding to your post don't seem exactly sure what part of this to focus on. But your safety and well being come first.

 

Based on your post and various responses, you seem very confused about whether what you did was consensual or not. You began your post being the victimizer, with a betrayal of your commitment to your Daddy, and have morphed your story, almost exclusively, into being a victim of sexual assault. Please don't get me wrong, if you've been assaulted this is a horrible situation and it must be addressed. I'm not implying it didn't happen. But your mind is obviously playing some odd tricks with you here. I'm not sure if its doing it consciously or subconsciously. You need to seek some counseling promptly while all of this is fresh. It seems that as more time passes, everything is getting more convoluted. You're going to make it through all of this. But please get some help, some professional guidance. I wish you well, good luck.

 

You're right. When I first posted this I was overcome with guilt and I felt that I betrayed FKA Daddy. But when I looked past that initial guilt, I realized there was more to it. And I then remembered how he continued to hit me after I cried and told him to stop. I feel that I made a mistake, I'm just trying to figure out what the mistake was. Was it going over at all, because I thought he was my friend? Should I have just tried harder to deal with my feelings alone? Or was it that I didn't try hard enough to stop him from doing what he was doing. I told him to stop, I took his hands off me, but I stayed because I wanted to talk and get some clarity on my situation. He said he'd stop and I thought he would. He said he was my friend, that he could listen. The more I look back, the more betrayed I feel by this person, who was fully aware of what he was doing.

 

I think my guilt comes from the fact that I should've left when I noticed the signs that he wanted more. I feel like I shouldn't have trusted him and looking back now it seems obvious he was lying.

Edited October 15, 2016 by stargirl