I need help..

[Maddie9770]

im not one to post my problems online much but I'm honesty clueless on where to go.. i have a daddy ..situation i guess, we don't officially date but we have fallen into this daddy, little/kitten dynamic (i do consider myself more of a kitten) its complicated and so messy, we are ldr and haven't meet yet, its sorta a fresh relationship but the amount of have arguments we have had and the amount of times we almost ended it is insane, in saying that we have never followed through, we always back down when the reality that we will lose each other hits. he does make me really happy and i make him happy but I'm new to this and he's not, a lot of our fights are about how i cant obey well enough because i can be stubborn and the distance makes it harder, recently we talked about getting a collar (as i mentioned, very into kitten play), nothing with serious meaning but just as a way of making the ldr easier, after our last big fight we agreed i didn't deserve it because i cant do such a simple thing like obey well enough, i think it was the right move but it crushed me ...lately i have been feeling like I'm not good enough and he deserves someone better, i cant shake the idea and it keeps killing me inside, idk what to do and maybe this is the wrong place to talk about such a problem like this but no one i can talk to will understand ..i need help, ideas? anything? any input would be incredibly helpful, thanks for reading if you made it till the end haha

[raptorkitty]

Personally for me, I believe that daddies need to feel respected. Its important that you establish rules and guidelines that you are to follow. Without them miscommunication forms, and misunderstanding. You can't be expected to obey and to follow rules if they aren't clear. However, if you do have rules and guidelines, you are to do your best to follow them. To him its the respect he desires and needs. 

 

Work on what you see as your faults. As you say you can be stubborn and distant. How about instead of reacting to him being upset about you not obeying him, maybe listen to what he has to say. Hear his words to understand, not to reply.

 

Its also important that if you feel like he's punishing you unfairly, that you ask him to talk. Ask him if you can have the floor and he just listens. Try saying things like "i feel" and never use "always" or "never."  Its disrespectful to make such accusations that they never or always do something. 

 

Lastly, he is supposed to make you feel worthy. That you are more than good enough and loved deeply. However, if you don't tell him that you are feeling this way and what specifically made you feel this way, he will never know and continue to do what he thinks is okay. 

 

I wish you the best of luck

[LoralieHaze]

What do you mean by "don't officially date"? You also say that you two are in a LDR and that implies dating to me. Personally, I wouldn't follow someone's rules if we just casually fell into this dynamic because I don't think it works well that way. Exactly how fresh is this relationship? If you've already had an insane amount of arguments in a short period of time, that seems like a red flag to me. I feel compelled to (yet again) say that if you're new to this, there needs to be a generous period of time where you research it and learn as much as you can before seeking out a caregiver.

 

Since you are so new to this, I also feel like your Daddy needs to be much more patient and understanding with you. Has he explained to you exactly what kind of obedience he is expecting from you? He can't say that you don't obey well enough and not tell you precisely what that means to him. There's a chance here that your level of submission just doesn't meet his expectation/idea of a little pet. Don't try to change that just to please him though! Only be more submissive or obedient if you're comfortable with that and it would make you happier. 

 

Have you tried telling him that you feel like you're not good enough and that he deserves better? Not expressing that won't do you any good and how he reacts to hearing that is very important. This issue could probably be worked out with more communication, yet I can't help but think that the two of you just aren't compatible enough and that you should be single for a while so that you can figure out if the DDlg relationship dynamic is what you actively want rather than just something that you're curious about.

[CrazyLittleBuggaBoo]

I don't think it's fair to say you don't obey well enough. I mean, I don't know what your fights where about, so I don't know. But seeing how you are in somekind of meaningful(/emotional) relationship and it is a LDR, there is alot of meaning in that collar. As you won't really be able to see each other, that is your way of having him need, being able to hold him or feel held by him in a way... You deserve that. You deserve to have that something that make you feel close or near.

 

Now I don't know, whats going on with the fighting. But tell him about your feelings about it. Maybe instead of not getting the collar at all, you can have it but are not allowed to wear it for a while, or he orders it and sends it at a later date. You need that bond of something holding the closeness of being together.

[Princess Joe Joe]

Just going to start by saying COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP

 

Now. In my opinion, I can see a couple 'wrongs' on both sides. Perhaps you are a bratty kitten, which isn't unusual, and in the need of taming. This can be a complex process whilst in an LDR but it can be done. If you consent and are willing to try to become more obedient perhaps you two can have a Skype night where y'all research punishments for LDR's. If you want to be bratty and wild then explain that that is just how your little kitten side is.

 

As for him, I feel like the collar thing was a bit of a low blow. My Papa has owned me, bratty or princess. It is like a For Better or Worse thing in BDSM. He shouldn't deny you a collar simply because you aren't good enough. A possible solution would be to get a Training Collar, which I personally don't know much about but there are a plethora of places online to find information on the different collars.

 

If none of the above things work to quell the arguments then I can only suggest doing one of the following:

1. Stop sexual activity and BDSM dynamics. Why? They almost always bring more messy feelings into the situation. Sure, you might use kitten play or age regression as a method to deal with the bad parts of the relationship but wouldn't you rather skip that for a day or two or maybe even a week and deal with all the issues one by one, without added feelings?

2. Think about perhaps ending the relationship, which, isn't ideal but if nothing works and y'all can't stop fighting then there is not a need to drag it out.

 

-Edited for spelling-

Edited October 5, 2016 by Princess Joe Joe

[Maddie9770]

I'm still learning about this site and only just figure that people actually responded so sorry for a late answer! thank you every one! every comment has honestly been helpful

I think communication is a problem and we have slowly started working on it which is starting to have a very positive effect, the arguments have lessoned. I think a big factor also is the ldr, iv never dealt with ldr and  nether has he, we both didn't think much about it honestly, we didn't think of the problems that would come with ldr, we just liked it each other and went with it, which was a mistake on both parts.

At first i think we both didn't put in the effort we both deserved from each other, we are starting to work on this tho ..talking is helping a lot.

 

With the collar situation, that did hurt and it is something to talk about, not having it isn't such a problem but we both got so excited about it then i had it teared away from me, when the collar came up he should of said no, he clearly doesn't think I'm ready for it so the fact that he made such a big deal about it kinda frustrates me. Right now we are slowly talking out our issue but we are doing them over time, we found talking about them one after the other just wore us both down, doing it slowly is working out so far and our problems have drastically dropped. The collar is a problem we will address when we get to it i think.

 

I have thought about how he just wants more than I'm able to give and if it does just come down to not being capable for one another, we are starting to find a medium tho, lately our relationship has had alot of change and i think for the best! oh and when i said we don't officially date i mean we never asked each other out, we both just stopped seeing other people and then one day we were just totally dedicated to each other, sorry again for not making that clear enough as well.

 

When i said new to this, i meant being in bdsm sorta relationship, i should of made that more clear, sorry, i have been researching and learning about pet play (my main kink i guess) for about 2 years and maybe half a year of ddlg research. All your comments have made me more confident on where i stand so thank you, being a sub and new in bdsm relationship, i haven't been sure on when to shut up and when to speak up but your comments have made that more clear so honestly thank you all so much he hasn't dealt with a sub as new as i am so i think he was being unfair but iv noticed him started to soften up. it feels like our relationship is started to become easier and generally happier so its all looking good! thank you all so much again for your in put and advice!