Guest Princesskittycat Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 So... Apparently my daddy is poly... He told me before we got together but he said he wasn't with anybody and hadn't been with anybody... But apparently there's been three others... I.. I was scared of hurting him so I told him it was fine... But god it hurts... I don't know what to do... He wants me to talk to them... What do I do?
Guest Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) If your not poly then don't be in a poly relationship. If you are not okay with it don't say you are. Tell him you do not want to take part in a relationship with him and the others. You want him only or you will no long be in the relationship.i don't think it's wise to stay in the relationship if he lied to you, and wants to carry on with the others. Probably better to move along . I wish you luck whatever you do. Edited September 29, 2016 by Arya 2
Guest ZenDD Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 (edited) You're scared of hurting him but okay with hurting yourself? Take a step back. Look at what's going on. You seem to insinuate you weren't cool with him being poly from the beginning, but went with it since he wasn't seeing anybody else. Just because he may have been single at the time didn't mean he wasn't poly. That was your mistake, but the lying is his. You've both made big mistakes in this, it seems. Live and learn, let this relationship go, and move on. This can't be fixed. This relationship was a ticking time bomb. Asking him to stop being poly is unfair and unrealistic. Asking yourself to accept what isn't your way of life and love is equally unfair and unrealistic. It will be tough, but you can most definitely get through this. You both will. You have to try not to worry about his hurt, that's his to deal with. You need to deal with your own. Let this be the last time you ever sacrifice your own concepts of love for the sake of someone else's. That's not real love, that's delaying a disaster. Nothing good can ever come of that. I'm not saying you should be selfish, relationships always require a bit of compromise. But not like this: no reason for you to be a martyr. Take a deep breath, reassess your situation, do what's right for your heart and mind. You've got this. Good luck. Edited September 29, 2016 by ZenDD 3
lilsnoopy Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 If he started the relationship out in a lie, especially one that hurt you, don't pretend to be ok with it. If you aren't into sharing don't force yourself to share, it'll probably just hurt you more. It was EXTREMELY unfair of him to not tell you then magically expect you to be fine with it. That is not way to start a relationship. If he were looking for a poly little he should have stated so at the very beginning; not lied about it. I'm so sorry I know this is probably extremely painful for you but I don't think just pretending to be fine will help anything. I would get yourself out of that situation. Telling him that you truly aren't ok with it and that being poly isn't for you. Hopefully communicating that with him will help clear things up. I would like to say that means he'll stop with them and focus on you but that might not be true. I don't know anything for sure, this is just my opinion, but some people are just made to be with multiple partners and they won't be happy without it, that's just who they are. Some people, like I'm assuming you and I, are not meant to share the person we care about. Especially when it wasn't disclosed at the beginning of the relationship. Even a step farther of lying about it. It seems like it's all a wrong doing to you.
GenuineEnglish Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 I have to confess that I struggle with the concept of people being poly-amorous, especially in a DDlg relationship. I couldn't imagine being able to find the time, let alone the love & attention for more than one person. Is there not an argument that it's just an excuse to cheat on you? Despite what was said before you feel emotionally hurt & to me, that isn't an emotion that I would want my Little to experience. You appear to be new here. I suspect that you deserve & can easily find better.
Donatien Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 I agree with what people are saying here. Being poly in a DD/lg relationship is in my oppinion counter productive to what It's all about. If a DD/lg relationship is not mono, one can not release it's full potential. I've tried out a vanilla poly relationship a long time ago, and it broke our relationship to pieces. If your daddy insists on being poly and you do not want to, it can only tear you apart. Get out if that's the case. Also I recomend the writings of french philosopher Simone de Beauvoir. She tried it out extensively, and came after many years of experimenting to the conclusion that the soul suffers to much from it. It's simply not worth it. Good luck
Guest Prat Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 Obviously poly isn't for you and you should end that relationship. Not to mention your Daddy flat out lied to your face when you asked him as you were starting your relationship. That's a serious red flag.
Guest QueenJellybean Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 I agree with what people are saying here. Being poly in a DD/lg relationship is in my oppinion counter productive to what It's all about. If a DD/lg relationship is not mono, one can not release it's full potential. I've tried out a vanilla poly relationship a long time ago, and it broke our relationship to pieces. If your daddy insists on being poly and you do not want to, it can only tear you apart. Get out if that's the case. Also I recomend the writings of french philosopher Simone de Beauvoir. She tried it out extensively, and came after many years of experimenting to the conclusion that the soul suffers to much from it. It's simply not worth it. Good luck As a polyamorous person myself who has been happily involved in both DDLG and many successful, long-term non-monogamous relationships for a number of years, I'm going to remind everyone that just because the OP clearly isn't comfortable with polyamory and should absolutely be advised to speak up for themselves and not engage in this kind of relationship, this thread should not become an anti-polyamory thread. There are many, many successful, happy, and valid non-monogamous relationships that are involved in this community. Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it isn't a good or valid thing. Please keep this in mind, and be respectful to different opinions and viewpoints. 4
Donatien Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 As a polyamorous person myself who has been happily involved in both DDLG and many successful, long-term non-monogamous relationships for a number of years, I'm going to remind everyone that just because the OP clearly isn't comfortable with polyamory and should absolutely be advised to speak up for themselves and not engage in this kind of relationship, this thread should not become an anti-polyamory thread. There are many, many successful, happy, and valid non-monogamous relationships that are involved in this community. Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it isn't a good or valid thing. Please keep this in mind, and be respectful to different opinions and viewpoints. I know there are several perspectives on how to be successfull in relationships. I certainly did not mean to make this into an anti-poly thread, but I can see how one could get the impression. I am a mono myself, and burned from a bad experience, I felt sympathy. I have no issues with polyamory per se, but I belive it to be something that should be thoroughly talked through beforehand. That did obviously not happen in this case, and it is not a good feeling. I'll keep your words in mind. Thanx
Guest Princesskittycat Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 I left him... For the first time in years I hurt someone to take care of myself... I feel horrible.. 1
GenuineEnglish Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 You might feel horrible but you aren't horrible. You have to care of yourself & any Daddy should care about your happiness. It's all to easy for, someone in need, to accept conditions only to discover that things aren't as they expected. Long distance relationships can be so much harder because you don't get the reassurance of physical contact. It's always going to be harder to trust when all you have are written messages. You are clearly a lovely person. You will find someone.
Guest QueenJellybean Posted September 29, 2016 Report Posted September 29, 2016 @Donatien: I appreciate your words a lot, and can totally respect the perspective your coming from! I'm glad you could see why I was getting concerned, and I'm sorry that you had such negative experiences in the past. I hope you are in a better situation today, and if that's with monogamy, that's wonderful! And I agree with everything you just said, so thanks! @OP: I'm really sorry you had to make such a tough call, but I'm proud of you for looking after yourself. It definitely isn't an easy decision to make. Ever. But I certainly feel you made the right call here.
PrincessPear Posted October 1, 2016 Report Posted October 1, 2016 (edited) Poly princess here! This sad joke of a daddy lied to you about his other romantic/sexual/kinky involvements. That is not polyamory - that's cheating. If you think what he just did is bad (and it is!), just imagine what he'll do later on in your relationship and he's not on his best behavior. You deserve SO much better. <3 Feel free to message me if you want to vent or ask more detailed questions. I know how confusing and even uncomfortable polyamory can get for people, but a lot of losers try to rationalize their crappy behavior with polyamory. Edited October 1, 2016 by PrincessPearBBW
roseyposey Posted October 1, 2016 Report Posted October 1, 2016 I took him back... Ultimately you have to be the one that decides what you need in a relationship. If, after all that you've said, you decide that you want to take him back, I wish you luck.
HeCallsMePrincess Posted October 2, 2016 Report Posted October 2, 2016 maybe after the time apart you two can start over. with no lies this time. good luck
Dragon Child Posted October 2, 2016 Report Posted October 2, 2016 Hmm.. This boy sounds like somebody i used to know, but a little kinder. If you're not okay with it, tell him or break it off. I'd not want to be forced into something you don't want to do, because it will end worse than if you were to do something now
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