Feel like things are falling apart...

[PrincessLG]

I'm new here so... sorry if I don't know what I'm talking about or babbling...

 

My relationship with Daddy has been going on for two years. We have been living together for a year and a half.

 

Background... I have ptsd, anxiety, depression, depersonalization disorders and other mental stuff... I have my service puppy and Daddy usually makes sure I take my meds...

 

Lately Daddy hasn't been... well... Daddy. I feel like I have to be Big. And I don't like being Big. When Daddy and I started, the agreement was that if I had to be Big Daddy would tell me. He doesn't though. He just makes me feel like I can't be little lately.

 

Daddy doesn't read me stories. He doesn't do games with me lately. He doesn't make sure I take my icky medicines and now I have to have alarms to remember... And today Daddy told me that I can't keep things bottled up but that he can't handle my issues and is at his last straw with them. I don't want to have issues. I don't like being broken. But I've never felt like I can't talk to Daddy... we were friends for 7 years before our relationship.

 

I just want to fix things with Daddy but don't know how. We are a DD/lg relationship that does not incorporate any form of S/M due to the fact that my PTSD comes from a severely abusive situation. Daddy has always been my safe place. Daddy says princess shouldn't blow things out of proportion because he wasn't saying our relationship is in trouble but how can I not when in my head I don't feel safe talking to Daddy?

 

I just want my Daddy back. I want the Daddy who read me bedtime stories and tucked me in and made sure my teddy always smelled like his cologne and who shares dinner with me because I don't like eating alone... I want my Daddy who plays hide and seek and who kisses me and makes me not see straight. I want my Daddy who makes me feel safe and makes me feel like the most important thing ever in his world. I know that Daddy is still there because he says he's sorry he hasn't been doing those things but I don't know what to do...

 

Daddy just started a new job where he works less, but makes more. He only has to be gone for 2 days every week. And I try very hard for Daddy to not have to worry about stuff here at home. I take care of the kids and my puppy and my toys and make sure the house is clean and daddy always gets yummy dinners.

 

I just feel like it's falling apart because I'm broken. Because I can't be truly loved the way I am. Because my entire person just isn't all there...

 

And when I tell Daddy lately he brushes it off and I don't know how to tell him that I am too scared to face this all alone and that I need Daddy to fight my battles and that him telling me not to worry about it and then not fixing it either is making it worse and makes me feel like I can't trust Daddy.

 

I babbled... I'm not even sure anymore what the problem is. I just feel broken. And Big. And Big is scary and it hurts.

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi Princess LG,

 

"Trade your expectations for appreciation and the world will change instantly."

 

THIS MAY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

1. Daddy, has a new job that may be affecting him in a negative way.

Although the money and schedule are better, there are so many political things can be going on that you are not aware of and he is not able to articulate. Men and their jobs are a very special thing. There are things in their inner workings that we may never understand. He will talk about it when he is ready.

 

2. Daddy, can be going through Dom Drop. 

 

DOM drop is basically when a DOM burns out on being a DOM 24/7. Being human, with a job, life's issues, always having to be "up"', it gets to you emotionally, then physically. It's both both mental and physical exhuastion. Usually kicks in after a session, and you ask yourself "what am I doing?"

So much more input here  https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/8664-dom-drop/?hl=drop

 

If this is the case, let him recover, take care of himself. He doesn't have anything left over to care for you right now. Stop asking for it. Take care of yourself until he is ready to talk. 

 

3. This may be difficult for you to think about. He may be questioning his role of being a Daddy Dom. Yes, that happens and it is a huge process. This is the time to be at your best. Let him go through this desert time. The more you are at him from the POV you have been, he may withdraw even more. He will come to you.

 

THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF THAT WILL HELP DADDY INDIRECTLY

1. Being little is your responsibility. Do not rely on Daddy or any other person to put you in little space.

Use your anxiety to

-create new interests

-start projects,

-have time with little friends

-do charity work. Helping others gets you out of you.

 

2. Daddy says princess shouldn't blow things out of proportion because he wasn't saying our relationship is in trouble but how can I not when in my head I don't feel safe talking to Daddy?

 

-You are being paranoid. Get that in check. I have personally talked a boyfriend out of a relationship with me because I invented a problem out of my insecurities. Please don't go there...See, I am still talking about it and it was 30 years ago.

 

3. I just feel like it's falling apart because I'm broken. Because I can't be truly loved the way I am. Because my entire person just isn't all there...

Get into Talk Therapy. If you believe you are broken, you are the only one that can change your belief. If money is an issue there are plenty of places that only charge you a small fee, mine is $15 a session.

 

I am a new middle, new to the DDlg Lifestyle and new to the DDlg Forum. I was born with bipolar depression and through childhood trauma am diagnosed with CPTSD and anxiety. I am in treatment and am very involved with my care. I suggest that you do that too, especially now.

 

My suggestions are from real life experience and from DDlg research. I am saying this with love. You are not perfect and this is really a bad time for you. My suggestions may be helpful or not, please keep exploring ways to change your beliefs and behavior first. Contact me anytime. Blessing, Princess AJ

[Mikaitaku]

first off let me tell you that there is nothing wrong with being "broken", the kindest and most wonderful people that I have ever met are "broken" in some form or other.

 

The only way you can know what he is thinking and feeling is by asking him, you will have to sit down with him and tell him this is how you feel and ask what how he feels and what is going on emotionally with him. It might be scary but it is something that has to be done. 

I wish you the best of luck

[Guest Littlepup]

Calm yourself maybe take a break from some of your task and go a little easy on yourself and treat yourself to a bath and then I think you need to be big for daddy right now, dont be scared, think about how much you love him and do it because you want to help. Only when you can calmly be big then you can see it better from Daddy's point of view, and ask him if there's anything he needs, anything you can do for him, maybe he will open up and let you listen to what's going on if he can see that you are big and that you can handle taking care of him too whenever he needs you. 

 

I hope everything is okay