I need help

[Kitten(Little)]

I don't know if this is the correct place to make the topic but here goes. My daddy and I were talking the other day and I learned we have different thoughts on a side of our DD/lg relationship.

 

So here's what happened. He said he wanted to care for me, that's great right? (He has always taken amazing care of me) he wants to cook and clean and give me massages and go to work and basically do everything so I never have to worry about anything and I can just be a little and color and be happy ect, it sounds perfect, but it's not quite me...

 

I worry, a lot. All the time I'm worrying. I worry about my daddy's safety, if he's eating enough, I worry about if he's happy, and he said as a little I shouldn't be worried about him, that he's big enough to take care of himself.

 

I also want to care for him, but in a "I want to please him" kinda way instead of "he's too little to do it" Like I want to clean house while he's a work so he'll be proud when he gets home, I want to cook for him so he sees I appreciate him, but he doesn't want me to do that, he wants me to relax and be carefree.

 

I know this is long and probably doesn't make sense, but my question is, do I be a good little and do what my daddy wants and just let him take care of all of it? Or will it make me a bad little if I do big stuff to make him happy? we have lots of communication but I don't know how to phrase what I want to tell him. Anyway, I guess that's all. Thank you in advance <3

[✿♛Princess✿♛ Harley Q ❣]

Show him this exact message sweetie pie. I know it seems like that's everyone's advice but it's the best. Also the other option that works well is compromise. Why don't you clean safely like do all the washing and folding etc and let your Daddy do big stuff like washing sharps and taking out bins (yucky and not a littles job) and maybe make him simple easy to cook meals, but only ones where you don't have to struggle with lots at once so like maybe use the oven and one hob, buy freshly prepared products so that your Daddy doesn't worry. But don't do it all the time cos I think your Daddy just doesn't want you to worry or ever feel like you have to do it. At the same time I would also worry my Daddy was taking on too much and I would feel lazy and useless and selfish. Your Daddy seems to be a good one and wants your happiness above all else, show him this message and explain that doing nothing at all makes you sad and worried about him. The worst thing to do with a worrier is say don't worry. It's so ineffective. That's my view anyway I could be wrong. Take care, good luck, huggles and giggles xx

[Thequeen]

hello dear, so I am going to give my best insight to you okay? it may be wrong, it may be right, this is merely my thoughts and perceptions of the situation in accordance with my life. 

 

I didnt know I was a mommy dom for the longest time and because of this i had a daddy dom for a long time. The whole time I was unbelievable unhappy because I was so distraught with worry for my daddy dom, I honestly couldnt function most days. Then one day he messed up really badly and came out about a lot of things so I needed to punish him. The best punish I found was switching for the day- to make them realize how precious a little is and what extreme care they need. That day, that one single stroke of luck to have found that punishment idea, is what made me realize I was a mommy dom this whole time (and between us- as time went on I realized I was a master too sooo yea XD). My little and I talked and he realized he loved being a little. 

 

All that being said, I'm looking at this post and wondering if you could possible be a switch? I know it sounds odd and out there but I do think maybe you should think about it some. As I said I could be wrong. But here are some thoughts to maybe help you think about it:

 

Daddy/Mommy doms (in general):

- lead and guide someone: meaning you have good judgment/morals and think things through

- love helping people: you love being able to help someone in ways they couldnt and seeing how it affects them to have been helped

-protect: you love to be the hero in everyday life as well as in your littles fun games

 

Littles (in general)

- love to see people happy: its almost like helping people but its done in adorable ways more by cheering them up or showing how they can be happy 

-love being playful: littles are just cute adorable bundles of joy and happiness exploding with it every where they go

-are more carefree: they just dont care about the money or school or other things they just care about being with their caregiver and having fun

 

Based on these (which OI both thought of as well as confirmed on another website so dont think im trying to be rude or judgmental or anything) you can easily see why a little and caregiver get along so well. They compliment each other allowing them both to gain what they want. But what about the odd cases of someone who wants some of both? Well, I believe it depends on how much of the other as well as how extreme. So if you worry about him constantly and extremely but only that one then you might just be a little who is very caring in which case listen to Princess Harley and just do it. But if you see a lot of other caregiver traits in yourself then you might be a switch and youll probably feel these internal struggles until you come to terms with that much like I did (obviously mine was way more extreme since I am a dom not a switch but still I am sure if you are a switch there would be some struggle). 

 

I do hope this maybe helped some or at least got you thinking, I hope everything works out well for you!

-TheQueen

[stargirl]

Maybe you can find a way to compromise? Like, say maybe having a list of things to do/rules that you can do while he's away. That way, you can stay busy to keep yourself from worrying and show Daddy what a good girl you are. 

 

Good luck! Also, reading books about anxiety and coping techniques never hurts   

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi Sweetness, all the Goddesses are right in their own ways...

 

Sometimes it helps to see a simple layout of what is in your head.....right now everything s jumbled

 

I am going to clearly state the facts that you have shared...along with my observations and notes

 

1. You have a DDlg Agreement: Even if it's not on paper, unless it is, you have an agreement with your Daddy because

you have been participating in the same little behavior repeatedly. He also has been doing his role too repeatedly, so that

means he is also in agreement of your role and his role. If you need to, sit down and make a list for each of you to clearly state the behaviors/tasks you have each been repeating. Do this for yourself. Get it out of your head.

 

2. Changing the Agreement: Now, you want to change the agreement. To change the agreement, you CANNOT ACT OUT OF FEAR! Prepare a list of ideas of the things you want to do OTHER THAN WHAT DADDY SAYS IS ROLE.

 

Below, I wrote the ideas out where you get to do something in your role and without being motivated by worry or fear.

 

- You want to cook for him...as a special occasion only, because you love him, not out of fear that he is not eating well.

 

-You want to clean the house for him...why don't you morph this into doing a little redecorating? It can be something like painting a wall a special feature color that you can do together. Changing your environment on occasion is a wonderful way to show your love for him instead of doing his role and disrespecting him.

 

If you persist in wanting to do the things that he has deemed as his job, you will be insulting/disrespecting him. A sure way for a fight when it is completely unnecessary. There are plenty of ways to help Daddy without running over his role. DDlg is a power exchange. He has power over you. I know I am going to get sh!t about that statement, but that is the way it is in the BDSM Lifestyle and DDlg Lifestyle is a part of BDSM. If you need to do some research on the dynamic.

 

3. You are afraid, you call it worry Now this is a whole other thing that you need to address on its own.

 

 I worry about my daddy's safety, Does he have a dangerous job? Is he an unsafe driver? Is he clumsy?

If not those things, you have to come up with something to be factually worried about, something in reality,

not in your imagination. If you can't , what are you really doing? .If you do, then address that fear with the details/proof with Daddy. Do not try including changing your agreement, trying to over ride your Daddy. Have a discussion about your fear and that alone.-If you do not have hard core evidence/proof that your Daddy is in danger, YOU are inventing this chaos and anxiety. I have done just that, so I know how it works. love and respect him.

 

if he's eating enough, Does he go to the Dr to make certain his overall health is in order, have a physical?

If he has then the Dr would have given him guidance on what he is to be eating to maintain his health. If he 

chooses to ignore the advice, that is his choice. No worrying in the world is going to make him do otherwise.

Just love and respect him.

 

I worry about if he's happy, HUGE question in life for everyone and those we care about. People are not happy

all the time. Does he say he is unhappy about anything? Is he annoyed about things that other people do? Slow

drivers, long lines at the shops, Everyone has these momentary dislikes, bad days. If he has not said anything,

what hard evidence do you have? Otherwise, just love him and respect him.

 

Fear is the origin of anger. Address this now so you don't start acting out with anger. Then you have escalated a situation that will consume you both.

 

As always, I say this with love. I want to stir you up and give you a hug.

[Kitten(Little)]

Okay, so I told my daddy to come read this post and he said I can cook and clean for him if it'll make me happy, we talked about it for a long time (I ended up crying because I'm bad at expressing my feelings) and of corse because he's a smart daddy he figured out what I was trying to say, he asked if what I was wanting was to earn being spoiled, he loves to give me gifts and shower me in affection but I never feel like I deserve it, so this is my way of earning it. We haven't made any rules about it but we'll probably discuss it more later on. As to answer some of your questions;

PrincessHarleyQ, I like your suggestion of doing little friendly chores and I'll be suggesting it to my daddy later.

Thequeen: my daddy and I talked over your suggestion of me being a switch and it doesn't really fit, I've never been good at dominating him inside or outside the bedroom. I just don't have that personality, I fit mostly in the little category.

Princessaj: I just worry about him is really all I can say. He didn't used to wear his seatbelt (he does now) and it nearly got him killed one time, so I constantly worry when I know he's on the road, and stuff he's more careful now that he's met me, but still I worry. He's very healthy (very muscular and active) but he can and has skipped eating for an entire day before. As for the happy thing, he deals with a lot of irritating people at his job (they cuss at him sometimes) and it puts him in a bad mood, I can almost always cheer him up but if he's super busy then I can't and I don't even know if he's happy or not.

[Thequeen]

im glad you were able to discuss it all so calmly and come to a better situation for the both of you ^.^ thats whats most important I just figured mention it now just in case. and as for what you said to princessaj about his skipping meals and having a bad job- I personally have a bad job as well and when I am super stressed and upset at the end of a long work day the thing that makes me happiest is my little boy being adorable and (the best word I can think of here) obsessed over me. So he will take into consideration basically everything you do- he will cook a nice big yummy meal so that way he knows I eat, then he pull me into a shower with him, and if I seem stressed he will start being super playful with me so I can get my vitamin cute from him so maybe try doing those things because then you will know hes at least eating and you will also know you gave it your best shot at cheering him up.

 

And as for the seat belt I have always buckled up because of where I grew up but my little didn't because of where he did so to help get him into buckling up I would make it into a song or a fun saying "seat belts make us safe!" and now when he gets in the car he playfully says that then buckles up. And it doesn't happen often but the few times I forget or space out enough to not buckle up I instantly realize it when he says that. So long story short maybe make it a playful thing like he does so that its directed enough to get him to buckle up but it comes across as mostly cute instead of anything else.

 

Hope these helped!

-TheQueen

[Kitten(Little)]

Thequeen: me too, we've always been good with communicating except when I'm in little space, I tend to get over wheeled and cry and can't say what I want. That's very cute! The little buckle up song, my daddy and I are LDR and so every night before I got to bed (I go to bed before he leaves work) I tell him "remember to wear your seatbelt and say your prayers!" And he says the same to me, he definitely cares more about his safety since I came around. Anyway thank you for the responses