Daddy's punishment made me upset

[Guest Princesskittycat]

So..

Me and daddy are long distance

And we have both agreed that I'm not allowed to swear and I have to eat.

I swore and didn't eat enough.

 

His punishment was one I hadn't agreed on with him...

He said no calling and no pictures of him...

I know I should just suck it up and accept it but it really hurts...

[Trash Queen]

Uh. Tell him no. The bottom line is if you're sincerely uncomfortable with something, you can say no at any time. At no point does being little take your consent to any situation.

If this is genuinely affecting your happiness within the relationship, you tell them. If they refuse to compromise, you bail on that danger zone.

[Guest]

I would tell him it's not fair to use punishments you didn't agree too and not do it. You should only be punished in ways you both agreed on

[Mega Matt]

What kind of punishments have been used in the past?

[Angel(Daddy)]

As a long distance daddy, I can't agree with the above comments. I believe he did no wrong. It wasn't an extreme punishment and you broke the rules, as a little I don't think you should have the power to dispute punishments unless they're extreme and in the case it is you should find a new daddy.

[Trash Queen]

As a long distance daddy, I can't agree with the above comments. I believe he did no wrong. It wasn't an extreme punishment and you broke the rules, as a little I don't think you should have the power to dispute punishments unless they're extreme and in the case it is you should find a new daddy.

http://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/types-of-verbal-abuse/deprivation-withholding/

 

 

https://distantspark.wordpress.com/what-is-withholding/

 

https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/partner-stops-giving-silent-pain-emotional-withholding-fiff/

 

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/15-kinds-verbal-abuse

 

 

In an LDR, all you have is communication of some sort. To take away that only piece of the relationship, you are denying the relationship. Without prior consent to this punishment, it i verbal abuse.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Red Riding Hood

[Angel(Daddy)]

http://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/types-of-verbal-abuse/deprivation-withholding/

It seems silly for the little to have power, but it's not my relationship so I'll step out.

 

 

https://distantspark.wordpress.com/what-is-withholding/

 

https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/partner-stops-giving-silent-pain-emotional-withholding-fiff/

 

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/15-kinds-verbal-abuse

 

 

In an LDR, all you have is communication of some sort. To take away that only piece of the relationship, you are denying the relationship. Without prior consent to this punishment, it i verbal abuse.

It seems silly for the little to have as much power as everyone gives them. But it's okay, it's not my relationship. I'll step out. Edited September 16, 2016 by Angel(Daddy)

[Trash Queen]

It seems silly for the little to have as much power as everyone gives them. But it's okay, it's not my relationship. I'll step out.

 

 

DANGER

[Guest hissubmissiveprincess]

Ummm wow......... Sorry but the little has the most say so in DDlg relationships period. It can be ended by them whenever they choose if they want that. All punishments need to be agreed on beforehand. Anything otherwise is abuse plain and simple.

[Angel(Daddy)]

Ummm wow......... Sorry but the little has the most say so in DDlg relationships period. It can be ended by them whenever they choose if they want that. All punishments need to be agreed on beforehand. Anything otherwise is abuse plain and simple.

I guess it's just a different view for me because my little is my fiancée of over a year not just someone I picked up to be my little so she trusts me. What if the little never agrees to a punishment and does whatever she pleases?

[Trash Queen]

I guess it's just a different view for me because my little is my fiancée of over a year not just someone I picked up to be my little so she trusts me. What if the little never agrees to a punishment and does whatever she pleases?

The whole bases is

 

 

Without prior consent

 and

 

If this is genuinely affecting your happiness within the relationship, you tell them. If they refuse to compromise, you bail on that danger zone.

 

 

If you are not happy in a relationship, for whatever reason, you always have the right to ask for changes or end the relationship. This can NEVER be taken away from any one ever.

 

This is no way is

 

silly for the little to have as much power as everyone gives them

 

 

It's base level reasoning for a relationship: happiness

 

 

Trying to keep that from someone is abuse.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Red Riding Hood

[Angel(Daddy)]

The whole bases is

 

 

 and

 

 

 

 

If you are not happy in a relationship, for whatever reason, you always have the right to ask for changes or end the relationship. This can NEVER be taken away from any one ever.

This is no way is

 

 

 

 

It's base level reasoning for a relationship: happiness

 

 

Trying to keep that from someone is abuse.

Oh well of course, I'd never do anything that took away my little happiness. Maybe temporarily as in a punishment etc but nothing long lasting. It just seems she's more or less throwing a fit because she was punished.

[Trash Queen]

Oh well of course, I'd never do anything that took away my little happiness. Maybe temporarily as in a punishment etc but nothing long lasting. It just seems she's more or less throwing a fit because she was punished.

Dude, don't flick away anyone's concerns over their happiness in a relationship as "throwing a fit". You're alarmingly dismissive and assumptive over someone's issues in their relationship. Trying to write off someone's unhappiness before knowing the story is sort of what abusers do.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Red Riding Hood

[Guest hissubmissiveprincess]

I guess it's just a different view for me because my little is my fiancée of over a year not just someone I picked up to be my little so she trusts me. What if the little never agrees to a punishment and does whatever she pleases?

My point is all possible punishments need to be discussed beforehand. I am a 30 something year old little married to my husband for years. We started with straight out domestic discipline and we eventually moved to DDlg when we realized it was more like us. Our agreed on punishments are spankings, corner time, line writing, essay writing, and a few other things. Long distance or not you don't EVER withdraw affection or attention. It should not ever be an option.

[Angel(Daddy)]

My point is all possible punishments need to be discussed beforehand. I am a 30 something year old little married to my husband for years. We started with straight out domestic discipline and we eventually moved to DDlg when we realized it was more like us. Our agreed on punishments are spankings, corner time, line writing, essay writing, and a few other things. Long distance or not you don't EVER withdraw affection or attention. It should not ever be an option.

But I've seen multiple times where as a punishment you withhold cuddles.

[Angel(Daddy)]

Dude, don't flick away anyone's concerns over their happiness in a relationship as "throwing a fit". You're alarmingly dismissive and assumptive over someone's issues in their relationship. Trying to write off someone's unhappiness before knowing the story is sort of what abusers do.

Are you accusing of me being abusive? Because I can guarantee I have one of the biggest hearts you'll ever see.

[Guest hissubmissiveprincess]

And most people here do not agree with that. Just because some people do it doesn't make it the norm.

[Angel(Daddy)]

And most people here do not agree with that. Just because some people do it doesn't make it the norm.

Well, I apologize for the uproar I have caused. I'm sure if I were in a different relationship my views would be the same as you all.

[Trash Queen]

Never forget, my friends:

 

http://www.ilrctbay.com/upload/custom/abuse/content/abusers.htm

 

 

Without consent, it's abuse. If you're unhappy, you're allowed to leave. =)

[Angel(Daddy)]

Never forget, my friends:

 

http://www.ilrctbay.com/upload/custom/abuse/content/abusers.htm

 

 

Without consent, it's abuse. If you're unhappy, you're allowed to leave. =)

Just out of curiosity, where do I fit in with your abusive accusations? I never said she wasn't allowed to leave. Edited September 16, 2016 by Angel(Daddy)

[Guest Zips]

Alright, so I read the OP's post but I quickly stopped reading a lot of the replies because I saw some toxic stuff I didn't agree with. I'm going to agree with some of the replies, and disagree with others, but I won't be directly quoting them.

 

As somebody said above, and it's true: "All you have in a long distance relationship is communication. If you take that away, you don't have a relationship." This basically summaries it for me succinctly. Personally, I think that withholding is a complete cop out punishment, and it shouldn't be considered a punishment at all. I consider it to be gross neglect which will only negatively impact the littles mental health. This is a big NO for me. I could type a thesis on all the ways I think this is wrong, but I'll save everyone the heartache of reading it.

 

An absent daddy is no daddy at all.

 

I typed about 400 more words to this post, but I'm going to refrain from posting them because I feel that they wouldn't serve much purpose.

 

On a side note, don't expect me to reply to this thread, I just wanted to give my 2 cents.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Zips

[Kitten(Little)]

She said no calls and no pictures? So does that mean he's still texting her? If so then this punishment to me is fair, like I rarely talk on the phone with my LDR daddy so when I do it's a treat, however for some people it's a nightly or weekly thing, so I can see telling them they lose one of their calls is a fair punish. Now, the problem is, it wasn't discussed before hand and they should talk about that, about why there was a lack of communication. I don't know the whole story but from what I can tell, that's my opinion on it.

[Guest Pastel.babybat]

I guess rules, punishments and rewards should be agreed with beforehand, like a kind of contract.

 

Just like some people have their rules about what they're willing to do and what they're not (like mutilation, extreme bondage or swinging, for example). A DDLg relationship shouldn't be different. If it wasn't agreed before hand that it would be a punishment, then he should pick from whatever punishments have been set and agreed on by both parties.

[Guest Littlepup]

Um yeah I'd say that's not a good punishment at all.

espeically for a long distance relationship. 

it's kind of like saying if you are bad then the relationship temporarily stops.

because pictures and calling are pretty necessary for two people to be together long distance. humans weren't meant to be in long distance relationships so it's a tight rope of communication and exposure.

 

it may work for some people but I know that for me personally I have abandonment issues and just yesterday I got mad and then started crying later just because Daddy got tired of waiting on me and went to the other side of the room to play on the computer. He felt bad afterwards because I was crying and he stayed with me while I did what I was supposed to and held me and said "im here, im here" to me until I felt better. I'm not mad at him anymore, i know he was just trying to give me time to do what i needed to do and he didn't realize how upset i would get.

so I can completely understand if this punishment isn't something she cant agree on.

 

if taking away something is too emotionally damaging you should not do that.

Try punishments that are additive instead of subtractive? instead of time out or taking away privileges, try writing lines or cleaning the bathroom.

besides, most littles already feel like shit when their daddy is upset with them.. so just removing yourself(daddy) is just going to make them feel shittier. By giving them a punishment they can complete, they can feel better about themselves because they made up for their mistake, and you are their daddy you need to be there for them and let them know you still love them.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Littlepup

[Guest Princesskittycat]

Thank you, guys..

Me and him ended up having a long conversation and he promised he would never use things we haven't agreed on again and would never take our communication away

The punishment was replaced with no candy for a while and I felt a whole lot better after we talked.