Sharing My Daddy - Open(ish) DDlg relationship?

[Guest ninjakitty]

This is my first...well anything here, so I apologize if I'm doing this wrong.   My daddy and I have been together for 5 years, living together for 4. The past year was really rough and we felt like our relationship was dying even though we were still totally in love with each other. Our relationship was very vanilla, and neither of us was brave enough to come forward with what we really wanted or needed.

 

Sometime this February, my daddy (wasn't my daddy then) became involved with a little he met through Tumblr. (I didn't know about all this then, it came to light eventually).

 

Sometime in May I discovered some personal things she had sent him (some of her glitter lotion and a movie she loved). Turned out my daddy was unhappy with our sexual relationship but was to scared to tell me. He'd met someone online, who lived far away. He was so terrified of losing me, and my first reaction was to tell him it had to stop. His relationship with her.

 

That didn't work, because he was unhappy and we didn't change. I became involved with Tumblr which opened a whole new world to me, and I wasn't so shy about the things I wanted or needed sexually. Long story short we discovered that he wanted a DDlg relationship, and I identify with being a little so much more than "being a big girl" during the work day. I tried for years to hide how girly, and silly I was from him because he always acted like he didn't like those type of girls. (Go figure?)

 

So great, we have been living our version DDlg relationship for months now, and the dynamic and everything is fantastic. We are both happier than we have ever been. Except for one thing.

 

Her.

 

I can't begin to judge other people on what type of relationships and things they want, and I can't really blame her being there for my daddy when he felt like we were falling apart. The ultimatum with him, not associating with her, didn't work. I didn't want to be that kind of person. Its possible for people to have feelings for more than one person, or to desire to sexually have fun with more than one person. Telling him no you can't have private time (when we all know men need it) just seemed silly to me. It was going to make him unhappy.

 

He's her daddy too...although he's every day he puts a little more space between them, because, our relationship is so good now that he doesn't feel the need to spend so much time with her. This is all really weird right? I don't get jealous when he spends a little "daddy time" with her because its just sexual, and I always know about it, and I do my own thing in the other room. Sometimes if I'm good and quiet I get to watch. And I don't mind that. Its the emotional aspects of their relationship that scare me. I asked him flat out when this all started if he loved her and he said "No." Then I asked, does she know that, does she think you love her, and his response was they are just friends who have fun.

 

I feel like this has gotten really confusing, but I guess I needed someone to know, and to tell me I'm not crazy. I can't talk about this with anyone, and I don't have any DDlg friends.

 

I feel like everything, with her, and sharing him, and everything would be so much easier if her and I could be friends. We know about each other, but I don't know if she knows how our relationship has changed. Heck, she uses our Netflix on his profile. The password is my name, so clearly the idea of me doesn't bother her.

 

I'm scared to ask him, because I don't know if she is nice, or what type of person she is.

 

Obviously, we are still learning and growing in our new dynamic. I want him to be happy. I want to be happy. I'm just not sure how to go about doing this.

 

[Guest Don Pablo]

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimaterelationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".

 

source: wikipedia

 

think about if you could possible have a poly relationship, sit down with your partner and ask him what he  exactly! wants. then proceed to clear out details.

 

poly can work but it has to be consensual, good luck 

[stargirl]

Just ask him, what's the worst that could happen?

[lilsnoopy]

so you might not like this but this is just my way of understanding your situation. Please don't get offended or hurt this may all be misinformed or misinterpreted and I don't want to step on anyone's toes. 

 

If he's already putting distance between him and her then maybe that's his way of coming back to just you? Isn't that kind of unfair to her??? i'm just saying that girl think's he's her caregiver/ daddy or sexual friend figure and that might be important to her (if they haven't defined their relationship she might view him as more then that.) If that is the case I don't think her emotions are something to be played with. Deciding what you both want is important. If he is slowly getting distance from her because he only wants you, because things are so great, then he should probably tell her that. not just giving her false hope. But what if things get bad with you two again? Is she just his safety net? Because that's an awful way to use her if shes the friends with benefits that could be more, she deserves to be treated better than that. I apologize if i got the wrong idea from what you're saying but I personally can identify with her side of the story. You said it was only sexual? but then say you want her as a little friend? That confused me a little... You said He doesn't love her ,but what if she loves him? What if that'll hurt her in the end? I know i'm being so negative I just think this whole situation is so complicated. There needs to be better communication and taking her into consideration she's a person too. She has feelings and is probably attached to your daddy so if you're worried about their emotional connection that's something to think about. And you gave him an ultimatum of not talking to her and he refused? Then there is probably a reason he wanted to keep talking to her, weither she's his back up or he cares about her or she is something to him you're not. He kept her glittery lotion? If he didn't care for her or have emotions towards her why would he keep it? It seems kind of fishy to me... but that is still just me. A lot of people might disagree and see that as nothing. 

 

I know all of that seems kind of mean I don't mean it to be. I just hope you look at the situation and think about the other people involved and why, I might be totally wrong and that's a big possibility. That's just how I interrupted it and it's you're relationship and you should do what is best for you and all parties involved. I think she needs to be communicated better with too (probably by him) if he is backing away she probably deserves closure or something. and just because she uses your netflix doesn't mean she doesn't have a problem with you. I mean hopefully that's the case but I would approach her carefully if that's the route you go. She might have a lot of pent up emotions since some girls hate sharing. Once again I'm not much help I'm just trying to give you another way of looking at it, and I truly hope you work it out. 

Edited September 14, 2016 by lilsnoopy

[Guest ZenDD]

This issue has less to do with him and her than it actually has to do with you. What exactly do you want? Do you know? Or is not knowing the crux of the problem? When you say you want to be friends with her is it because you're actually interested in befriending her, non sexually? Are you interested in having a sexual relationship with her? Or do you wish you could be involved in the sexual relationship your partner and she have? Or is it that you just want to befriend her so you can better understand her motivation with your partner? That would be sneaky, and manipulative, and an indication that you're actually not cool at all with the fact that your partner is involved with someone else in addition to you. And none of this actually has anything to do with DDlg either. That's an irrelevant side note to the issues you're expressing here.

 

And by the way, you said in reference to "private time" with another person, sexually, outside of a primary relationship is something that "we all know" men need. Is that how you're justifying this? Because if so, I hate to tell you, but that is pretty sexist, and just wrong. You're partner is not behaving like all men behave, he's behaving like he behaves, period. Not all men need that. Did you come up with this concept? Did someone teach it to you? Is he using this argument to justify his actions? No matter the source of your belief behind this statement, it's not factual. I'm a man, and i don't "need" that. And I know i'm not the only man in the world who doesn't.

 

Something tells me you're pretending to be cool with this because you think it's the grown-up, open-minded, mature thing to do. I can appreciate that viewpoint, but not wanting a polyamorous partner does not make you judgemental of polyamorous people.  Liking chocolate chip cookies doesn't mean you're judgemental of people who like oatmal cookies. We might be on a fetish forum here, and we might be open-minded and a bit of a subculture and outside of the "norm", but It's ok to want a monogamous relationship. It doesn't mean you're a cave woman if you do.

 

You mention what you believe she knows about you, or the comfort level she may have with the fact that he has another partner besides her. But you actually have no clue what she does or doesn't know, or what she's comfortable with or not. You only know what your partner tells you, and what you're able to glean from watching them together. Does she know you watch? Or is this a secret you and your partner have that she is unaware of? 

 

Be honest with yourself: If you don't like the idea of "sharing", as you put it, then tell your partner and do yourself a favor and muster the courage to move on. The fact is that you've already expressed once that you didn't like this situation and he basically told you to deal with it because he was quite happy with the arrangement. You say you're both happy with everything except for one thing...her. That sounds to me like YOU are not happy with her presence in your life by way of being in his life. If you've been honest with your partner about your disapproval of this kind of relationship in your life, then he is being extremely disrespectful and selfish. If you've pretended like you're cool with it when in fact you're not, then you're not doing him or yourself any favors. 

 

Dig deep, figure out what you want and need, and then talk to him (though it seems to me you already have). If he doesn't share those feelings or your perspective (which from what you've written here, it seems he doesn't), then you must face the fact that this person, and this relationship, is not for you. Here's some tough love that i know may be hard to hear:  you can't blame them for anything at this point. You've got to hold yourself accountable here and realize that nobody is forcing you to be in this situation. And it's only you that can get yourself out of it. They don't have to change anything. If you're not happy, then you've got to make a change. That's the only thing you've got control over. That's the only thing any of us have control over. Be good to yourself. Good luck.

Edited September 14, 2016 by ZenDD

[Naughty Daddy]

I think you should definately talk to him about it. Find out what he really wants and needs and tell him what you want. That you'd really like to try and be friends with his other little girl. Sometimes it's hard to have an open relationship in practice versus in theory. There's guilt and what not to get over. Perhaps he would like to be there for you both but feels guilty and is afraid of wrecking what you have. Or perhaps he truly is over it and wants monogamy. Only one way to find out. Communication. It's key in monogamous and poly situations alike. Good luck to you miss

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

I feel like this whole thing starting behind your back because he was "unhappy" and him now slowly distancing himself from this other little who seems completely in the dark is a gigantic red flag. Ddlg, poly, open - hell even Vanilla- relationships are built on honesty and communication.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way - I'm not trying to be mean but perhaps this relationship needs to be worked on from the basement up to mend wounds provide some kind of clarity/closurr before adding any kind of dynamic. I would be iffy on setting roles and expectations in a relationship that isn't on 110% solid footing. There's 3 people involved in this now who all deserve to be considered in the outcome.

 

There's a really good chance that this other little is a very nice girl who believes that your Daddy is her daddy. I know how ridiculously attached I am to Dominus and I'd be beyond heartbroken if I were to lose him under any circumstances.

 

You need to have open and unadulterated communication with him and her or you will never get any answers, honey! Just way more questions!

 

I really hope you guys sort it all out!

[Princess-P]

So your boyfriend was unhappy in your relationship and he cheated on you. It was done without your knowledge therefore its cheating. Not being poly, not because he's a man and "needs it". Simply because he was tired of you so without thought for your feelings he found someone else. He wanted to.. He didn't NEED to.

 

It doesn't sound like your ok with that. And I don't blame you. That's pathetic behavior from someone with obviously very low to no morals.

 

It does sound like your trying to get over it. That your pretending to be ok with it... But lets be honest. If you were a poly couple he would have come to you, explained what he was feeling, and you would have solved the problem together. In a poly relationship all partners know each other. Just because this woman knows you exist doesn't mean she knows you. He could be telling her horrible lies about you to keep her happy and make her feel like it's your fault he's cheating and she's better.

 

You say he let's you watch if your quiet? So right there tells you that he doesn't want you to take part in what the two of them have. And obviously she has no idea... Or you wouldn't have to be quiet. And if she has no idea... Then its probably because she would wonder why the horrible woman who makes him sad and "have to" cheat is there and then she would feel used and not want to play with him.

 

There is clearly an emotional connection as well. He's worried about her feelings. He's accepting gifts from her. He's probably also sent her gifts. Since she doesn't know how the relationship has changed between you two and he probably has her hooked with lies about you he can't bring you in to what they have because she might bolt. And he doesn't want to lose her. Has he told her he loves her? That he wants to be with her? You have no idea. And unfortunately you won't ever know. He can tell you he hasn't... But that might be a lie. He had no problem lying and going behind your back why would he have a problem with lies now?

 

This just sounds all bad. Your boyfriend is not Polly. He's just having his cake and eating it too. And don't do him any favors by trying to pretend to be into it or make it work with all 3 of you. He cheated. He's getting away with it because your letting him. He's enjoying both sides.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

My opinion is that its really hard to find a compatible third person. Now if you want to just let him have another girlfriend, thats one thing. But im not sure if thats a poly relationship. I think thats just a guy with two girlfriends.

 

My little and i have talked about this a ton, and explored the idea a TON, as well. And i have to say, its gotta happen naturally, smoothly and easily. If theres a hint of distrust, it wont work. It cant be forced.

 

Good luck to you guys. I hope he is mature enough to stand by you and if you arent 100% on the third person, hes got to be willing to walk away from her.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

As a polyamorous person, this doesn't sound like a poly relationship at all to me. Nothing about this was consensual, and to be frank, trying to fix the mistakes that he made by not being honest with you by engaging in a polyamorous relationship will only end in an unhealthy way. I've been there. (Literally.) So please keep that in mind as you move forward. 

 

The only way these things work out is if you talk to each other, and you don't hide anything. Those two rules have already been broken before you've even begun. 

[HeCallsMePrincess]

he was bored with you, cheated with her and now that he's happy with you, he wants to break her heart too? I'm sorry to be blunt, but that's exactly how I see it. also, I don't believe ANY good relationship can start on lies.