DDlg - The Serious End of Things

[Little Illy]

*Waves* Hello everyone. I am feeling the itch to get this topic out of my system. As always lets keep the peace.

 

I think there needs to be an understanding of what the CG/l dynamic truly means in regards to each preference.  For sake of clarification I will split this article up into 3 different sections; Lifestyle, Middle Ground and Roleplay. There is nothing wrong with either side of the spectrum, not at all, but for sake of everyone involved there needs to be a basic understanding. And I hope to point these things out in this post with each main (general) category of the dynamic. 

 

Disclaimer; Like EVERY relationship and dynamic there is a spectrum and exceptions and so on. This post is a generalize version of this. So things will not be gone in depth with nor with they be all inclusive. Just for simplicity I will just be using Daddy and Little examples - not because I do not recognize the others but for sake of saving time and space.

 

Titles - When and Where

 

Roleplay - Typically when people do not want to live the lifestyle the prefer to hear certain titles only during certain times or moods. The most common mind set is to have this happen only in the bedroom or during sexual times. Generally speaking he only wants to be called Daddy when he is being intimate (or during a session) because this is giving him a Dominant status and plays into that form play. It would be the equivalent of calling him "Master" or "Sir" only during a session. It is signalling that he is in a position of authority and the little is submitting to him. And the reversed is the same for his little. When in a Roleplay dynamic the littles get excited when they are called kitten, baby girl, little one, etc during a command of in reference to the session they are having. Again, it is this acknowledgement of power. It is showing that she is submitting herself to his dominance and the title allows her to verbally feel this exchange.

 

Lifestyle - When the Daddy and little are in a lifestyle dynamic these titles essentially become their names. Think of the relationship where you feel odd calling out your boyrfriend's/girlfriend's name because you have called them "babe" or "hun" for so long. That is what  happens in this lifestyle. It becomes very odd for the little to call her significant other (SO) anything other than Daddy. And it is just as odd for him to call her by her real name instead of any preferred title (kitten, little one, etc). This expectation isn't just because of the power exchange that like the Roleplay (though that is very much present) but this is because these titles are who they are. These aren't roles that they are just playing. This is the mindset and the very nature of who these two are. He is her caregiver and she is his little. This isn't a once and awhile thing, this is how they need to live their life to be happy.

 

Middle Ground - Those who are in the Middle Ground are those who can utilize these titles in every day but they don't necessarily need to be a little or a Daddy to be happy. These people are the ones who pick and choose which days they are comfortable to fulfill this dynamic. Now, let me be clear. Yes! There are days when those in the Lifestyle can't be a little or a Daddy because of many reasons (Stress, sadness, anxiety, etc). BUT! The inherent difference is that the Middle Ground people will have days they don't want to be addressed as such because they simply don't want to. They don't need to hear Daddy or little, they don't care which their SO uses because this a much more casual outlook. He is good being Daddy, John (Doe), or boyfriend. Neither one speaks to him more than the other.

 

​Rules - Daily or Intermittent 

 

Roleplay - When  you have a couple that uses this dynamic as a Roleplay mechanism, they will typically have rules for their sessions. And these rules cater to the dominance and the submission aspect of this dynamic. Again, think of a Master and Slave. It has the same concept; the rules are in place to allow the power exchange to be emphasized. It allows the little to feel the Daddy's authority over her. Which lets them both have their needs met. These type of rules will be like;

 

- Kneel when Daddy walks into the room.

- Daddy decides what clothes are worn.

- Only Daddy can decide which positions are used.

- Daddy decides when I cum.

 

These are very Dominant/submissive (D/s) type rules. Again, to enforce the power exchange. They allow the couple to always be fully engrossed into who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. These rules tend to be fairly intricate (the little cannot move this way, only Daddy can speak, etc) because this limits all of the power the little has. And that is the point.

 

Lifestyle - Those in the Lifestyle group tend to have more chore-like and health-related rules. Yes! There are those rules pertaining to Playtime of course, but that is not to sole category rules are enforced. The Lifestyle group need daily rules to maintain who they are. This allows the Daddy to know he is actively caring for his little and lets his little know she is being cared for. Of course these rules enforce the power exchange, but that is the main goal of them. So these rules are more like;

 

- Bed time is at 10pm.

- kitten must take her medication every morning.

- Homework (college) comes before fun time.

- Must always tell Daddy when kitten is feeling sad.

 

These rules are based more on living a healthy life than who is in control. As I have mentioned, of COURSE there are those who add the Playtime rules or D/s like rules to their list. But the primary goal of these rules is to make sure the health and well-being of each other are taken care of.

 

Middle Ground - The Middle Ground group are those who have rules, but it is a lax system that may or may not get enforced. This goes back to the person's need of structure. And those within the Middle Ground may need the structure one day and may not the other day. These types tend to have more sexual rules than non, but even then the enforcement is dicey. The D/s aspect isn't as prevalent because it is not a necessity. More times than not, these rules are held up because one of the partners need them more than the other. Or basic and obvious rules are created. These are like;

 

- Bed time is at 10pm.

- kitten can only play with Daddy's permission.

- Daddy must know when and where kitten is going out to.

- Daddy's word is final (excluding safe words).

 

The Middle Ground more or less fits the cookie cutter standard when it comes to rules and this is because there isn't a need or a natural want for a caregiver or caregiving. That deep need for this lifestyle isn't there which means the necessity of personalized rules isn't as well.

 

Punishments - Nonsexual and Sexual

 

Roleplay - Punishment for Roleplayers typically revolve around sex. This is because the entire dynamic is revolved around sex (more or less). As with the rules, punishments help distinguish who has the authority and who must follow. Again, it is all about the power exchange. So the punishments for Roleplayers are like:

 

- Spanking/Whipping

- Edging 

- Suspension/Restraint

- Sexual chore

 

The punishments aren't set in place necessarily to reconstruct behavior, but rather to dictate who is in charge and who is not. These are playful punishments that the little enjoys because she is being put in that submissive mindset. Yes they are punishments, but they are enjoyable for both parties. Even if it is an thing she is not fond of, the act of being his little and doing as Daddy says is pleasurable. 

 

Lifestyle - The same concept is applied in punishments as in rules for the Lifestyle; there can (and more times than not, there are) be sexually based punishments for the littles in this group. However the focus here is to influence behavior overall and in a permanent (or long term) manner. The Daddy is conditioning his little to behave accordingly and to do this, the punishments have to be just that - a punishment. Something unwanted and to be avoided. These punishments are like;

 

- Writing lines

- Sitting in the corner

- Not allowed to have a stuffie for a specified time

- No special treats for a specified time

 

Because the Lifestyle does mix together Playtime and daily life, some punishments can be playful. When lesser rules are broken a lesser punishment can be a spanking. And if the little likes spanking, that can lead into Platyime. But overall the punishments are undesirable and structured for the benefit of the little's health.

 

Middle Ground - Punishments for the Middle Grounds are far and few in between. Because this isn't a Caregiving nature nor a D/s dynamic, the punishments are not seen as a strict necessity. Typically the little can talk her way out of a punishment because the Daddy isn't a strong-handed Caregiver or Dominant. Or the Daddy will let things slide because the little doesn't really get into rules and punishments because she isn't an All-The-Time-little or submissive. These punishments are cookie cutter and are like;

 

- Spanking

- No cumming

- No treats

- Writing lines

 

Though these punishments are useful and worthwhile, they are not customized to the specific little to fit her and her Daddy's needs. And that level is not needed because  the neither the DDlg nor the D/s dynamic is more than a casual theme.

 

Little/Big Space - Necessity or Kink

 

*** Little and Big Space literally means something different for every single person. No one person can determine what is or is not a Space. And NO ONE should every try to. For the sake of general explanation, the Space I am referring to is when a little completely regresses to their little age (or mentality) and a Daddy goes into full blown Caregiver mode. But AGAIN! This is not what the Space can mean for a lot of people! ***

 

Roleplay - When it comes to Roleplay, the mindset the Daddy and Little have is purely based on their session. In this dynamic, Little/Big Space is considered a kink. For the sake of their needs, the space acquired is sexualized and achieved during sessions. This is because there is a direct link between sessions and this space which all goes back to the power exchange. When in Little Space the little is more vulnerable and more at the hands of her Daddy. When a Daddy is in Big Space he has full care (control) over his little and is in full Daddy mode. This allows for the ultimate power dynamic trust. 

 

Lifestyle - A Lifestyle couple achieves Little and Big Space during different times and with different triggers. As in other categories, this dynamic isn't solely base on power exchange. And with the Space it is based off of intimacy (not just sex). Those in the Lifestyle need to achieve this level of their role because it allows them to fully give themselves to their inner little or inner Daddy. Think of it as the same concept of meditation - sure you can be peaceful, but only at a certain level of concentration can meditation allow for a Zen State or Inner Peace. Same can be said here. This is an intimate level that quite a few littles actually do not like to have anything sexual during it. It is less about power and more about connection and self-acknowledgement. 

 

Middle Ground - Middle Ground has a special regard when it comes to Big and Little Space. Typically one of two things happen; Their specific Space is how they view any DDlg activity they conduct or they do not feel like they reach the Space. Because of the casual dynamic here it is common to hear the Middle Ground refer to any time they are actually acting within their roles as their Space. And this is because they would otherwise be the boyfriend or girlfriend. So this exchange is their Space. For those who feel they do not reach the Space others (mostly Lifestyle) speak of is because they don't need to reach that level. They are content in what they are able to do that Big and Little Space isn't needed to feel their true self.

 

Putting It All Together

 

As I mentioned in the very beginning, no side is wrong, And lets get one thing absolutely clear:

 

Falling under any category does not make you any less a little or a Caregiver! All littles and Caregivers are REAL even if it is Roleplay or Lifestyle or the Middle Ground!

 

We, as a community, need to understand that there are all types of littles and Caregivers out there and because of this, specific needs must always be explained. We cannot just assume we know what a little wants because she identifies as such.

 

My Opinion

 

Roleplayers can take their sessions seriously and need to have them to fulfill their DDlg need. Just because they only role play this dynamic doesn't mean they aren't apart of our community or should be taken any less. I haven't seen too many Roleplayers on this forum, but have found quite a few of them on Fetlife. Which is understandable. These people don't want daily life but instead they want sessions here or there, and that is fine. It just means their preference is in a much narrower scope than others.

 

Lifestylers are NOT the "best" of the community or the most "authentic." They are just those who prefer to live this in every day life as well. And even those in the Lifestyle can easily be a causal dynamic and not as strict as some would expect. It all determines on who is involved. I will be honest in what I have seen (MY OPINION); I have only found certain percentage of Lifestylers on this forum and in other sites, and I will explain. Lifestylers are those who will find their Forever Little and their Forever CG and be there not just when the little is being adorable and the Daddy is being attentive. These people live the dynamic 24/7 so they cope with mental disorders (depression, bipolar, anxiety, etc), real life stress (work, school, family, etc) and so on. I know I will get tons of responses disagreeing with me and that is fine. But if a person is not willing to put up with the hardships of life with their Daddy or Little, I do not consider them a Lifestyler. Only when you have dealt with Life with your SO and maintained this dynamic are you a Lifestyler. And AGAIN, there will always be times you cannot be fully submerged as a little or Daddy, but that doesn't mean rules stop or punishments, etc. It just means you cannot be in Little Space at work or a Daddy is too exhausted to pamper his little -right now-. But overall, the dynamic is active and alive.

 

Middle Ground is where I see the vast majority of people. Expanding upon everything above; Middle Ground couples who utilizes their dynamic to fulfill their want of this connection. They want to have a DDlg to satisfy their need to be a little or the need to be a Caregiver. These people are those who want to keep their relationship light and carefree because they are wanting to experience the DDlg side without the hardship of life and so on. What I am saying is this - They are keeping each if the two elements of their lives separate; The happy, fun-loving, DDlg and then the ickness of the real world. There is NOTHING wrong with this! Not as long as both sides want this. I personally think most people start out this way, even Lifestylers, because it is a means of exploration. But it is if they move on past this and need more that will determine which category they stay in.

 

The best thing about this community is that we are able to accept all walks of life and those who want something different than ourselves. So why write this tediously long post? To point out that being a little or Daddy or Mommy or what have you has different meanings for everyone! And my goal is to maybe help a person or two realize what they truly want. Only until you know what you truly need from this dynamic will you be able to go down the right path of finding your perfect partner. 

 

[Author's Note: This post was not proof-read. Please excuse any typos and errors.]

 

[Guest Prat]

I didn't read through the whole thing cause it's early morning (I will later) but it's a very comprehensive post that addresses a very important topic. Well done ^.^.

[Guest Littlepup]

I like this because I like sorting things lol

 

so I relate to the lifestyle but how come the lifestyle doesn't include sexual? is it odd for caregivers and littles to have sex? do I just have a weird kink for my daddy? is it because I am also a pet? hmm

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I like this because I like sorting things lol

 

so I relate to the lifestyle but how come the lifestyle doesn't include sexual? is it odd for caregivers and littles to have sex? do I just have a weird kink for my daddy? is it because I am also a pet? hmm

 

If I can jump in on this here, the lifestyle absolutely includes sexual. I believe the OP was saying that /some/ or even /many/ Littles aren't sexual when they are Littles as a lifestyle choice. However, sexuality does come into play, and (as it was stated) the definition above isn't a be-all-end-all one for the dynamic. Everyone does things differently! 

 

It isn't odd at all for Caregivers and their Littles to have sex. You aren't weird. Whatever works for you and your partner is what matters, as long as it's safe, sane, consensual, and legal. <3 

[Little Illy]

I like this because I like sorting things lol

 

so I relate to the lifestyle but how come the lifestyle doesn't include sexual? is it odd for caregivers and littles to have sex? do I just have a weird kink for my daddy? is it because I am also a pet? hmm

 

Like BabyBelugaBelle said; the reason why I didnt focus on the sexual aspect of the Lifestyle side is to show that distinction that they live it outside of the bedroom. Honestly, a good 75-80% of Lifestylers have sexual aspects in their dynamic, so no need to fret, you are not odd. This post was just a means to show that Roleplayers and Middle Grounders are formed more so in sex than really anything else where the Lifestylers, even they they incorporate sex, rely heavily on the care giving. 

 

....if any of that makes sense....

[Dadicated]

Hi littleBree,

 

I just wanted to say how i sightful your post is. You should be very proud of it. I am a fairly new daddy and this really helps put everything into perspective and help understand everybody elses point of view. Thankyou for taking the time to write it

 

X

[Guest MissNMTX]

Again, as a person still learning. Your posts are endlessly helpful and needed. Thanks!

[milk_and_cookies]

Thank you for this. This post was very informative!

[Little Illy]

I am bumping this because I keep referencing it in a ton of threads I have been reading. Hopefully it'll help a few more people again.

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Dumb question - What's a sexual chore?

[Little Illy]

Dumb question - What's a sexual chore?

So let's say a couple has different sexual desires that the partner is not really keen to do but it is not a limit. Maybe it's deepthroting, begging, swallowing, pegging, etc. those actions wouldnt be as "fun" for the partner who doesn't share the same desire - so it could be seen a sort of sexual chore. It's not off limits but it's definitely not favored.

Edited August 21, 2017 by LittleBree

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Ah okay I get it now.

 

Do I want to ask what swelling is? lol

[Little Illy]

Ah okay I get it now.

 

Do I want to ask what swelling is? lol

 

Okay, wow - I wrote that on my phone and the autocorrect autoWRECKED the entire response. I edited the mistakes - it should make sense now

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Rofl.

 

Autocorrect is fun

[Little Illy]

I tried!

 

_                   _

   \ ( O__o ) /

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Looking at the sections and the variations I'm probably mostly in the middle but siding with 'roleplay' on some.

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

Love the disclaimers. There seems to be a need for a lot of them here.

I like a lot of what you have to say but I need to read it more carefully again and give it a ponder.

I think of my relationship with Daddy as modified DD/bg. Middle ground is a good description too.

Thanks for your post!

[Little Illy]

Love the disclaimers. There seems to be a need for a lot of them here.

I like a lot of what you have to say but I need to read it more carefully again and give it a ponder.

I think of my relationship with Daddy as modified DD/bg. Middle ground is a good description too.

Thanks for your post!

 

I always try to disclaim my topics because no matter how "right" or "wrong" something is - there are always exceptions. And a person simply cannot "define" what anything actually means for everyone. Its not possible and no one should attempt to.

 

We are all different, but that is what is awesome

[Ikneelonly4Daddy]

Agreed!

[Little Illy]

[Little Illy]

Bumping again for current trends

[LittleSweetCheeks]

Very insightful. Thank you!

[LittleKitten13]

I think Papa and I would fall somewhere around middle ground/lifestyler.  More middle ground.

[Little Illy]

I think Papa and I would fall somewhere around middle ground/lifestyler.  More middle ground.

 

 

And there is nothing wrong with that! Biggest thing here is that Not one of these parts of the spectrum are wrong. They just work differently for different people!

[Guest SayiaBoo]

I love how this was laid out! Thank you!