Instant Gratification

[DarlinStarrz]

I LOVE this post! In a world where most are so used to getting most everything so quickly, most people have trouble waiting anything. The old adage always rings true, GOOD THINGS ARE WORTH THE WAIT!

 

The instant gratification concept in relationships, and the people who chase it, are what I call 'bliss bunnies'. They are addicted to the rush that comes with infatuation. When that dies, the relationship fades, and they start searching for it elsewhere, bouncing from relationship to relationship in order to get their high.

Edited December 26, 2016 by DarlinStarrz

[Guest Waiting4us]

Instant gratification fails.. As we are not prepared. We’re not prepared for the sacrifices, for the compromises, for the unconditional love. We’re not ready to invest all that it takes to make a relationship work. We want everything easy. We’re quitters. All it takes is a single hurdle to make us crumble to our feet. We don’t let our love grow, we let go before

 

It’s not love we’re looking for, only excitement and thrill in life. We want someone to watch movies and party with, not someone who understands us even in our deepest silences. We spend time together, we don’t make memories. We don’t want the boring life. We don’t want a partner for life, just someone who can make us feel alive right now, this very instant. When the excitement fades, we discover nobody ever prepared us for the mundane. We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we’re too blinded by the thrill of adventure.

 

We immerse ourselves in the inconsequentials of the city life, leaving no space for love. We don’t have time to love, we don’t have the patience to deal with relationships. We’re busy people chasing materialistic dreams and there’s no scope to love. Relationships are nothing more than convenience.

Edited December 28, 2016 by Waiting4us

[Little Illy]

Bumpin a bit for current trends on the forum. Plus I am too lazy to type this all up again...

[Little Illy]

Im bumpin again...

[MrJohnny]

I wish there was a way to "Bump" posts other than Personals, because I would sure Bump this one by Illy regularly. Maybe if the OP gets enough responses it could become a "Pinned" post.

 

This is an area which I myself NEED to be reminded occasionally because even though I am a fairly patient person, the aching void in my life nags and pesters and demands and insists that it be filled. It is SUCH a Brat! hahaha. But just filling is not good enough. If I just fill it with whoever immediately makes herself available the likelihood that before too very long the void will be emptied again is considerable, and the result would be agony.

 

But beyond my own self-centeredness is also this truth: I will have not well met her needs either, and that, to me, is the worst part of the whole thing. Heartache due to mistreatment is the WORST experience ever. Been there, had that done to me, done it myself. No desire to repeat any of that, thank you, I am good right here right now. And if that is what I want for myself I should want more of the same for her. She is my responsibility, her heart is my sacred trust.

 

Oh, everyone should know that beyond the first paragraph of this reply is Mr. Johnny lecturing to a class of exactly 1 person - Mr. Johnny. If anyone is lurking and benefits from the lecture "Whoopie!" That is a bonus. Only time will tell if any of this has penetrated a skull characteristically thick, and a heart toughened with scar tissue.

 

Class dismissed.

[meows kohai]

PREACH

[Guest Mister Grey]

*Waves* So. I am going to play devil's advocate again. This time on something I feel passionately about. I just ask we all keep the peace and are able to have a mature discussion. Thanks everyone.

 

Here lately I have found myself talking to people, one on one, about the plague that has swept through generations. The one named Instant Gratification. We all know that need, the desire to get what we want and get it NOW. To put forth little effort and have things just fall into place. We are all guilty of it, at least sometimes, and we will always be guilty of it in some aspects. This is seen especially true when it comes to things like electronics and personal gains. In this day and age we are able to get so much instantly that we are conditioning ourselves into thinking this is the norm. Well. Let me make one thing clear. 

 

Instant gratification in relationships will always lead to failure.

 

Wait... Just once more... 

 

Instant gratification in relationships will always lead to failure.

 

I will use this forum as an example, but know this whole post can easily be applied to any other means of relationships. 

 

I have seen a behavior here of people (and I will never name names) joining the site, or starts becoming active, or expresses their needs to just get what they seek and want it all to happen within that moment. To narrow the scope, lets turn just to the personals and chat. All too much a person will become increasingly impatient when their add does not get the responses they desire, or the attention they want in chat. And, from a third person perspective, this is so mentally damaging of a mindset.

 

When people seek instant relationships, nine times out of ten they will fail. And if they don't fail, it will not be an ideal situation. These people who want their CG or their little NOW are those who are not educated enough in this dynamic. Let me explain:

 

I am not saying those who are ready for a relationship are uneducated. It is the people who just expect to get a CG or a little simply because they are here or they want attention or that they are apart of the community AND they don't want to take time in getting to know anyone. These people are the ones who need to step back and start doing more research. These people are going to be the ones who are continually hurt or who will hurt (unintentionally) others because of their lack of understanding of social dynamics. You cannot expect instant gratification with relationships because it is harmful for those involved. This is psychological fact.

 

But what I have noticed as an issue in this community are those who are expecting a relationship to just *happen* without even making an attempt at... anything. To me (as MY OPINION) these people are no where near ready to even be in a relationship. If you are not willing to be a part of a community (using this forum as an example) and get to know anyone, then that speaks to how much effort you are willing to put into a significant other. If you just expect someone to come to you and fulfill your needs, again, that just shows how lazy you are in relationships. And that is not something anyone needs.

 

Moving away from my opinion - Psychology shows us that to form any kind of connection a basis of understanding and mutual knowledge is needed of one another. And this cannot be done in mere hours or days. A person does not experience the spectrum of emotions and triggers needed to fully show the real You in days. Am I saying you need to know your possible CG or little 100% before forming a relationship? No, not at all. I am saying you need to know more than the basics, just like any relationship. What are their theologies, professional goals, academic goals, future living plans, family goals, what are their pet peeves, fears, passions, etc? How can you even begin to make an informed decision if you don't know anything about a person? What happens when you get caught up in finding your new "Daddy" and you two are together and then only find out that he never wants to have kids, he doesn't believe in God and he is racist? But wait... you "loved" him? Remember? Or what happens when you get with your new "little" and find out she never wants to work, expects a high lifestyle and has a track record?

 

Of course everyone has flaws and those can be worked on if you love someone - but you cannot love someone within hours because you don't even know that person. You know what they want you to know. There are exceptions of course - maybe you two talked for 10 hours a day for weeks. Or you form such a deep level of connection over a like passion that it drives the need to know more. But what I am saying is - you cannot expect this instant, serious, relationship after just meeting someone. You cannot expect to find your forever CG or Little the moment you post an add. You cannot expect to find a TRUE Daddy when you say in chat "I need a Daddy so badly" or vice versa (Daddy for a little). 

 

These things take time. And that is a good thing! We, society in general, need to learn to take time for those things that truly matter. We need to savor the process of getting to know someone, to learning those little details that drive us wild with wonder and amazement. 

 

We need to understand that instant gratification should be saved for fast food and Netflix, and not people and relationships. 

 

Truth

[Little Illy]

I'm bumping because I've been seeing this more and more again....

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

As someone who forms relationships of every kind at a very slow pace, I really appreciate this thread. 

[Caldrarin]

It is always good to get to know someone. Especially in a relationship like this. You need to be open and honest with a potential partner. I dont mean just open up to everyone, See if you click then open up. Its all about trust, instant gratification is not enough time to trust.. nuff said

[Guest DuckDaddy66]

I knew my little a full year before we started getting involved. Our circumstances of coming together has been difficult however it has pushed us to our limits and actually secured a stronger relationship. 

 

In my past, instant gratification online or in person had lead to shallow shared passing. I have a string of those leading to others calling me a serial monogamist, well it's true and better than being called a dog ;-)  

 

My advice, listen to Little Illy and invest slowly into that relationship.